(Chapter Twenty-Five)

Dee Dee smirked. "Is that a fact?"

"It is. I already know that this won't be pretty, but I don't give a damn. I'm fed up with you behaving like this. We all know you've suffered a tragedy, but it's no reason for you to act as if you've lost your mind when we all know you haven't."

"What the hell do you know?"

"I know that you need help. You're not yourself and you haven't been since losing Alex and AJ. It's one thing to be hurt, angry and depressed, but you're going through some changes that aren't making sense."

"Really? I'd like to know just exactly how you'd handle being in my situation. You have no idea….not an inkling of what it's like to be me."

"I don't know exactly how I'd handle it, but I'd like to think that I'd let the people who care for me, help me."

"I have Mark who cares about me and who is helping me. You already know that, so don't act as if he doesn't count."

"I'm not saying that he doesn't count, but he doesn't know you the way I do."

"And how do you know me, Rick?"

"There have been times when I could read your mind, and you could read mine. Our thoughts would be in sync and I could look into your eyes and know what you wanted to say. Most importantly, I know you heart."

"That was in the past and we don't have than connection anymore. You don't know anything about what's in my heart. If you did, you'd know to stop trying to fight your way back into my life. I have nothing left for you."

"That's a lie and you know it."

Dee Dee crossed her arms over her chest. "Calling me liar? Nice way to treat someone you supposedly care about."

"You're just pissed off and you don't know how to handle it. You're taking your anger out on me, and it's time that you stopped. You need to get a grip, Dee Dee. Stop being so damn stubborn and be honest with us all, especially with yourself. You want to talk to me. You want to tell me what's wrong. You want to have me, your best friend support you. Take the time to actually talk to me, Dee Dee. Don't give me a fucking load of shit about how you think you feel."

"Nice language to use around my mother, Rick."

"Anna and I already discussed the fact that my language may be a bit rough."

"Yes, we did, and I won't be offended." Anna chimed in. "I told him to say whatever he needed in order to try and get through to you."

"You both planned all of this together, didn't you?" Dee Dee asked Anna. "First, you want to tell me about how you didn't want me, then you did, and hoped that I'd forgive you for the way you've treated me." She turned her focus back to Rick. "You decided that it's fine to come here and talk to me any way you choose, to disrespect me as long as you think you'll get your way. What a setup you two arranged. Since you two don't mind the language, be prepared for me to release a few of my own choice words."

"I just want to get things out into the open. If you never want to see me again, then fine, but before we cut all ties, you're going to listen to me."

Dee Dee knew that she had asked Rick about what he had to say, but she was becoming furious at his behavior. She rushed out the living room and into her bedroom.

"Excuse me." Mark followed behind her and found her pacing the floor with fury in her eyes.

"Who the hell does he think he is?!" She questioned. "For someone who wants to help me, he has a screwed up idea about how to do it!"

"I know." Mark answered. "It's very upsetting, and I wish he'd try a different approach, but I don't think he will. If you want me to say something to him about it, I will."

"If he keeps it up, you and I both may have to tell him where to get off."

"Do you want to let him talk?"

"No, not really."

"Okay, but though I don't appreciate how he's handling it, you know that I think you two should talk. I've thought that for a long while."

Dee Dee sighed. "I know. You think it'll be for the best."

"Yes, I do, but only if you're able to get your point across, too." Mark sat on the bed and pulled Dee Dee onto his lap. "I know that you're dreading it, but remember that we can't move forward with our relationship unless you get things out into the open with him. If you're over him, then fine, but what if there's something still lingering and you need to address it? Like I said before, if we're meant to be together, nothing will stop that. If you're afraid that you'll find that you do care for him, then I'll have to deal with that. It'll hurt like hell for me to lose you to him or any other man, but the point is, you have to be true to yourself. You can't keep trying to please everyone else and suffering the pain of it, you know?"

Dee Dee draped her arms around Mark's neck and smiled. "Are you of this planet?" I've never known any man to be so loving and giving toward others. I know that you love me, and you've shown that by not only with affection, but with wanting to make me happy even if you think you could lose me. I know there's no such thing as a perfect person, but you're awfully close." She giggled.

"Hey, I'm just an odd one." He smiled. "I was raised to believe that it's better for others, as well as for myself to try and make people happy, rather than unhappy. I use less energy and I'm less stressed by going that route, plus meditation after getting pissed off can help." He and Dee Dee laughed before he continued. "Don't get me wrong as I've had to deal with a few undesirables in my day. I just don't talk about it very often." His tone became quite serious. "One thing for sure; if anyone every does anything to hurt you, they'll have to answer to me. I don't care who it is. I mean that."

"I believe you." Dee Dee hugged him and kissed him softly on the cheek. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Are you ready to face the lions?"

"I might as well be." Dee Dee stood and headed back to the living room with Mark behind her. They went into the kitchen to get some soft drinks for the group, and tried to prepare for what was to come. Mark hugged her and told her to be strong and that he'd be right by her side.

When they took their seats back on the sofa, she looked at Rick. "Just so you know, Mark has been trying to get me to talk to you for several weeks, but I didn't want to. He said that you and I need to get things resolved one way or another so that I can move on, and so that he and I can move on with our own relationship without wondering if you had anything worth listening to, and if I might have any inkling of a positive thought toward you. He also said that if; and I say this with a big if, that there's a chance of my wanting to rekindle anything with you, he's willing to step aside if it'll make me happy. He loves me just that much, in case you didn't know. You should be grateful to him for this, but you probably aren't, so just say what you need to say."

Rick didn't reply, but thought that if Mark was being honest, then Dee Dee did have a good man in her life. He couldn't be angry at knowing that she was truly loved.

"Rick, before you start…" Mark began. "Please understand that I don't want you to make things worse for her. I have a great amount of respect for you, but if you hurt her, you'll have me to deal with."

Rick nodded. "If you love her like you say you do, then I should hope you'd protect her just like I would."

"Without a doubt."

The two men made themselves understood without any anger or disrespect.

"I'm ready to talk, now, Dee Dee."

"Go on."

"Alright." Rick inhaled and exhaled a deep breath. "I don't think you've dealt with your loss in the proper way. I think that you need to see a therapist to help you with the things that Mark may not be able to handle. You remember how at work, we had a therapist on hand because there were some things that people couldn't sort out for themselves, and not even with the help of their partners, friends or family. Talking to people who care for you is one thing, but if they don't have the professional skills, you may end up in worse shape."

Dee Dee rolled her eyes, but remained silent.

"I need to understand why you continue to blame me for Alex and AJ's deaths. I know that you don't truly mean it. You can't. I know that there was a misunderstanding when we talked about you staying with me or going back to Alex, and I know you were upset with me about that, but that doesn't give you cause to seriously think that I could be to blame. If you had stayed, yes, maybe AJ would still be here, but…"

"Maybe?!" Dee Dee snapped.

"I'm sorry. Poor choice of words."

"You know for a fact that he'd still be here! How the hell could he have been killed in that car if we were living in LA?! How?!"

"I know…you're right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it the way it sounded."

Mark stroked the center of Dee Dee's back. "Take a minute to breathe." He told her.

She followed his suggestion and began to calm down.

Rick felt that he could continue. "Tell me why you hate me so much? You've said it's because it's my fault that they died, but there has to be more…something that makes more sense, at least to me. Please help me understand, Dee Dee."

"I told you before. You knew that I was having a hard time with my marriage, that I was still in love with you and that I wanted to stay and raise my baby where we belonged. I had decided at the last minute to just give up on Alex, though I was terrified that he'd take me to court and try to gain custody of the baby, but I thought that with help from you, my mom and the attorneys she'd hire, I'd have a great chance of winning. When I was trying to tell you this, you cut me off in mid-sentence and told me to go back to Alex because you knew that's what I wanted to do…that I couldn't just walk away. I didn't know what to say. I had explained everything else to you, but you didn't even suggest that I try to stay and save myself and my baby from the misery. You were supposed to care for us, but you didn't. I felt so dismissed…so thrown away. I knew right then that you didn't give a damn, so why stay where I wasn't wanted?"

"Dee Dee…" Anna spoke up. "You could have stayed with me. I would have helped you."

"Mom, even if I had chosen to stay and fight against Alex, how could I have taken the chance of running into Rick, knowing that he wanted me gone? I still loved him so much. You know that I told you that I loved him more than I loved Alex."

Anna and Rick exchanged glances.

"I guess it would have been pretty hard, but if you had stayed, even if you couldn't be with Rick, then at least…"

"What? At least AJ would be alive?"

"I wasn't going to say that. I was going to say that at least you'd have been out of a miserable marriage."

"No, you weren't. You were going to say that if I had stayed, my baby would be alive. You blame me. You think that if I hadn't gone back, none of this would have happened."

"That's not true."

"Yes it is." Dee Dee turned her gaze toward Rick. "That's what you think, too. You both blame me for my baby's death, but it's not my fault. It's not my fault, is it Mark?"

"No, sweetheart." Mark began to stroke her back again. "It's not your fault at all."

"That's what they think. They've always thought that." Tears fell from Dee Dee's eyes. "They also think that if I could have helped Jaeden, why couldn't I help my own baby?"

"Is that how you really think they feel about you?"

Dee Dee nodded. "Yeah."

"What else do you think they feel?" Mark questioned.

"They think I was stupid for staying with a man that I didn't love as much as I could have."

Rick and Anna looked on quietly as Mark continued to coax Dee Dee into speaking her thoughts.

"They…they think I should have taken the baby…with me in my…car." She was now sobbing.

Mark pulled Dee Dee into his arms. "Keep talking."

"He wanted…to ride with his daddy. He said he...liked his daddy's…truck. He loved…riding...in that...damn truck. I shouldn't have…let him. I should have made him…get into…my car. They hate me…because I let him go. They do."

Though she'd never expressed herself to him in this exact manner, Mark had known for a long time of what she was feeling. As he continued to console her, Rick decided to speak up once again.

"You're full of it, Dee Dee. You're completely full of shit and you know it."

Anna looked at him in surprise, hoping he didn't mean to be so harsh.

Dee Dee slowly raised her head from Mark's shoulder. "What?"

"Hold on a minute, Rick." Mark said. "I think I know what you're about to do, but watch yourself. Like I said earlier, if you hurt her, you deal with me. Be careful with your approach, alright?"

Rick didn't respond to Mark and looked directly at Dee Dee. "I said you're full of shit. You blame yourself for it all, but you want to push it off onto Alex and me. You've just sat there and told us how we blame you, but what you're really saying is that you blame yourself. You're just not brave enough to say it like you mean it."

The look of shock was most evident on Dee Dee's face. "This is one of the reasons why I hate you! You think you know every single thing about me, but you don't! How can you talk to me like this and think you'll get away with it?!" She stood in the center of the room. "You're nothing to me, Rick Hunter! Nothing! I want you to get out!"

"No, you don't." You're lying and you know it."

"Shut up! Get out of here!"

"No!" Rick raised his voice. "I'm not leaving until you own up to the truth! You do whatever Mark tells you, you listen to every word he says, and you'll go wherever he goes, but you can't give your mom or me a break! It's not fair, Dee Dee!"

"What the fuck do you know about fair?!"

Though she'd warned them of the language she may use, none of them had ever heard her use that particular form of profanity, and tried not to let it rattle them.

Rick was now standing a couple of feet from her. "I know that you're not being fair to us and you're not being fair to yourself! You're being selfish! You're just ridiculous with this whole thing! I can't stand that you're this way, and I don't give a damn how much you play the pity card, you're not going to win this game!"

Mark felt his heart rate increase. He knew that Rick was trying tough love, but he wasn't happy with how strong his tactics were. "Rick, take it easy."

"No, Mark. I won't. I've known her much longer than you have, and I know what she can and can't take. I know what I'm doing."

"Rick…" Anna spoke up. "Are you sure you're not too harsh with her?"

"I'm sure, Anna. I know what I'm doing. I have to get through to her, and I'll do what I have to. I don't care how angry she gets. She'll get over it."

(Continued...)