Chapter 21 – Living in Hell

After the 'talk' that her mother gave her, Taylor surprisingly felt a lot better. Sure, they weren't still as okay as any mother and daughter should be, but they were both at a whole new other place now, where they didn't want to rip each other's throats anymore whenever they would see each other. And it was good. She knew it was only a matter of time before they would totally be fine. She looked forward to that day.

If there's one day that she wasn't looking forward to, though, it was this day.

No matter how much Taylor didn't want to see Laura too soon after their break up, they both worked together so it was impossible and she knew that. But it still didn't remove the fact that she was so nervous today, more than she'd ever been. She wasn't even sure if that was the right word for what she was feeling right now.

Today, she was going to shoot a scene with Laura. She was up almost all night thinking of how she was gonna go through this scene. When she couldn't come up with anything, she just closed her eyes and wished that the next day wouldn't come.

But it had to. And now she was on the set of Orange, waiting for her next scene, dreading what was gonna happen if they saw each other again. More so, if they needed to kiss each other, and a whole lot more physical than that, and show how much they loved each other, which was what their upcoming scene was demanding.

It was when Uzo came and sat with her. "Hey, how you doing?"

Taylor just smiled. She didn't want to tell anyone else yet about what happened to her and Laura but then she realized they were going to find out anyway so she just decided to tell Uzo about it. "Laura and I broke up." It was still painful just talking about it.

"What?!" asked Uzo, surprised. "Why? What happened?"

Taylor shook her head. "Honestly, I don't know." She paused. When she saw that Uzo was about to open her mouth again to say something, she cut her off. "I'd really appreciate it if we don't talk about it yet, for now. I mean, it's still hard." Taylor looked down because she didn't want Uzo to see the pain that flickered through her eyes.

Uzo nodded. "I understand." She then held Taylor's hands. "I'm here for you, okay? All of us. Whenever you're ready to talk about it, and you feel the need to do so, I'm just here. I got your back, sweetheart."

"I know." She smiled genuinely. "Thank you." She hugged her.

-o-o-o-

When Laura saw Taylor arrive today, she immediately went inside one of the trailers and locked herself in there. She wasn't ready for them to see each other yet. Everything that had happened was still freshly etched in her mind. If this was hurting her like crazy, she knew Taylor was feeling the pain twice as much. And she hated herself for that.

After Taylor left, she went to bed and buried herself on her pillows, wanting to drown out everything that she was feeling at that time. She couldn't cry and it made everything worse. Because she couldn't let the pain out. It felt like there was an iron fist inside her, squeezing and twisting her insides, in a terrible fucking way.

And then she realized that the woman she loved so much was gone from her life now. She was never going to arrive home from work again to see her waiting for her. She wasn't going to wake up to her beautiful face anymore. She wasn't gonna feel her lips on hers... her touch. And it was more than she could take.

So that night, she drank all her sorrows away. She wanted to forget. She wanted to disappear into her own world, a place where she wouldn't be able to think of Taylor and how much she was gonna miss her and how much her life was gonna suck so badly without her in it. And she did forget.

But when she woke up the next day, the pain was there again. And that's when she knew that it was never going away, no matter what she did. She was gonna live with this pain for the rest of her life and she couldn't blame anyone because she had brought this upon herself.

Last night, she had read her script for the thousandth time. It worried her because she did not know how she was gonna do the scene with Taylor. She knew she was gonna mess this up. And she felt terrible thinking how it would make Jenji feel and the rest of the staff and crew who were clearly gonna be affected by this, too.

She thought of going up to Taylor and talk to her about the scene but as soon as it came to her mind, she found it ridiculous to even think that it was gonna work. Taylor probably hated her now. She wouldn't wanna talk to her unless they were already doing the scene. She just had to find some other way to get through today.

Just thinking about it, she knew it was going to be a long day.

-o-o-o-

Everyone was inside the set, taking instructions from Jenji for the day's work. Taylor and Laura did all they could to avoid each other and everyone noticed that. No one said anything about it, though.

Except Natasha.

"Hey, love birds!" Natasha said when she noticed them sitting way too far from each other. Both of them looked at her at the same time. "What's going on with you two, huh?"

Taylor just smiled, but it was a forced one. Laura, on the other hand, just looked away.

Natasha, still waiting for an answer, looked around. She then saw Uzo, who was just behind Taylor, shaking her head frantically at her. "Oh..." she said to herself. "Uzo, wanna come with me outside?" She walked towards the door and Uzo followed her.

"Bravo at the subtlety Lyonne," said Uzo when they were already outside.

"What on earth is going on with those two?"

"Well... they broke up."

"They what?!" asked Natasha, a little too loudly causing Uzo to shush her. "What do you mean they broke up?" she asked again, this time, a lot softer.

"They did. I don't really know when because Taylor wouldn't say anything else other than that."

"So you talked to her, huh? How about Laura?"

"I haven't yet. I was kind of hoping you'd do it? Maybe she'd tell you what happened?"

"Oh, I will. But I doubt she'd tell me anything more than what Taylor told you. All right then, I'm gonna go talk to her." She patted Uzo's back as she went back inside, hurriedly. She still found it hard to believe that her friends have broken up. She needed to hear it from them so she could believe it. She found Laura away from everyone, reading her script. "Yo, Prepon!"

Laura looked at her and smiled, acting as if nothing was wrong. "Hey. I'm rereading our scene for later. Ready to beat the shit out of me?" she laughed. She was talking about the scene where Nicky was supposed to strangle Alex.

But that was way too far from Natasha's mind right now. "Oh believe me, I am. What the hell's going on?"

Laura still tried to act as if she didn't know what Natasha's really talking about. "Oh, I don't know. Nichols is supposed to be really mad at Alex and all that."

Natasha glared at her. "You know what I'm talking about."

Laura put her script down. "Look, I know that you're probably just concerned about us..."

"Oh no, I just really wanna gossip around."

Laura tried to smile. "And that, too. And I appreciate it, that you like to look out for us. I really do. But we're gonna be fine. We're just gonna have to deal with this on our own. In the mean time, I'm really, really not yet comfortable talking about it. I hope you understand."

As much as Natasha wanted to help them, she respected Laura... and of course Taylor. Laura was right. She had to let them deal with it themselves. "Of course, I do. I just wanted to know if you were okay." Laura bowed and didn't say anything. "Damn, of course, you're not okay. I'm sorry, it was stupid of me to ask."

"Hey, I'm gonna be fine. Don't worry about it, girl."

"Are you sure?" Laura just nodded. "Okay, I want you to know that I'm here. Whenever you need me. Even if that means three o'clock in the morning. Okay, Prepon?"

Laura smiled again, this time it was a genuine one. "Yeah. Thank you."

-o-o-o-

Laura still didn't know how she and Taylor were gonna make it through their scene today. It was just a little scene, but it needed them to show how much Alex and Piper loved each other. And not just through words, it was a very physical and intimate scene, a lot of touching. Taylor couldn't even look at her now, how were they going to do the scene?

She was so engrossed on her thoughts when Jenji went to where she was. "Got a minute?"

"Oh, yeah of course! You know I can have a whole day just for you, Jenji." She smiled.

"Good." She paused. "Wait, what? Just a day?" Both she and Laura chuckled and then she looked around. "Taylor?" She then called out to Taylor, who was on the other side of the room.

Taylor slowly walked towards them.

"There's some changes about your scene. We're not yet going to shoot it today."

"What? Why?" asked Taylor, unsure of whether to feel relieved or not. They were gonna go through this scene any other way so maybe it was better if they just got it done and over with.

"We're going to shoot Red's scene first, something came up. I'm not going to bother you with any of the boring details anymore, though. Let's go to the trailer for a while." Jenji started walking towards one of the trailer trucks. If she already knew about Taylor and Laura's break up, she wasn't showing it.

When they reached the trailer, she sat. She noticed the two were just standing, though. Far from each other. "No plans of sitting?"

"We're fine." It was Laura who answered.

"This might be a while."

So both had no choice but to sit down... but still far from each other.

"I heard about what happened to the two of you." Jenji went straight ahead. She was known as someone who wouldn't beat around the bush. "You both know how much I care about you two. And I feel terrible that this had to happen."

She looked at them and was saddened seeing them so differently from the first time she'd seen them together. At that time, even if they still weren't together as a couple, they had so much chemistry you would doubt if they really were just friends. They would just be standing together and not do anything but you couldn't help but feel giddy.

But now, the air was filled with so much tension, and Jenji could see the pain in both their eyes. And it hurt Jenji, too. She treated these two women like her own children and she didn't want seeing them this way.

"But I don't wanna meddle. So if that's your decision, I'm going to respect it. All of us will. And I also want you to know that if ever you feel the need to talk about... anything, at all, I'm just here. I know it is not my place to ask or say anything about what happened, so I'll just leave it at that. And also, I know that you are both professionals, and that you are going to do everything just to not let any of this affect your work... right?"

"Yes, of course!"

"Yeah, you can trust us on that."

Laura and Taylor said in unison.

"Good! So we're settled then." She stood up and both Laura and Taylor did the same. "Oh no, no," Jenji said shaking her head, motioning them to stay where they were.

"What?" asked Laura, confused as to what Jenji meant. "I thought we were done?"

"Oh, I was. But you're not. You told me you're going to do everything... so I'm both leaving you here to talk. You've barely glanced at each other's way the whole day. You're gonna have to get past that in order to do your next scene together... And unless you do that, you are not getting out of here."

Jenji walked out and closed the door behind her.

A/N:

I apologize for the cliffhanger! I swear it'll be worth it when you read the next chapter... or not. Haha.

ugh guest, i couldn't agree more with Tay's mom reiterating Laura's fears. So maybe next chapter is a little more like your request. I hope you'd like that one =)

Guest who asked about the Wattpad thingy, Yes, I am that same writer =)

moanzs, whoah sorry! And sorry for the cliffhanger. And sorry for next chapter. Haha.

Guest, Please don't cry =(

FFChik, I'm sorry =( A little heads up that a few more chapters are gonna be a little tough on the heart

Guest, I think your review was for Chapter 9 I hope you've reached this chapter already. Thank you! =)

jo michael, Thank you for that wonderful review! You make me blush. Haha. And about Oblivion, I have decided to make that a multi-chapter but I haven't written anything yet (because of stupid exams) Thank you! Love you back =)

Marijn! Yey, finally a name! =) Thank you for your review. I think season 3 will be really awesome, I can't wait to see how they're gonna deal with the return of Alex. Tbh, I'm most excited with her story especially after seeing the trailer. I love Laura Prepon so much it kinds hurts a bit. Haha. And yes, Vauseman forever!

Thanks again awesome people of the OITNB fandom! You really are the most hilarious and most amazing fandom I've ever had the privilege to join. Love you all! xo