Skip some time again… it's early July, and it's a very important summer - Danny being 18 and ready to serve in September (by the way I don't know anything about being in the army or how to become a marine, I hope I don't hurt any feelings, in any case I don't want to). There's a lot to settle – just in case, you know, that he won't make it back. The next chapters will probably be rather Danny-centric

"C'mon, Erin, time for breakfast! Danny, Joe, get up! Get uuup!"
Danny sighed. It was half past six on a Saturday. He surely admired Jamie for getting up with the sun every day, but honestly – half past six? On holiday? He'd just come home two hours ago.

One door further Joe didn't move either. It wasn't that he'd been out like Danny, but he'd even slept less, hanging on the computer and shooting bad guys. He needed the training, he'd be a cop some day!

"C'mon!" Jamie's voice got a piercing edge in the end, and Danny sighed. He loved his little brother with all his heart, but he was afraid he had overindulged him – Jamie was spoiled. And he was only eight weeks from school.

A lot of work to do.

And the best idea to start would be showing the little one that he couldn't always get what he wanted.
He turned around and closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep again.

"Danny!" Little fists hammered against the door. "Danny, please?"
"No!" But his weak protest was in vain, Jamie had already come in and sat down on Danny's bed, sulking.

"Why don't you get up? It's…"
"It's half past six, Jamie", Danny growled, slowly opening his eyes, "and no matter what you think, that's far too early! I don't wanna get up, okay? And you can't always have what you want." Jamie's chin quivered, and Danny's voice got automatically softer. "You need to be a big boy now, you're not a baby anymore. Sure, Joe'll watch over you when I'm gone, but…"
"But that's it!" Jamie grabbed his brother's arm. "You're going away! Don't you wanna…" He grimaced to keep the tears down, "I just wanna spend as much time with you as I can before you go! Don't you?"
"Of course I do!" Danny pulled Jamie into a fierce hug so he wouldn't see the tears floating into his own eyes. "Course I do, Jamie!" He felt a lump in his throat rising. "Of course." He swallowed heavily, holding his little brother very close, trying not to think about what was lying ahead.

It wasn't that he didn't want to join – he wanted to, he knew it was his duty to serve his country, to protect his family just like his father and his grandpa did. He was ready.
But not now!
Not with Erin being in love for the first time (with Donald. Honestly, what kind of parents name their kids Donald?), not with Joe being quite in the middle of puberty. Not, he thought almost desperately as Jamie eventually started to cry into his shirt, with Jamie going to school in September. He wanted to be there when Jamie learned to read and write, because he knew how eager he was to learn – it was almost scaring sometimes how big the kid's memory was (also with bad language Joe used in front of him. Not that Jamie ever repeated them in public, but he had asked Danny once what a "Motherfucker" was exactly. Yeah).

Danny had loved being in elementary school, sure, and he knew that in St. Andrews the chances for getting bullied were almost nothing, but still - he wouldn't be there.
With September 8th, he'd be gone and out of his family's life. He wouldn't be there anymore to protect his siblings, and that worried him deeper than he'd ever thought. Danny was afraid of what would happen to them when he wasn't there. He was afraid they'd need him, and he was even more afraid that they wouldn't. That they would keep on living as if nothing had changed, and that when he returned, they'd see him as an intruder.
Danny took a deep breath as he gently ruffled Jamie's hair. The little one got to the point right away: He wanted to spend time with his family, as much as possible. He wanted them to tell him that he was an important member of the family, no matter how much the Iraq would change him.
For all he knew and had heard, war changed everyone.

"Hey, Jamie" Danny's mouth was dry now. "What do you think, should we go down and make some pancakes for the others? Maybe they'll get up easier then!"
Jamie beamed. "Yeah, let's do pancakes!" His big blue eyes, just swimming in tears, gleamed with excitement now. He jumped off the bed and to the door. "C'mon!"

Danny smiled. "On my way." He stifled a yawn as he followed the younger one down the stairs.

There had been a reason for his being away and getting half-drunk in secrecy last night: He had tried to forget. It was a coward's reaction to shy away from the army, and being homesick as he was sure he would be was just… embarrassing. If he really loved his family, how could he justify not going to defend them?

But what if they needed him at home? He had to talk to Joe. Showing his little brother the ropes on how to be the man in the family – at least when it came down to Erin and Jamie.

"C'mooon!" Jamie stood in front of the fridge and was just emptying it. "What do we need for pancakes?"
"Uhm… eggs, milk… flour I guess? Don't ask me, you're the brains here!" Hell, he didn't even know how to cook. Danny swallowed again. Jamie's smile faded, and he suddenly felt useless. Maybe it wouldn't make a difference if he didn't come back. Maybe the others wouldn't even notice it. "Sorry, Jamie", Danny heard himself mumble through numb lips, "I don't know. You gotta ask mom." Or dad, Erin, grandpa… anyone. Except Joe, probably.

"But it's not a surprise if we tell mom!"
"Yeah. I know." Danny sighed. "Well, then let's try! Get the eggs over there!"

Sooner or later – sooner, hopefully – their mom would wake up and smell something strange from the kitchen, and then she'd save him.

Ten minutes later, however, it started to smell like pancakes. Jamie who had been watching more than doing anything, was staring an awe at the brown slices that Danny threw onto a plate.

It was so worth it. It was even fun, almost.

"Danny?"
"No reason to wake up mom before breakfast's ready, what do you think, huh?" He smiled, for once satisfied with himself.

Jamie just leaned against his big brother and threw his arms around him. "I don't want you to go", he said firmly. "I really, really don't."
"But I have to", Danny answered calmly, catapulting the last pancake onto the plate. "And it's gonna be okay."
"No it won't."
"Yes it will." Danny knelt down so he was at eye's height with his little brother. "It will because I know that I can count on you, Jamie. You'll be good at school. You'll listen to your teachers, you'll be nice to your comrades, and they'll be nice to you. You'll find new friends…"
"I don't need new friends! I got friends, and my best friend is you, so you stay!"

Danny sighed. "I'll come back. I promise I'll do anything to come back. But I've got to go. And you…"
"I'm gonna miss you!" Jamie turned around and threw forks and knifes onto the table. "Stupid school and stupid army, can't I not go with you and we start school later together?"
"God forbid", Danny murmured, and loud he said, "you're not a baby anymore, Jamie. You go to school, you won't even notice I'm away. Now tell mom and dad and Erin and Joe that breakfast is ready."

Jamie hit him.

He hit him. For the first time ever in his whole life, Jamie Reagan hit his oldest brother in the chest. "Idiot", he cried (thank god it wasn't "motherfucker", a small part in Danny said), "you think I'm that stupid? You're such an… of course I will notice it! I hate you going, I'll miss you everyday, we all will! You're so… idiot!" Danny had never seen his baby brother that angry. "Joe said the same thing last week, he said we wouldn't get it if he was gone! You're idiots, both of you!"

"Joe said what?" Danny was shocked. He obviously hadn't paid enough attention to him. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Jamie shrugged. "Why should I? You're leaving us and it's okay and everything's gonna be fine and we won't even notice it, remember? Remember?"
With that, he stormed off and up the stairs, almost knocking down Erin as she walked down, alarmed by the noise.

As she entered the kitchen she found a crying Danny.