It was never intentional, and yet the more he tried to suppress it; the more it grew. He sat in his room, staring the paint pallet on his new desk, in his new room wondering what to paint on the bare walls. She was so strong, a literal light in the darkness, a mage of un-paralleled skill, even if she was Dalish. Her eyes often flickered between hazel and dark brown, the light tanned colour of her skin framed her freckles. She had acted so bravely in Haven, suffered more injuries than he could imagine; yet he knew she was not dead – he refused to believe it.

The image of her crawling towards them, hand on her ribs as blood and dirt was frozen on her face. She looked so different, her normally black lips were a strange grey and her eyes lacked all their sparkle, several new scars on her face and hands to solidify the event. He had watched as Cullen picked her up as she collapsed in the snow, her body looked limp as he rushed her back to camp, where he himself could only watch and sigh in relief.

"I am Solas, if we are to do introductions." He said, bowing his head slightly and the elf's lips curled slightly upwards, her eyes holding a mischievous sparkle to them.

"He means, 'I kept the mark from killing you as you slept.'" Varric commented, and she laughed; covering her mouth as she did so, her eyes flickering to him.

"Well," She said, clearing her throat as she glanced at Cassandra who was glaring at Varric, "Thank you."

He watched as she turned to look up at the Breach, a frown forming on her face as she winced in pain. She wore a Dalish tattoo over her left eye, dark in colour that was a stark contrast to her light freckled skin. She had soft reddish blonde hair that was wild on her head, the sides shaved. Her eyes were large, the colour seemed to flicker on the light as he talked to Cassandra; watching him with a gaze that unsettled him – he had never met another creature outside the Face that looked at him like that; all knowing.

As they headed off, she stayed behind for a moment, looking up as she bit her bottom lip. "This way, down here, the road ahead is blocked." The Seeker called out, and the elf turned her head in their direction; he felt their eyes lock with a force, forcing himself to look away. It unnerved him; he did not understand what power she could have that would affect him so.

Even as he reflected, he did not know; perhaps he idolized her as so many did, or perhaps he knew her so completely that he felt almost naked without her. She had touched his shoulder once in Haven, shortly after she had temporarily sealed the Breach. It had been so natural an action, one he saw her do with the others many times since, but it had been as if the air was knocked out of his lungs. It was so simple, yet so confounding.

She constantly asked him questions, and while he answered she always held the same look on her face; she was studying his reactions and expressions, absorbing his knowledge as much as she was critiquing it. When she asked about the ancients, he had reacted foolishly – and she had rebuked him easily enough for his quickness to judge – perhaps it was then that he truly began to admire her. No one else bothered to question him, they silently disagreed with him but never told him plainly that he was wrong – which she seemed to do often enough.

The differences did not seem so important, she constantly surprised him with her openness to learn from him, even going so far to admit her own faults…and that made it even more dangerous to continue talking with her. Now he was struggling, his inner turmoil threatened to destroy everything he now cared for – his one chance to be known so completely by another being who gave her heart readily to him, but never once asked what was lingering.

"You aren't telling me everything." She whispered, it was soft like a feather on the wind. He turned around to see her shadow passing underneath the door, it shutting ever so slightly. He stepped toward the door way, and the shadow seemed to disappear.

"Lavellan?" He asked, opening the door slightly and she seemed to jump; taking a step back with an awkward grin on her face.

"Ah." She chuckled, "Right, well."

"Did you say something?" He asked, and he saw the look flash across her face and it made him ache.

"Yes." She admitted, watching as he beckoned her to come inside. She hesitated and he narrowed his eyes, seeing the trembling in her jaw that usually meant she was nervous. "It's not important."

"It is if you came all the way here in the middle of the night." He stated with a half smile, and she looked away. "Tell me."

"Solas." She whispered, reaching out a hand to him, taking it he pulled her through the door way, shutting it lightly as he felt her hand grip his with a unusual level of strength. He walked with her into the main area of his quarters, watching as her face became more unreadable.

"What was it you wished to say?" He asked, touching her face lightly if only to satisfy his own craving for her touch.

"I know…" She started, pain flashed through her eyes and she backed away. "I know you aren't telling me everything." She finally whispered, and he felt his lips form a line as he leaned back on the desk; his eyes hardening.

"How do you mean?" He replied, a cold sort of anger creeping into his voice.

"You know too much." She replied, her voice turning steely as she spoke. "The others don't know enough about elven culture to see it, but I do."

"What exactly are you suggesting?"

"I don't know!" She barked, her voice shaky. "I don't know what it is, I only know that you are not exposing all that you are."

"I am sorry you feel that way." He sniffed, standing to move away as she grasped his arm tightly; not letting him avoid it.

"Stop treating me like an enemy Solas." She whispered, stepping closer. "You fight against me, no matter how hard I try to understand." Her eyes searched his own for a sign, understanding or acceptance. "Won't you trust me?"

He stayed silent, his features stony as she waited for his; but non would come. In part he was angry for this intrusion of his space, she hardly knew him. They had been at Haven for almost half a year, and she had been finding more and more ways to invade his space. "I do not know how you expect me to trust or relate to a Dalish." The look in her eyes hurt him far more than he could have known, and she released his arm.

"Alright. I understand." She spoke softly, shaking her head as she muttered something about her own stupidity. "I won't bother you again." She turned to go to the door, but she stopped, turning her head over her shoulder. "I hope you can forgive my heritage enough for us to be friends."

"Wait." He heard his own voice say, "I should not have-

"I'll wait." She cut him off with a small smile, "Until the day you can trust me, with whatever it is." She left then, and he was left with a void that he neither understood nor wanted.

He sighed at the thought, rubbing his eyes; almost never asked. She had been true to her word, she had never again brought up the subject; but he often caught her watching him with that look – it made him want to tell her everything, to ask her to understand what it was he had to do. A knock at the door made him look up, turning to leave his chair as he called out indicate the door was open.

"Do you have a moment?" The voice asked, her pretty face appearing in the light not moments after.

"Oh course, Inquisitor." He replied and she winced, rubbing her arm with a half smile.

"I wish you wouldn't call me that."

"Why not, you have earned the title." Solas said, offering her a seat to which she declined. She had bandages on her ribs still, he could tell from the way she favored her one side, and her one wrist was still healing from the fracture.

"That title that no more defines who I am than apostate defines you." She replied and he smiled as she did so. "I much prefer it if you would all just use my name."

"Halam'shivanas." He stated, and she rolled her eyes at him.

"Very funny."

"If you insist I will call you Levellan." Solas said, giving her a slight bow of the head.

"You won't call me Vaeila?" She asked with a sigh. "I should know better by now than to dream of such things." The elf offered him a smile, and her stepped forward to gasp her arm lightly.

"Do you have a minute?" He whispered, almost a growl in his throat as their eyes met. She nodded, a smile starting on her lips. "I wish to show you something."

"Ma nuvenin." She replied softly. He smiled at her, a tender, kind of vulnerable, smile that made her pause, his fingers linking in her own that made it hard to focus on words. "What is it you wish to show me?"

"Come." He said, his voice a throaty sound he rarely heard echo from these lips. She simply smiled at him, walking along side him easily as he felt the surge of emotions once again; and it was through her smile and touch he knew – he was whole. The loneliness he found sanctuary in seemed to linger no longer when she was near, her smile brightened any room and her touch made him complete. It is not possible for me to be in love. It is not. He glanced at her as she followed his instructions, her eyes shutting as she moved into the fade with him so easily that it made him proud. Ma vhenan.