Chapter 31 – Months Later
Falling in love is one of the weirdest fucking feelings in the world. You find the stupidest jokes painfully funny, you consider messy hair surprisingly sexy, you feel passionately contented with just watching the rising and falling of one's chest as you watch that person sleep. You just see the beauty in all things you would probably find insane if you're just your normal self and not head over heels for another human being.
And yet, you can't help but fall in love over and over again, no matter how weird it is, no matter how much pain it causes you. Because it's also one of the most wonderful feelings there is. Waking up and looking forward to the day not because of the day itself but just because you know that other person, the one you're crazily in love with, exists. Looking at that person smile, and drowning at that smile, because it's the most beautiful thing you'd ever see. Going through a terrible time, but not minding it, because you have someone you can share that awful time with.
Taylor missed all that. And looking at the person peacefully sleeping beside her, she looked back at the past few months and thought of how everything that had happened got her here.
A few weeks after she and Laura finally settled things between them, when they'd finally stopped fucking just for the sake of it, she found herself having withdrawals of her. She missed it, every touch, every kiss, every moan she'd hear from her and from her own self, she missed all of those. And most especially, she missed her.
When OITNB was finally wrapped up, for good, there was not much reason for her and Laura to see each other anymore. Sure, they decided on being friends, on staying in each other's lives, but she knew that they really did not mean for that to be literally taken.
A month passed. They had not seen each other at all or even spoken to each other, or even heard any news from each other, except for the very rare Twitter or Instagram posts.
Another month passed, they had finally heard from each other. Christmas had passed, they'd sent each other text messages, simple greetings for the holidays. Then New Year came, the next time they'd sent each other messages since Christmas, same greetings, but this time with the painful memory of the past New Year, the one they spent together, with Laura's family, the one Taylor considered as the best New Year of her life. Then came the awards season, the only time they had seen each other and the last time they were going to in another long time.
And then Taylor met someone. She liked him, more than she thought she would, more than she would've let herself feel, if only she had any control of her own feelings. So she let herself succumb to this dangerous feeling that had hurt her more than she could handle twice in her life now. Because she was a human being, who had needs, who needed to be loved, and who needed to make another person feel that exact same thing.
His name was Finn. They'd been together for more than a month now. He was everything she needed him to be. He was wonderful, almost perfect. Almost every day, he would call her and ask her how her day was. He was there for her when she needed him, even without her asking.
But looking at him now, with his eyes closed, and steady breathing, she knew there was something missing. She didn't feel the flutters in her stomach whenever she would look at him. She would always laugh at his jokes but she would secretly groan inside because those jokes were actually annoying. And now she wondered why after all this time that they were together, she was only thinking about these things now.
Then absentmindedly, she checked her phone for the time and date. It was almost eight in the morning. It was Monday, the 7th of March. It was Laura's birthday.
-o-o-o-
Laura woke up and instantly checked her phone. She didn't even realize what day it was until she did so. She only knew it was that time of the year again when she saw more than ten text messages, and missed calls. She chose to ignore those things first. Instead, she checked her Twitter and Instagram accounts and immediately smiled at the overwhelming birthday greetings from her fans all over the world. Knowing she was loved that much by so many people, she knew it was gonna be a good day.
After checking those birthday greetings, she then checked her messages from the people who were actually in her life, physically. She also felt warmth in her chest as she checked each and every message. Until she saw one particular message she never expected to receive today.
It was from Taylor.
"Hi, good morning! Happy birthday. I miss you."
It was that simple. The usual greeting for a person who had a birthday. She had the same message from five other different people today. And yet, this one's different.
She hadn't talked to Taylor, and even seen her, in more than a month now. She didn't find this surprising, truthfully. After they'd decided to finally just be friends, without the benefits, she knew there was gonna be a very rare chance that they'd actually do what normal friends usually did. She hoped that it wouldn't be the case, though, and she actually, at some point, believed they were gonna be able to do just that. But it wasn't that easy. It was never going to be easy. And she knew that.
That's why she wasn't disappointed during the first month, when they had barely spoken to each other, or not talk at all. She didn't even remember anymore. And then when there were times when they would have to see each other because of work, she also expected to only have a somewhat civil interaction with her. It was never going to be the same, she thought. And she was right. And she was okay with it.
And then, she found out that she had started seeing another person, a guy. She had honestly expected to feel jealous, to be hurt, to feel regret that she had let her go. To her own surprise, she didn't.
Aside from the fact that they'd been over for more than half a year now, she also knew that she deserved it. She was one of the best people she had ever known in her entire life, and she deserved to be happy, to be with someone who would love her more than she ever did, and someone who wouldn't hurt her like she'd done. If this guy was that person, she was gonna be happy for them, for her most especially, and she was. She was happy for her.
For a while, she had successfully taken Taylor off her mind. She had gone through days without having thought of her, without wondering what she was doing at the moment, how she was feeling. She had become just like any of her other acquaintances, any other co-worker. She had become someone who existed in her life just like any other person she knew. She was no longer any different from them all.
Until today.
She decided to reply to her message, and in a really long time, she hoped that they'd started talking again, more than just any cursory conversations they'd had in the past few months, albeit through text messages.
Laura: Hey, thanks, girl! I miss you, too. It's been a while.
Taylor: I know, sorry I hadn't kept in touch. Had been in the middle of something lately.
Laura: Oh, don't worry about it. Had been busy, too. So, how are you doing?
Taylor: Doing good! Finally found a time to rest. I needed this, you know we're back in the set of Orange in a couple of weeks.
Laura: I know! Can't wait to see all of you.
Taylor: Me, too! Anyway, I gotta get going. The boyfriend is up. Happy birthday again, have a great one!
And with that, the conversation was over. So much for more than a cursory conversation. She was a bit disappointed but she had to acknowledge that it was always gonna be that way now.
One thing that she didn't acknowledge? That little pang in her chest when she read the word 'boyfriend' in Taylor's text.
-o-o-o-
For the fifth time around, they were back on the set of Orange Is The New Black. There were a lot of chatting, you could barely hear yourself. It was evident how much everyone had missed everyone. For a while, no one could get through a scene without laughing, until Jenji would finally cut in and act mad, unsuccessfully. All other things considered, it was a good freaking day.
It wasn't until Taylor and Laura were packed up that they had actually approached each other and talked. It was surprising for both of them how easy it felt to be around each other. They had actually thought they'd be back to the awkward-I-can't-act-properly-around-you again, but they couldn't be more wrong. They were even the only people who had managed to be able to do a scene in one take only. And it felt surreal.
"Hey." It was Laura who approached Taylor first. She didn't realize how much she had actually missed her, until now, when they were facing each other, not just as Alex and Piper. She missed her, and a little bit inside her hoped that Taylor did, too. Even if that was a long shot.
"Hi! Good scene, huh?" Taylor was smiling, and it was worrying her how new this felt, as if she hadn't smiled like this in a long time, when in reality, she actually had. Or maybe those smiles were different. With Laura, everything was different.
"Yes! It's awesome," she chuckled, as she secretly took in how Taylor looked. She was now dressed in her normal clothes, not the khaki uniform they wore on the set, and she looked gorgeous. She was wearing just a simple white shirt and black leggings, and Laura found her utterly beautiful. She was starting to wonder why she was suddenly feeling these things again. But then again, Taylor had always looked gorgeous to her, even before they were even together.
"Definitely," Taylor answered back. She found it stupid how she considered this conversation the most interesting one she'd had today, when it couldn't even be called a conversation at all. She attributed it to the fact that she had talked to Laura the least during their hiatus but maybe it was something much more than that. But she wasn't gonna go there. She shouldn't. And she didn't want to.
After a few more exchange of one to three-word sentences to each other, Taylor's phone had rung. "Excuse me," she told Laura but instead of leaving, she answered the phone in front of her. "Hey, babe."
At that point, Laura wanted to leave, to tell Taylor goodbye and just go home. But she couldn't. She stood there, listened to her talk to obviously her boyfriend, feeling that same pang in her chest she felt just a few weeks ago.
"Okay then, I'll just wait for you here. Bye." She paused. "Yeah, I love you, too." She didn't mean to, but before she could stop herself, she had looked at Laura when she spoke those last four words. She expected for her to look away, but she just smiled. But it was a different kind of smile. And she couldn't make up what it was, because as soon as she looked at her, she had immediately looked away.
The call had ended and she faced Laura again. "So," she took her bag and slung it on her shoulder. "Finn's picking me up. He'd be here any minute now."
Laura just nodded, feeling as if she was being suffocated as minutes passed by. "Okay. Good." She tried racking her brain for reasons why she was suddenly feeling that way but she ended up with nothing. "Do you, uh, want me to wait with you here or something?"
"Uh, no!" Taylor almost cursed herself for answering so fast. "I mean, thanks. But I'll be fine here. You should just head home, it's kind of late."
Laura knew Taylor so much that she could tell there was something Taylor was not telling her. She saw hesitance that glinted in her eyes and she had an idea why. Maybe it wasn't any of her business, but she couldn't help but ask. "Does he... not know about me, us, I mean?"
"No, he does," answered Taylor, obviously starting to become uncomfortable with where the conversation was going. "I mean, it was kind of a public information, right?"
"But?"
Taylor hated that Laura knew her too well for her to keep any secrets from her. She considered lying, but she couldn't form any coherent thought in her mind except what the truth really was. "It's just... I mean, he's... he's not very comfortable about us." She let her last word hang, unable to justify it, as if she had an obligation to justify it in the first place. She saw hurt in Laura's eyes, if she saw right, and at that point, she felt annoyance towards his boyfriend. "I'm sorry—"
But Laura cut her off. "Don't." She tried to smile. "I understand. I should keep going then. Before he sees me." She started walking away from Taylor, wrapping her arms around her shoulders, because she suddenly felt so cold.
"Laura—" Taylor tried calling out to Laura, but she knew it was too late. She was too far from her now. And she knew that it was more than just a physical distance.
A/N:
You guys are seriously so awesome I can't say it enough. I kinda feel sad that this fic is coming to its end because I'm gonna miss interacting with all of you.
w4nderer, So sorry that it's not the 'starting over' that you expected! *peace and love, man*
g4gusgrisam, Thank you for your review! Hope you stick with the story no matter what happens haha.
xunconsciousx, Ooooh, noting the word 'girlfriend,' I'm guessing things turned out great for both of you? =)) Yeah, it really does. Sometimes, it's not that easy to make a decision when it comes to these things. I know 'love' is pretty much a big factor, but sometimes, there are just things that you need to consider, too. =)
cranberries, Thank you! I'm glad that you like this fic. And yeah, unfortunately, I can't stretch the story any longer. =(
Anas, Wow, your review really made my day! The fact that you think this is different (in a hopefully good way) from the others really means a lot to me =) Thank you for dropping a review, I really love exchanging messages with my readers, I feel like I'm talking to friends. Thanks again, you're wonderful! =) And hello, Europe! =)
moanzs, Yeah, I guess they've gone through a lot before this chapter but I think I had to let them go through those things before they realize what they really want. =) Anyway, thank you for the review! Only few chapters before you find out if they're endgame or not, lol. I'm gonna miss talking to you!
Gabi, Aww, thanks girl! *happy tears* you made this ride so much fun, you guys are so wonderful! =) I am actually working on another fic but I think I won't be able to post it in a while. Hope you look out for that one! Love you back! Hugs and kisses!
SeriouslyAwesome, I'm sad, too! I'm really gonna miss talking to all of you wonderful people. And to your request, you're gonna find out soon enough, lol. Thanks again! You are seriously awesome! =)
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Guest (filmmaker), Hi there! Hmmm, okay you have five chapters left to know if we think the same thing, right? Lol. And also, I tried following the link you put in your review but sadly I can't open it =( Maybe try sending it again to me through PM? Idk if that'd make any difference but you can try. Thank you for your beautiful review, dear =)
Ellen, Hi, girl! I'll miss talking to you, too! But maybe we can send each other PMs every now and then, right? =) Thank you for always leaving reviews on every chapter, I can't thank you enough! You're the amazing one and I honestly love talking to you! Love you much! Hugs and kisses! (And I'm a little confused, you're also the filmmaker one? Lol) Can't open the link, sorry =(
I3VauseMan, Aww, thank you! I really love replying to each and every message coz it's my way of saying I appreciate the time they're (you're) spending to leave review on my little fic =) My readers are so awesome I can't help but tell them (you) that, lol. Oh me too! I love A/Us! They're my favourite kind. Hm, anyway about the thing that Laura hates Pete? I think I've she's acknowledged that, she knew she did the same thing so she couldn't really hate Pete anymore. Idk if that wasn't clear, but it it wasn't, I'm really sorry! *PEACE YO* =) And about that communication thingy, that's really one of her flaws. It'd be addressed in the later chapters I promise =) Hey I looooove your review don't apologize! I learn from these things so please keep it up. And yeah, Tayloface rocks! Sorry I hurt her a lot here. LOL. Again, thank you for that wonderful review. You rock!
jo michael, Yo, man! I'm doing great. I just got home from a seven-hour trip I'm really exhausted so I feel like I'm high or something haha. How about you? Yeah, only six (well, five now) chapters left. I hope you like how this one turns out, (no matter how it does). I'm gonna miss talking to you. Stay in touch, yeah? =) Thank you! Hugs and kisses!