To say that Sirius was worried would be an understatement. He was terrified. He was having to face the very real prospect of choosing a Secret Keeper for Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Well, him and Remus that is.

He had finally left Harry's side when Remus has convinced him that he would be safe and that they would hear him if he had another nightmare or woke up. There was business to discuss. Sirius could handle having a Secret Keeper, it meant nothing to him, a way to protect the Orders headquarters, but changing secret keepers was something that he had not thought of for nearly fourteen years. Suddenly images, memories, and voices of the last conversation he had had with James came flooding back to him.
The day that he had convinced him to change Secret Keepers, the day that he had convinced him that he wasn't a safe enough option, and they should choose the only other Marauderer he trusted - Pettigrew.

It seemed ironic to him now that he would choose the cowardly rat over the werewolf who was sworn to protect his pack.
In his heart he knew that Remus was right – he was rarely ever wrong. But all the same a fear was gripping him that he hadn't felt for a long time, not even when he had known of the danger that Harry was in. This was a different feeling. A sense of horrifying déjà vu.

Sirius suddenly became aware of a hand gripping his own, and golden eyes baring into his soul.

"Sirius!" Remus quietly exclaimed, sighing with relief as he finally met his eyes. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah…I…It's just…" Sirius stuttered trying to find the right words to explain the sense of forbidding that was gripping him.

"I know." Remus said quietly, already aware of what was running through his friends mind. It was the first thing he had thought of when he prepared himself to bring up the subject with Sirius. He had no idea how he would react after hearing the words that he and James must have shared all of those years ago. The words they shared when they believed him to be the traitor he thought brokenly.

Remus felt himself freed from his own self-pitying thoughts by Remus squeezing his hand back. It would appear that both men knew each other well enough to know when the other was hurting.

"I do trust you, you know?" Sirius whispered after a few seconds as Remus smiled grimly. "I was just so wrong last time…"

"It's okay. I don't blame you." Remus assured him reminding himself bitterly that he was a Werewolf, and Werewolves were not to be trusted. Sirius made a move to correct him, before Remus quickly cut him off focusing at the task at hand.

"What matters is that we find a new keeper, and soon. There's no telling how Dumbledore will act – he's so unpredictable. We can't take the risk of him telling the Ministry where we are." Remus finished shortly. How could the man who had given him a chance in life, who he had looked up to for so long have turned into such a manipulative enemy?

"But they're all on his side!" Sirius exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air in frustration. "He could anybody anything and they would believe him!"

Remus pinched his nose in deep concentration. Sirius was right, Albus Dumbledore was the great leader of the Wizarding World, and everyone trusted him, every single person they knew. They could all be controlled by him, the Weasley's, everybody in the order…

"Unless one of us did it." Remus whispered out loud. This caught Sirius' intention.

"What?" He yelped as he met Remus' wide eyes. He hadn't just said what he thought he had said had he? Surely not? "Us?"

"Why not?" Remus said with a shrug. "Who can we trust better than ourselves?"

"Remus…I can't…not after…not after James." Sirius said, his eyes wide, his body shaking from head to toe.

"Sirius, it was not your fault." Remus firmly told him. "We've been over this, over and over again. Don't you think that if it was I would blame you? That Harry would blame you? It was all Pettigrew."

"There has to be someone else!" Sirius yelled losing the control he had on himself for a moment, before he hesitantly looked at the stairs which lead up to Harry's bedroom. "There will be someone in the order, someone who is completely unturned by Dumbledore. Who isn't in his grip!"

Sirius relaxed back into his chair as he attempted to fight off the crazed frustration, anger, and memories that were taking over him. He had already lost James, he would not lose Harry…not him too. And he would not lose Remus. If Remus was the Secret Keeper then he would be targeted, he would be tortured and killed. The thought alone of losing him was almost too much to bare.

If only there was somebody…anybody who was close to Dumbledore…someone who he would never suspect. Yet they would have to be brave, and strong, know how to lie and fight off invasions. Then it hit him with an overpowering feeling of disgust.

"What about…" Sirius started talking slowly and mechanically as though forcing his mouth to move as Remus frowned at him. "…Snape." He finished with a look of revulsion.

Remus stared at him for what could have been hours, carefully looking him over.
"Are you crazy?" He asked only half joking.

"No." Sirius smirked before it was quickly wiped away. "We need someone who isn't completely on Dumbledore's side."

"Oh Merlin, You're Serious, aren't you?" Remus said with a frown as his eyes widened.

"Yes, well done Moony, I am…." Sirius started to chuckle, but quickly drew off when Remus' expression didn't move from its serious, concerned form. "Yes, I am serious."

Remus seemed to ponder this over for a few moments. It was beyond insane that Sirius had just suggested using the one person he hated almost as much as Voldemort to protect their lives. One of the biggest, most important decisions of their lives…and he had chosen Snape!
But then maybe he was right…Snape was a spy for Dumbledore, but he was mastered in Occlumency. Whoever they chose would have to be able to completely close their minds off to Dumbledore's attack, and as far as he knew there was nobody who had the ability to do so…apart from Snape.

"We need a spy in the Order." Sirius added breaking Remus from his musings. "We won't be able to attend the meetings anymore, we can't go anywhere near Dumbledore. But we need to know what's going on with Voldemort…for Harry's sake."

"You're right. But why would he agree?" Remus groaned in annoyance. "He's been on Dumbledore's side right from the start. He's his spy for crying out loud!"

Remus stood up and started pacing the kitchen, he was feeling far too restless. If anything Snape was on Dumbledore's side more than anyone else in the Order! But then hadn't he been on his side what felt like weeks ago but in reality was just several hours ago.
What choice did they have? They had a broken fifteen year old who they loved with all their heart sleeping upstairs, terrified of sleeping, unable to walk… Snape could be their only chance.

"Okay." Remus sighed as he came to a sudden halt at the table. "Okay. We get him to come here…and then we ask him."

"And if he says no?" Sirius asked bitterly. He wouldn't put it past the slimy git to bind them all where they stood and drag them to his precious Headmaster.

"Then we deal it with it then." Remus said quietly as he pulled the seat out with a sharp scrape against the wooden floor. His head flopping down on his hand with a sigh. He smirked at Sirius from across the table.

"What?" Sirius asked defensively, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Just never thought I would see the day you would suggest going to Snape." Remus said with a slight chuckle as Sirius let out a bark of a laugh.

"If James could see me now…"

Harry awoke with a start as he looked around his room, taking in every single detail of it from the paint on the wall to the sun shining through the window. The feeling of slight panic he got from waking up in a room that wasn't covered in blood or stinking of his own dirt quickly faded as he relaxed into his pillows with a smile. Yes. He was safe. He was okay.
Well, as okay as he could be. Sure he couldn't walk and he head was pulsating from the events of the last few days, but he was safe. He was away from Privet Drive and he was with the people he loved most in the world.

But they don't love you

The voice in his head cruelly reminded him. No. It was wrong. Sirius and Remus did love him, they had told him as much. He wouldn't listen. He wouldn't!

You know I'm right. You're the reason he went to Prison, you're the reason he was alone, you're….

The voice was cut off as soon as the door quietly cracked open, Sirius' head peering round.

"Oh, I thought you were asleep." Sirius said with a surprised smile as he walked fully into the room. "Porridge." Sirius said gesturing the tray he was holding.

"Oh." Harry said quietly, relieved that the voice had gone…whatever it was. "Thanks."

Harry wished that his legs would work, all he wanted to do was pull them up towards his body, curl into a ball, and disappear. He stared at the bedsheets for a few moments, his eyes slightly unfocused, sadness clouding them.
Sirius' heart was shredded into a million pieces at the sight of his Godson. He had to once again firmly remind himself that taking revenge on the Dursley's was not the right thing to do…not when it meant he could lose Harry anyways.

He placed the tray down on his knees as Harry's face paled slightly at the sight of the food, a glass of juice and a spoon by its side. Eating was the last thing he felt like doing right now, but with one look at Sirius' face he knew that there would be no getting away from it.

He reached for the spoon, hoping with everything in him that he would not have as much difficulty as he had had the previous night. He picked it up and felt like curling up even more as the spoon shook.

"It's okay." Sirius told him soothingly, as he gently took the spoon out of his Godson's weak grip. "It'll get better…you just need to give it time."

Harry opened his mouth as Sirius moved the spoon to feed him, before swallowing the food down with great difficulty after not eating for so long.
How could it be that just two short months ago his life had been so different, Voldemort was still gone, he was perfectly healthy, he was happy with the exception of his worries about surviving the deadly Triwizard Tournament tasks. And now look at him! He was broken beyond repair, he didn't need anybody to tell him that. Voldemort and the Dursley's had made a good team in being his downfall, in scarring and breaking him.

He mechanically opened and closed his mouth as Sirius fed him the plain breakfast. He didn't even notice when he had finished the whole bowl off, too lost in his thoughts.

"Harry?" Sirius repeated for the seventh time as he attempted to catch his attention. To draw him away from whatever horrific thoughts he was having. "Harry?" He was just about to shout for Remus when he appeared at the door himself, a smile on his face at seeing Harry awake.

"Morning Harry." Remus beamed as he entered the room, but one look at Sirius quickly cut him short. He sat on the bed next to him, one hand resting on Harry's legs and he looked into his unfocused eyes.

"He won't respond." Sirius said in a panicked voice as he jumped off the bed as though electrocuted. Remus took this moment to move closer to Harry, looking directly into his unseeing eyes. He looked at Sirius who had collapsed into the desk chair at the end of the bed, running his hands over his face in helplessness.

"Harry?" Remus said clearly as he gently placed a hand on his cheek, his other stroking his hand. "Harry, its Remus. Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can."

Somewhere in a far off distance Harry was in his own world, a world where he was alone with his memories…not all his memories, just the bad ones…the times the Dursley's would beat him…the screams of his mother begging for his life echoed around him….he couldn't escape!
He could distantly hear a voice…the same voice in his head that had been taunting him. A cruel, cold, male voice…a voice which he knew from somewhere. But where?

Then he heard something else, someone else…

Remus waited a few moments as he shared a desperate look with Remus before he felt a slight squeeze.

"Good. That's good, Harry." Remus praised eagerly with a nod of his head. "Now listen to me, Harry…squeeze my hand if you can still hear me." Another squeeze. "Great, good boy. Now listen to my voice, Harry. You are okay. You are safe. Whatever you are thinking, whatever you are seeing…forget it."

Sirius watched Remus desperately trying to prise Harry out of his own mind as a stray tear strolled down his face. In any other situation it would have been amusing to see Remus in his lecturing professor mode.

Another squeeze. And another. "Excellent Harry, you are doing so well. Now concentrate. Focus only on my voice. Can you hear me?" Harry squeezed, slightly more firmly than before. "Great. Just move towards it, Harry. I'm here, and Sirius is here, and we are not going anywhere I promise…we love you. Just come back to us." He finished the last part in a desperate whisper as tears came to his own eyes.

He avoided looking at Sirius, not only so he could focus on Harry, but because he couldn't bear to see the pain and horror in Sirius' face. He wasn't so sure that he would be able to keep a hold of his own emotions if he did.

"Come on, Harry, please…" Remus heard Sirius plead behind him. Remus kept a tight grip on Harry's hand, searching his eyes for any sign of life. He had almost given up hope when he heard a gasp and a choked sob form Sirius. He looked up to find Harry's emerald eyes staring back at him, as he held back a cry of relief.

Remus stepped back expectantly as Sirius threw himself at Harry, tears streaming out of his eyes, clinging to Harry as though he would disappear at any minute…which judging by the last hour or so could be a bigger risk than they thought.

Sirius looked at Remus over his shoulder his heart breaking slightly for the man, looking so lost and vulnerable. He didn't think he deserved Harry, Sirius realised with a sharp stab. How wrong he was. If it hadn't been for him then Harry could have been dead…or worse.

He promised himself that he would talk to Remus about that later. After all the times Remus had convinced Sirius that he was loved, it was the least he could do to do the same.

"What happened, Harry?" Sirius whispered to him as he ran a hand through his messy hair, making another promise with himself to make sure Harry bathed later. "One minute you were here, and the next…"

Harry looked desperately from Sirius to Remus, tears in his eyes, terrified at the prospect of what was happening to him.

"I don't know." Harry whispered. "I was fine, but…"

"But what?" Remus asked him with a worried frown.

"It was the voice." Harry admitted in embarrassment, turning a beetroot red. "It just…dragged me in."

"What voice?" Sirius asked, his own voice shaking.

Harry didn't reply to him merely sitting in silence staring at the wall, biting his lip in thought, a frown on his face.

"I don't know." He admitted in a broken voice after a few minutes as Sirius swept him into another tight hug.

"I think…" Remus cautiously said a while after silence had settled into the room. "It's time we looked for a mind healer."

Sirius tightened his hold on Harry, as he ran his hands through his hair as he felt Harry stiffen in horror at Remus words.

Hey! Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this chapter…it's been a while since I wrote and released a chapter so thanks to those who are sticking with the story! And to new readers! You are all awesome! Every Review, Favourite, and Follow means the world to me!

The next chapter should be out soon…definitely a lot sooner than it took to bring this chapter out!

I have a poll on my Profile Page at the minute…Sirius and Remus as a couple seem to be quite a big successful thing so let me know if you think they should be together in my story or not!

Until next time….

Mischief Managed!

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