Chapter 17
The waiting room smelled like a synthetic clean death. There was a clean yet unnerving atmosphere here. Everything was either a ghostly off-white or a sickly mint-green colour. A small window added little natural light to the dull room, the only real light source was the long, budget florescent lamps which glared on the tile floors.
Fidgeting, she sat uncomfortable and alone on a plastic chair. She didn't really want to do this but did she really have a choice? It would be downright unfair for her to bring this child into the world, as much as she'd love to, as excited about the baby as she was and as willing to make up with past mistakes as she could possibly be; she couldn't do it. As awful as it sounded, Lo was more important to her. She'd hurt Lorraine. Badly. She. Glanced up at the tacky squared ceiling, trying to stop the tears from leaking out of her eyes. She couldn't cry now, she should not be feeling sorry for herself, she thought.
She turned her phone off, she didn't want Christine to try and stop her and Lorraine obviously didn't want to know anymore, Nikki thought. She stared at the health posters on the walls for what must have been ages just thinking about what her child would be like if they'd had the chance to grow up. Hearing a noise she glanced up, seeing a woman hobble out of one of the treatment rooms, tear-tracks clearly obvious on her face. Ashamed with herself at what she was about to do she tried to focus her attention on the posters again. She knew there were magazines on the table in front of her but she didn't feel like she would enjoy reading one all the time.
She looked at the clock, twenty-six past. She wondered what Lorraine would be doing now. Was she okay? All Nikki wanted more than anything was for Lorraine to be happy. Of course she would love to be the one that made her happy but at the moment Nikki didn't care if that person was bloody Sue Spark! She wished more than anything that she could be with Lorraine, just one more time, just to see her smile would be enough. There was little chance of that now, Nikki thought.
Hector was another reason not to have this baby, he was one of the main barriers stopping her from being with Lorraine. Nikki was pretty sure that she was only one of many flings to him. He wouldn't take this baby seriously. Could you imagine Hector up at three in the morning, covered in baby sick and changing a dirty nappy whilst trying to calm down a screaming baby? He might try but it wouldn't be what he wanted. All his mates would be out clubbing, pulling girls, and he'd inside, stuck with me living a life he'd hate and hate more each day until he'd finally give in and leave, leaving his child to wonder 'where's daddy gone?'. Nikki remembered saying this to her mother once when her dad had 'gone for a bit but he'll come back, I promise' she remembered her defeated looking mother trying to explain to her that her dad had walked out on them. She was four. Nikki was going to do one better than her mother and stop this mess from happening in the first place. But was it really fair to describe her own flesh and blood as a 'mess waiting to happen'? She just hoped Hector never found out about this, he had a right to know, she knew that, but he would feel that he'd have to try and stop her from going through with the abortion. Nikki needed to do this on her own, save everyone else the heartache.
A nurse emerged from one of the doors leading off the main waiting area, Nikki knew this was it.