Chapter 17 – Internal Conflict

Laura had been inside her car in front of Taylor's house, for quite a long time now, but she still wasn't sure how to do what she was supposed to do. She had been an idiot for not listening to Taylor's explanation. She knew Taylor wouldn't lie to her just for the sake of it, but her judgment was clouded because she was too emotional at that time. Now that she'd realized it, it was time to fix things

She made her way to Taylor's house, thinking about what she should say. She was about to insert her key to the doorknob's keyhole, but she decided against it and knocking felt more like the right thing to do. But before she could even lift her hand to knock, the door had opened.

"Laura?" Taylor was surprised to see Laura at her doorstep.

"Hi, can we talk?"

Without speaking, Taylor almost ran towards her and pulled her for an embrace. She hugged her so tightly she felt like she was crushing her bones. "I'm so sorry. I promise I won't do it again. I'm really sorry." Before she even realized it, Laura was hugging her back.

"Hey... it's okay now." She pulled away to look at Taylor for a while, smiling. Then she slowly pressed her lips on her. She missed her so much she didn't know how she had managed to ignore her for days. "I'm sorry, too. I should've listened to you first."

They went inside and sat on Taylor's couch. "I'm ready to tell you everything. I'm sorry I thought it was better to talk to him first. I was stupid."

Then she narrated her and Pete's whole story, from the moment they met up until they had broken up, until the very last time she'd seen Pete, which was just yesterday. She did not know if it was necessary to tell Laura everything but she'd learned her lesson. She would be a fool to make the same mistake again.

After Taylor's story, Laura felt the urge to smack the guy in the face. He had no right to do that to Taylor. He was stupid to do so. Even if it worked in her favor, she still hated the fact that that guy had the nerve to cause her girlfriend that much pain.

"But, everything's okay now. I mean, I've told him everything I needed to tell him. Now that it's out of my chest, I feel so much better. I don't really care about him anymore."

"Wait a minute, you told me before that you've never met a boyfriend's parent. You were gonna marry this guy and you haven't met his parents yet?"

"Naaah. His parents had passed away even before I met him." She paused. "Which reminds me how he must be handling being a parent right now when he grew up without anyone. I kind of feel bad for his kid. I know what it feels like to grow up with a broken family and I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

Laura almost smiled just thinking how lucky she was that she had a girlfriend who had so much compassion for other people. "She'll be fine, babe. Look at you. Even if you did grow up with a broken family, you still grew up to be one of the most amazing people in the world. Maybe she could be the same, you know."

-o-o-o-

Even if she and Taylor had talked and worked it out, it had still taken Laura days to fully get over the Pete incident, as she liked to call it, only to herself. Every once in a while, it would pop in her mind and create chaos in there, making her think of things she shouldn't be thinking about, negative ones, and always about her relationship with Taylor.

After a few days, she finally got exhausted of thinking too much. So she was keen on making herself believe that she had finally gotten over it and had learned to accept that Taylor loved her and no matter what happened, she would always choose her at the end of the day.

But she couldn't fool herself. Because ever since Pete came in the scene, she hadn't shaken off the feeling that something would always be wrong with her and Taylor... no matter how much they loved each other.

-o-o-o-

It was another day at Litchfield, Laura had just finished a scene. Taylor had been packed up hours ago but she decided to wait for her so they could go home together. She was sitting with Yael outside the psychiatric ward they were shooting in and Laura made her way towards them.

They were talking about something but something caught Laura's ear that made her stop. They had their backs on her and they still hadn't realized she was just a few steps behind them.

"I'm glad you two are okay now. I hate seeing you ignore each other like that. The aura around is so heavy." It was Yael speaking with her Australian accent. Sometimes though, without realizing it, she would use her accent as Lorna Morello. It was a testament on how this job had affected all of them, as it had sometimes confused them with the characters they played.

"I know. I hate it, too. I think that was the first big fight we had. It was the first one that went on for days and it was terrible. I don't want that to happen again."

Laura felt bad that Taylor felt that. She felt the same thing and didn't want it to happen again, too. She didn't know why but there was something about listening to Taylor talk about her that felt good and scary both at the same time, so she stayed still, wanting to hear some more.

"So, that Pete guy, you were almost gonna marry him?"

"Yeah. I always thought that him cheating was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. Because when that happens to you, everything good you think you know about yourself is suddenly gone. It makes you think so much less of yourself, you know. I mean, why else would they look for another person if you were enough?"

"Well, aside from the fact that they're stupid and that they're assholes and can't recognize that they're with people who are already amazing?"

"That's exactly my thoughts now. Plus, I now get to be with the most amazing woman in the world. So, I see that now as a blessing in disguise... something I should probably be thankful for," shrugged Taylor.

"So what now, you're not the settling kind of gal anymore?"

Laura wasn't sure if Yael was joking or not but she waited for Taylor's answer, certain that it would matter so much to her.

"You know what? I still am. I still want those things that I've always wanted when I was still with Pete. I still want a marriage... and kids and, you know, the normal life. It's what I always wanted. I don't think anything can change that."

Laura wanted to run away the moment those words came out from Taylor's lips. It was that time when her mind went suddenly blank, except for a little idea that's been forming inside it ever since that big fight with Taylor. It's a dangerous idea that's been screaming at her for a couple of weeks now but she was choosing to ignore it because she loved Taylor and she wanted to be with her. But at that moment, she could no longer ignore it.

She spun around, having forgotten that there was a table behind her. She had hit it and it was toppled over causing Yael and Taylor to look at her.

"Hey!" Taylor stood up and almost ran to her even if she was just a few steps away. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"Uhh, yes. I was just about to come call you to go home. But I, uh, hit the table." Laura didn't even understand what she was saying at the time. She hated the fact that she was so stupid of hitting that freaking table. She just wanted to get away unnoticed.

"Are you hurt?" Taylor examined Laura's arm and was relieved to see that there wasn't any bruise or anything.

"No." Not physically. Because at that time, she was hurting so bad. "No. I'm fine."

She wasn't.

-o-o-o-

It was another few days later. Laura, Taylor and some of the rest of the cast of OITNB just finished doing a scene. It was almost two in the morning and everyone was exhausted, but there was still one short scene that needed to be shot.

The couple had decided to lie in one of the bunks on the set while waiting for their take when Ruby and Uzo joined them.

"Hey, you guys!" It was Ruby Rose. "Mind if we join you?

It was good thing that Laura and Taylor had their backs on Ruby and Uzo, because Laura couldn't help rolling her eyes. "If we do, would you leave?" she said so softly, just so only Taylor would hear.

Taylor unsuccessfully stifled her laugh. Laura was really a bitch when she wanted, too. And she loved her for it.

"Sorry?" asked Ruby, without any idea what Laura had just said.

"Nothing," said Laura, with a fake smile before sitting up. Taylor did the same. "So, what's up?" Laura tried sounding enthusiastic, despite her exhaustion and annoyance.

"Sorry, were you trying to rest? We can just move to another bunk," apologized Uzo. She didn't want to disturb the two when she saw that that the couple were trying to rest but Ruby insisted that it was okay and she couldn't do anything about it.

"No, no, no. It's fine. We were just lying down." As much as Laura couldn't stand the presence of their hot lesbian co-star, she was fine with Uzo being there.

"Yeah, no worries," Taylor said as she entangled her arm with Laura's, while resting her head on her shoulder. Her eyes were drooping and it was taking all her strength to keep her from falling asleep.

"Are you sure?" asked Ruby. "Coz you look like you can use some sleep right now."

"I'm fine. I promise." She snuggled closely to Laura, and then the latter kissed the top of her head.

"So, how are things going on with you two? Smoothly, I hope?" It was Ruby again.

"Yeah, couldn't be better," answered Taylor as she lifted her head to look at Laura. "Right?"

"Yes, definitely," agreed Laura. She leaned in to give Taylor a short kiss on her lips.

"Good! I'm happy you're both not succumbing to all the pressure around you to stay together, you know? That's a lot to handle, especially for someone as popular as you two."

"What do you mean?" It was Uzo, who felt like this conversation was going somewhere not very pretty for the couple. "No one's giving them any pressure. I mean, maybe some of the fans, yes, but Taylor and Laura are smart enough not to listen to them."

"All right, that's good then. How about the threat of other guys around? I mean, let's face it. You've both gone out with guys, too. I've dated bisexuals, and they always, and I mean always, ended up with guys." Ruby blabbed on. "I had this girlfriend. We were doing so great. I mean, we both thought that we were gonna end up together, you know? We've made plans for our future and it was the best time of my life. Until one day, I don't know, maybe she just woke up and realized that she actually still preferred men and the security that they bring which, according to her, women don't."

Taylor remembered what Marjorie had told her and was a little scared that Laura still had that fear. And if not, she was still scared that this conversation might bring that back. She wanted to look at her, to see how her reaction was but she was scared that if she did, she would see the reaction she didn't want to see so she just fixated her gaze on the persons in front of her.

"Well," it was Laura who voiced her own thoughts, "she's just one person, out of a million who chose to follow what they think is right, and not what others think is right." Laura wanted to ignore the fact that what Ruby Rose had said affected her in ways it shouldn't have, that's why she tried convincing herself otherwise by voicing the exact opposite of what she was thinking at the moment.

"Are we sure, though, that it's just her who had made that decision? I mean, I am pretty sure she's not. But you're not her. I'm pretty sure you're both sticking to your choices. I'm happy for you both."

Laura knew that Ruby had no bad intentions of bringing that up. She was just trying to make conversation and she didn't mean to cause them any harm, especially her. But she was still annoyed.

Because she agreed with her. This relationship didn't give her any security, that kind that she'd always want whenever she was in a relationship. And as the three kept the conversation going, she wasn't with them anymore. Her mind was far away, thinking how pathetic it was for her to even think that this was going to work. Because clearly, it wasn't.

A/N:

moanzs, just don't leave me hanging here, okay? Haha. Thanks again!

Guest who can't for more, here's the new chapter thank you!

stargatejumper10, Thank you! Yes, Laylor may not be real (but we can keep dreaming) but they're forever, right?

Schrodinger, Wow, that's really sweet thank you! :"

Special mention king09, here's the new chapter =)