A/N: I apologize for taking so long with this story; this is the first thing I have written like this before, and the encouragement has meant a lot! I am new to fan fiction, so I don't know all the terms, but I could use what I think is called a "beta" - just someone to help me review the chapters before posting them and to bounce ideas off of. If anyone is interested, please PM me. With that said, this chapter might be a little rough, and I apologize if so! Enjoy!
The rest of their Saturday had gone by with more conversation and tears, JJ going hoarse from sharing every detail she could think of with her friend.
She had bared her soul to the older woman completely; there was no turning back now.
It scared the small woman to know that Emily held such a huge part of her, and yet, out of all the people she had given pieces of herself to in the past, she had never felt her secrets were as safe and secure as they were in Emily's hands. She knew this woman would never hurt her, not intentionally, and having someone know her as completely as Emily did - especially someone she desired to know completely too - made JJ feel more alive than she had in months.
Emily had spent the night again, the women falling asleep wrapped in each other's arms, both feeling warm desire coursing through their veins and falling asleep to passionate daydreams that gave way to vivid dreams.
JJ slept through the night undisturbed for the first time since her abduction, feeling safe in the arms of the brunette.
Emily woke first this time, excited to have one final day of freedom before returning to work. She glanced at the sleeping form of the woman beside her, overcome with love. She softly brushed the blonde hair out of the small woman's face, wanting to gaze uninterrupted at her beautiful features.
The woman looked so young, so vulnerable and care-free as she slept.
Emily wanted more than anything to lean forward and press her lips against JJ's, to introduce their lips in a tender caress filled with love, but she settled for rubbing her thumb across the woman's cheek instead.
The brunette could not believe the desire that even the smallest touch of JJ's skin elicited in her body.
JJ let out a small sigh in her sleep as Emily's hand continued caressing her face. The sound almost knocked the darker agent over; she was going to need a very cold shower if she didn't stop soon.
Ripping her eyes from the face of her friend, Emily noticed it was another perfectly sunny day. Not wanting to spend the day in the heaviness of deep conversation again, a thought entered her mind and a smile spread across her face.
She slowly climbed out of bed, not wanting to disturb the blonde in the hope that she would sleep as long as possible. Although she wanted to stay close to the woman, Emily knew her inner desires would become torturous, and her excitement over her plans for the day gave her the strength to pull away.
She rifled through JJ's drawers quietly, finding a pair of jeans and a well-worn t-shirt. She then grabbed the spare toothbrush JJ had given her the day before and crept out of the room to the spare bathroom, not wanting to disturb the girl with her shower.
Once she was clean and dressed for the day, Emily peeked in on JJ, finding her sleeping peacefully. She then made her way to the kitchen, deciding to put on a pot of coffee and start breakfast for the girl.
Humming quietly as she prepared their meal, Emily was struck by the unexplainable feelings she had in her heart towards JJ.
She had always loved the girl, but now, holding such an intimate part of her, she felt it was her job to look after the woman… to protect her and love her best. And she was so filled with love for her that she knew her job wouldn't be hard at all.
All she wanted was JJ's happiness.
Finishing up, the agent gave one last glance over the table: the mugs filled with coffee, the plates loaded with eggs and hash-browns, and small glasses of orange juice placed beside the mugs.
Happy with her finished product, Emily crept down the hallway to JJ's door once again.
Peeking inside, she found the bed empty.
The sight sent panic racing through her mind until she heard the sound of the shower running. Shaking her head at herself for panicking, she walked to the bathroom door and knocked gently, feeling like a teenager as her heart fluttered with the recognition that JJ was naked on the other side.
"Emily?" The blonde called out at the knock, her voice muffled behind the door.
"Ya, it's me," Emily responded. "Breakfast is ready when you are!"
"I'll be out in a minute."
Emily made her way back to the kitchen so her craving to see the girl naked wouldn't be quite so apparent.
Before long JJ entered the room, her blonde hair damp with a loose braid placed over one shoulder. She was stunning, as usual, and Emily found herself momentarily speechless as JJ flashed her award-winning smile.
"Thanks Em!" she exclaimed, a genuine appreciation in her voice as her hungry eyes took in the sight of the breakfast before her.
The women sat and enjoyed their breakfast with lively conversation, happy for the light-hearted atmosphere after so much heaviness.
With their plates cleared, JJ smiled and asked, "What do you want to do today Miss Prentiss?"
Emily blushed at the use of her surname.
"Well…" she began nervously, "I have something I would like to show you. I'm not sure if you'd even like it, you might think it's really dumb. And it takes about an hour and a half to get there, so it would be an all-day thing… maybe we shouldn't go," she finished, her mind quickly convincing herself that this was a stupid idea as she said it out loud.
"No Emily!" the blonde protested. "I really would love to go anywhere with you."
Her delicate cheeks turned a deep red with her confession, and she quickly tried to change her words. "I just mean… well, I mean we are going to be spending the day together anyways…" she stuttered, " but we don't have to! I just assumed…" The woman stopped, defeated and clearly embarrassed.
Emily smiled easily at the blonde, her heart fluttering from JJ's desire to spend more time with her. Obviously - she thought - the feelings were reciprocated.
"I had planned to spend today with you," the darker agent said matter-of-factly. "I love spending time with you JJ. And I love when you let me spend time with you. That's why I'm here…" she finished gently.
The blonde could tell her friend wasn't referring to the house they stood in when she made her statement of being 'here'. Something about her tone made it clear that Emily was referring to being back in Quantico altogether; back on the team.
JJ was suddenly struck and overwhelmed by the realization that Emily had come back to Virginia - and ultimately stayed - for her.
"Em," she said breathlessly, her jaw hanging open.
Emily held up a hand to stop her, not wanting the depth of that conversation right now. Or ever. She had made her choice; nothing could change her mind now. And today was about fun.
"Forget it Jayje," she said with a note of finality that made the small woman surrender.
There was a brief moment of silence between them, the mood of the room caught between fun and serious as blue eyes locked into brown and flickered with a yearning desire.
JJ cleared her throat and broke the silence first. "So, what did you have in mind for the day?" she asked.
The brunette snapped out of her daydream as a smile spread across her face. "It's a surprise," she said sneakily. "And honestly, if you think it's stupid that's fine. I just want to show you."
"I won't think it's stupid Em," the blonde assured her, excitement rising in the pit of her stomach.
"Okay, well it's ten-thirty," Emily said, looking down at her watch. "We need to run by my condo before we head out and then we'll be driving for a bit, so realistically we should get there around one."
"And you aren't going to give me any hints?" The blonde teased.
"Don't get your hopes up too much Jennifer," Emily quipped. "It's really nothing exciting. I would bring a light sweater or jacket just in case though. Now let's go!"
JJ wasn't fooled; she could tell the brunette was excited about their upcoming adventure.
She hurried to her room and grabbed her favorite blue pullover sweatshirt, smirking at the thought of Emily's response to her Penn State pride.
The women stepped out into the sunlight, sighing as the fresh air hit their faces. It was a perfect spring day, no one could ask for better weather.
There wasn't a cloud in the sky, zero humidity in the air, and a cool breeze flowed gently through their hair. The smell that hit their nostrils brought memories of deep country roads, windows rolled down and laughter lost in the passing air. Memories of an easier, simpler time.
The women turned and smiled at each other, their already light moods enhanced by the promise of summer settling on their skin.
As Emily led the way to her sleek black car, JJ noticed for the first time that she wore one of her favorite soccer t-shirts from college. A goofy smile spread across her face as butterflies began to flutter in her stomach.
The feeling that the brunette wearing her clothing created in her bones was magical, and the woman soaked in the level of comfort she had with her friend... quietly imagining that her t-shirt covering the fair skin of the lovely brunette meant that Emily was hers, and hers alone.
Emily slid into her seat and turned to look at JJ as she closed the passenger door.
"Windows down?" She asked with a smile.
"You read my mind," JJ answered, sliding her sunglasses over her eyes and smirking, knowing her friend would blush deeper than ever if she could truly read her mind.
The brunette navigated to the main road and settled in for the short trip to her condo. JJ leaned forward and turned on the radio, smiling larger-than-life when a 90's pop anthem filled the car. She looked out her window, basking in the feel of the wind gliding through her outstretched fingers.
She was completely unaware of the brown eyes that drank in the sight of her enjoying the ride, or the smile that made it's way to Emily's eyes as she marveled over the strength and beauty of her passenger.
They arrived at Emily's condo within fifteen minutes, parking on the street directly in front of the handsome staircase that led to the heavy oak door.
JJ stared at the condo with wide eyes as Emily cut the engine, noticing that she had been to the house maybe twice since her friend moved in. She suddenly felt like such a stranger in the life of the gorgeous woman beside her, and the feeling made her heart sink.
Emily glanced over with a smile, the smile quickly replaced with a frown of concern at the look on JJ's face.
"Hey, what's wrong JJ?" she asked, confused.
"It's nothing," the small woman responded, quickly turning to her well-used defense mechanism and raising her walls.
But the brunette wouldn't be fooled.
"Hey," she said again, "look at me Jennifer." Her tone was short and demanding, yet it held a deeper cadence of love and concern.
JJ turned her head and allowed her friend to reach out and remove her sunglasses from her face.
Blue eyes met brown and Emily asked her question again.
JJ sighed, looking down at her hands before answering. "I don't know Em, I guess I just realize how absent I've been in your life recently. And it really breaks my heart."
Emily looked up at her front door, noticing what must have sparked this sudden feeling in her friend.
"This place is so new that it isn't even home to me yet," Emily joked. "I still feel like a stranger when I pull up."
JJ shook her head, knowing what the brunette was trying to do.
"I'm serious Emily," she whispered, tears suddenly filling her eyes, surprising them both.
"I'm sorry," she sighed, "once you open the flood-gates apparently they won't close again," she laughed in reference to her tears.
"Well hey," Emily said with a smile, "you're here now. And that's all that really matters. So come on! You won't stop being a stranger if you don't come in."
JJ nodded her head and wiped the tears away, willing herself to overlook the pain she'd caused her friend for so many months.
The women exited the car and JJ fell in-step with Emily as they ascended the staircase. The blonde looked around while Emily unlocked the door, trying to soak in the feeling of the place…. making it familiar.
The door swung open and JJ was hit by a warm spice that smelled like the fall. It was sweet and savory; Emily's scent. A wave of comfort immediately washed over the blonde as the familiar smell settled in her bones. She glanced around, taking in the warm and inviting comfort of Emily's home.
JJ's eyes flickered from wall to floor to ceiling and back again, deliberately taking the time to examine the small features that made the place feel like a home.
It was clearly new and very nice; Emily kept it clean, airy and fresh.
The space had perfect finishes that fit the upscale architecture: dark walnut crown molding and matching trim running along the base of the walls, handsome red oak floors, exquisite yet soft light fixtures.
Everything about the place screamed plush and extravagance, but JJ's profiling caught something that most people wouldn't: there were no personal touches.
Sure, the house was filled with warm-toned blankets, expensive art from foreign countries, small trinkets here and there… but there were no personal pictures. No notes or achievements or little mementos to commemorate a life with friends and family.
The brunette was clearly good at fooling people - she had worked hard to make the house seem loved and lived-in, but JJ wasn't fooled. The older woman hadn't fully settled and made this place her own. She could still leave everything behind in an instant, just like she had when Ian Doyle reappeared in her life.
The realization made the small woman feel sick, but she plastered her best smile on her face and turned to the older woman beside her.
"Even nicer than I remembered," she said to the almost nervous-looking Emily.
"Thanks," Emily breathed, taking a few more steps into the elegant condo.
"Just make yourself at home… I'm going to get some stuff together," she said, gesturing towards the kitchen.
JJ smiled in response as the brunette made her way into the kitchen and began rummaging in the cabinets, pulling out a large picnic basket and setting to work on preparing peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches.
"Do you mind if I use your bathroom?" JJ called from the other room.
"Go for it," Emily answered. "The one in my bedroom is nicer… end of the hall, last door on the left."
JJ felt her stomach turn in somersaults as she walked down the long hallway towards Emily's private bedroom. She had only been in the room once before: when they'd taken a tour of the house shortly after Emily moved in. There were still boxes everywhere back then, and the furniture hadn't been set up or placed yet.
The thought of getting to see the finished product - the most intimate space in the gorgeous Brunette's home - made JJ's head spin.
Reaching the thick door, she grasped the doorknob with the intake of a breath, turning the knob to reveal the clean, spacious room that lay beyond.
The double windows directly in front of JJ's gaze were dressed handsomely with deep red curtains layered on top of soft tan ones. The curtains were swept gracefully to each side of the large window, held in place by antique bronze tie-backs.
To her right was a majestic queen-sized canopy bed, warm and inviting, the bed-frame a dark walnut like the house's crown molding. The over-sized comforter matched the soft tan of the undertone curtains while the sheets and pillows were the same deep red as the top curtains.
The bed contained an assortment of black throw-pillows set neatly in front of the others. A small, red decorative pillow with the word "Love" embroidered in tan, cursive writing was placed in the center of the bed, in front of the black pillows .
The canopy around the four-posters of the bed-frame was draped with a sheer fabric of the same red hue, although not as deep because of the translucence of the fabric.
On either side of the bed was an elegant walnut table to match the frame. Each bedside table held an antique, bronze lamp with a stained-glass shade, and nothing more.
At the foot of the bed was a tan bench that ran the width of the frame and had a neatly folded black throw draped across the left side.
Bringing the room together fully was a large, stately painting of Paris - framed in antique bronze - that hung on the wall to JJ's left, facing the bed, and a rich Persian rug that lay directly in front of the tan bench. The rug held a simple design that incorporated the red and tan colors, though it was predominantly black.
The room could easily belong to a duchess, and JJ found herself feeling unworthy to step inside. She noticed once again that, outside of the painting and small decorative pillow - which didn't match Emily's personality at all - the room had no personal touches.
A fresh wave of Emily's scent washed over her as she took another breath and stepped nervously into the woman's private space.
The door to the bathroom was to JJ's right, on the same wall as the bedroom's entrance. She pushed the door open and turned on the light, uncovering something she had not expected in the process: as the light flooded every corner of the large bathroom, it revealed the only personal touch in the entire house: a black picture-frame containing a single, bright picture.
JJ hesitated before slowly walking closer to the double vanity, heading towards the sink and mirror that Emily clearly used to get ready, itching for a better view. As her eyes fell on the picture, the small woman felt the air abruptly leave her lungs.
The picture was one of JJ's favorites; taken at Reid's thirtieth birthday celebration in the BAU after Emily had returned from the 'dead'.
It depicted a slightly-flushed Emily wearing a silly smile, eyes full of love as she gazed at the woman who had her arm draped lazily across her shoulders. JJ was slightly bent over, eyes closed and mouth open, caught in mid-laughter.
Garcia had captured the moment and triumphed, announcing that the image showed JJ's most familiar and contagious happiness perfectly.
The picture had truly frozen the small agent in a time where she was at her happiest: laughing from something her best friend had said.
JJ's eyes filled with tears when she noticed the frame's inscription; in silver lettering across the bottom of the frame was one simple word: FOREVER.
She reached forward and took the picture in her hands, a silent tear falling onto the glass.
As her thumb ran ever-so gently across the silver letters, the fingers clutching the back of the frame noticed a rough texture that didn't match the smoothness around it.
JJ turned the frame over in her hands, searching for the source of interruption, and felt the air leave her lungs for the second time as her eyes raked over the culprit:
Inked in Emily's delicate handwriting was a short, simple phrase: "Strength in what remains behind".
JJ recognized it immediately. It was from a Wordsworth poem that had been shared with Reid through the father of a victim. Reid had, in turn, shared the Ode with the team, and they had fallen in love with the empowering words.
JJ understood this particular part of the passage to be an encouragement not to grieve over the loss of how things once were, but rather to find an inner strength and acceptance of the new reality left in its place.
Her brow furrowed as she tried connecting what Emily had meant by pairing those specific words with the picture, knowing nothing the woman did was ever accidental.
When it clicked, a small smile of sadness tugged at the corners of her mouth.
The picture showed JJ happy, carefree and unburdened. Surely the brunette had chosen the inscription "forever" and penned the Wordsworth quote in an attempt to hold hope that JJ would one day find her inner strength and become that happy girl once again. It was a quiet wish from the brunette's heart that the joy etched on JJ's face in the picture would one day become a permanent fixture, forever.
Furthermore, it likely served as an encouragement to Emily to not give up and focus on how things used to be with JJ, but rather to accept the way that JJ was now: scarred from head to toe because of what had been done to her.
The feeling that JJ had gotten more times than she could count over the past couple of days flooded her heart again, and she simply could not understand the depth of Emily's love and tender hearted-ness.
The small woman sat down on the closed toilet seat and brought the picture to her chest, gripping it tightly as tears streamed down her face.
Meanwhile, Emily had finished preparing their sandwiches and set about packing grapes, strawberries and kiwi into individual containers. She set those containers into a small cooler that fit perfectly inside the picnic basket. She added a bag of Cheetos, smiling that she'd thought to buy the bag a week ago in case of an occasion such as this one.
She peered into the packed basket, realizing a dessert was missing. The thought of stopping somewhere for ice cream had crossed her mind, but the woman wanted JJ all to herself - no dealing with other people today.
Regardless of if it was selfish or not, she knew they'd be back at the office surrounded by plenty of people tomorrow, and she simply wanted to enjoy the rest of her time alone with her best friend.
Making the decision, she set about searching the cabinets for something sweet. She would make brownies if she had the time, but she was too excited and wanted to get on the road. She opened the freezer and found an unopened pint of Ben and Jerry's, a smirk lifting the corner of her mouth at the thought of sharing a spoon with the blonde.
She settled on the ice cream, knowing that both women had a soft-spot for cookie dough, and located a small freezer box that would fit inside the basket. She put a freezer pack into the box, set the ice cream gently inside, set one more freezer pack on top and closed the lid snug.
She smiled at the finished product of her work and grabbed spoons for the ice cream and plenty of napkins for their meal.
Now that she was done, the brunette noticed that the small agent had been gone for a while. She stepped through the kitchen and into the front living room, peering into the room in case she'd missed JJ walking back by. Finding the room empty, she decided she'd better check on the woman given the fragile state she'd been in this weekend.
She crept down the hallway to her room, pushing the door open farther and arriving at the bathroom door in one smooth glide. She pressed her ear to the door, not wanting to disturb the woman if she was simply going to the bathroom, but wanting to make sure she was okay.
The sound of small, sharp breaths met her ears and she knocked lightly without hesitation.
"JJ?" She called softly.
"Everything is ready to go… are you okay?"
"I'm fine," JJ called unconvincingly; clearly through tears.
Emily tried the handle and found it unlocked.
"I'm coming in Jayje," she said as she turned the handle and pushed inside.
"Em, it's -" the small agent was interrupted by the sight of those deep brown eyes.
Emily was in front of her in two quick strides, crouching down and placing her hands on JJ's knees.
The blonde still sat on the closed toilet-seat, clutching the picture in a death-grip, as if her very life depended on keeping this item in her possession.
The darker agent quickly took note of the object in JJ's small hands, letting out a slight sigh. She gave a smile to the woman above her and reached up to move the hair from her watery eyes.
JJ closed her eyes as Emily's fingertips trailed along her forehead, tears escaping down her cheeks as she did.
"I'm sorry," the brunette whispered gently, "I didn't think about you seeing this when I told you to use my bathroom," she gestured towards the picture-frame in JJ's arms.
JJ unconsciously moved the frame farther away from her friend when she gestured, like a stubborn child unwilling to share her toy.
Emily smiled in response to the blonde's protective hold on the picture while the small woman's cheeks became tinged a soft shade of pink from embarrassment.
The brunette reached forward again, slower this time, and the blonde relinquished her tight grip so that both agents could view the cherished portrait.
"It's beautiful," JJ managed.
"I know," Emily breathed.
There was a pause before she continued, "why does it make you cry though Jayje?" she asked, trying not to let her confusion come across as judgement.
JJ, trying desperately to regain her senses, laughed apologetically.
"God Em, I really don't know what's gotten into me," she said, wishing the brunette hadn't discovered her like this.
Emily could sense her friend's feelings and aimed to change them.
"Jennifer, after everything you have been through, and after months and months of keeping it all locked inside, this is a good thing," she said with sincerity, referencing the tears as she gently wiped one away with her thumb.
"You need to let it out," she said for further emphasis. "And it makes me so happy to see the progress you're making. This doesn't bother me at all," she smiled.
JJ smiled back and leaned into the woman's hand when she reached up to claim her cheek.
"I am just curious what it is about this particular photograph that made you cry?" Emily nudged.
The blonde thought for a moment, reflecting on the observations she'd made in Emily's house and wondering how many of those to give away.
"It's the only thing that … it's just… I didn't expect to," she stammered, trying to decide what to say. "You really love me," she stated with finality.
"Well of course I do!" Emily burst out laughing, shaking her head because JJ really didn't understand.
"Of course I do," she repeated, softer, leaning forward and gently removing the picture frame from the woman's hands and placing it on the sink beside them. She then reached up and cradled the beautiful woman's face with her hands.
JJ's heart began to beat faster, that all-to-familiar feeling of desire rising quickly.
For a moment, as blue eyes locked into brown, JJ swore the gorgeous woman in front of her was going to kiss her. And, admittedly, Emily had to restrain herself to keep from doing just that.
The small woman was surprised to feel her heart drop when Emily's eyes disconnected from her own.
The anticipation of kissing the woman had, apparently, been something JJ truly wanted, and that realization surprised her.
Emily had dropped her hands back to JJ's knees, gathering herself while she looked at the floor.
There was an awkward moment between the two, both unsure what to do next.
The brunette eventually cleared her throat and looked up at JJ again, her eyes no longer holding passion but rather those familiar walls.
"Well, are you ready to go?" She asked, standing as she spoke.
JJ looked at her and smiled, deciding to let the awkward moment go.
"I still have to pee," she laughed.
"I'll meet you in the living room," Emily smiled back.
As she strode down the hall, grabbing the picnic basket from the kitchen on the way, Emily's mind was filled with panic over her actions. How could she be so stupid? How could she allow her feelings for her best friend get in the way of the comfort that JJ so clearly needed? She had to pull herself together.
She was shaken from the close-call, pacing back and forth while practicing breathing techniques to calm her racing heart. She was entranced by those honey lips, those crystal blue eyes, those soft cheeks...
By the time JJ walked down the hall to join her, Emily was calm and collected, happy to push on as if nothing had happened at all.
"Could you grab those blankets?" she asked the blonde, nodding towards two neatly-folded blankets on the edge of the couch nearest them.
She smiled at the small woman once she'd gathered the blankets in her arms.
"You ready?" she asked the blonde.
"Ready," JJ smiled, "and excited," she added.
Emily smiled back and opened the door.
The women stepped into the sunlight and down the stairs side by side. They settled into their seats after loading the trunk, a look of satisfied determination on Emily's face as she steered the car towards the highway and their ultimate destination.