30;

Riley walked toward the northeast after splitting off from Ellie and attempted to gather what she could from people along the way to her spot, her efforts half-assed. She would regularly make eye contact with the people passing by, hoping to convey some personal responsibility, but today she could barely even manage a fleeting glance.

She took a different tactic than Ellie did when begging from people. She would, for as long as her feet would allow, either stand or lean against the wall to try to get the personal attention of the uninterested masses. Her sign also conveyed a different message. One that emphasized being homeless and an orphan, though only one was true anymore.

But today her tactics were fruitless. She wasn't able to get anyone involved, nor did she really try. Her posture was poor and she settled for leaning against the wall the entire time, occasionally holding out her cup and shaking it as people walked by which was almost a guarantee they would ignore her. That normally didn't affect her, but with each person passing by without even so much as acknowledging her existence, she felt herself becoming more and more dehumanized to the point of feeling like an object on the sidewalk.

Thoughts of Ellie weighed heavily on her. She knew why she acted the way she did, and why she kept her distance, but she had no interest in discussing it. Instead, she'd rather do what she always did and hate herself and deal with the awkwardness now for no other reason than her own stubbornness. She'd be back to herself soon enough but needed time.

However, for now, the accumulation of being continually ignored and the unwanted thoughts of her own behavior caused her to become more anxious and short tempered with each passing minute and each passerby. By the time a man spoke at her near the end of the day she had reached her peak.

The catalyst wore a long brown coat and was holding a briefcase with glasses adorning his nose. He scoffed at the girl he saw, apparently finding the situation humorous.

"Another one? Jesus, the homeless are lazy today."

Riley remained motionless as she swiveled her eyes to meet his. "Are you fucking kidding me?" She inched herself away from the wall and towards the man who had now taken a defensive posture. "What the hell is your problem?"

"My problem? My problem is with people who make our city look like some sort of vagrant haven. People like you. Not only that, but you're begging without even trying. You want free money while people like me have to work hard to earn what we get. You're lazy."

"Fuck you man, this isn't my choice." She moved closer causing the man to take a step back. "I've been given a lot of shit to deal with in my life and it's just now starting to get better. I don't need some privileged asshole reminding me of just how much it fucking sucks, okay? So don't judge me based on one goddamn second of my entire life! Now fuck off and leave me the fuck alone!"

The man stumbled backwards as his last step caused him to catch the edge of the curb. He straightened himself and glanced into the eyes of the now feral girl. He defected eye contact and hurried off in the direction he was originally heading.

Riley slowed her breathing as she watched the man disappear into the distance and around the corner of a building. She fell back against the wall and let herself slide down it until she was sitting flatly on the ground. She watched the shadows stretch while her mind was in a daze, the time nearing dinner.

She pushed herself off the ground, hid her sign, and tightened her scarf as the sun set and the cold descended quickly over the city. She walked a couple streets back towards where Ellie and she had split that morning but followed another street in a different direction before reaching it. She rounded the corner of a building and caught sight of yellow light pouring out from a small window in the door of her destination.

As she got closer she saw Ellie standing off to the side casually observing the people that were walking by after their long day.

Ellie took a step away from the wall when she spotted Riley. "Hey."

"Hey." They shared a quick hug before Riley took a quick glance around. "What are you doing out here? It's freezing."

"Just clearing my head."

"Well come on."

She led them inside where the warm air and smell of chicken broth met them instantly. They lined themselves up and sluggishly made their way through the longer than normal line due to the cold weather. They were poured their pasta and soup combo and then took a table farthest from the door that they could get.

Riley was the first to finish her bite and get rid of the silence between them. "How'd you do?"

"Not great. About fifteen bucks."

"I meant you."

Ellie locked eyes with Riley for a moment before breaking off and digging into her food again. "Well, I was depressed the entire day. So there's that. And I'm pretty sure I went crazy for a couple of minutes right before yelling at some asshole."

"Sounds like my day."

Ellie scoffed quietly. "We're not good at fighting."

"Guess not." Riley sighed and took a few more bites. "I yelled at some guy too."

"Yeah? Why?"

"He called me lazy… the asshole. So I told him to fuck off."

A slight smile escaped Ellie, the first all day. "Was he wearing a long coat?"

Riley reciprocated the smile. "Yeah… briefcase and glasses?"

Ellie nodded causing them both to quietly laugh. "He called me lazy too. What the hell was wrong with that guy?"

"No idea. I mean, he wasn't wrong. But still, fuck him."

"Yeah."

After they finished they pushed their way through the door and out into the night air which instantly stung their faces. They pulled their hoods over their heads and made their way back to the apartment building, the light over its entrance flickering. Aiden let them into the apartment and immediately ran back to the table where his half-eaten plate of food was waiting. The girls performed their quick greetings and sat themselves on the couch next to an unusually empty chair.

They were both exhausted and couldn't even force themselves to shift themselves into a more comfortable position than the ones they landed in. They instead relaxed and just absorbed the sights and sounds around them from the monotone sports casting to the chewing and clinking sounds of Aiden and Marlene eating.

After a show or two Ellie looked over at Riley and motioned towards the bedroom expectantly. Riley returned with a nod while Ellie pushed herself off the couch.

"Good night Marlene. We're going to bed."

"So soon? You just got back."

She unknowingly rubbed her temple. "It's been a… bit of a rough day. We're tired."

Marlene took on a sympathetic expression but allowed it no voice. "Okay then. Good night girls."

Ellie nodded towards Aiden as they walked across the floor and disappeared into their room, shutting the door behind them. They undressed, shut off the ceiling light, and crawled their way under the blanket. Ellie laid on the side closest to the door and Riley on the other, a noticeable gap between them which made Ellie uncomfortable.

She rolled on her back and spoke to the air. "Want to talk?"

"About what?" Riley's tone was neutral.

"You know what."

"I don't."

Ellie sighed as she was getting nowhere with subtleties. "I don't know exactly what it was, but since last night, after I had that nightmare, you've been all… withdrawn." Riley stayed quiet so she retorted. "Please say something. I hate this between us."

Riley spoke slowly as though she was inventing her excuse as she went. "I know we don't keep things from each other, but let me just work through this, okay?"

"That's what I don't like. I don't know what this is."

"Ellie…"

She exhaled, fighting back her urge to continue. "Alright, fine. I'll let it go. For now."

Riley cut the conversation there and indicated it by readjusting herself and pulling the blankets up a little higher. She peered out the window and watched the occasional snow flake drift past the window until she could no longer keep her eyes open.

The morning came far too quickly causing Riley to grumble and roll herself over to face away from the sun. She was surprised to see Ellie still on her side of the bed. She watched her shoulder rise and fall for a while before closing her eyes again. Though before she fell asleep the sound of the sheets rustling caused her to reopen them.

Ellie rolled over on her side and immediately squinted against the light that was blacking out Riley's features. "You awake?"

"Just now, yeah. No nightmares?"

Ellie barely shook her head. "No nightmares."

"Good."

"Done being distant?"

"Yeah, I think so." She half-smiled at the girl's bluntness.

"Good too." She moved herself closer towards Riley as though she had received permission. "What about the other thing?"

"My brain doesn't work in the morning."

"The reason for you being distant."

Riley groaned and squeezed her eyes closed. "It's so early."

"Come on. For me?"

"Ellie, I love you… but no. At least not now, okay?"

She grunted in annoyance. "Fine. I'm not gonna let it go though."

Riley scoffed jokingly. "I wouldn't expect you to."

"Are you calling me stubborn?"

"Yes."

"Ass."

They drifted off into sleep for only a couple more hours until the creaking of their door woke them up. Marlene slowly poked her head in purposely at an angle away from them, the one eye that could see them was blocked by her hand.

"Sorry if I'm interrupting something. I'm running some errands for a while, wanted to know if you girls needed anything." She heard one of them laughing which prompted her to lower her hand.

"It's fine Marlene. And I don't think so. You?"

"I think we're good. Oh, actually, we're almost out of toothpaste. Could you grab us one?"

"Sure. And by the way it's almost ten. If you wanted to know." She smiled as she disappeared back through the door.

Riley groaned and stretched outwards as far as possible. "So, what do you want to do today?"

"Nothing." Ellie was still half asleep with her face buried in her pillow.

"Yeah, me neither. But doing nothing isn't really doing, is it?"

Ellie grunted as she rolled her head to the side. "Don't get all philosophical on me."

"That was hardly philos-"

"Don't."

Riley rolled her eyes and ignored the interruption. "I think we should probably head back to the haven."

"Why's that?"

"We've been pretty lazy lately. We haven't even talked to him in a few weeks." She slid her feet off the side of the bed and rubbed her eyes. "We should just see if he has any leads."

"Alright, I guess. Head over there after lunch?"

"Sure." She put on her jacket and threw Ellie's to her while she was still in bed. "I'll make us lunch."

Riley walked out the door and pulled out a pan from one of the cabinets in the kitchen. She pulled out some bread from its bag and some cheese from the refrigerator, one of the few food items that could regularly be found there. She turned around and leaned on the counter while waiting for the pan to heat up and glanced over at the TV.

She lowered her brow and called out to Aiden who was on the far side of the couch. "Where's Joel?"

Aiden shrugged and kept looking forward.

"That's all I get? A shrug?"

"It's an answer. What more do you want?"

"Words for starters."

His face quickly became pouty. "He's been gone since yesterday. I don't know what he does or where he goes."

"Much better. Notice all that time we could've saved?"

"Don't be rude, Riley." Ellie had been listening at the doorway before deciding to walk out to the family room and take a seat next to Aiden on the couch.

"I don't think I was being rude. I was just pointing out the finer points of conversation."

Ellie sarcastically let out a single laugh. "Since when did you become a linguist? You cuss like every other word."

"Like hell I do." Her eyes widened in realization. "…except that. Ignore that." She grunted and turned back around to the stove to focus on the pan.

"See?"

Riley finished cooking the grilled cheese sandwiches and passed one to Ellie and sat herself in the empty chair. They watched one of Aiden's cartoons while they finished their food and commented on nearly every aspect of the show, much to his dismay. They finished eating just as it was coming to an end and went to get ready to leave.

"Alright, we're going for a bit."

"See ya."

"Make sure you lock it."

"Yeah, yeah."

The girls took to the streets and made a zigzag pattern through the city, ending up outside the neutral office building façade of the haven. The inside hadn't changed in the slightest, still relatively dirty on the inside with kids of all ages weaving their way in and out through its doors. They headed toward the back of the room where Henry' office was and peaked around the door frame. The man tilted his head up from his computer and motioned them in.

"Haven't seen you two in a while."

They took the seats in front of the small desk. "Yeah, sorry about that."

"What for? I take it to mean that you're doing decently enough to not need regular assistance."

"We're doing alright."

"And how's the shelter working out?"

"The place is a shithole, but our roommates are cool. It's got a roof and a bed too which is good."

"I figured as much. At least it's working out though." He tapped some sheets of paper together on top of his desk, lining them up, and placed them into a drawer out of their view. "So, I assume you could use some help with something?"

"We're here to just check out the job situation actually. Any leads or whatever."

He slowly shook his head, not giving himself a moment for hesitation. "Sorry girls, not today. I've only gotten a few in the past month. It's pretty bad right now." He saw as Ellie gave a disappointed nod. "It's just how it is. Gotta keep trying no matter what, you know?"

The girls acknowledged the situation and stood up to make their way out. Henry did the same and followed them out to the main area of the building before stopping them. "Have you two made any friends here yet?"

Ellie bit the corner of her mouth before responding. "We, uh… tried that once. Worked okay for a few weeks. Then not so much."

Riley reached behind Ellie and started rubbing her back, a sign Henry took to mean tread lightly.

"I see. I'm sorry to hear that. But there are a lot of good kids here your age should you want to try again. Anyway, sorry again for the lack of jobs. It's been a pain to get any leads that'll take in kids in their living situations."

"It's cool. Thanks anyway. We're probably just gonna head out then."

He shook their hands and gave them a nod. "Good seeing you again."

"You too."

They dodged their way past a couple of kids on their way out through the door. Riley yawned and turned to the right and started walking.

"Well that was a letdown."

"Yeah. But I've learned not to expect anything really."

"True."

Instead of following the same zigzag pattern back to the apartment Riley led them in a more direct path in the shape of an L. They passed through an area of the city they normally don't see much of, complete with shops and diners that they've never heard of. As they rounded the street to the last straightaway back towards the apartment, a park on the opposite side of the street came into view.

They both immediately stopped and looked it over for a moment each. "Well that's something we haven't seen in a while."

"No kidding."

"Come on."

Riley grabbed Ellie's hand and pulled her across the street and into the grassy area beyond the border of trees that lined the park's sidewalk. They fell over on the grass and rolled on their backs hoping for the sun to warm them, but instead only receiving a cool diffused light through the blanket of clouds.

Riley sighed and closed her eyes. "Don't you just miss this? Sleeping out in nature?"

"Is that a joke or…?"

"Kind of."

"I will admit that it has some… charm now that we're not forced to live in it."

Riley waited for a moment then smirked at her comment. "Kind of did a one-eighty there, huh?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, our first night out here after… you know, you were pretty much in love with the stars and the trees and all that."

Ellie let out kind of sad laugh. "Right. Well that was before I had to live in it for almost a month."

"Oh my gosh, you poor thing. An entire month?"

"Shut up."

Ellie elbowed her before they both relaxed and entered a contemplative state for some time, laying without a word and just absorbing everything around them at once. The wind, the cold, the grass, the birds and car noises.

Ellie rolled to her side and faced Riley. "You remember our first night here?"

"Sure."

"We got in the city at night and slept pretty much right over there." She nodded towards a nearby corner of the park. "We had no idea what was in store for us, we just sort of went with it. And I'm glad we did, really. I don't know if we would've become as close as we have if we hadn't, but…"

"That doesn't sound good."

Her eyes saddened a bit. "…we just left."

Riley groaned and closed her eyes. "Shit, Ellie. Not this again."

"I'm serious, Riley."

"I know you are, and I know we left. But, it's done, okay? There's nothing more to it."

"So that's it? We just forget it?" She began mouthing another word but exhaled instead.

"Ellie, what do you want me to say here? I mean really?"

Ellie rolled on her back again, her voice becoming almost timid and disheartened. "I… I don't know. Anything. I guess."

The frustration in Riley's voice faded and became similar to Ellie's. "I'm sorry, I am. I just- I don't want to talk about it. I told you I will when I can."

"And when's that?"

"...I don't know."

They both returned to facing towards the sky, both now feeling different levels of emotion and an awkward quiet between them again. They both hated it, but neither could, or would, do anything about it. So instead they chose to lie there for another hour, half dozing, half thinking, until the clouds again started trickling down flakes of ice.

Riley crinkled her nose and pulled her hood over her head when one hit her between the eyes. She sighed and stood up, outstretching a hand to Ellie who initially stared at it before grabbing on. They silently trudged their way back to the apartment amidst the falling snow and crashed onto the couch upon arrival, giving into lethargy for the remainder of day.