Danny didn't look at his younger brother as he slumped onto the chair next to him. Joe sat at his other side, staring right through the floor without seeing anything.
The corridor was far from empty, but around the family the noises seemed to dull, held out by the same wall of fog that clouded his mind. Not much longer, he promised himself as Erin's hand jerked up for the hundredth time, wiping away her tears.
Not much longer and it would be over, the day would pass, the situation would pass… it would be okay. The pain in his chest was so bad, so physical that he could hardly breathe – it couldn't go on like that forever, could it?
Soon enough someone would tell them it was a mistake. Or someone would wake him from this nightmare. Soon. He had only to survive the next heartbeat. And another. And another.

The door opened, and ten pairs of red-rimmed eyes turned to the man coming out. Danny had to force himself to focus on his father's face, anticipation, hope and despair growing and growling in his bowels.
Frank looked down when he closed the door behind him, trying to gather enough strength to look at his children. Erin jumped up, pulling Jamie up with her as she was clasping his hand.
Linda grabbed her husband's arm to support him as he stood up, too. He was thankful for her halting him there – she couldn't stand up with one-year old Sean on her lap, and he couldn't… he couldn't take one step towards his father. Even the effort of standing up was weighing him down, and he found his hands trembling.

Jamie was, as always, the first one to speak. "Dad?"
Frank finally looked up, directly into his youngest son's eyes. Joe stood up and stepped next to Jamie, their shoulders touching, holding each other up.
The situation was so surreal, so much more intolerable than anything else he had ever experienced – compared even to his service in the army, or seeing Linda suffering in labor and being unable to help her – that it had to be a trick. How much longer could they keep the farce on? It had to stop. Soon. Now.

Joe's face showed he was thinking just like Danny, but Jamie's face was gentle, almost calm. Maybe he simply hadn't realized what was happening.

Frank swallowed, opened his mouth, closed it, and swallowed again.
Seeing his father so choked up by tears made Danny's eyes water, too, and Linda's grip around his arm tightened.

"Grandpa?" Nicki moved out of her father's embrace. "Is… is…"
"Is she dead?" Jamie quickly murmured, saving his niece from asking the cruel question. The only one that mattered.
The one they all knew the answer to.

Frank nodded. "She fell asleep after we left last night, and didn't wake up again." His face wrinkled in exertion not to cry. "She went as she… wanted to."

At this, Erin cried out and threw her arms around her father, sobbing. Quickly, Jack pulled Nicki close as she broke into tears, too.
From the corner of his eyes Danny saw his elder son sobbing with the others, looking a little forlorn, and finally squeezing into the hug of his cousin and his namesake uncle. Linda's eyes, red and wet, hung on him while her arms were still wrapped around Sean and Danny. It took him a minute to gently pull away from her hand and move over to his brothers – three steps. A thousand miles. Where was the difference?

Joe looked at his elder brother, searching frantically in the other's face for a sign that this was a nightmare. Danny knew he should say something, knew it was his duty – as the eldest son, as the protector of his siblings – to confirm his father's words.
Mom was dead. She had fallen asleep and didn't wake up, she had died alone…
He couldn't. He couldn't say it. He couldn't accept it. She was his mother! How could she, she from all people, die?

"She never wanted us to be there." Jamie's voice was as calm as his face was, despite the tears that violently ran down his cheeks as well. "She always said she wanted to… she wanted…"
"She wanted us to see her alive when we would see her the last time" Henry completed quietly. "And God granted her that." His lips kept moving but he didn't say another word, just sat there shivering, probably remembering his wife's death…

Danny felt panic rise in his stomach, washing away the numbness and the pain. Linda! What if she was sick, too, what if he would lose her? He whirled around, away from his brothers, falling onto his knees in front of the woman he loved. Linda had taken Jack into her arms once Danny had pulled away, rocking both her sons on her lap now, crying.
With both grief and relief overwhelming him, Danny embraced the three of them. Their arms, even Sean's, felt strong around him, strong and alive and healthy… he didn't want to let go. He needed them to be as they were now, he needed the world to stop right now. How could he go on? If he opened his eyes he would have to see his beloved wife crying, and he would need to remember why. He would have to live without his mom.
His sons wouldn't have a grandmother anymore.

"Danny!" Erin's voice was shaking, but loud enough to reach through the wall he thought he had built.
It was true.
Danny started to shiver again. He didn't want to let go and go to his siblings, he couldn't.

His mother's face appeared in front of him, gentle, weak but still beautiful. Five months ago she had been diagnosed with lung cancer, without any chance of healing. The last month she had spent mostly in hospital, hardly awake with painkillers. It was good, for her at least, that it was over. He knew that. It was what he had kept telling Erin and Jackie and every other cop who asked him how he was.
She was in a better place now, at least she didn't suffer anymore. He knew that.

But it didn't help.

"Danny?" Linda gently pulled back from her husband. "Go." She wanted to say more but there was nothing more to say.
Shivering, Danny stood and walked towards his brothers and his sister, refusing to look into his father's face till he stood right in front of him.
"Your mother was very proud of you, son. Of all of you." Frank's voice seemed firm for a moment, but as Danny dared to look up, he saw new tears glimmer in his father's eyes, and as he hugged him it was all he could do not to break down again. Erin wrapped her arms around the men, and Jamie and Joe followed, holding each other and holding the others, trying to squeeze together so tightly that they could cover up the hole in the middle, the empty, hurting place where once had been Mary Elizabeth Reagan.