Chapter 23 – Scene Rehearsal
When Taylor got out of the trailer, she immediately went to Jenji. She noticed how the creator of the show appeared surprised seeing her that way. But she didn't care. "Jenji, we did what you told us. We're done talking."
Jenji knew that it wasn't the kind of talk she wanted them to have but understood that it wasn't going to be easy for both of them. They loved each other way too much. To have something that was so important taken away from you was something that needed time to cope with. And maybe she was rushing things when she thought they could handle doing what she's made them do now.
"Oh... good! I'll have you go home now, then."
"Go home?" asked Taylor, surprised. "But I still have another scene that needed to be shot."
"It's okay. I'll just give you the rest of the day off."
"Jenji, it's okay. I'm fine." Taylor was a professional and she knew better than to let whatever's going on in her personal life affect her co-workers. "What was the point of all of that talk if we're not gonna go through with this today?"
Jenji smiled. "Taylor, you can keep saying that to yourself, that you're fine. If that's how you wanna cope with this, to lie to yourself about how you really feel, then it's fine with me. But we both know that you're not okay. And I'm not some monster who would torture you by letting you do this today, okay? I care about you and right now, this seems like the right thing to do." Taylor didn't say anything after that so Jenji went on. "I'll let you know when the next shooting day is gonna be."
"Jenji, I don't want anything that's happening to me and... L-Laura right now to affect our work, and everybody's work. You know we're better than that. We can do this."
"Yes, I know that. But not today. And we all understand. Believe me."
Taylor and Laura's characters' relationship was one of the main plot points of their show. Jenji knew how amazing as actresses Taylor and Laura were, but even the best of the bests would need some time for themselves if they were going through what her main stars were going through right now. To cut them some slack was all she could do to help.
"So please, just go home and have some rest and we'll see each other in a few days, okay?"
-o-o-o-
Jenji did the same thing for Laura. She, too, was surprised but asked less questions than Taylor. She just did whatever Jenji told her, thanked her and left.
Jenji gave her and Taylor one week to themselves. She felt bad that this had to get in the way of their work but also thankful that Jenji and the rest of the cast and crew understood.
Thinking that being alone wouldn't help Laura with what she was going through, she spent the whole week with her girl friends, Jodi and the rest of the gang. All of them were shocked when they found out about this but knew Laura enough to know that they shouldn't pry about what happened. So they just did everything for Laura to forget about Taylor for a while, even if that proved to be the most challenging things ever.
Laura was grateful that her friends never left her side the whole time. She knew they tried hard to make her forget, but no matter what they'd do, she couldn't get Taylor out of her mind. She chose not to tell them that, though. So instead of showing them how miserable she was feeling, she acted like she was okay.
But she was far from okay. Because she missed Taylor so much. She could not process the fact that she thought this was the right thing to do, and yet somehow she felt like a fucking monster for hurting the woman she loved so much. And this was making her every damn day feel like the worst day of her life.
-o-o-o-
After a week, Taylor and Laura went back to work. It was just the two of them, though and some of the crew. They were just gonna rehearse their scene which they would be shooting the next day.
When they arrived on set, they ignored each other, and wouldn't even look at each other's way. Maybe one week would never be enough for them to get over this, but at least now they were ready to do their work.
The start of the scene needed Laura as Alex and Taylor as Piper to kiss each other, softly at first until it got a lot steamier. Usually, the director and Jenji would be very technical about it, but this time, to both Laura and Taylor's surprise, the only instruction given to them was to "do what you gotta do."
So when the director yelled "Action!" they forgot everything that was happening to them and got into the shoes of Alex and Piper.
As Alex, Laura needed to be the aggressor, so she cupped Taylor's cheek and looked into her eyes. She started rubbing circles with her thumb on Taylor's cheek and ever so slowly pressed her lips onto hers. She nipped at her bottom lip gently causing Taylor to draw a sharp breath. She continued kissing her, as her left hand went at the back of Taylor and pulled her closer to her. Taylor, on the other hand, entangled her fingers on Laura's hair as she pulled her for an even deeper kiss.
At that point, Laura had abandoned her character, and she knew Taylor had, too. They weren't Alex and Piper anymore. It was them, Laura and Taylor, kissing and feeling every bit of each other, holding on to each other as if they would lose each other again if they let go.
Laura was kissing Taylor like she's never kissed her before. She had slipped her tongue inside Taylor's mouth as she rubbed her hand over her breast and the blonde let out a guttural moan. She pulled her even closer to her and felt her hips slowly grinding against her.
She knew that there were almost 40 people around them, cameras, and eyes watching them. But she didn't care. She wouldn't care even if the whole world was watching. She missed Taylor so much and she was gonna make her feel that.
But then Taylor stopped moving and let go of her, dropping her arms to her side. And Laura was surprised when she suddenly felt that her cheeks were somehow wet. She pulled away from Taylor, just far enough to be able to see what was going on. And it felt like the whole world had fallen upon her when she saw tears streaming down Taylor's face. There were so much pain in her eyes and seeing that, she felt her eyes start to water, too.
She pressed her forehead against hers, and very softly she said, "I'm so sorry, Taylor. I really, really am." This time, she was crying, too. Because she knew, that no matter how many times she would kiss her, and hug her and hold her, she wouldn't be able to take the pain back. "If only I can take all the pain away, I'd take it all. And I'm so... so sorry that I can't."
Everyone around them couldn't move, or say anything. They just stayed still, watching them, hearts breaking because these were two people they cared about a lot and it pained them seeing them like this. And so even if they weren't in character anymore, they just let them be.
Taylor was already sobbing uncontrollably. She couldn't say anything back. All she could do was pull Laura to her, and hugged her so tightly, as if that was going to bring her back. She wanted to be with her again, she loved her so much and she could feel that Laura still felt the same thing she felt for her.
But there was something in that moment telling Taylor that this wasn't them trying to be back in each other's arms. This wasn't them trying to get back together. This was the two of them, properly saying goodbye to each other, letting each other know that this was indeed over, and that they both had to move on.
-o-o-o-
Taylor was inside what they called on the show as the Solitary Housing Unit. She was sitting at the floor, with her legs stretched forward and her back and head on the wall. After what happened during rehearsal today, she immediately ran away from everyone, and was relieved when she saw that she could stay at a place where no one was.
She felt so drained. After a week of almost feeling at peace, a week without tears, here she was again, at the same place where she was when Laura left her. She thought that she was finally starting to move on. But no, just one look at Laura and every control she thought she had of herself had melted away.
Then the door suddenly opened, with Laura standing there. Her eyes were red and puffy and for a second, Taylor wondered what she was crying about when she was the one who wanted this in the first place. Laura started making her way near Taylor, and then she sat beside her, copying her position. She had pulled back her head to press it against the wall, too. She was close enough but she felt so distant.
For a while, no one spoke. Until Taylor did.
"How did we get here, Laura? How could we allow something so beautiful be thrown away just like that?"
Laura breathed deeply. She wanted to tell Taylor that she didn't throw anything away. It was just herself who did that. But instead, she answered differently. "I don't know."
Again both kept quiet for a few minutes. And it was Taylor who broke the silence again.
"We can't just keep doing this, you know. We have work to do. Maybe they all understand us now, but sooner or later they're also gonna get tired of our shit. I am tired."
"I know. I am, too."
"So what do we do now, huh? Should we let this ruin everything that we've worked so hard for? Or should we just fight it and get on with our lives... whatever that means?"
Laura didn't answer immediately. She felt like there was so much to say, but she couldn't find the right words to say them. "Yeah, the latter sounds good."
Taylor slowly tilted her head to the side to look at Laura. She still had her head pressed against the wall but this time she had her eyes closed. "I'm sorry."
With that, Laura opened her eyes and looked back at Taylor creasing her eyebrows. "For what?"
"For everything."
Laura looked down. "You don't really need to apologize for anything, Taylor. You said it yourself, this is all on m—"
Taylor cut her off. "Just... don't. If we wanna get past this we should start doing something about it. You've apologized a lot of times, and now it's my turn to do so. We have to get over it, so we could go back to doing our jobs again... properly."
Laura nodded, biting her lower lip. "You're right." She paused. "So... do you think... it's possible for us to be friends again?"
This time, it was Taylor who looked down. But it was just for a second because she was looking at Laura again. "I want to, believe me I do. But I can't. I can't just be friends with you, Laura. At least not yet, and probably not sooner, too. It's... it's hard. It's hard to look at you, and know that that's all we're ever going to be. I'm gonna need some more time for that." Laura bowed again and Taylor could see that this wasn't the answer she was expecting. "But I can be civil... I hope you understand."
Laura did not know what to say at first, but then she realized that Taylor was right. She couldn't be just friends with her, too. She's in love with her and she probably would until god knows how long. She figured that she was probably just finding ways for her not to lose Taylor entirely because she did not know how to live with that. But it wasn't fair to Taylor. After all that she had done to hurt her, the least she could do was be fair to her. And she also knew that there was no way in hell that she would be able to move on if they tried to stay friends.
"You're right. I do. I understand."
For a moment, they just stared at each other, looking into each other's eyes. Then, as if they had spoken words, when in fact it was just a silent communication through their stares, they had closed the gap between them, and kissed each other. It was a soft, gentle kiss. And it lasted only for about three seconds.
"I love you, Laura."
"I love you, too, Taylor."
Laura then stood up, and then let out a long breath. She looked back down at Taylor and found her looking up at her, too, with a small smile, almost invisible, etched on her lips. And then she said, "Those months that we were together, they were the best months of my life."
Laura smiled, too. But it was gone as soon as it came out. "Me, too."
With that, she walked towards the door and then closed it.
It was probably the goodbye that they both needed.
Now, it was time to move on.
A/N:
Hey guys! I just want to thank you again coz this fic has now reached more than 100 reviews and it's also close to having 100 followers. I can't say it enough but you people are the most awesome on earth!
TinyGuitarist, yes there are a lot of awesome stories there, too! Thank you! I'm now working on my new fic, hope you'd still be there to read it one day haha.
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