As she opened the door to the neat, cozy bedroom, Emily was struck by the familiar scent of JJ…soft and clean, with a hint of fruit – perhaps strawberries? She couldn't be sure.
The scent was always apparent, but never overbearing. It immediately created a flurry of butterflies deep in the pit of her stomach, but she ignored the feeling - as she always did.
She let go of JJ's hand to turn on the bedside lamp and place the water beside it. She then turned to the blonde, resting her hands on her long and slender arms.
"Would you like to get ready for bed?" She asked.
JJ nodded, giving a slight smile of thanks before retreating to the master bathroom.
Emily let out a long breath, watching the blonde walk away until she was behind the door.
Turning towards the bed, she saw a framed picture on the bedside table that she'd never noticed before. Curious, she walked closer and was surprised to find her own face smiling up at her – a broad and undeniable smile, a soft pink settled on her cheekbones, slightly tipsy, with her arm slung around the beautiful blonde as if it belonged there.
Emily had never seen the picture before, and as she looked closer she was blown away by how good JJ looked. Had she noticed it the night the picture was taken? Surely she had.
The blonde was wearing a lovely black dress with smoky eyes that accentuated their unbelievably blue color. Her lips were bright red and still wet from liquor.
It was the best picture Emily had seen of them, and as she tore her eyes away from the blonde to examine herself once more, she had to admit that she'd looked good that night too.
She was wearing a red, sleeveless blouse that brought out her raven dark features and showed off her toned arms.
She couldn't help noticing how perfect they looked together, nor could she ignore the fact that JJ had chosen to place this picture in a spot where Emily would be the first and last thing she saw every day.
Her head was beginning to spin as her feelings rushed into her mind and overpowered her senses. She sat down on the bed, trying to regain control. There was no reason that her best friend cherishing a picture of them should warrant this reaction. She needed something to do, something to snap her out of this unusual and uncharacteristic response.
Emily looked around the warm room, trying to locate a source of distraction.
Deciding she wanted the room to feel as safe and comforting as possible for the blonde, she rose from the bed and set about making small changes.
She turned on the lamp that rested on the handsome oak dresser and then looked to ensure that the bedside lamp she'd turned on earlier was on the side farthest from where JJ normally slept.
An idea hit her then, and she strode across the room once more.
Opening the double closet doors, Emily grabbed a few shear scarfs from their slender drawer and headed towards the lamps. She covered the lamps with the scarfs, creating a soft ambiance that cloaked the room in a dim light.
After admiring the gentle glow, she returned to the closet to retrieve the small tower-fan she'd noticed in the corner. Strategically placed on the chair by the bedroom door, the fan filled the room with a peaceful hum, blocking any unwanted noise from the rest of the house.
Emily then went to the side of JJ's large bed and pulled the thick blue quilt back, ready to tuck the blonde in for the night.
She hoped the small changes would help JJ feel more at ease, but her true desire was to stay in the room with her. She always slept better with someone in the bed beside her and knew the same was true for the blonde.
Standing by the bed, Emily's thoughts turned to the framed photograph once more. Her thoughts created a warm wave that started in her toes and rushed through her entire body, leaving its mark on her pink cheeks.
She heard the bathroom door open and turned to see JJ walking out in a pair of comfy sweats. Even with her face washed completely free of any makeup, the blonde was breathtaking.
The butterflies rose up and began to flutter once more as her cheeks turned a deeper shade of pink.
"Do you think you can sleep?" Emily asked, trying to silence the frenzy in her stomach.
JJ looked into her eyes, trying to be strong. She hesitated slightly before answering, not wanting to ask too much of her friend. "Yes… I think I can."
Emily smiled and gestured towards the bed. JJ reluctantly walked over and climbed in, allowing her friend to pull the covers up to her shoulders.
"I really like the picture Jay. I'd never seen it before," Emily said nervously.
The girl looked up at her with confusion, and Emily gestured towards the framed photograph beside her.
The blue eyes lit up as they fell on the picture – a reaction the brunette noticed with a smile.
As JJ continued admiring her treasured photo, her eyes slowly filled with tears.
"JJ?…" Emily began with surprise, but stopped short as the blonde opened her mouth to speak.
"I'm sorry Em… I don't know what's wrong with me." She covered her face with her hands as the brunette set beside her on the edge of the bed.
"I just love you so much," she whispered through her fingers, and Emily couldn't help but allow the smile to spread across her face as she gently moved her friend's hands, wiping away the small tear left on the blonde's porcelain cheek.
"I love you too pretty girl," Emily smiled down at her.
"But that's no reason to cry!" she continued with a small laugh. The blonde appreciated her light-hearted approach to the situation as she looked lovingly into those passionate brown eyes.
"How about you get comfortable you little goober," Emily said affectionately.
JJ returned her smile, clinging fondly to the new nickname as she turned onto her stomach.
Emily slowly began to rub her back, doing her best to soothe the girl into a restful sleep.
JJ closed her eyes at the touch and prayed it wouldn't stop. The dimmed light of the room and the gentle sound of the fan helped calm her, but she desperately wanted Emily to hold her again.
Emily looked down at the small blonde, lost in her thoughts as she examined her beautiful face and methodically rubbed her back.
When JJ opened her eyes to glance up at Emily, she found her gaze met by the beautiful brown gems of her best friend. She refused to look away, realizing it would be impossible even if she tried. The gorgeous features and love etched on the brunette's face were far too mesmerizing to interrupt, and JJ found herself diving deeper into the eyes of her friend, searching their depths in the hopes of uncovering hidden dreams.
Emily felt immediate fear rise in her heart as the blue eyes seemed to peer straight past her walls and into her soul, surely locating her darkest secrets. She felt naked… exposed…
She wanted to cover up, replace her guard, but found she was powerless to do so.
As the gaze remained uninterrupted, Emily located a flicker of desire in the eyes of her friend. Fear rose then with a relentless power, and Emily tore her eyes from the beautiful blue gaze.
She cleared her throat, interrupting the moment. "I will be right on the other side of that door," she whispered, not wanting to continue looking into those all-knowing eyes.
"You get some sleep hun. I will leave the door cracked. If you need anything at all, please call for me, okay?"
JJ nodded her head sadly, relocating the brown eyes of her beautiful friend. More than anything, she wanted the brunette to wrap her in her arms so she could fall asleep to the sound of her heartbeat.
Emily smiled down at her and gently ran the back of her hand across her smooth cheek before rising to leave the room.
She had nearly reached the door, her hand extended towards the knob, when the fear bubbling inside JJ pushed her to ask.
"Em?" She said, raising herself up on her elbow.
The brunette turned back as her heart stopped in her chest.
"Would you mind terribly if… um… is it too much to ask… do you think you could stay in here with me tonight?" The blonde finally blurted out, her cheeks filling with the pink embarrassment of her less-than-smooth inquiry.
Emily tried to hold her happiness in as it clashed with her sudden onset fear over the desires in her heart.
Despite the conflicting feelings inside her, she answered calmly, "Of course JJ. I would love to stay in here with you." And it was true… more than anything she wanted to snuggle up with the blonde and fall asleep holding her in her arms.
A smile tugged at the corners of JJ's mouth as Emily walked around the bed and climbed in the other side. She held her breath as she felt the brunette scoot closer to her, letting it out only when Emily was right at her side. She wanted to feel the comfort of Emily's healing touch once more, but was completely unsure how to ask for something like that.
As Emily moved closer to JJ, she wondered if she should reach out and take hold of her, but decided that would not be appropriate under the current circumstances.
She remembered JJ asking her to keep holding her just a little longer when they were in the kitchen, and an electric jolt surged through her body at the memory of the hoarse voice quietly pleading for her.
An awkward silence fell between the women as they both contemplated rather they should simply fall asleep as they were – on their backs side by side – or if they could somehow get closer.
JJ broke first, realizing that Emily had tried reaching out to her several times in the past few months with no response. The blonde had only just recently refused to take her friend's desperate hand on the jet. She had pushed Emily away every time she'd tried reaching out to take the pain away. The sadness of all those memories caused JJ to turn on her side so she was facing the gorgeous brunette.
She was being stupid. She knew Emily would do anything for her, and she had gladly held her earlier with no protest.
JJ began scooting closer to her friend, and as she did, Emily held out her left arm so the small blonde could fit into her form. JJ smiled to herself as she realized that her friend had wanted the same thing she did.
No longer feeling awkward or nervous, she placed her head on Emily's chest and wrapped her arms tightly around her stomach. Emily let the blonde snuggle into her body before placing her left hand on her back and her right hand on her forearm.
The blonde felt the radiating heat of her friend's body as it filled her with a warmth of her own. Every place that Emily touched seemed to spread through JJ's entire body, until she was cloaked in a warmth and comfort that was indescribable.
Once they had settled into this position, Emily breathed in the sweet scent of JJ's hair while slowly rubbing her back.
JJ closed her eyes and let out a small sigh, which sent yet another jolt through Emily's body, and she hoped desperately that the blonde couldn't feel what she'd just felt.
Looking down at her friend, Emily realized she had never been this close to the beautiful woman before, and holding her like this – with the blonde trusting her entirely - felt like heaven.
For the first time in months, JJ did not feel scared to embrace the sleep that was so ready to overtake her. With Emily clutching her with all of her might, she knew she was safe. She snuggled herself deeper into Emily's arms and closed her eyes for good, feeling the slow, rhythmic heartbeat of her perfect friend.
Emily feared that JJ falling asleep would put an end to the progress she had made – that once she awoke in a less- vulnerable state of mind, she would quickly regret reaching out to her. But the bags under her eyes and exhaustion etched on her beautiful face were enough to make Emily cry, and so she continued rubbing her best friends' back as JJ slowly drifted off to sleep.
Once her breathing had become steady and smooth, Emily felt it was safe to take the time to look over the beautiful woman she held in her arms.
Her long black eyelashes fluttered occasionally in her sleep, and Emily couldn't help but smile at how adorable it was.
She was struck by JJ's unfaltering beauty, even at only inches from her face. She had always had the experience that people looked their best from at least a few feet away, but JJ's striking features and smooth skin were only enhanced from a smaller distance.
As she took in the beauty of her friend, Emily once again felt the jolt of something warm and electric in her stomach. This time, the warmth coursed through her veins until it had reached every part of her body. She felt it race to her fingers and her toes, doubling over and heading back to her heart once it had reached the outer limits of her body.
The only sound in the room was the soft whir of the fan and the barely audible breaths from JJ's sleeping form. Emily watched her own hand rise and fall with every breath that JJ took.
The quiet was doing her no favors, and she found it increasingly difficult to escape from the thoughts hammering inside her head.
She loved JJ… that was no secret. They had been best friends for as long as Emily could remember and she would gladly do anything for the girl. But what no one knew – sometimes not even Emily, because she had such a talent for lying to herself – was that the love she felt for JJ went far deeper than she was willing to admit.
She had never been with a girl romantically - never even thought of a woman in that way before - but when she lay in bed at night, in the quiet moments before sleep settled in, Emily's imagination would often fill her mind with thoughts of gently kissing the soft, pink lips of her best friend. She imagined how it would feel; how those full lips would taste against her own. She would imagine holding the small hand in hers while they walked barefoot in the grass, fingers entwined, laughing at the world around them.
The daydreams always filled her stomach with fluttering butterflies as she imagined that perfect smile being meant for only her.
Once sleep claimed her, Emily would sometimes have dreams that took her small and innocent fantasies to a whole different level. She always woke from those dreams feeling guilty, knowing she should never think of JJ as anything more than a friend.
Laying there in that moment, holding JJ close and feeling her every movement, Emily found it impossible to shut her mind off. She wanted more than anything to help JJ with all of her problems, to chase away her fears and make everything better. But it was nearly impossible to hold her this close and NOT admit the feelings she had for the girl.
It terrified her, and all she knew to do was continue covering the feelings up, the same way she had been ever since she met JJ. She had a real knack for burying things deep inside and never allowing them to resurface.
But protecting JJ with her tight embrace while the blonde explored the vulnerable world of dreams, Emily began to fear that she hadn't buried her feelings quite deep enough…