28;

Ellie heard the TV click on in the other room for the fourth morning in a row since that night in the alley. The sound was followed shortly by the muffled voices of newscasters talking about, from what she could tell, the weather. The predictability of it was, in its own way, comforting despite the fact that the time of morning was completely foreign to her. The combination of struggling to get to sleep each night and waking up in the dark hours of the early morning exhausted her. Her eyes desperately wanted to close but refused to.

She had been lying on her side watching Riley breathe for what felt like hours, the rhythmic motion of her rising and falling shoulder soothing. She squeezed her eyes shut and blinked them repeatedly until the sting was gone and then focused them past Riley to the outside of the window. The snow had stopped but left behind in its wake a new layer of white wherever she could see.

She carefully slipped out of bed without waking Riley, put on her coat over her pajamas, and walked barefoot out of their room into the main area.

Joel was sitting silently in his old torn up chair watching the news and browsing the newspaper. He didn't react to the girl emerging from his room, choosing instead to keep his attention on the wildfire article gracing the right half of the section he was turned to.

She silently walked across the faded and scuffed up hardwood floor and sat on the couch directly to his side. They both sat quietly until Joel lowered his paper, feeling the awkward quiet between them.

"Mornin' Ellie."

"Hi…" The word sounded more like a breath than a sound. Joel was halfway to putting up his paper back up before he was cut short. "You ever in the military?"

He furrowed his brow at the question he didn't think he'd ever hear in the morning, especially from Ellie. "What?"

"…never mind."

He stared at her a moment longer before sighing. "Why?"

"Just… want to know." Her tone was quiet and flat.

"I don't like to talk about it."

"So you were then?"

He folded up the paper and placed it on the table at the chair's side with an annoyance. "Yeah. 'Nam."

She tried to get an estimate on his age and the war's years. "You must have been really young."

"Again, I don't like to talk about it."

Ellie stayed quiet and let herself fall back against the couch while zoning out on the TV. Joel continued reading from where he left off, making it through only a couple more articles in the twenty minutes of increasingly awkward silence between them.

He glanced over at Ellie who was still staring off in the distance and put his paper once again down on the table. "Nineteen." His words slowly forced Ellie out of her trance. "Not much older than you actually."

Her eyes widened slightly at his answer. "How'd you do it?"

"Y'think I had a choice?" He scoffed. "Didn't matter if we were able to do it or not."

"But you did. You went over there." She pulled her knees up to her chest and held them tight while resting her feet on the couch cushions.

"Yeah."

"...did you kill anyone there?"

He bit his lip and exhale strongly through his nose. "Jesus, Ellie, just tell me where you're going with this. I don't like this beating around the bush bullshit."

She was surprised by the sudden response but gave in with a defeated sigh. "How do you get over killing someone?"

The man gave back an equally surprised look. "That's a heavy question. Why?"

She merely looked at him, needing to convey her answer without words. He looked back at her with his eyebrows raised and getting even more annoyed she was still avoiding the purpose of their talk. Right before he was about to question her again his face relaxed, releasing a soft breath.

"Shit... the other night?" She nodded timidly with what little energy she had. "Ellie, what hap-" He stopped himself mid-question and moved on. "Doesn't matter. And to answer your questions, yes I did, and with time."

She remained silent, latching on to every word.

"I'm obviously not exactly... personable. I don't relate well to others. But I'll tell you what my therapist told me after the war." He was about to continue but backtracked. "Mandatory therapist. Anyway, he had me go through the events in detail. Every single second I could remember. 'Visualize and confront it' he always said." He scratched his stubbled neck and glanced over at her room with Riley still inside sleeping. "This part'll be better with her, she was there. Go talk it out. The pain won't go away quickly kid, but it'll get better."

Ellie released her knees and set her feet back onto the floor. She gave Joel a half-smile and a one-armed hug, the other arm unable to reach around his chair. He gave her a quick nod and a grunt and went back to his paper.

Ellie walked back into her room, closed the door, and dropped her coat onto the ground. She stood still and watched Riley for a moment and let Joel's words flow through her head while breathing out the emotions that were quickly rising. She quietly slipped into the bed and pulled up the covers.

Without thought she molded herself against Riley, putting her arms around her chest and pulling as tight as she could to make sure there was no separation between them. She wasn't sure how to feel. All she knew is she needed comfort and Riley was the only way to get that.

Riley was pulled from her sleep and was barely able to open her eyes more than a slit before she gave up and kept them shut. "Hey… you okay?" Ellie stayed quiet and instead buried her face into the back of Riley's neck. "Ellie?"

"I'm okay. It's... I'm just tired."

It was obvious to Riley that it wasn't nothing, but she didn't have the energy to think, let alone be able to question her about it. She let it go and let the warmth of Ellie against her ease her back into sleep.

It wasn't long before she woke up again from the sun's rays flooding themselves into the room. The arms around her were gone and she ended up lying on her opposite shoulder facing away from the window. She stretched and let her eyes slowly adapt to the light.

"Shit!" Her mind raced to examine the face staring back at her. She exhaled and her heart began to slow as it finished its task. "Oh fuck, Ellie. You can't be doing that."

"Sorry." She continued looking at her .with no discernible emotion on her face.

"You're kind of creeping me out."

"You're really beautiful when you sleep. You know that?"

Riley widened her eyes, feigning discomfort. "Okay… now you're really creeping me out. How long have you been watching me?"

"I talked to Joel this morning."

She rubbed her eyes to clear some of the blurriness. "Did he talk back?"

She managed to get a slight smile out of Ellie. "Yes. He did. And he said that I need to talk about that… night. With someone."

Riley quickly put on a sympathetic expression and nodded. "I was hoping you'd open up sooner. What do you want to talk about?"

"I have no idea if this will work, but he said that I need to talk out what happened in detail."

"You mean when you saved our lives."

"…Riley."

"Sorry. I'm sorry. Go ahead."

Ellie opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. "Actually, I don't even know really where to start."

"Well, how about after I was hit? I pretty much didn't see anything you did after that."

"Okay. So… he punched and you ended up behind me. I remember being pissed off at that point so I just charged him. He was looking for the knife I think. Anyway, he was bent over and so I literally just kicked him in the face as hard as I could."

"Nice."

"Riley." Her tone more annoyed.

"Sorry. Again."

"He fell backwards bleeding pretty heavily from his nose. I ran at him again, going to punch him or something, I really don't know. It was hard to think."

"Adrenaline."

"Yeah. Well he found the knife, obviously, and slashed my arm." She lightly shook the arm with the bandage around it. "Hurt like hell. I ended up back with you where you were still trying to breathe. Then you apparently found a bottle from somewhere."

"It was underneath the dumpster."

"So you hit him with it as he got close, which must have worked because he grabbed his face and swung his knife like an idiot after that. We tried to run after that, right?"

"Yeah."

"You went one way and I went the other. Except I didn't, not really. I slipped. He ignored me and went for you, but I looked up in time to see his knife go into your leg." She squinted one eye, uncomfortable with the image.

"I feel the same way. Fucking thing went straight in, cutting all the muscle and whatever else."

"Gross, stop. So, yeah, you fell hard. I remember being panicked because you couldn't move and he was getting closer to you." She sighed. "I should've just jumped on him or something. I shouldn't have hesitated. You could've…"

"We both know how that would've turned out."

"Maybe."

"Keep going."

"Right. Well, I panicked and looked around for anything to use. I spotted a couple of things that would've been useless, but then I saw the tip of the pipe sticking out of the garbage. I pulled it out and moved towards the guy. After that I sort of just, and this is gonna sound strange, became a robot."

"What's that mean?"

"Like, it was as if my body did whatever it wanted."

"Freaky."

"It was. I remember pulling the pipe back and then swinging it forward at his head." She broke eye contact with Riley and glanced downwards at the bed itself, her voice beginning to quiver. "I watched his head… deform. I must've broke his skull. It got soft. Fuck."

"Breathe."

"And the sound it made? Oh god, Riley. It was like… wood and… and mud being smashed together. It was horrible."

Riley grabbed and tightened her grip around Ellie's hand to bring back her attention. "Hey, come on. Deep breaths."

Ellie did as she was told. "Okay, okay. I know." She shook her head. "I stared at him lying on the ground, blood pooling out of his head. I couldn't move. And after that I can't remember anything. Not until I had that blanket wrapped around me." She looked expectantly at Riley.

Riley was hesitant in asking. "Want to know?"

"I think I should."

"Okay… well… you were standing there completely still, just staring at him. I called your name but you didn't move. I shook you until you kind of came out of it and then I pulled you with me and we ran out of the alley. Limped out, I guess. I was going to lead us to the street to find someone but you fell halfway there. You… had a mental breakdown or something. You started to repeat yourself over and over again."

"Really? What did I say?"

Riley sighed, not wanting to tell her. "'I killed him.' You sounded like you were in disbelief at first. And then you started laughing, and then crying. It really fucking scared me. I just held you until you stopped and were able to get on your feet again."

"I don't remember any of that."

"I'm kind of glad you don't."

"What next?"

"We found the guy with the phone and then waited around until the cops showed up." She let the hand in hers go. "So that's it… how do you feel?"

Ellie sighed heavily and took a moment to let everything sink in. "I don't know. A little better I guess?"

Riley smiled and glanced at the door. "Tell you what, how about I make you some breakfast? It'll for sure make you feel better."

Ellie scratchily groaned. "Does that mean I have to get out of bed?"

"You know it does. I'm not letting you get crumbs and shit where we sleep."

"Fine. But it better good enough to be worth getting up for."

Riley pushed herself out of bed and landed her feet onto the cold floor. She walked over to the other side and held a hand out. Ellie grabbed it hesitantly and let herself be pulled out from under the warm blankets. "What do you want to eat?"

"Pancakes. I want pancakes."

"Decisive. Alright, deal." She put her hand on the door handle but was stopped before she could open it.

"Hey. Uh, thanks by the way for… you know, listening to all that."

"You know you don't have to."

"I want to. I don't nearly enough."

"For what?"

"For everything, Riley. We've been through so much shit together, and I know I could never have made it on my own. I can't even imagine where I would be right now without you… and I wouldn't want to." She exhaled and loosened her posture. "I just- you mean everything to me, you know? You are everything to me and… well, I…"

Riley tried to hide a soft smirk that had grown while Ellie stumbled over her words. "You… what?"

"I… don't know why I'm so fucking nervous about this." Ellie chuckled as she shook her head. She took a deep breath and stared into the girl's brown eyes. "I love you, Riley."

Riley knew what she was getting at but, although it had been strongly apparent between the two of them, actually hearing it aloud for the first time was a feeling like nothing else she'd ever felt before. Her heart skipped a beat, a wave of warmth flowed through her, and a uncontrollable grin graced her face. She gazed back into the girl's green eyes and let that same feeling take over.

"...I love you too."

"Yeah?"

"Of course."

They smiled contently at each other before settling into a deep, but short-lived, kiss.

Riley separated and rested her hands on Ellie's shoulders as the seriousness of the conversation sank in again. "You'll get through this, Ellie. And I'll be there every step of the way, you know that. I'm pretty sure I've told you this a million times."

"I know."

"Good." She groaned and rolled her eyes. "We're so pathetic."

"We really are... you gonna make me breakfast anytime soon?"

"Yeah, yeah. Get your ass dressed and I'll get it going."