I Will

Nagisa rolled onto his back, phone in hand, sighing. His free arm clung tightly onto his pillow, holding it close to his body. He scrolled passed Rei's name. Not wanting to feel the familiar ache in his stomach.

He felt it anyway.

After not talking to Rei for almost a month, he was feeling sick. It was all from bottled up rage, he knew. But he wasn't about to call Rei up just to yell. Rei had to apologize. Nagisa wasn't going to fall into the hole that Rei dug.

Rolling onto his side, Nagisa clung tighter onto the pillow. He hovered over Rei's name. Maybe a month without talking to each other helped Rei figure something out. It helped Nagisa figure his own personal matters out.

He knew he flirted openly with other people. But he didn't know that it had an effect on Rei. So when Rei went off on him, as wrong as it had been, Nagisa saw where he was coming from. Rei just needed to apologize. He just needed to say that he was wrong to yell and insult Nagisa like that. Then they could talk about it.

Or at least that's what Makoto had said when he went crying to him and Haru. In their conversation he had Makoto and Rin (over skype) help make reason of the fight. Haru chimed in at the end to tell him to just talk to Rei. Which was easier said than done.

Nagisa missed Rei.

Closing his eyes, he dialed Rei's number. Rei picked up after the second ring, voice strained as it greeted him.

"I'm so sorry," Rei's voice shook into the receiver.

Nagisa smiled. He missed Rei's voice. "Come over," Nagisa fiddled with his bed sheets. He should probably clean them before inviting his boyfriend over.

Rei agreed and quickly hung up.

That left Nagisa time to take a quick shower. Standing under the hot water, he couldn't remember when the last time he actually bathed was. He had fallen asleep in the bath after drinking with his sister a few nights ago. Frustrated by his childish actions, he scrubbed his skin raw.

He ended up greeting Rei in his underwear. Hastily throwing on a shirt. Thankful that his sister was out for the day, Nagisa threw his towel down over the small puddle of water that formed from his sloppy drying. He kicked it around, cleaning, as he invited Rei inside.

Rei, ever so proper, glanced around the small apartment. Eyes trying not to shamelessly travel to Nagisa's bare legs. "How have you been?" Rei coughed.

"I've been," Nagisa picked up the towel. He lead them to his bedroom and sat on the bed.

Rei shut the door behind them. "Nagisa," Rei rubbed his hands together anxiously, "I'm so sorry."

Nagisa hopped up from the bed, "Hey, look at me," He cupped his hands around Rei's cheeks, "I forgive you."

"No," Rei pulled out of Nagisa's grip, "it's wrong. I'm awful. What I said. What I did."

Fingers lightly brushed Rei's cheek, "You're forgiven." Nagisa smiled up at the taller boy. Blushing, he continued, "It's my fault for not considering your feelings and junk."

"Nagisa," Rei placed his hands stiffly onto his boyfriend's shoulders. Tears threatened to escape. It was already an unattractive look, with the deep bags under his eyes.

Figuring he had enough torture, Nagisa leaned into kiss Rei. Who seemed surprise by the affection. "I love you, Rei-chan."

Nagisa practically dragged Rei to his bed so they could get comfortable. "I've been unfair to your feelings, haven't I?" Rei shook his head, tears slowly falling down his cheeks. "I know I flirt, but that gave you no right to say such mean things, Rei-chan." Nagisa lifted Rei's head up.

Rei stared, tears falling on his face, lips quivering with words unspoken. Again, he shook his head.

Taking that as forgiveness Nagisa hugged him. "I love you," He whispered.

"I love you too," Rei wrapped his hands tightly around Nagisa. "I love you so much," He sobbed. Voice cracking as he spoke, "I love you."

Eyes wide and wet with tears, Nagisa looked up at Rei. Slowly, their lips met. And soon they found each other rediscovering each other's mouths. Tongues not waiting to test the waters as they shamelessly pulled each other closer. Rei whined like a wounded animal into Nagisa's mouth. Nagisa noticed how stiff and anxious he still was. He could fix that easily.

Nagisa was the first to part from the kiss. He pulled off his shirt and coaxed Rei into letting him unbutton his. "I love you," He kissed down Rei's exposed chest. Looking back up, he saw Rei had stopped crying and was now transfixed by whatever it was Nagisa had planned. He heard a sharp inhale as he unbuckled Rei's belt, slowly moving his pants and underwear down.

"It's okay, Butterfly," Nagisa cooed seeing Rei's flaccid penis. He knew Rei couldn't get hard while he was still so emotional.

In one swift motion, Nagisa put Rei's soft dick into his mouth. Rei moaned, and he felt him begin to harden into the touch. Rei tugged at Nagisa's hair, enjoying the way the blond moved his tongue against his member.

But as fast as it had begun, it ended. Nagisa was pulled off of Rei's now hard dick. He looked straight into Rei's eyes, mouth still hung open all wet and plump.

"Let me," Nagisa ran his hand up Rei's shaft.

Rei shook his head, holding onto the smaller boy's hand. Nagisa immediately released his grip. They sat in silence as Nagisa watched tears reform at the corners of Rei's eyes.

"I saw Sera," Rei began.

Nagisa sat back, "You're ex?"

"We aren't," Rei spluttered, "We didn't."

"You did."

"Nagisa, I am so so-" Rei had a small hand shoved into his face.

"No, fuck you. What did you do? Did he fuck you? Did you like it?" Nagisa spat out. Words hitting each syllable, he stood up.

Rei shrunk into himself, "We didn't do that."

The softness of his tone made Nagisa stop fuming for a moment to only stare at Rei. He waited for him to continue.

"I kissed him," Rei looked up at Nagisa. "And..."

"And?"

"I am so sorry, Nagisa."

Nagisa suddenly felt really sick. He wanted to run. He wanted to go back in time. Was this his fault? Did he deserve this? The room was spinning. His ears rung with a soft, repeated "sorry" that Rei chanted. Exhausted and hurt, Nagisa crawled back onto his bed. He lay facing the wall, his back turned to Rei.

"Leave," His voice was stern. Eyes burning from the tears he wasn't allowing out yet.

"Nagisa," Rei touched his shoulder.

Nagisa lost his patience at the hand on his shoulder. It was dirty. It made Nagisa feel dirty. Like a cheap throw away. He was tired and his body ached. He missed Rei so much, but apparently Rei found an easy replacement. Nagisa was replaceable.

"Look fucking here, Rei," Nagisa sat back up making Rei hop off the bed, "I waited for you to apologize. I cried so much. I know what I've done is wrong, and you don't have to forgive me for that. But," Nagisa felt the tears pour out of his eyes, "you- with another man, Rei-chan!" Nagisa sat on the bed in his underwear and cried in front of a crying, undressed Rei.

"I love you," Nagisa wiped his face off with his hands. "I just can't forgive this, Rei-chan."

"I love you too, Nagisa." Rei pushed his glasses up. "Are we," Rei couldn't finish the sentence. He didn't have to.

Nagisa nodded, understanding. He turned back to face the wall as Rei fixed his clothes before leaving. Both were silent, but no longer crying. The atmosphere was too thick, too heavy with emotion to say anything. He heard the door open.

"Rei," He didn't have to look to know that Rei placed his full attention onto Nagisa's back, "I don't regret... us." Rei didn't respond.

Instead, he shut the door. Nagisa listened as he left the apartment, leaving him all alone. Hearing the front door close, Nagisa let go. Overwhelmed, he sobbed into his pillow.

And continued to do so. His sister came home an hour later, take-out dinner in hand, to Nagisa curled up in his bed. She sat with him as he forced down the meal, still sitting in his underwear. He was happy that she didn't ask too many questions. He couldn't answer without crying all over again.

I Will by Brandi Carlile. Sorry not sorry. This all leads up to my favorite au. because i a garbage.

thank you for reading! hugs and kisses.