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A noise from the living room penetrated one of Ellie's few nightmare-less nights and brought her unwillingly back to consciousness. It was around four in the morning, some time before the earliest riser of the house, Marlene, woke for her day. Ellie groaned into her pillow and then rubbed her eyes.
"You hear that?"
The lack of a response caused her to reach over and shake Riley awake but quickly found the other half of the bed empty. She rolled over in a daze, the morning still mostly dark with just a few scattered rays of light making their way over the mountains.
"Riley?"
She quickly leaned up after hearing another small noise from the other room. Her sudden movement forced her to put her palm against her temple as the night before already began taking its toll. She slid off the bed and tiptoed towards the door, cracked it open, and peered through. She sighed out of relief, but with some confusion, and walked towards the kitchen.
"What're you doing?"
Riley had one eye pressed closed and was leaning against one of the kitchen counters with a glass of water and a bottle of pills next to her. "Hey. Looks like we're in the same boat."
"Guess so." Ellie motioned towards the bottle next to her. "Are those-"
"Headache pills. Want some?"
"Need some."
"Here." She shook two pills out and passed them off. "I don't know if they're gonna do much good, but it's better than nothing."
"Well last night was fun, don't know if it was worth this though." Ellie tried to chuckle but the pain cut her off. "Ow, hurts to even laugh."
"Oh, you know it was." She tried to smirk at her but a flash of pain wiped it off her face. "Speaking of which, we should probably get Joel some more."
"We'll worry about that later. Can't even think about it right now."
"What are you doing up anyway?"
"You. I heard some noises out here." She took a swig of water and swallowed the two pills down at once. "What about you?"
"Just the hangover."
Ellie noticed an obvious pause between her question and Riley's answer. "…you sure?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"Never mind." She pinched the bridge of her nose before turning around back towards the door. "I'm going back to bed. You gonna join?"
"In a minute. I want to finish this first." She raised and lowered her glass quickly.
Ellie nodded and half shut her eyes before shuffling back into room and collapsing onto the bed flat on her stomach, not bothering with any coverings. The next time she opened them the light was saturating the room and the time on the clock read about eight. She yawned and turned to face the window.
"Shit!"
Her legs flailed futilely for a second before she stopped and took a deep breath. "Oh my god, you're right. That is creepy."
Riley was wide awake staring at her as she had turned over. She only faintly smiled and said nothing.
"…really creepy. Anyway, isn't this the part where you compliment me or something?"
Riley blatantly looked her up and down. "You're okay, I guess."
"Fuck you."
Riley grinned lightly before kissing her and then sinking her head into a more comfortable spot on her pillow. "You're a swan amongst ducks. How's that?"
"Weird, but much better. How long have you been up?"
"Since we last talked."
It took a moment to remember they were last up several hours ago in the kitchen. "What, really?"
"Couldn't sleep. I had, of all things, a nightmare. Not quite crazy as yours, but one nonetheless."
"Well that's not good. What of?"
Riley sighed and scratched the back of her head. "Want to take a guess? You'd probably be right."
Ellie lay with her mouth open in thought before, disappointingly, coming up with a guess. "Are you kidding me? Something like mine?"
"Pretty much, yeah. Fun isn't it?" She laughed sarcastically. "Remember yesterday… yesterday, when I said I don't need nightmares to remind me how I feel? Well that went out the door pretty fucking fast, don't ya think? I just laid here all night, thinking and thinking. I'm exhausted."
"I bet." Ellie lowered her eyebrows as her recall of the morning slowly leaked in. "Wait. You said it was just the hangover that woke you up last night."
"I… may have lied a little."
"What the hell?"
"Relax. I was going to tell you this morning anyway. I just didn't want to before. It was gonna be this whole thing."
Ellie shrugged. "Well what was it?"
"You finally have a night without a nightmare and you want to get involved with mine? You must really be into the masochist stuff."
"Gross… god. Seriously though, just tell me."
"Alright. Well, it started with us back in the orphanage, like the night before we left. We were in the bedroom, pitch black, and all I could hear were moans from everyone around us. We started getting freaked out so we jumped out of bed and headed for the door. The closer we got the louder the moans grew, to the point where it was almost unbearable. We started to run which is when the beds started to actually follow us on their own, making that grinding noise of metal on wood as they did."
"Freaky image."
"It was. Anyway they stopped when we exited the room but immediately to our left was that idiot James standing there. We ignored him and ran towards the front door, but the bastard did the same thing as the beds and started, like, hovering after us. We ran out the door and took off down the sidewalk. As I turned around… David was standing in the doorway next to James, not doing anything. But every one of the windows I could see had the orphans banging on the glass from the inside, just screaming. The door slammed itself shut and I woke up with a terrible fucking headache."
"That's crazy. And not to take away the significance of it, but fortunately you had a really mild one. Could've been a lot worse."
"True, it could have. But you know how dreams can always make even mild emotions feel ten times more intense? Well, guilt just took over everything. It was all I could feel."
"Yeah, I'm used to that feeling."
"So…" Riley's face took on an embarrassed appearance. "I wanted to ask you something."
"…okay. Why the weirdness?"
"Because I know you're going to think I'm crazy. And… you probably wouldn't be wrong."
"Riley, just tell me."
"Okay… I think that-"
"Morning girls!" Marlene pushed her way into the room and let the light from the main room come flooding in. The combination of the brightness and her piercing voice sent a burst of pain through the girls' eyes and ears and straight to their brains. Ellie threw an arm over her eyes while Riley dug her face into the pillow.
"Breakfast will be out in a few minutes, get your butts up." Marlene focused back and forth between them in confusion. "What's going on with you two?"
Riley's voice was muffled through the pillow. "Nothing, Marlene. Just a bad headache. We'll be out soon."
"Well, okay then. But just so you know I'm sending in Aiden next. So you better be up by then."
"Oh god no. We'll get up."
Marlene let out a hearty laugh. "Thought that would do it." She left and shut the door which cut out the invading noise and light in an instant.
"Shit, I don't think I can handle going out there with all those… people making noises and whatever else they do."
"They probably have flashlights too, waiting to shine 'em in our faces."
Riley clenched her eyes again. "That hurt just thinking about it."
Ellie let her head roll to the side to face towards Riley. "What were you going to say? You said 'I think that'."
"Right. That. Well, I was going to say I think that we should maybe…perhaps… and again, you'll probably just think I'm crazy… that we should do something."
"Do something. What does that mean?"
Her tone lowered noticeably. "About the guilt."
Ellie grew annoyed. "Riley, seriously. Enough with the vagueness."
"If you want to get rid of guilt, what do you do?"
"I don't know. What?"
"You confront it, Ellie. I think maybe we should."
Ellie's stomach immediately sank and twisted upon itself. "Are you- are you seriously saying…"
"I am."
"Oh for fuck's sake, Riley, are you kidding me? You have to be. You have to. Because there's no way in hell that could you think that going back there is a good idea."
"…kind of. But think about it. If we did this, we could relax for the rest of our lives. No more guilt, no more 'what ifs,' and no more nightmares. It would work."
"Okay first off, we don't know it would work. Secondly, I've had these nightmares for almost a month, Riley. A month. And nothing. Now you get one and all of a sudden we have to do something about it. How the hell is that fair? Seriously?" Her voice started to crack.
"Just because I haven't been having nightmares doesn't mean that this shit doesn't affect me. I told you this already. And yeah, maybe having one myself pushed me over the edge. I don't know, I really don't." Her emotions were getting the better of her so she stopped herself, took a deep breath, and slowed down. "What I do know, is that I'm really tired of this. Ever since we left. We could stop this. All of it."
Ellie was nearly paralyzed from the battle of conflicting ideas and emotions fighting each other in her head. "I don't know… What, so we just show up and say, 'Hey David, remember us? We'd like you to turn yourself in now.'?"
"Well no, not exactly. I'm sure if we wanted to we could come up with something. I don't know what that would be, but we could. Look, I know this is insane, but I just don't want to let this go on. It sucks having that feeling constantly clinging to the back of your head."
"You don't think I know that? And you're right, this is insane. I don't…" Her tone had grown saturated with sadness and doubt. "I can't talk about this right now."
"But we ca-"
"...Riley."
"Okay, just… think about it. That's all."
Riley felt sick whenever Ellie was upset, especially when she could see it so painfully obviously in her eyes. She softened her tone as much as she could. "Hey. I know I'm dropping a lot on you, and I'm really sorry. I just think this could be important. For both of us."
"Yeah." Ellie spoke with no more than a breath.
Riley reached over and gently tucked the hair over Ellie's face behind her ear. "I love you."
"...I love you too."
She pulled Ellie into a hug and rested her head over her shoulder, Ellie doing the same. They deeply fell into it, each desperately needing the other's comfort at that moment. Only if necessary would they dare to split which, unfortunately to them, came too quickly and in the form of Aiden. He knocked on the door and pushed his way in under orders from the woman out in the kitchen.
"So I was told I could do anything to get you up if you weren't by now." He smiled with a devilish inflection. "And I will."
Ellie groaned as she separated from Riley and threw her head back. "Oh my god, Aiden. Not now. You're really annoying, you know that?"
"Doesn't bother me."
"Would it bother you if I told your mom what I saw you doing last night?"
Aiden immediately stared at her wide-eyed and stayed completely silent.
"Yeah that's right."
"Okay, okay, I'll go. You won't say anything, right?"
"Get out."
"Going!" He turned on his heels and speed walked out through the door.
She looked back over at Riley who had her eyebrows raised and mouth agape.
"Well now you have to tell me."
Ellie shook her head and let her head fall back against the pillow. "It was a bluff."
"Really? That was lucky."
"Yeah it was. Though I am kind of curious now what he was doing."
"Me too." Riley chuckled before quieting her voice once again. "Look, we can talk about all this later… or not at all. But for now let's get some food."
They both sluggishly and painfully followed the smell of bacon out through their bedroom door and into the kitchen where Marlene had a pan of it frying. Aiden watched them carefully as they walked their way to the table and took a seat. He quickly turned his attention back to the TV when Ellie looked over at him.
"I bet he'll be nervous around me now." Ellie spoke in a whispered voice as to not get Marlene involved.
"He's fine. He could use some toughening up anyway."
"That sounds familiar."
"Yeah?" Riley didn't think into it, choosing instead to focus on the food sitting on a plate now in front of her.
"It was our first night on our own after the whole… thing. We were walking on that dark road when you spotted the old bridge and shouted that you saw it. Scared the hell out of me." She exhaled and started tapping the table involuntarily. "I know I hated it at the time, but looking back at it now… it seems kind of nice. Just the two of us."
"Getting all nostalgic? You know we didn't exactly choose to be out there that night. In the middle of nowhere."
"I know, you don't have to remind me. I had enough of that this morning."
"Right. Sorry."
After finishing up with their unusual breakfast, their morning proceeded per the norm. They threw on some heavy coats and their boots and headed out to throw their dependency at strangers.
The day was long, especially for Ellie. The exceedingly slow crawling sun across the sky gave her an excessive amount of time to think, to dwell. Riley's words were relentless on her through the entire day. Every moment of passing time that wasn't occupied by the words of a passerby or the sound of metal against metal was spent questioning. The combination of what Ellie found to be the emotional and logical sides of what Riley was proposing were irreconcilable in coming to a decision.
The clouds, though absent most of the day, came rolling in just around dusk and brought with them a chill in the air. Ellie brushed herself off of dirt and the remnants of the snowfall from the day before, stashed what scraps she made, and started walking. The farther she walked along the street the more anxious she became; reaching the kitchen with a calm demeanor she realized would be impossible. She was greeted with a warm breeze and the familiar smell of soup as she pushed her way through the door. The line of people extended just beyond the first turn of the building along the inner wall.
Riley jumped up and joined Ellie in line. They kept quiet while waiting partly because it was hard to talk while crowded in by others who freely spoke as loudly as they wished, and partly because they both knew the question hanging over them.
Ellie always appreciated the friendliness of the volunteers behind the serving bar. They always had a smile and did their best to humanize each person they served, something she lacked severely in the outside world. They did as well this time for her, but instead of thanking them back as she normally would, she could only return a strained nod and brief eye contact.
The girls took their spot at one of the tables near front corner of the building and sat at the two chairs nearest its edge. They took whatever privacy they could get when they came here, not being surrounded on both sides was as close as they could get to that.
"So, how'd it go?" Riley finally felt free to speak after distancing themselves from as much noise as they could.
"Fine."
"That's good."
"Well… except for the usual assholes who've apparently made it their life's work to make me miserable for just a couple of minutes every day."
"I had surprisingly few of those today. Most just called me useless."
"Lazy and stupid here." Ellie rolled her eyes in annoyance and took her first sip of the soup and pasta bowl.
They spent the next ten minutes in an awkward quietness while making their way through the food in front of them. Riley spent the time observing the characters around her, coming to the oft-reached conclusion that there was no uniform pattern to the people sitting and eating with them that she would have expected the first time she was here. They were of all ages ranging from fourteen to eighty. Black, white, Asian, Hispanic; with hardship, everyone was a target.
Ellie breathed out a sigh and pushed against the tension. "So I've been thinking. A lot. The entire day, actually. And, as much as I know how stupid it is, I… I don't think you're wrong."
Riley raised her eyebrows in surprise. "You mean about-"
"Yeah. But that doesn't mean I'm all in yet, because there's some pretty fucking big things we need to talk about first."
"Of course." A sympathetic look washed over her face. "You sure?"
Ellie scoffed as obviously as she could. "No."
Just a general note, which is probably pointless to make, but here we are. If anyone has a question regarding anything at all, always feel free to ask me in a pm or review, I'd love to answer it. Otherwise I'll just keep on going with the remaining eight chapters. Almost there.
