A/N: I own nothing except a copy of this great game. Second note: A single singer is demarked in italics "like this", while a crowd singing is demarked "like this."
A small cadre of horsemen galloped into the Southern Vale early that morning. It had been several days since the last time that the Ravagers had spoken on official terms to the Hyrulians. Itami had to give it to them: not only did they actually mean it when they said that they were willing to talk to he Ravagers…and it had been a week to the hour, just as Zelda had promised. He had to give it to the princess as well; perhaps, in the den of snakes that we were about to wade into, she was one of the few without venom.
He walked down from his spot, a little rock overlooking the ravine, and hopped down along the jagged rocks to get to the bottom of the ravine. He saw that Ryu was already talking to the soldiers, and hastened his step. Ryu meant well, but her brash mannerisms could start a world war if she wasn't careful.
"Where is your leader?" The Hyrulian at the head of the rank asked. He was a young man, and the blank look on his face sent a message that Itami clearly picked up: he was not treating the Ravagers as allies, but rather as an unknown and potentially untrustworthy entity. The lack of trust was hurtful, but Itami held his tongue.
"He isn't available right now." Itami said. "I can take your message to him."
"And who are you?" The Hyrulian asked. There was a noticeable contempt in his tone. Itami rolled his eyes.
"I'm his lieutenant. You can trust me when I say that."
"You don't look familiar." The Hyrulian replied.
"Hey, you piece of shit, say that about Brother Itami one more time and I'll-" The indignant Ryu cut herself off when she saw Itami hold up a hand, telling her to put a cork in it. He looked the Hyrulian up and down. Then his eyes narrowed.
"You sew those chevrons recently, Sergeant?" Itami asked, staring at the shoulders of the leather-bound armor the Hyrulian was wearing.
"What business is it to you?" The sergeant asked. Itami shrugged.
"Nothing, really. I just see the loose strings and frayed ends that you could've pulled off, which means that you were so damned excited to be promoted that you did a sloppy job sewing the thing. Which also says to me that you really, really want to do a good job on this mission. It's probably your first command, isn't it?" He asked. He waited a second, and then spoke again. "Here's the thing, bub: we could always refuse your request and tell you to go back home and fuck off. And when Hyrule Castle goes into a panic because their peace talks are in flames because the Ravagers got offended, they're gonna start asking questions. And they'll start digging. And they'll figure out who was the commanding officer of the expedition, and their only choice will be to conclude that it was something that you did that cocked everything up. And I can promise you something: they will bury you down so far underground you're gonna need a snorkel straw to breathe. So, why don't you just give me the letter, and we all go on our merry way?" He asked.
There was a moment's silence. Finally the sergeant spoke.
"It is not a letter, so much a s-summons." The sergeant said, stuttering when he finally made eye contact with Itami. "The peace talks are being held the day after tomorrow in the Eastern Province*, on the border. The place in question in the Chateau de Appomattox. I trust that you will make it?" He asked. Itami nodded. "Good. Then, we bid you good day." He whistled to his horse and to his men, and the Hyrulian procession galloped off and away, much faster than they'd come.
"Where the hell is Chateau de Appomattox?" Ryu asked. Itami, despite himself, smirked.
"On the footsteps of the Zora Kingdom." He said.
…
It was an old and pleasant mansion, sitting in a large and rolling field of gently sloping grass and intermittent trees. Not a stone's throw away from its back porches and balconies was the River Hylia,* the natural border between the Hyrulian and Zora kingdoms. There were several Zoras and their families (as well as soldiers) splashing about in the water and rapids, chasing fish or waving to passersby. The sun was rising, causing everything to have a slightly golden hue. A gentle warmth was in the air.
They stood on a hill looking over this oasis, and Itami finally spoke.
"I didn't think that it would be this pretty." He finally said. Ishaka took a puff from his cigarette, and shook his head.
"If'n I ever get th' chance, I migh' jus' move out 'ere an' live me life in peace." He said. Itami looked at him and raised an eyebrow.
"You? Live in peace? Perish the thought." He said. Ishaka blew a puff of smoke in his friend's face, delighting in the subsequent coughing and rude gesture.
It was a small delegation of soldiers, as the rest of them were still in the Southern Vale. They'd brought Ryu, and Brudduh Denbe, along with a few shaman. The rest were a few dozen Ravager soldiers, as a sort of protective escort. They looked around, and saw no trace of the Hyrulian forces in sight. That was intentional.
"Let's go knock on the door." Itami said.
…
Lord Gustav de Gaulle stood at the doorway of his estate, resting his hands on his cane in front of him and staring out into the expanse. He had spent a lifetime in middle politics, content to serve as the ambassador to the Zora people, perhaps the easiest job in the history of the Hyrulian Court. For over forty years now, he'd quietly served to keep relations between the Zoras and the Hyrulians stress-free. Seeing as how he was still doing it almost half a century now, he figured that he'd lucked out. He never had to travel to that den of wolves that was Castle Town unless absolutely necessary, he always had a wonderful time with the Zora delegates when they came to dine at his residence (they were quite fond of his favorite mead), and swimming in the Hylia was an excellent way to stay in shape (he might look close to 80, but he felt about half that age). He was more than content to live out his life as a quiet contributor to peace and goodwill.
Which was why he'd been so shocked when Zelda asked him to host the peace talks.
He'd never refuse her; she was a lovely lady who periodically shared recipes for him to cook for his Zora guests, and delighted in discussing the cultural exchange between kingdoms with him. Well, if she didn't, then she had the tact to at least pretend that she found it as delightful as he did. But…he was averse to major conflict, and the years he'd spent in relative isolation on the eastern border had no doubt rendered his conflict resolution skills somewhat flabby and unrefined.
And there was no conflict more uninviting to hold breakfast, lunch or dinner over than a post-war peace talk.
Still, as much as he loved the Zora kingdom and the delightfully inquisitive people that inhabited it, his first duty was to his own kingdom. And so he agreed to host the conference at his humble abode on the idyllic border between the Zoras and the Hyrulians, in an effort to end things quickly.
Truthfully, he was rather surprised to see the somewhat shabby group approaching him.
"I take it you're not just here for morning tea?" He asked, as they came up close. The largest one, a positive bear of a man with broad shoulders and a massive head of hair and a beard that seemed to envelop everything south of his nose, looked up at him and smiled.
"'Fraid not, sir. We be 'ere fer th' talks." He said. A man right next to him, a Craol with a Mohawk and a hoodie obscuring his face for the most part, looked up at his companion and then to Lord de Gaulle. He looked a little bit grumpier, to be honest.
"I take it this is the place?" He asked. Lord de Gaulle chuckled a bit.
"I'm afraid so, fellow. Well, I've put some tea on, and it would be a shame for it to go to waste. Would you like some?" He asked. The hooded man nodded.
"That would be nice, yes." He said. Lord de Gaulle smiled pleasantly, adjusted his glasses, and walked back into the house.
…
"Evidently we beat them." Itami said.
"Yeah?" Ishaka asked. Itami nodded.
"I think we've got some time before they arrive. That was the point of showing up early. We have a moment to plan."
"Wha' yeh thinkin', Itami?" Ishaka asked. His lieutenant looked a bit conspiratorial.
"Well, sometimes theatrics and deception are good enough to convince your negotiating opponents that you aren't someone to fuck with." He said. Ishaka raised an eyebrow, a sly grin forming on his face.
"Such as?" He asked. Itami cupped Ishaka's shoulder, and pulled him in close.
"Here's what we're gonna do…"
…
A few hours later, the Hyrulian delegation arrived at the small villa. Zelda was helped off of her horse by Link, who was privately chafing at having to wear such glamorous armor and pauldrons and a cape. A cape! He couldn't believe that he had to wear such a stupid get-up. How had he been talked into this monstrocity?
Uh, Link? All Zelda had to do was kiss you, and she had you.
Damn. Proxi had a point.
The princess smiled gently as soon as her feet hit the ground, and she turned to look up at the still-astride Lord Gawain.
"Gawain? Why don't you make sure that everyone's horses get properly hitched to Lord de Gaulle's stable?" She said. "I doubt that the talks themselves will happen right away. Not if I know Gustav. He's probably going to want to hear about our journey."
"Goddesses, spare me." Gawain muttered, rolling his eyes as he whistled and gestured for the remaining folk stride their horses to follow him to the small stable. Zelda began walking to the front door, with several Royal Guardsmen (including Uhaa) as well as Link keeping a steady watch over her. Impa was walking right behind the two of them, and looked ahead towards the villa.
"Hm. Looks like they beat us to the event." She said with a small smile.
"It's not a race, Impa." Zelda said. She chuckled. "Perhaps they've tired Gustav out. I can imagine that Ishaka did, at least."
"Wouldn't that be lovely?..." Impa muttered to herself. "If I have to hear another story about some Zora artist…"
They were greeted at the doorway by Lord de Gaulle himself. The aging diplomat eschewed personal servants, instead choosing to do as much of the daily runnings of his humble abode by himself. The few people that he hired off of his own coin were local Zoras, both men and women, as a sign of his deep respect for the kingdom next door. Gustav de Gaulle might not be one to stir the pot in Castle Town, but the number of times that there'd been anything approaching an issue during his tenure as the foreign ambassador to the Zora kingdom could be counted on one hand. If that.
"Zelda, my darling!" The old diplomat said, stepping forward. "You're looking lovely, my dear!" He and the princess excahged pleasantries, and a kiss on the cheek. He turned to the rest of the group. "My dear Impa, have you been doing a good job of protecting the crown?" He asked, a twinkle in his eyes.
"When have I ever done otherwise?" Impa asked, smiling despite herself. Gustav could be obnoxious in his love of Zora culture, but he was a good-hearted little man. Lord de Gaulle turned towards Link, and raised an eyebrow.
"I'm sorry, my dear boy. I can't say that I've met you before. To whom do I have the pleasure of addressing?" He asked. Link cleared his throat sheepishly.
"Erm…Link, sir. My name is Link."
"Link?" Lord de Gaulle asked, his eyes widening. He turned to the princess, a shocked expression on his face. "Why, you never told me that you were bringing the hero to this meeting! Why, I don't think I prepared enough tea and refreshments!" He said. Zelda laughed, and placed a hand on the grandfatherly man's cheek.
"Gustav, it is alright. If we have to wait a few hours for proper food, we will wait. And this won't be the only day that people are staying nearby. I trust that you told some of the local taverns and such?" She asked. Lord de Gaulle scoffed.
"Zelda, my dear! What kind of simpleton do you take me for?" He said, placing a hand to his chest as if wounded. "Of course I told the locals! There should be plenty of rooms for the lords and ladies that have come with you. Of course, I prepared the main bedroom for you to use during your stay. I will gladly use the guest bedroom or even the servant's quarters if I must."
"Gustav!" Zelda said, frowning. "I don't like the thought of you sleeping somewhere so harsh, especially for someone of your age."
"Too late!" The ambassador huffed. "My decision is made, and it is final. Now, would you like to come inside?" He extended a hand. Zelda rolled her eyes with a small smile, and took his hand as they walked through the front door. Link and Impa looked at each other and snorted, and followed suit.
There were a lot of paintings and interesting curios throughout the building, and the den was essentially a small library. Each wall was covered with bookshelves, with a ladder that could be used to slide down the walls and climb up high for a particular tome. As the Zora kingdom wasn't exactly filled with rabble-rousers, Lord de Gaulle spent quite a bit of his time reading. Zelda always marveled at the size of his personal library, and knew that he'd read every book in the place.
"Your companions are already here, as I'm sure you can see." Lord de Gaulle gestured with his cane, pointing out several Ravagers that were currently occupying several of the comfortable-looking chairs throughout the den. Some were reading, some were sleeping…and a few were staring pointedly at the Hyrulians that had entered their presence. "The meeting boardroom, that blastedly large place where I hold my discussions with Her Grace Hydre* and her delightful delegates, is where the meeting is to take place, correct?"
"Yes." Zelda said.
"Wonderful! The captain of the Ravagers, that Itami fellow-"
"Ishaka." Zelda politely corrected. At this, Lord de Gaulle stopped. He looked confused.
"Ishaka is the leader? Goodness!" He said, seeming to grow rather pale.
"What's wrong, Gustav?" Zelda asked.
"Well, that Itami fellow seemed a little bit brash, but he talked quite a bit. That Ishaka fellow? He was…an intimidating presence, your majesty. Barely said a word, if that, since coming here. He sort of…looms, if you know what I'm saying."
"Yes, I do." Zelda replied.
She exchanged a confused and somewhat nervous glance with Impa.
"I'm sure that things will be alright." Lord de Gaulle continued, ignoring the brief moment between princess and companion. "The two of them, and this delightfully feisty gal by the name of…Roo? I'm sorry, Ree-you. Ryu went in there with them. They haven't left since."
"I see." Zelda said. She had a slightly befuddled expression on her face. "Gustav, did they say anything…pertaining to the meeting?"
"Hmm? Oh, sorry. My hearing isn't what it used to be. And no, no I can't say that they did." He replied. "Good politicians, I must say. Playing their cards close to their chest, if I do say so myself."
"Indeed..." Zelda said, trailing off.
…
They stopped in front of the door to the conference room. The heavy mahogany doors, carved with intricate designs and words and phrases in the native Hyrulian and Zora tongues, were held closed by a brass knob. Lord de Gaulle cleared his throat.
"Now then. I trust that everyone in your delegation is here?" He asked. Zelda nodded.
"Yes." She turned around towards the front door, hearing the sounds of other voices coming through the front door. "We have myself, Lord Grantham, Lord Reedus, Lady Stonebank, Lord Gawain, Lady Shiftlett and…Lord Fawlty." The air of defeatism in her tone on that last name was obvious. Lord de Gaulle wrinkled his nose.
"Did you really have to bring that old queen Fawly with you?" He asked. His remark caused everyone to suddenly burst into a very undignified bout of snickering. Zelda snorted, and turned a bright shade of crimson as she made eye contact with Link. Her eyes widened.
"Rather rich of an insult, coming from you, Gustav." Impa said, raising an eyebrow and smirking. Lord de Gaulle smiled, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.
"I suppose it's a bit of the old pot calling the kettle black, Impa. Now put a sock in it, you tossed up little guttersnipe." He said.
"Ooh hoo hoo. Scathing." Impa retorted.
"Well, I have to hold my language to some degree of high-mindedness in the presence of such refined royalty like that of Princess Zelda, you snarking little shit." He replied.
That did it. The rest of them began to laugh quite openly. Zelda put her hands to her mouth, eyes tightly shut as a tear formed in the corner of her eye. Even Link was having trouble not laughing.
"-And that's why I have to wonder how is it so hard to tie down a bloody horse?" Lord Fawlty bellowed, rounding the corner at that moment. The others saw him, and then stopped laughing. The squat little man furrowed his brow, burying his monocle deep within the pudginess of his bulldog-like face. "What's so funny?" He asked suspiciously.
"Nothing, Lord Fawlty." Zelda said. "I take it that the others are right behind you?"
"Yes, of course!" Lord Fawlty puffed up his chest, as the rest of the delegation came around the corner. "Now, granted, they would have been here sooner if it hadn't taken Lord Grantham so bloody long to tie down my bloody horse!"
"You could have helped, you know." Lord Reedus muttered quietly. Lord Fawlty seemed to not have heard him.
"And to think, I was almost late to this meeting!" He said. He turned to the princess, and fanned himself with a little fan he held in his hand. "To have the princess think less of me is more than my little old heart could bear!" He said.
"I assure you, Lord Fawlty: no one could possibly think less of you than they already do." Impa replied drily. Lord Fawlty puffed up his chest proudly.
"See? Even the bloody Sheikah thinks that you fools need to get your act in gear! Now then, I take it that we have some peace talks to attend to?" He asked. Waiting less than a second for responses, Lord Fawlty coughed. "Well then! Tally ho, and let's break those savages!" He said, pushing open the doors into the conference room. Zelda looked at Impa, shook her head, and then followed suit. The rest of the congregation followed right behind.
…
The first thing that they noticed was that it was a very large room. A large marble table, clearly given as a gift from Her Grace Hydre, was in the center of the room with plenty of chairs for everyone. The far wall, directly across the room from the entryway, was not so much a wall as it was a massive glass window, that allowed for a jaw-dropping view of Lake Hylia and the beginnings of the Zora Kingdom. As it was about noon, the sun was high in the sky, allowing for a stupidly gorgeous view of the landscape.
Zelda saw that there was only one Ravager in the room. It was Ryu, and she nodded to the princess pleasantly. But she didn't look terribly thrilled to be there. Lord de Gaulle looked at her with confusion.
"Um…madam Ryu? Where is your leader?"
"Around." Ryu said tersely. "He'll be in here any minute now."
"Hmmph. Bloody fool can't be bothered to show up on time to a critical meeting-" Lord Fawlty harrumphed.
"Cassius." Zelda said, giving him a pointed look. She turned to Ryu. "I didn't expect you to be here, Ryu."
"I'm the personal protection." Ryu said. She noticed the skeptical looks on the faces of Ladies Shiftlett and Stonebank. "Don't act so surprised. You want to look protected? Hire a big stupid brute. You want real security? You hire a bitch like me?"
"Well now!" Lord de Gaulle said, interjecting quickly before either of the women in the high court could be too offended by Ryu's harsh language. "Let's take a seat, shall we?" He put himself at the head of the table. "I suppose that, given this is my house and that my duties to the Zora kingdom have left me woefully uninvolved in the current war, I have the most objective viewpoint?"
"That's a fair claim." Lord Grantham said. "Let's wait for the Ravagers to arrive so that we can hear their opinion."
At that moment, an adjacent door opened.
Itami walked in first, having pushed the doors apart. He had pulled his hood back, letting his dark complexion and Mohawk be clearly visible in the afternoon light. Ishaka was right behind him. Lord de Gaulle was right. He did positively loom over everyone else. His expression was coldly stoic. The way he looked at everyone, it was as if they'd never met. The other two Ravagers, one male and one female, were ones that Zelda had never seen before. They didn't look terribly friendly, either. The Ravagers stood at their seats. Having not sat down. Lord de Gaulle cleared his throat.
"You boys may sit if you wish." He said.
Wordlessly, Itami and Ishaka and the rest of the Ravagers pulled their chairs out, sat down, and then scooted themselves forward to the table. In unison. Uncannily.
"We are ready." Itami said. Lord Fawlty cleared his throat at the far end of the table.
"Excuse me? Who are you to speak in the stead of that fellow-"
"'That fellow' that you refer to is my king." Itami swiftly cut him off. "A position that is of more significance than your own. You would not refer to the Princess of Hyrule on a first name basis so flippantly and neither shall you do so in his presence. I will allow a token formality of 'sire' or 'your grace' if referring to him in person, but otherwise you are not to refer to him on a first name basis and certainly not in the manner that you referred to just now. The princess of Hyrule and the Minister of the Interior are granted an exception." He looked over at Lord Fawlty. "Am I clear?"
Lord Fawlty looked like he'd been force-fed an unripe lemon.
"I was not aware that he had such a grand title, Itami." Lord Grantham said, a poignant look in his eyes as he stared at the younger man across the table from him. "Ishaka, when did this come about?"
Ishaka was silent.
"Er…quite right." Lord de Gaulle said. "Perhaps it would be best for us to get started with the actual meat of the meeting, hmm?" He asked somewhat nervously. Zelda turned to him and nodded.
"I agree, Gustav." She turned to the Ravagers and smiled. "There's no need for unnecessary tension."
"Then why are they carrying bloody weapons?" Lord Fawlty suddenly burst out, pointing a brooked finger towards the Ishaka. "He's got knives at the table!"
"Cassius." Zelda chided. Lord Grantham cleared his throat.
"Dignitaries don't normally carry weapons at a meeting, Itami." He said.
"Forgive us. We weren't aware." Itami said. Only Grantham could detect the trace hint of condescension in his voice. "Let's remove our weapons, friends. Show the Hyrulians we aren't to be feared."
In unison, the Ravagers at the table stood up. The two as-of-yet unintroduced Ravagers took off their scabbards and gently laid their scimitars on the table. Itami reached into his coat, and removed a sleeve of smalling throwing knives. Then he reached inside the other side of his coat, and removed the second sleeve. Ishaka laid his black knives on the table, and then removed the hidden knife he kept strapped to his boots.
Ladies Stonebank and Shiftlett looked rather pale at the sight of about two dozen knives laid out in front of them, all in varying shapes and sizes and degrees of nastiness. Lord Gawain put his head in his hand, shaking his head slightly and muttering something under his breath. Lord Fawlty seemed to have shrunk into the corner, as if getting too close to the blades would cut him. Lord Grantham and the princess, based on their facial expressions, seemed in horrified awe at the sheer amount of weapons that humans could carry.
"Erm, if that's everything then-" Lord de Gaulle began.
"Hold on." Itami said. "Almost forgot."
He rolled back the sleeves of his hooded coat, revealing his forearms for the first time since any of them had seen him. Strapped around the top half of his forearms and his wrists were some sort of leather bracers. He flicked his wrists back, as if presenting his hands to be cuffed, and there was an audible gasp as a blade emerged from hiding underneath each of his wrists. He twirled his wrists a bit, a satisfied look on his face when he heard a small clicking noise, and then gently undid the bracers. He set them on the table, blades pointed in the general direction of Lord Fawlty.
"Now that's everything." He said. He made a point of looking at the old and fat nobleman at the far end of the table.
…
"What's going on in there?" Link whispered.
He was beyond pissed that Zelda had asked that he and Impa remain on the outside of the conference room, but perhaps Impa was even more annoyed than he. When she'd asked, Zelda had cryptically remarked that it was for the best. So now, the two of them were stuck loitering in front of the massive wooden doors, with their ears pressed up to the wood. Impa had a disgusted noise in the back of her throat. She sounded rather annoyed.
"It's a dick-measuring contest." She finally announced with a hint of resignation. Link looked at her, aghast.
"A what?" He asked. Impa looked at him and rolled her eyes with a small smile.
"It's an expression, Link. Big meetings like this usually don't get started until both sides have exhausted their mind games. It's petty and childish and…" She leaned in again, against the wood. "…it's bizarrely entertaining to listen to."
…
"Please!" Lord de Gaulle interjected. "If we have to spend the day discussing the discussion then we're going to be here for weeks!" He said. "And I can't say that I have enough tea for all of you…at least not at this moment." He turned to Ishaka. "Your Grace, perhaps it would be best by stating your current holdings and army strength?"
"It's hard to say." Itami said, cutting in. Ishaka had acted as though he hadn't even heard the question, instead choosing to examine his cuticles. "But it's fair to say that the Southern Vale is essentially home territory. And we've got posting to the north, the west, the east, and the south." He looked pointedly at Lord de Gaulle. "We're everywhere, your lordship."
"And yet you have no specific home base?" Lord Gawain asked skeptically.
"All the better to avoid you raiding it, your lordship." Itami replied.
"I'm not entirely sure what you're suggesting." Lord Gawain said, a frown growing on his face.
"I'm entirely sure that you're entirely sure what I'm suggesting." Itami replied back, taking a moment to slurp on his cup of tea.
"Well, if we're going to establish trade with your people, it would be helpful to have maps and specific points where we can go." Lady Stonebank said, breaking her silent. A sharp-faced woman, she adjusted her horn-rimmed glasses as she spoke. "I can't send our trade caravans out into the wild blue yonder."
"This is Lady Stonebank, our Lord Financial." Zelda said, explaining for the uninitiated Ravagers.
"And my replacement." Lord Grantham said, with a cheeky smile.
"Oh ye of little faith." Itami said to Lady Stonebank. "We helped you win a war. You don't trust us?"
"It's the job of any economic supervisor to be cautious." Lady Stonebank replied. "A lot of coin flows through Castle Town, and through our connections in the Goron and Zora kingdoms. As far as I know, the Ravager 'economy' is little more than a charade."
"You can take it up with our quartermaster." Itami said, gesturing to the old man next to him. "Hordath knows a thing or two about shipments and money management."
"And what was his schooling?" Lady Stonebank asked. Horvath blinked once, and scratched his bushy beard.
"Ach, my education be from th' ground, lassie!" He said in a baritone voice. "Gotta lotta reformed pirates, settlers, and otherwise feisty 'uns that need watchin'. Didn't go to no schoolin' fer that except the real world."
"Not everyone has access to high society's schooling." Itami added, gazing pointedly at Lord Grantham.
"So…I am to speak with him in order to establish trade with the Ravager 'nation?'" Lady Stonebank asked, somewhat skeptically. Itami smirked.
"I can assure you that a mind of your magnitude will very much enjoy discussions with Hordath, your ladyship." He said. Hordath grinned, his golden molar gleaming as he made eye contact and wiggled his eyebrows mischeviously at Lady Stonebank. She huffed and looked away, but there was the faintest trace of a smile on her face as she did so.
"That's a promising start." Zelda said. She turned to the Ravager captain. "What do you think of this, Ishaka?" She asked.
"He wouldn't have brought Hordath here otherwise." Itami cut in.
"I see." Zelda replied. She gazed pensively at the Ravager commander, and then at his second-in-command. But that was all that she said.
…
"Goddesses, this is boring." Impa remarked.
Three days had passed. The talks were progressing somewhat, given the fact that there hadn't been any blow-ups that they could hear from the outside. Each day's worth of talks lasted about ten hours apiece, and when things ended Zelda was so tired that she barely had any time to talk to Impa or Link, much less…confide with Link. From her exhausted ramblings as she was tucked in every night, Impa passed along to the hero the little bits of information that they were allowed to know: The Ravagers had a barter economy, but were willing to start incorporating rupees into their system to better do business with Hyrulian business. There was a sort of agreement on how trade caravans would be protected as they crossed into the Southern Vale, as well as the other areas that the Ravagers had revealed they held camps. The Ravagers had balked at revealing the exact size of their army at this moment, due to the militia-like style of recruitment and inability to count for certain, but acquiesced to a three-month grace period to have a reasonable estimate for their size. During that time, Hyrulian inspectors would come and visit in order to make sure that the headcount was done in good faith. There was a light disagreement over the defined borders of the Southern Vale, and where Hyrule's influence ended, but it was agreed to table that discussion for a later date.
The most interesting piece of information, Zelda had revealed, was that during the entire time that people had been talking…Ishaka had never said a word.
At that moment, Impa sat in a rather comfortable leather chair, her eyes half-closed. She hadn't slept much last night, as the lack of good exercise was putting her on edge. She'd sparred with Link, but he too wasn't able to properly focus. The kid was head over heels, as well as somewhat hesitant to hurt his friend. So for now, he was passing his time by reading some of the tomes in Lord de Gaulle's library, or teaching the Ravagers in the den chess and other board games. It was getting late that day, and Impa let out a sigh. Almost four days now, and not a single blow-up from the conference room.
She closed her eyes, and felt herself get comfortable.
At that moment, shouting erupted from the conference room.
…
It had been so cordial before. Zelda had declared that it was time to deal with the border question, and in particular where the Ravagers believed that they held claim.
"Fair enough." Itami said. "Where do you think that Hyrule ends?"
"Officially, according to our maps, just on the west side of the River Hylia. From there, to the south is the Zora kingdom, to the northwest is the Valley of Seers, and right to the west is the Outlands*. We have settlers just on the other side of the Hylia though. Not many, but there are some."
"Well, that's wonderful." Itami said. "That makes them expats in our land."
"What gives you the right to lay claim to the west?" Lord Fawlty harrumphed.
"Cassius…" Zelda responded, somewhat threateningly.
"The fact that you never took it." Itami said, coldly. "You left it there. No laws, no masters. Sentient creatures abhor a vacuum, right? Well, forgive us for filling the gap."
"It's kind of close to our holdings, though." Lord Grantham remarked hesitantly.
"I prefer to see it as you are close to our holdings." Itami said. "You know how rotten the depths of the Outlands are. The places that we hold are some of the few places that can sustain crops and settlers. It's hard enough to maintain without you sticking your nose in it, telling us what to do."
"It is a rather enviable piece of land." Zelda admitted. "It's literally wedged in between the Hyrulian border and the Wastes*. Before we met your forces we'd…we'd planned to annex it as part of Hyrule."
"Well, now you know that we're here." Itami said. "And that land is ours. So are you telling us that you are going to take it from us?"
"That's not what we're saying." Lord Grantham said.
"That's what you're implying." Itami shot back.
Off to the side, Lord Reedus made a despairing noise as he struggled to write down the exchange. He wasn't sure who it was in the ancient past that had made it the Lord Judicial's job to record the minutes for a meeting, but he was going to find that person and piss on his or her grave for giving him carpal tunnel syndrome.
"What I'm wondering-" Lord Fawlty began.
"Cassius, please." Zelda said, her patience finally wearing out.
"Your highness, if I may." He said, talking over her. "What I'm wondering is why we're engaging in brinksmanship with a bunch of undignified, ungrateful savages who are being deliberately antagonizing-"
"Cassius."
"-our leadership when they have no claim to the land that they say that they hold. Why should we even be negotiating this point? We're appeasing a rabble of bad men!"
"CASSIUS!" Zelda snapped, shaking slightly in her fury. The room went silent, an awed hush falling over the crowd. All looked at Zelda with a sense of marvel, except for Lord Reedus, who was currently trying his damnedest not to look like a kid who'd discovered that all of the presents under the tree had his name on them. "I honestly do not know where you are getting this energy, so I am led to conclude that it is because you've exerted zero energy on the actual reason why we are here: negotiations."
"Your highness-"
"I'm. Talking." Zelda said. "We are all tired. We are all getting antsy spending our time in this beautiful but admittedly enclosing estate. We have a country to run. The Ravagers have a people to build. We're trying to forge an alliance for the future of both Hyrule and a proud and independent people. I will not have it ruptured and brought to war because you are still basking in the accomplishments of your ancestors several generations before!"
"Princess Zelda, this is outrageous!" Lord Fawlty boomed, seemingly forgetting whom he was talking to. "My family has been at the forefront of Hyrule's development since its very outset! I know what is best for this country, and it is not in capitulating to these…these…scoundrels!" He said. He paused, and looked aghast in confusion. "What would your father think of what you are doing? You're sullying his memory by associating with these bad men! He'd be ashamed of you!"
…
"Oh shit." Impa whispered. Her ear was pressed against the door, with Link and the other Ravagers all crowded around her.
…
It was as if the room temperature had dropped ten degrees. Elijah Grantham, who was sitting next to Zelda, leaned away slightly from her. She slowly stood up from her chair, eyes forward. Ishaka, who was sitting across from her, did not react to her expression. Which was truly amazing, given the terrifyingly cold expression on her face. She spoke quietly.
"Cassius Fawlty, I have held my tongue for years while you sat on my court and embarrassed me with your words and your ways. Your very presence makes my skin crawl." She said. "No longer." She turned to face him. "You are a shameful and cowardly lout, a racist, doddering old fool who would block anything if it smelled even slightly of progress or somehow upset you. You are a blight on my kingdom. You are a despicable, shameful, disgusting and completely dishonorable human being. And know this: my father would have executed you for treason long ago, if he were that sort of petty, little man. No…that would be something that you would do in his place." She paused. "Leave. You are hereby censured.* My forces shall escort you back to Castle Town, where you will be placed under immediate house arrest while we determine your punishment." There was a stunned pause. Lord Fawlty opened and closed his mouth several times like a beached fish, but could not find the words. "Get OUT!" Zelda shouted.
Stumbling over himself, Lord Fawlty slowly walked to the door, as if unable to comprehend what had happened. As he shakily put his hand on the door, and twisted the knob, there was a voice.
"Th' worl' needs bad men, y'know." Ishaka said. Everyone turned to face him, stunned that he had finally broken his silence. He looked up at the disgraced Cassius Fawlty, and narrowed his eyes. "We keep th' evil men at th' door."
The disgraced Cassius Fawlty scowled, and stomped out the door and slammed it as hard as he could. There was a pause. Zelda sat back down, and adjusted her hair slightly. She sighed.
"Let it out, Falk. I know you've been waiting for years, now."
"WAH HAHAHAHAHA!" The Lord Judicial cackled in glee, clapping his hands together. "That was the greatest thing I've ever seen in my entire life!" He held up his hand. "Absolutely worth the wrist cramps. Hell, I'll write for an entire year now!"
"As wonderful as your dedication is, I think we'd all like to go home." Zelda said. She turned to Ishaka. "It's nice of you to finally break your silence, Ishaka. A lesser mind might think you didn't care about this all."
"Oh yer 'ighness, don' c'nfuse not speakin' wit' not carin'." Ishaka chided lightly. He turned to Itami.
"Before that little…outburst, what were we about to agree on?" Itami asked.
"A conditional agreement to let you keep the Outlands." Lord Gawain said.
"Conditional meaning that there's strings attached?" Itami asked. Lord Gawain shrugged.
"Just one." He said. Itami looked over at Zelda, and saw her slightly guilty expression.
"What is it?" Itami asked darkly. For the first time, Lady Shiftlett spoke.
"We need to go to the Valley of the Seers and place the Sorceress of Time under protective custody." She said. "It's the only way that we can keep a good eye on her to prevent another war."
Itami stared at her blankly. His eye started to twitch.
"Please don't tell me you signed off on this bullshit, Zelda." Itami said. Zelda sighed.
"It's not that bad. If things come up roses, then we let her be." She said. "Besides, we're being rather generous in these talks, if I do say so myself."
"Oh, aren't you so wonderful." Itami growled. "And in the meantime, the only price is that a pure-hearted girl get placed under lock and key like a fucking painting, huh?"
"Cia was supposedly pure-hearted." Gawain said. "Look how that turned out."
"Don't you dare compare them." Itami hissed. "That kind of bull-headed reductionism is exactly what I'd expect from you, truthfully."
"I'm doing what's best for my country." Lord Gawain growled.
"You're doing it at the expense of a lady you don't understand!" Itami said. "She isn't a statue, or a freak! She's a human being."
"In a manner of speaking." Lady Shiftlett said. "For her, time is an abyss after all."
"And another fucking thing: who the fuck are you?" Itami barked. "You haven't opened your mouth this entire talk, and now that you hear about this you're salivating."
"I'm Lord Spymaster Renee Shiftlett. Who the fuck are you?" The young and fiery red-haired woman responded. Itami's eyes bugged out of his head.
"Spymaster? What the fuck, were you fucking going to do this anyway without our knowledge?" He turned to Zelda. "Has she been digging up dirt on us this whole time?"
"Goddess, no!" Zelda said. "We created the position of Lord Spymaster literally a few days before this meeting! We saw how effective your troops were at spreading information, and decided to create a similar branch in our armed forces. This peace talk was partially about letting you be aware of it…and asking for your assistance."
"Assistance?" Itami asked.
"We figured that you'd be willing to serve in a similar position for the Ravagers, and work in coalition with Renee here." Zelda said.
Itami made a sharp sucking sound in his breath. Then he cleared his throat.
"You want me to be a throat-cutter?" He asked.
"It's not that dirty, Itami." Zelda said. "They'd take training from you. Ishaka and others have mentioned that you were a wily head scout before you transitioned to being a doctor full-time."
"There's a reason that I transitioned to being a war medic." Itami said darkly. He stared forlornly out the window, in the general direction of the Valley of the Seers.
"Itami…" Ishaka said quietly. "Yeh got any 'bjections?" He asked.
"Yeah, I think that it's a big ol' slap in the face of a girl that needs friendship, and not mistrust." Itami finally said. He turned to face the group. "I think that it's despicable that our peace talk here is going to hurt Lana, even if it's only a little bit or only for a small amount of time. She deserves better than that. We're better than that." He sighed. "But if you're absolutely convinced that this is the way to go…then let me go to her. I'll tell her." He let the silence hang in the air. "That's my only condition. The Ravagers have no other qualms with your proposals. Just…just get the ink ready so we can sign and…get out of here." He said.
"I didn't realize that you were so passionate, Itami." Zelda said.
"I might be an asshole, your highness…but I have a heart." Itami finally said. "And I don't want to break hers, when she trusts us."
"If things go as they should, then that won't be an issue." Zelda said. She turned to Lord Grantham. "Start writing, Elijah. With luck, we'll have this signed in time for dinner."
…
A few hours later, as the last of the dinner trays were being taken back to the kitchen by the Zora staff, the tired members of the Hyrulian court and the Ravager confederacy filed out of the conference room. Those that weren't staying at Lord de Gaulle's residence bid goodnight, and rode off ot the nearby residences and inns that were hosting them. Impa and Link walked up to Zelda, who collapsed into a leather chair in exhaustion.
"Well?" Impa asked.
"It is finished." Zelda said. She moaned in exhaustion. "I hate paperwork. I need to give Lord Reedus and Lord Grantham some sort of present for their tireless work transcribing everything. That was exhausting just to sit through, let alone write about."
"Well, it seems that, save for a few blow-ups, everything went well?" Impa asked. Zelda tiredly nodded. Impa smirked. "Well then, I think that I'm going to do some laps around the estate. Get some exercise in. Don't stay up late, you two." She smirked, and then walked out of the room.
"Are you ok?" Link asked. Zelda nodded.
"Yeah." She said. She got up, and walked over to the chair that Link was sitting in. She sat down right next to him, and leaned her head against his shoulder. "Sometimes being a princess is hard work." She said after a moment's pause.
"I can imagine." Link said quietly. Zelda 'hmm'd in agreement, and then sighed again.
"I'm sorry I couldn't be with you a lot these past couple of days. I feel bad." Zelda said. Link chuckled, and sheepishly ran his hand through his hair.
"It wasn't so bad! I got to brush up on my chess, and caught up on my reading! I feel a lot more mature now." He said. Zelda giggled softly.
"You? Mature? Goodness, I might not like that." She said. She looked up at him. "After all, I liked you quite a bit as the dunce that you are today."
"Huh? Uh, I mean-me no like books! Chess dumb smarty-game!" Link grunted. Zelda giggled again, and smacked him lightly upside the head.
"Doofus." She said. She closed her eyes and snuggled a little bit deeper into his shoulder. "You're comfortable." She murmured.
"Uh…thanks." Link replied. "Glad the chair has…has enough room for the two of us."
"Me too." Zelda said. Her eyes were closed now.
There was a pause. Link thought that she'd fallen asleep. For a few minutes, he debated leaving or checking, but instead stayed put. But finally, he heard her stir.
"…Link?" She said quietly.
"Yeah, Zelda?" He asked.
"I feel good about this." She said. "This treaty, I mean." She sighed. "It's monumental, I think. Really."
"That good, huh?" Link asked. Zelda smiled, and then leaned over and gently kissed him on the lips.
"Yeah, that good." She said. She snuggled up on his shoulder, and sighed contently. "I believe it is peace for our time."
They had no idea how fucking wrong they were.
A/N: DUN. DUN. DUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNN! Oh I have been waiting months for this next chapter. MONTHS, I SAY!
HYRULIAN CODEX
Eastern Province – The border to the Goron Kingdom is craggy, mountainous, and a general pain in the ass to traverse. The border between the Zora Kingdom and the Hyrulian kingdom is the exact opposite. While the Western Province might be the farmland of Hyrule…the Eastern Province is without question the vacation and retirement quadrant of the country. It is beautiful, quiet, and breathtaking in this land.
River Hylia – The great body of water that serves as a natural border between the Hyrulian and Zora kingdom. Once upon a time, it might have been a lake, but now it is an impossibly deep and very wide river that is full of fish and sea travel and commerce. It is also the unofficial entrance to the Zora kingdom.
Her Grace Hydre, Queen of the Zora – Hydre is the current sitting ruler of the Zora Kingdom. There is trace evidence to suggest that she is a distant descendant of Ruto I, but unlike her ancestor's famous spunkiness and flirtatiousness, Hydre is a pillar of grace and ladylike resolve. If it wasn't for princess Zelda of Hyrule, Hydre might be considered the fairest ruler in all the world. But Hydre is not one for competition, instead dedicating her kingdom to pacifism, scientific and cultural growth, and a fair and genial balance to the bombastic nature of the Gorons.
Outlands – Though to the far east of Hyrule lies the wastelands, there is a small patch (small being a relative word, considering the vastness of the wastes) of land just inside the eastern border of the River Hylia that is a veritable paradise compared to the wastes. It is here that the Ravagers lay claim as their primary living room, with the Southern Vale tenuously connected to via a series of mountains and passageways.
The Wastes – A hellish, desert-like landscape from which little of value is gleaned. Many a hard and terrible tribe fight here in endless war for dominance. Perhaps the existence of The Wastes provides a sobering answer to the question: what happens when kingdoms or principalities or tribes share a land and run out of resources?...Simple. They will all fight each other to the death for the last drops.
It is rumored that, long ago, these wastes used to be the land of the Gerudo people, but that is unconfirmed. Most Gerudo are nomads these days, and even they are unsure of their original homeland.
Censuring – To be censured is the worst punishment that the nobility in Hyrule can face. Their assets are frozen. They are placed under house arrest. They are brought before a court to aruge their case, but to be censured usually implies that the evidence is damningly against you. There are families throughout Hyrule's history that have been destroyed and wiped from power because their actions brought forth a censuring. It is an awful and terrible punishment, and it is one that is used sparingly. The last time was almost one hundred years ago, when the members of House Lannister attempted to assassinate the princess and install their own blood as the ruling family. This failed, as the princess was able to avoid the traps that had been laid during her wedding. In retaliation, she ordered every conspirator put to death, the lands and holdings of the family reclaimed by the crown and subsequently redistributed, and the coffers of the family emptied and returned to the royal bank. And, in conclusion, the name Lannister was to forever be cursed as the most treasonous of all epithets.
It is a phrase used so often that it is in danger of losing meaning, but to be censured, as a Hyrulian noble…this is truly a fate worse than death.