Hey! So here's the next chapter! … Sorry for the late update, but this chapter took longer than originally planned. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and all you guys out there who favourite and follow my story it means the world to me! :D
So, this chapter introduces an OC of mine who will be joining the story in the next few chapters!
Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is NOT MINE!
The entire room was silent. The whole house was silent. The whole world could have been silent. No one would notice. At least Harry wouldn't.
Sirius Black was unusually quiet for a man with such little self-restraint of his thoughts and opinions. His only focus was on his Godson, a look of concern, terror, and worry in his eyes, a look which he was having to use far too frequently.
Harry hadn't moved since the words "mind healer" had left Remus' lips. He was far too preoccupied by the thoughts which were circling his mind. Mind healer…Mind. Healer.
"I'm not crazy." Harry finally choked out, his voice betraying him as it broke. So much for trying to convince them, that he was fine…who was he kidding? He had demonic voices in his head taunting him…that was far from normal!
Not normal? Freak!
Now was not the time for those voices to start all over again! Not when Sirius and Remus were so convinced that he had finally flipped!
"Oh, Harry, of course you're not." Remus sighed, resisting the urge to pinch his nose as he kneeled down next to Harry. He made a move as though to take his hand before he thought better of it.
"But you said…Mind…" Harry stuttered out with a frown. He couldn't even say the words. "Mind…"
"Mind healer." Remus finished for him nodding slowly. "Harry…" Remus started clasping his hands together and resting them on the bed. "There is nothing crazy about a mind healer."
Harry opened his mouth to retort in answer, hadn't Remus heard what people said? What the Dursley's said? Only crazy people see people like that!
Remus held up his hand to silence Harry before he spoke. "No, listen. You have mental health problems. And before you say anything…it is not something to be ashamed of. Now, I don't pretend to be an expert… but I do know that mental health is something we have very little control over."
But I should be able to control it! Harry thought to himself, he had spent his entire life going from one disaster to another – he should have learned to cope by now!
"There is always going to be a point in life when things become too much…and that is why mind healers are there. Not to judge, but to help." At this point Remus made the ultimate decision to clasp Harry's hands in his own. "Harry, you have been through hell in these past few months…not to mention everything you have been going through for years….your entire life."
Harry was equally ashamed as he was horrified to feel a tear rolling down his worn face. What if Remus was right? What if he really did need help…he could get help…then all the pain could go away.
And just what will you do when this "healer" finds out what really happened? You provoked the Dursley's, Harry…you know you did. You're a murderer.
Sirius had been standing silently several steps away from Harry and Remus, watching as his best friend desperately tried to convince his Godson that it was okay to ask for help. He prayed that Harry would listen to reason, he knew all too well what dealing with your problems alone could do to you. It would be difficult to get through to anybody, but this was Harry that they were talking about. Harry Potter. His Godson. The most proudest and independent person he knew.
Still though…if anyone knew about mind healing it was Remus.
"I'm a freak." Harry whispered, repeating exactly what the voice in his head had told him time and time again.
"No." Sirius insisted moving forward to once again sit on the bed. "No, Harry. Never say that. You are not a freak."
When Harry still did not reply Sirius looked towards Remus helplessly, running his hand through his wild hair as he did so.
"Do you think Sirius is a freak, Harry?" Remus asked, deciding to take a different route in his attempt to convince Harry to seek help.
"No!" Harry practically yelped, his head shooting to his Godfather with horror. This was the loudest Harry had spoken in months, which he quickly realised as he backed down, returning to his timid voice. "Of course he's not a freak…"
Sirius had to share only one look with Remus before he caught on to what he was trying to do, before nodding his consent.
"Sirius has mental problems, Harry." Remus gently told him as Harry looked from him to Sirius who refused to take his eyes away from Harry. He didn't exactly feel comfortable talking about his own mental health…far from it…but if it got through to Harry then it would be worth it.
"My time in Azkaban wasn't kind on me." Sirius supplied at Harry's questioning look before continuing as his face changed from questioning to horrified. "Luckily I am a lot better now than I was when I first escaped. I am more aware and I don't have so many nightmares…but the scars are still there."
Sirius trailed off as his eyes fell to the ground, Harry's heart breaking as he took in his Godfather. It had never really occurred to him just how much his time in prison must have affected him…of course it would have affected him! Harry scolded himself.
So Sirius had his own problems? That had nothing to do with Harry! Sirius had every right to those problems! He had lost his entire world in one night, he lost the four closest people to him! Two of them died, one of them betrayed him, and the other… well Harry didn't know what to think as he looked at Remus. He had been left on his own…Sirius had lost him too.
Of course, it didn't once occur to Harry that his own disappearance from Sirius' life would have affected him.
The room had been silent for a few minutes and Harry still hadn't replied, clearly wrapped away in his own mind and thoughts.
"I myself have had my fair share of problems." Remus continued hoping that at some point he would break through the walls that Harry had built around himself. "Hardly surprising being…what I am…" He trailed off hopelessly, the lost expression in Harry's eyes still there. He felt a hand on his shoulder as he turned around to find Sirius, smiling at him sadly.
He kneeled down next to Remus so that they were both on eye level with Harry. They really were running out of options where Harry was concerned. There was one thing they hadn't tried though…
"Did you know your Dad saw a mind healer?" Sirius softly asked Harry, although he knew fine well that he didn't know this…he knew next to nothing about his own father.
"He did?" Harry questioned quietly, his eyes still not leaving the spot on the blanket which he was staring determinedly at.
"Yeah." Sirius said a small smile of hope appearing on his face. "Just for a while. You see, it's like Remus said, Harry… everybody has their breaking point. Even James."
"Why did he have to…?" Harry asked, as much as he dreaded the idea of even talking about anything even remotely related to the topic they were discussing, he craved knowledge of his parents.
"His parents…your grandparents had just died. He was pretty torn up about it, he had been their only child and he loved them more than anything in the world…well almost anything." He smiled sadly to himself thinking of Lily. "He blamed himself, said that he should have been there for him…of course it wasn't his fault, but that didn't stop him from blaming himself…something in the Potter blood." He finished as he was once again reminded of just how similar Harry was to James.
"Did he get help?" Harry asked him, hoping desperately that he already knew the answer.
"Yeah. He got through it in the end. Then he married Lily, and you were born, and then…"
The unfinished sentence hung depressingly in the air. Then they had died. It didn't even have to be said.
"The point is…." Remus told him as he stood up, his legs aching from the strain of sitting in the same position. "Even the strongest of people in the world can break, but it takes the brave to admit it."
"It's always there." Harry whispered after a few moments. "It never shuts up."
"What's always there?" Remus asked gently, trying to remain calm as he saw Harry squeeze his eyes shut, his face scrunched in concentration as though his own body was fighting back against him.
"The voice." Harry whispered.
Don't you dare! Don't you dare you little, freak! Tell them and you will lose them! The whole world will know what you are!
"What voice, Harry?" Sirius whispered into the tense silence of the room as he leant forward.
Don't, you little freak! Don't even think about it! They just want you to admit what you are so they can lock you away! Lock you away and throw away the key!
Harry was frantically shaking his head trying to get rid of the voice, ignoring the arm which was now around his shoulder pulling him close, or the hand that was rubbing gentle circles into his own.
"Can you hear it now?" Remus asked, his voice calm, although inside he was far from it. It was taking everything in him not to panic. Harry nodded. "What is it telling you?" Again Harry shook his head, rocking back and forth as best as he could with his legs unable to move. "Harry?"
It felt like eternity for Harry as he concentrated on the voice, using every ounce of will power to fight it off, distantly aware of voices calling his name. He concentrated on the voice just as he had done before…until eventually it faded to nothing.
"It's gone." Harry whispered as he sagged against his Godfather who was holding him. He felt his wrong rough hand gently stroking his hair. "I'm going crazy." He sobbed.
"No, no…you're not. You're not." Remus soothed him. "It's not unheard of to have voices in your head…The mind therapy should help. And if it doesn't…" He once again shared a concerned look with Sirius. "If it doesn't work then we will deal with it."
Harry was so exhausted. He felt like he had gone through more in the last couple of days than most people would go through in a year…if not a lifetime. He started to close his eyes, leaning into his Godfather's touch much to his own surprise.
"I'll do it." Harry said sleepily. "I'll see a mind healer."
"Good boy." Sirius whispered as he thanked merlin that they had been able to get through to Harry, he dreaded to think what could have happened if Harry had kept on dealing with this alone. He could have lost him again…this time for good.
Remus let out a breath he hadn't even realised he'd been holding when Harry finally gave in. He could tell from his expression that Sirius was thinking the exact same thing as he had been. It had been easier than he had thought to convince him to seek help, almost too easy…
He was so sure that Harry would be much like his father had been when it came to giving into his pride. It had taken James weeks before he had admitted that he wasn't coping with this parent's death. They had even had to go as far as the three of them, Remus, Sirius, and Lily cornering him.
"But only if it's you…" He whispered as he delved his head deeper into the pillow.
"What?" Remus asked with a confused frown on his scarred face.
"Only you…no one else…not yet." With those last few words, Harry gave into exhaustion as he fell into a deep slumber. If he had stayed awake for just a few moments more he would have seen the look of hope fall from his new guardians faces. They had been so close.
"Is it even possible?" Sirius questioned as he paced the entire length of the kitchen, passing Remus who was sat in the centre for the seventh time. "I mean do you even know what you're doing? How to…whatever it is they do! Because I sure don't!"
The cogs in Remus' mind had been spinning even since Harry had nodded off to sleep, as he tried to weigh all the options in his head. Of course Sirius was hardly helping distracting him every second with his frustrated pacing.
"Sirius, sit down." Remus groaned, once again pinching his nose as he leant forward. He needed to think…
Sirius dumped his body into the wooden seat as he watched Remus, a pensive expression on his face. He should have known that Harry would never agree to tell a stranger his deepest darkest secrets, his own private thoughts…
"We can't force him into it." Remus told Sirius, although the idea had seriously crossed his mind. With the revelation that Harry had a voice in his head, affecting his every thought, a new desperation had been found.
But being forceful was not the answer, it would only result in Harry withdrawing further into himself. He would never trust himself or Sirius again.
"I know." Sirius sighed. "But there has got to be someone he's willing to see…anyone! We can't let him just cope with this on his own…who knows what is going on inside his head!"
"You're right, but this is Harry we are talking about…he won't see just anybody, and frankly I can't blame him. He's never been given any reason to trust a stranger." Remus leant back in his chair as he let out a long sigh. "We're going to have to find a healer for his legs."
There it was. Another fact that was hanging in the air. Sirius had almost forgotten in the whole therapy situation that Harry would be needing a healer for his legs. That there was a good chance that Harry could never walk again…No! He would walk again, he would take him shopping in Diagon Alley, and Remus would take him for walks in the country. Everything would be fine.
"There is one person." Sirius said after a few moments, as Remus raised his eyebrows at him. "Annabella Smith."
Annabella Smith had been close to the Marauders in school having been one of Lily's best friends. Neither Remus nor Sirius had thought of her in years. Sirius had grown close to her in their seventh year, a friendship which continued for years…right until that fateful Halloween night.
Remus on the other hand had not been so close, sure he had been friendly with her, it was only natural the amount of time that she had spent around him in the last few years of the first war. But he had never been as close as Sirius had. He had only seen her once or twice after Lily and James had died, and neither of them times had been particularly pleasant…
"I haven't thought about her in a long time." Remus admitted as he poured himself a glass of water, before proceeding to take a large gulp from it.
"Me neither." Sirius stated. "But she would be the perfect person. We could trust her, Remus. She won't go to the press, or to Dumbledore. She's the best nurse I know next to Poppy!"
"Sirius, do you not think this is a bit of rash?" Remus insisted. He wasn't entirely sure why he was so against the idea of Annabella, putting aside the odd argument that they had had in the past…there was just something about the whole idea…
"Why?" Sirius exclaimed as he threw his hands in the air. "She was Lily's best friend. She treated Harry when he was a baby, if Lily and James ever needed help they always went to her…she's the obvious solution!"
Remus sighed still not sure, he was taking on every word Sirius was saying but again a nagging feeling in the back of his head made him unsure. But then what choice did they have? If they went to Madame Pomfrey there would always be a chance that she would do her duty and report to Dumbledore, and they couldn't risk the Headmaster knowing more than he already knew. Not if he was planning to battle them for Harry.
"Fine." Remus sighed giving in. "But she doesn't know more than she has to, understand? If she's going to be Harry's healer we'll have to be careful. She is his joint healer only."
Sirius nodded silently thinking to himself, before he voiced the question he was thinking. "What do you have against her?"
"Nothing." Remus snapped, before he managed to control his temper and replied more calmly. "Nothing. I just don't trust her."
Sirius wanted to ask him more, find out just why he didn't trust her, after all she had never given them any reason not to. She was one of the kindest people you could ever meet, a good nurse who only dedicated herself to her profession.
Instead, he decided to drop the subject, clearly it was a sensitive topic for his friend…and he was sure he would find out sooner or later what exactly had happened between them…he was determined to.
"What about the mind healer?" Sirius wondered out loud. "We can't risk Madame Pomfrey…and I am certainly not letting Snape anywhere near his mind."
As much as Remus would like to disagree that Snape was a professional and wouldn't use Harry's memories against him, he had to face facts and admit that while he may trust him, Harry would never be comfortable with the idea of his hated potions teacher invading his mind.
"It is possible that I could do it…" Remus admitted rather reluctantly as he fiddled with his hands. "I spent some time working as a therapist in the muggle world. I am not an expert, but I do have a little bit of experience…it…it might be enough…just for a little while." Remus stuttered over his words. If the truth be told he was far from comfortable with being Harry's mind healer. Not because he was afraid of what he would be told about his honorary nephew's tragic life, but because he feared that he would not be good enough for Harry. Harry deserved somebody who knew what they were doing, who were so content in their own life that they were perfectly capable of helping others.
He himself was far from perfect…he still had so many scars, not just physical, but emotion and mental.
"Maybe you're right." Sirius sighed in agreement. "You heard Harry he only trusts you to do it. At least this way you'll be able to keep an eye on him."
Remus nodded his agreement, despite his rather strong doubts. He was aware that it may be difficult and somewhat awkward at times, but it was only temporary…until someone better came along.
Maybe Sirius was right…maybe he should trust Annabelle, after all he was right in that she had never given them reason to not trust her…maybe if Remus put his own personal feelings aside…maybe she would be the perfect mind healer for Harry.
So there you go another chapter over, bring on chapter 10…..!
I hope you enjoyed this chapter and to those of you who have been waiting for the next chapter to come out hope you haven't been disappointed :D
Until next time….