Chapter 19 - Scenes

"Come be my little spoon..."

Despite what she said, Piper actually didn't care if this wasn't being careful at all. The moment that smile formed on Alex's lips, she slowly made her way to her girl's bunk, lying with her back on her, obliging to become her 'little spoon."

"Gosh! Aww, how do you sleep in this thing?" She laid down and imagined how hard it must have been for Alex to sleep on that hard surface every damn night.

"Not well..." Alex put her arm on Piper's shoulder, almost chuckling. She then became serious, and decided to tell her how she felt about Piper deciding to tell Caputo the truth. "I am proud of you."

"Yeah?" Piper sounded surprised.

"Yeah." She gathered some of Piper's hair and swept them towards the back of her neck. "It was really brave. I mean, it was dumb..." she kissed the side of her neck, "...but brave." All the time, her arm was wrapped around Piper.

Piper was just smiling, listening to Laura, unsure if she was indeed describing her correctly. She then decided to face her. "You know, I don't think that anyone has ever used that word to describe me in the history of the universe."

Alex smiled as she fixed some hair tucked behind Piper's ear. "I'm glad we have each other in here, kid."

She was staring at her eyes, wondering how she was supposed to feel inside that prison. She should have been feeling like that place was sucking the life out of her, taking away all the great things she should've been doing outside those four walls. But she was fine. Just staring at Piper's eyes, she knew she always would, as long as she was there with her.

"Yeah, me too. I mean, I'd rather be on a beach in Tahiti but this is a..." Piper let out a very rare smile, a smile she only felt right whenever Alex was around, "...close second."

Piper stared back at Alex's eyes. They have gone through so much. They've been apart from each other for ten years. They have hurt each other more than they should have. But she kept wondering about one thing, and she voiced out this question inside her head.

"Why do you always feel so inevitable to me?"

At that point, Alex had no answer for that question. What she had was how she was feeling for the woman just inches from her, something that never really went away, as much as she would've denied that if this wasn't the case between them now. Despite all the bullshit and lies that are within their relationship, deep down, she really does love her.

But she had this thing about not showing so much vulnerability, even with Piper at times, so she couldn't exactly tell her that. Instead, she said the closest thing she thought could convey what she felt, "I heart you."

"You heart me?"

Alex laughed, trying to tone down the intimacy of that moment... that time where she admitted to Piper, and even to herself that she still loved her, and probably always will. "Yeah..."

"What is that? Is that like I love you for pussies?"

"Hmmmm..." she rubbed Piper's shoulder, as she chuckled. "Say pussy again."

Piper then again, smiled, feeling warmth spread across her chest. She couldn't stop looking at Alex's eyes, as if she could see her soul through them. Even if Alex tried to add some humor in it, all she felt at that time was how much she loved her, too.

Alex then closed the gap between them as she kissed her. She didn't care if anyone would see them. All she wanted was to make Piper feel how much she loved her. It was always easier for her to make her feel what she wanted to say, than actually say it herself.

And Piper understood. And she wanted Alex to know what she felt, too. She held her hand and stared into her eyes. "I heart you, too."

And in that very rare moment, both had told each other what they really felt, not trying to deny anything, not giving a fuck about anyone else around them. Because at that time, it was just the two of them, without the manipulations and betrayals that have surrounded them ever since they have met. It was just the two of them, and the sincere and incredible love they had for each other.

-o-o-o-

Taylor's POV

I had to make everyone believe that it was Piper looking at Alex with so much love in her eyes. But it was me, looking at Laura, wondering how it was possible for me to look at her and not fall in love. Of course, there was the fact that we were both girls and at that point in my life, I still had no idea that I would be capable of falling in love with the same sex.

I knew she was just acting but her stares felt like they were boring deep into my very soul, but it didn't make me uncomfortable at all. Instead, it made me wish that one day, I would meet someone who would stare at me that same way, who would love me the way Alex loved Piper, not realizing that the same person who made me want that kind of love would be the same person I would feel that for.

But now she's gone. And I don't even know why. No matter how much I replayed it on my head, I still don't get why it had to get this far. I thought that we were doing okay. But it turns out that she wasn't. Which is the reason why, I'm in here right now, alone, feeling like someone is hitting me over and over and over again because it hurts so much.

And I don't fucking know how I would go through each day without her... without seeing that kind of stare I love so much. I miss it already. And also without feeling the kind of love I've never felt from anyone else before.

Now all there was left for me to anticipate every damn day is the fear that I have for another scene where Alex would look at Piper with so much love again. Because then, I would just go back to hoping for Laura to give me that kind of look again... when I damn well know that she wouldn't ever... because she's fucking left me.

-o-o-o-

"Do you think she's gonna murder me? Just how unstable is this Sylvia person?"

Alex and Piper had just woken up and it was the first thing that the former told her girlfriend. She was still freaked out about Sylvia. She knew that she'd probably be hurt if Alex left her but she didn't know that she could be this violent... which was stupid because she had already felt her fist on her face.

"It was a joke." Alex put on her glasses and looked at the time. She could see how freaked out Piper was, but she knew Sylvia. She wouldn't go any further than that.

But Piper didn't know that. "It was not a joke. It was a very clear message. 'I know what you did, bitch. And I want you to know that I know.'"

"Look..." she held Piper's hand as she stretched. "Being with you was my choice. I wasn't happy."

At this, Piper smiled. She remembered that time at the bar, when she kind of 'stalked' Alex. 'I wanna taste what you taste like.' She was surprised that she was able to say those words, but was very happy that she did. It was a great night. "Hmm... and I took advantage of that."

"I'm a grown up, Piper." Laura chuckled as she took off her glasses. It was Alex's choice to finally end everything up with Sylvia, even if Piper thought that she was the reason. Yes, she was partly the reason. But it was so much more than that. Alex wasn't going to stay in a relationship where everything was just messed up. It always felt like she was just wasting her time.

"Do you think that she's gonna come after me?"

Alex found Piper way too cute that she couldn't help but smile. "Look, I think that she needed to get it out of her system, all right? Sometimes you gotta rage in order to move on."

"Did you love her?"

"No." This time, Alex wasn't smiling. Then she looked at Taylor, looked into her eyes, and told her something that she's never told anyone before, except probably her mom. "But I love you."

Alex never thought that she would one day feel this for someone. The first time she saw Piper, she knew there was something about her but at that moment, she didn't know what it was. All she knew was that from that moment on, she couldn't take her mind off of her anymore. Piper was different from every other girl she's gone out with, or any other person she knew for that matter.

And now she was madly in love with her.

"You do?"

Alex shyly smiled. It wasn't usual for her to be this open to her feelings to anyone. But Piper wasn't just anyone. She was the person she loved so much.

Piper had laid down, facing Alex. They stared at each other for a moment, while Alex's hand played with Piper's hair, while Piper gently brushed Alex's chin with her thumb.

"I don't say that to everyone. You have to say it back." There was somehow a small fear within Alex that she had let Piper know what she felt without the latter feeling the same thing for her. Which was why she had said those words, afraid that she wouldn't say it back, after allowing herself to be vulnerable in front of her, even just at that moment.

When Piper was just starting to go out with Alex, she thought it was just all for the adventure of it. She's never gone out with a girl before and she never thought she ever would. But Alex made her feel things she's never felt for anyone before. It wasn't just the sex, which was amazing, or the adventures, or the thrill of being with someone as authentic as her. It was everything about Alex that had drawn Piper to her.

And she knew, that even if Alex hadn't told her to say it back, she would. Because she felt it, too.

"I love you, too."

-o-o-o-

Laura's POV

It was at that scene when Alex admitted that she loved Piper when I had given a thought whether it was possible for that kind of love to actually exist. What Alex and Piper had was a very complex relationship, something that would always make anyone wonder why they were still together or why they always went back to each other's arms every damn time no matter how much they had screwed up.

What Taylor and I had on the other hand, was a lot less complicated. We were two friends who fell in love and that was it. When we got together, it wasn't so much as a choice of whether it was her or another person. It had always been her. It was a choice between wanting to go through with it in spite of everything that I'd always thought of myself or letting us be the people that we were to each other before we got together, just friends.

It wasn't a hard choice, really. I didn't even think about it. I loved her and I wanted to be with her. But I was stupid enough not to think that that person wasn't who I was. I overthink. I probably had always been tough in the exterior, but deep down, I was always scared. I'm not sure why I was even allowed to be in any relationships in the first place.

Now, I'd probably lost Taylor forever. Not just as my girlfriend, but as my friend. I should be okay with that, this was my choice, anyway. But why does it feel like someone is boring a hole right in my chest right now? I feel broken, like something is missing in my life right now.

But this was my choice. And I deserve every pain that I'm feeling right now. But no matter how I feel, it doesn't really matter anymore. I've made my decision and I'm not changing it. I just have to man up and stand by it.

Even if every second of it feels like I'm slowly dying inside.

A/N:

So, I've just added something Vauseman-related. I've always wanted to do that. Lol. Speaking of Vauseman, I did a one-shot fic, it's entitled Oblivion. If you can check it out, it would mean a lot to me. And I'd also really like what you think of it, in case you decide to give it a try. Thank you! =)

Guest (heavy chapter), more heavy chapters ahead! Sorry.

moanzs, I'm so sorry for breaking your heart. =( No cliffhangers here! Do I at least get a brownie point for that? Haha! And thank you for your review on Oblivion! You really rock =)

Gutted guest, Sorry! There'll be happy chapters soon! But not soon enough tho lol

vausemanforever, Shouldn't give out any spoilers, should I? Haha.

Explosiosinthesky, Here's your update! =)

Guest who asked why I did it, had to happen to keep the story going, I guess. Not good enough reason, but it's the only thing I can say. Lol.

jo michael, Well good that you're surprised! Lol, and I'm glad you still loved it! Thank you! =)

FFChik, Yeah, well some people are just too naive like that haha. =) Sorry if this disappointed you in any way, tho =( =)

OMG Why Guest, uhm *hides out in one corner* peace yo =)

stargatejumper10, So sorry for breaking your heart!

Guest from Amsterdam, Hi there! I'm so sorry! And yeah, more painful chapters to come but I'll make it up to you guys!

dutchlover, I'm so sorry! *does Piper's bambi eyes look* Here's the update!

Still really overwhelmed by your responses, thanks you guys! I will throw my pie for all of you in a heartbeat.