Please read and review!
Kagome sucked in a sob, she really needed to stop crying. Sesshomaru was here saying all the right things to comfort her, and hopefully his presence would help to mend her wounded spirit.
"Oh Sesshomaru," she said, choking on the words as she removed her face from his chest and looked up at him. "I hope you are right, because I cannot see how any of this is going to be okay."
He never had any reason or need in his life to console another person, and he wasn't very good at it either, but while he gazed into the oceanic pools that were her eyes, he felt that he had to try.
"I can promise you that if there is a way to fix what has happened I will find it." She felt comforted by his words and closed her eyes as she continued to bask in his warmth.
She felt so much tension in him that the bunch of nerves in his chest tightened and was alarmed. He had been more relaxed a moment ago.
"Whoever has had a hand in this scheme will pay, of this I am sure." She shivered as if cold from the iciness of his statement. "What do you mean?" She asked him curiously.
Sesshomaru scowled. "It means exactly as I say. All who is responsible will answer to me."
She took a deep breath trying to calm her racing heart and whirling thoughts, because she still found it hard to believe how both their lives could have been interrupted by something so sinister and unexplainable.
He saw the doubts and questions in her eyes as they flickered briefly and then she looked away from him.
"Worrying will not help to fix what is broken," he told her assuredly, and then lifted her chin so gently and kissed her so passionately until the world rocked beneath her, it removed the doubts even if it was only a temporary fix. When he released her they could only stare at each other, shaken emotionally by their grief.
Breathless with what she was feeling, and the fact that the rain wasn't pelting the roof with its showers anymore, she managed to gasp. "Please take me home."
He nodded his response of yes and she rose up from his lap and pointed the way. She eased away from him so that she could get up to go, but before she could even make the gesture, he scooped her up in his arms and stode out of the classroom door, and nudged it close with his leg as he left.
Everything felt so right with him here, and yet at the same time it was farthest from the truth of their problems. Perhaps the moment was simply nostalgia. She closed her eyes tight and pressed her head firmly against his chest and listened to his steady heartbeat, in an effort to draw strength from him.
If they were going to help each other then they needed to talk; laying all their cards on the table. She had to face the truth, skimming over them would not help anyone. She had already decided that she wanted him in her life, nothing had changed, and the reality that he did not cruelly abandon her like she had previously thought had helped her to put things into perspective. She could never lay blame on him for something that he was not aware of; he was an innocent just as she was.
Soon enough they reached the entrance of the door and she turned the handle and he took them both inside. Setting her on her feet carefully, she eyed him curiously as he looked around her neat and humble abode, then his brows furrowed it seems in displeasure, and she wondered what could have caused such a reaction from him. She had always kept her living space clean so she knew that couldn't be what he found offensive.
She opened her mouth in nervousness to ask him what the matter was. But he was quicker and turned to face her directly with deep golden eyes flaring suddenly, gold burning in the semi darkness.
"You say that we were lovers, and yet I scent the musk of another male in your home," he accused rather than stated.
He saw the shock that widened her eyes turning her deep blue's even darker. There was a tension about her slender body, she was edgy and uneasy, her mood communicating that there was more to this than meet the eye. He was filled with jealousy so intense that it felt as though it was burning a path deep into his heart and very soul.
She didn't honestly believe that he thought she had shacked up with another man while he wasn't around. But the way in which his eyes darkened and narrowed, the frown on his face, and his cold stare all combined together told her that she was wrong and that he actually believed that she had deceived him.
She had to get a grip on herself and talk to him as calmly as possible. She had to tell him everything that has happened, because it wasn't helping the situation any at all the longer she remained mute.
"Sesshomaru please, it isn't what you think. Give me a moment to freshen up and I will tell you all that you need to know," she implored him while she reached out and touched his face with her soft fingers, only pulling away when his features softened.
He took a seat at the table and waited for her return, while the rain picked up and started to fall harder again.
He thought about the jealousy that had consumed him moments ago, and wondered how it was possible when he couldn't even remember her or the love that they had shared.
It must have been quite an intense love for him to still feel as he did when he had little if any recollection of such emotions between them, he reasoned. His body and his heart yearned for her still, and the more he thought about the two of them he wondered what kind of role she had played in his life.
He was a mated male; she a single human female. Was she his mistress? What kind of promises did he make to her…And why did he choose another when it was becoming obvious that they both felt strongly for each other? There were some things missing from the puzzle and hopefully when they talked the missing pieces would fall gracefully into place.
Her feet bare and he could hear the quiet footsteps along the floor, he didn't turn around to meet her, he sat and waited until she came into view. The blood red silky robe that she wore, with her hair loose and her skin newly washed and flushed scented mildly of wild flowers and peach was familiar.
He felt like he had lived this moment with her before, but the memory was fleeting, and like before each time that he remembered something about her his nerves tightened painfully, and a spark as if from the lightning would burn it away from his mind; if this continued, soon he wouldn't have one single memory of her left. He needed to get to the bottom of this quickly, before all was lost.
Taking the seat opposite to him so that they could see each other while they conversed, although being a little anxious to talk to him now. She had so much to tell him and wasn't sure where to begin, then she smiled and thought to herself, the beginning was always a good place to start.
She opened her mouth to speak then closed it suddenly when she remembered something important.
"Hold on a minute, I will be back shortly," she blurted out unexpectedly, got up quite quickly and ran off.
His brows raised at her curious behaviour, nevertheless he remained silent and waited on her. She returned a short time later with a book in hand and placed it on the table in front of him and sat down. She closed her eyes briefly, mentally preparing herself for what was to come. He watched her silently with his gaze switching from her face to the book.
She ran her fingers slowly over the hard cover of the textbook and said quietly. "This book is what started everything between us."
Her tone was barely a whisper, now that the moment was here her voice threatened to fail her, and the overwhelming race of her heart made the blood pound so loudly inside her head that she could barely hear herself speak.
"I will tell you everything…And I will explain why the scent of another male is still present in my home."
She had his undivided attention now, honey golden eyes narrowed, that burning, searching gaze fixed on her face. He must have seen the glimmer of tears in her eyes the way she had to blink them back. He saw her tears and thought she was guilty of betraying him while they were apart, and so he commented bitterly in jealousy and vexation.
"So I was right and you are admitting that you had a male living with you, and yet you behave as though you were pining for me."
His statement low, dangerous and accusatory as jealousy and anger surfaced once more, igniting his seemingly calm nature into a raging inferno
"No!" she said, and it was almost a moan, a sound of despair, "that is not what I am saying at all. I could never be with someone like that…I loved...No I love you too much for that."
His mouth tightened briefly and he didn't say another word. He just waited, but the fierce scrutiny of his remarkable eyes did not waver. Her throat dried, apprehension faltered her so much so that she had to fight to force out the words that needed to be said.
"When I said that I would explain why the scent of a male was present in my home, I wasn't talking about a lover. I know that you remember him, he is all grown up now but you knew him as a child. His name is Shippo and he was the little fox youkai that I raised."
Recognition shone in his eyes as he recalled the fox child.
"He was here up until yesterday, he left for China and will be back in three months."
Her tone stiff and she wasn't meeting his gaze any longer, the situation between them complicated. She reached for the book, opened it up and turned to chapter five and gave it to him.
"Sesshomaru," she said softly, "please read the passage and I am sure you will have a better understanding of why we became friends, and how our relationship evolved so quickly."
His hand clenched firmly on the book, so much so that he felt that the material would shatter under the pressure of his fingers. He felt like he was about to open the gateway to his lost memories and find the connection that he had not known he yearned for before today, with the woman now beside him.
Kagome watched him silently as he read, and she wasn't surprised when the emotions of shock, frustration, anger and lastly resolution were etched clearly on his face. When he was done he closed the book and rests it back on the table. It was an effort to drag his eyes away from the book. But with time he finally did, and then he asked quietly.
"How did I get this book, and what did I do after I read it?"
Her voice sounded uneven and forced as she explained everything that happened from the moment that he took the book and came to her home and forcible dragged her through an open window, that night nine months ago.
"We became fast friends, we even made a blood oath when I decided to help you save your species," she continued solemnly. "I accompanied you to the west and came before the council to assist you."
The tears started to spill as she came closer to the change in their relationship.
"Your mother hated me because she saw Inuyasha's mother in me, she despised the fact that we were attracted to each other, she told me and the entire council of your concubines, and then she sent your mistress Seira after me."
The memory was bitter enough that she couldn't continue to speak for awhile.
He wanted to comfort her, hold her close, tell her everything would be alright but he couldn't, he didn't know what to say, the words simply failed him, and he didn't know what to do because he was fearful of causing her more pain. She had been through a great deal just for him, and while he watched as she cried silently, he fell in love with her all over again.
After she calmed she raised her head with glossy eyes and continued.
"Your mistress challenged me for the right to be with you, I was scared, and when you didn't assist me I had to fight to save my life from her vicious assault…And I won."
She wasn't an arrogant person and so the last part of her statement was said softly and with humility, but its meaning couldn't be any clearer.
"No!"
Sesshomaru's echoing of that single word had so much more behind it that it made her flinch to hear it. The dawn of enlightenments shone on him and all was making sense. But his heart felt like it had started to disintegrate with big chunks of it being shorn away as he considered something.
Kagome's worth and importance grew insurmountable now that he knew the whole sordid details. She had fought and defeated his present mate, and he knew without her even telling him, that he must have promised her a lifetime of togetherness. So how was he going to tell her without devastating her even further about his mated status to Seira? But he had to tell her, no good could come from him hiding that bit of information.
And so with a heavy heart that tightened painfully under his ribcage he stood towering over her, his jaw clenched, hands formed into fists and he spoke.
"Kagome, I fear that I will be the one to cause you more pain and grief with my words, but I can assure you that is not my intent."
He could still feel the brutal kick of disgust that had landed on his senses earlier with the realization of just why he was in this state now. All this had happened because he loved her, and he had a pretty good idea who was behind it. He would find out how it was done, and they would all pay. But first he had to tell the woman that he loved about Seira, and knowing how much it would shatter her he hesitated.
There she was gazing up on him expectantly, waiting on him to tell her the devastating news, and he felt as though the blade of despair twisted in his gut and his heart bled for her. He took her hands and tugged her to stand, he sighed and then looked directly into her eyes, his lips parted to reveal the breaking news.
"I trust that you will see the truth and forgive me for I am no longer free. I am bound to the female named Seira, and yet I cannot recall how that came to be."
The words sounded inside her head, but she totally lacked the strength to react, to say something, anything. She couldn't have managed another word even if her life depended on it. And in the silence that followed she felt as if a window must had blown open in the force of the wind outside, letting in the cold and the wet so that she shivered in the sudden chill of the air as if the temperature had actually dropped to zero around her.
"Kagome are you alright."
Sesshomaru's tone was filled with worry, she was unresponsive, shivering and her eyes had lost its shine. Kagome blinked in confusion, she heard him but it was as if he was miles away. Was it possible…All she heard was that they had no future together and it kept on ringing in her ears and resounding in her brain depressingly.
Blinded by the tears that she didn't know was falling, she could feel Sesshomaru's strong arms come around her, gathering her close, holding her tight, and in the bleakness and despair of her broken heart and loss she had no way of knowing if his gesture was the most welcomed thing on earth or the worst.
He tried to find the right words to soothe her broken soul. "This thing with Seira can be fixed..?"
But she didn't hear any of it; all she heard was that bitch's name. And as he said that final, dreadful name the last shattered remnants of her control broke completely, and she jerked and twisted her way out of his arms and slapped him hard across the face. He was a little surprised but not overly so by her reactions, because he knew that she was distraught and hurting deeply.
The sound of her crying that shock had held back burst forth and she screamed.
"No! No!" She cried and lashed out at him with more slaps across the face, beating her fists and open hands against his chest and armor until they were bloody from cutting into the spikes of his vest. He could have stopped her easily if he had wanted to, but she needed to vent, to let it all out, and besides her blows were feathery against his body.
With no fight left in her, no strength as her fists beats slower and harmlessly on his chest, she gave herself up to the misery and the aching, the dragging sobs that could not be held back. And it was then that he held her hands and pulled her roughly to him, caressing her tear stained face. Holding on tightly, trying his hardest to provide her with some measure of comfort and love.