Author's Notes -

I appreciate those of you who took time to see if I was still on the planet and if things in my life were okay or not. You know who you are, and I truly thank you for caring. J

Sadly over the years, we've had members of the "Hunter" community to die, and I cringe at the thought of them being sent rude emails because they weren't writing fast enough for some people. It could have been due to them not feeling well, but I suppose some didn't think of that, even if they didn't know how serious things were.

There was times when I got emails or other messages that were not so kind. I know that it's been a very long time since I've added a new chapter, but for those who don't realize it; those of us who write fan fiction have lives that go on outside of writing, just like you have lives that go on outside of reading. Just like you, we have work, families, illnesses, deaths, births, etc. Sometimes it takes a while for us to get back into the swing of writing, even when we do have the time. I feel that I should take my time and try to write a halfway decent story, rather than to rush myself for others and be unhappy with my work because of them.

When I get notes from people rudely rushing me to hurry and write/finish the story, that doesn't actually help to motivate me. I don't mind the playful remarks that I get about hurrying as I've done the same, and will most likely do it again. When it comes down to being rude or crude, I'm not about to try and hurry to please that type of person.

Someone told me that the last chapter wasn't a very good ending to the story. No, it wasn't because it wasn't an ending to the story at all. It was the end of a chapter, and at the end of that chapter, it had (Continued….) which meant that more was to come when I had the chance.

Someone else said that I write too slowly, though they enjoy my stories. If the story had been completed, the information below the title would be – "Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 27 - Words: 63,959 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 8 - Updated: Sep 13, 2013 - Published: Mar 25, 2011 complete", but since that isn't the case, this story is known as incomplete or a "WIP" (work in progress). For those who prefer to read a story that is completely finished, please be sure to check for the word "complete". You never know how long it may take someone to finish a story.

I think I've vented enough for the moment, so if anyone is still interested, the chapter is below.

Thanks again for those of you who have been supportive and understanding.

/ / / / / / /

(Chapter Twenty-eight)

Feeling ashamed of her previous behavior toward Rick and Anna, Dee Dee mustered the courage to turn toward them with her back resting against Mark's chest. "I have so much more that I need to say, and though it's taken me a while to get to this point, I think I can express myself a little easier, now." She exhaled sharply as she placed her hand on Mark's which was resting gently on her stomach. "My mind was screwed up from all of my own guilt, and combined with my loss, I thought I'd die. Even more, I thought if my baby had to die, then I should have died with him. Mark helped me see things in a different light, and if he hadn't, there's a strong possibility that I wouldn't be sitting here right now." She pressed her hand a bit tighter against Mark's. "You two think he's wrong for me, but he isn't. I didn't rush into anything with him, and I'm not pressured to be with him because of what he's done for me. Each time either of you would question my reasons for being with him; it was like a slap in the face as you seemed to think that I must have been losing my mind because I was so close to him, and you didn't care about how much he was helping me and how much we genuinely care for one another. It was tough enough to lose my husband, but I felt I was to blame for my baby's death for allowing him to ride with Alex, and I needed to deal with it the best way I knew how. You two couldn't or didn't want to see it, but Mark saw it plainly. You have no idea of how he's let me vent my frustrations, how many times I've awakened him in the middle of the night just so I didn't have to cry alone, how he'd sit with me until I could fall asleep; the list goes on. He's been absolutely wonderful to me." She pursed her lips and thought for a moment about her feelings toward spirituality. "As angry as I've been with God, I truly believe that He sent Mark to save me. It would have been so easy for me to give up completely and just kill myself. I already felt dead inside, so it wouldn't have been too hard to end it all. A simple walk into the ocean could have taken care of it. I could imagine that I'd have suffered a little as the water filled my lungs, and I would have deserved it and more because my baby suffered." Anna and Rick cringed as they hadn't realized how serious her thoughts of suicide had become.

"Being on the police force was rewarding, but I needed more. I needed a life with my own family. I had it, I lost it, and I didn't have anything else to live for. Being AJ's mom was the best part of my entire life and it was all over in a flash." She paused with a sigh and brushed a tear from her cheek. "You know…when some people feel their lives are over, they make sure of it by ending every part of it by death. I've heard people say that once a person wants to kill themselves, nothing can stop them, but I feel that if you have an inkling of hope, you can change your mind. It depends on the situation and the person, I guess, but if someone were to tell you that there is something to live for and they can prove it, and they do, you can change your mind like I did. Mark did that for me. He made me realize that if I'd kill myself, I'd be letting AJ down. I'd always told my baby that I wanted him to be a strong person and to never let anything break him, and that I knew he could do it because he was as stubborn and strong-willed as I am. I didn't want to go against what I'd been teaching my baby, but for a moment, I guess I forgot about that and my strength was losing against my weakness. I'm thankful to Mark for reminding me of what I'd said to my baby."

"I'd worried that you might hurt yourself." Anna wiped her tears. "Thank God that you didn't. And I did care. I just didn't handle things the right way, but I was trying. I'm sorry that I wasn't of any help when you needed me."

"I'm sorry, too." Rick spoke up. "I wish I had done more to help you heal, but I just didn't how to do it."

Dee Dee nodded. "I guess we all could have done things differently and long before this tragedy." She focused on getting a particular point across to her former partner about how he could have done things differently pertaining to her personal life. "Rick, when we worked together, you knew about every guy I dated. You made jokes about them, sized them up and told me they weren't right for me, and even made it known that you just didn't like them. That had a bit of influence on how I felt about them, too. I shouldn't have let it happen, but I did. It was confusing to me because it was like I needed your approval. When things didn't work out with them, you were there to console me, but sometimes you'd give me the look that said 'I told you so', or even be bold enough to say it. That really hurt my feelings, but I didn't say anything because I thought maybe I deserved to hear it." She expelled a sigh of disappointment with herself for not standing up for herself back then. "I know I made jokes about some of the women you dated, but I knew not to take it too far and it wasn't up to me to choose who you dated. When I met Mark, I didn't feel self-conscious or have any anxiety about what you'd say about him, even after you met him. I guess it's because I was able to get to know him before you had a chance to say anything, and he was there for me at an amazingly difficult time. I'd never seen or heard of him before that day, but I felt like I'd known him for ages."

By the look in her eyes and the tone of her voice, it was evident to Rick that she truly meant it. It made him feel as if she was drifting further away from him.

"With Mark, I was free to make my own decisions and to get to know him without worrying about what either of you were going to say. It's like when you and I first got together, Rick. There was no one to judge me about that decision because for a long time, we didn't tell anyone we were a couple. There was no way anyone could get inside my head about our situation, and once we did tell our moms, they were happy for us. That's what they wanted anyway, so I really didn't expect anything negative. But I still wanted us to have time to be together without anyone's input, you know? I went through some tough times when I was dating Steve because my parents thought he was too old for me, plus they thought he was the main reason that I wanted to pursue my career as a police officer; a profession they were fully against. I had to fight with them in defending him, our relationship and my career. It's hard to have others trying to run your life for you, especially when they know deep down that you're doing the best you can. I just wanted someone other than Steve to be supportive and proud of me. Though I was an adult, sometimes I still needed to feel that, especially from my parents."

She allowed her head relax a bit more against Mark's chest as she turned to Anna. "Mom, you always made me feel uneasy about the men I dated, too. Before Steve came along, you were pressuring me to find the right man and get married. That happened for me, but after he died, you started up again. Plus you were reminding me of my past relationships that failed and telling me not to let it happen again. It's not like I intentionally set out to make the relationships fail." She paused for a moment. "Or at least I don't think so. Either way, I just couldn't stand you always making me feel so bad about it all." She lowered her head as she waited for a reply from her mother, but Anna remained silent.

Rick was felt ashamed at knowing that he'd hurt Dee Dee with his jokes and snide remarks about her relationships. To be truly honest about it all, he did know at times that he may have been a bit harsh, but it was due to his jealousy and he couldn't help himself. "Dee Dee I'm so sorry. I just felt that they weren't good enough for you, and I do know that I could have handled my feelings a little better. It's just that…I was jealous." He hung head and clasped his hands. "I didn't want to hurt you, but I did realize that sometimes I may have done just that with what I said. I guess I was hoping that the harsher I was when it came to them, the easier it would be for you to leave them alone." They both looked up to make eye contact. "It was a childish move and I shouldn't have used my allowed the fact of my resenting them cause me to hurt you. I swore I'd never hurt you, but it looks like I've done it more than once. I'm truly sorry for that and for being such an immature jerk, by not telling you that I wanted a relationship with you. If you can't forgive me right now, I hope that you will someday. If you never do, I'll accept that you feel I don't deserve it."

Dee Dee didn't reply. She broke eye contact just before Anna spoke.

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry, too." Anna began. "It makes me feel so bad to learn more and more about how much I've hurt you. I do hope that you can forgive me."

(Continued...)