Apprentice and Pregnant 2
Chapter 5: I Thought You Knew
You spurn my natural emotions
You make me feel I'm dirt
And I'm hurt
And if I start a commotion
I run the risk of losing you,
And that's worse
Laurelpaw ran through the trees, every last bone quivering with determination. She felt as though her body wasn't going fast enough, and she sped up even more.
Go faster.
Be stronger.
We're gonna win.
"Slow the hell down," Firepaw wheezed after her, pausing to cough and catch his breath. "You're going way too fast."
"You're going way too slow," Laurelpaw replied, skidding to a halt. Leave it up to Firepaw to hold things up.
I'm not even surprised at this point.
"Let's go," Laurelpaw snapped, poking him with a paw.
"Stop," Firepaw said.
"No, we need to go-"
"Shut up and stop, you idiot," Firepaw hissed angrily, glaring at her with an intense dislike. "I hear prey."
Laurelpaw shut her mouth quickly, realizing that he was right. There was a scuffling sound coming from underneath the undergrowth, Laurelpaw figured it must be a mouse.
Firepaw didn't speak, wordlessly taking the roll of the distraction. Laurelpaw moved silently over the ground, making her way around the mouse to trap it. Laurelpaw waited until Firepaw leaped to make her move. The second Firepaw jumped up, the mouse squeaked in surprise and darted away, straight into Laurelpaws waiting claws. She killed it quickly and covered it up with a few leaves.
"Good work," Laurelpaw mumbled as she walked back over to Firepaw.
"You too," Firepaw growled back, not meeting her eyes. Laurelpaw looked at the young cat, her unexplained anger towards him melting slightly. His eyes were focused ahead, seeking out more prey. Laurelpaw stared at him, realizing how blue his eyes were.
All I ever look at is his greasy fur. I make fun of him all the time about how he looks.
He's mean to me, makes me look like an idiot in front of everyone else and acts like I don't exist
He's arrogant and conceited, and gets along with everyone but me
Why does he hate me so much?
"I can see you staring at me," Firepaw mumbled, glancing at her quickly. "Peripheral vision, yo."
"Why do you hate me so much?" Laurelpaw blurted out, unable to help herself. Firepaw stopped concentrating at once, and turned to stare at her. His blue eyes narrowed angrily.
"I'll write you up a list and then we can go over the key points," he said sarcastically.
"What the hell is your problem?" Laurelpaw cried, tearing up the grass with her claws in frustration. God, this cat drives me crazy.
"It's so funny how you actually wonder why I don't like you," Firepaw said, chuckling to himself. "Okay, well you really wanna know? Hmm, where should we start? Alright, how about this, I overheard you talking to Pinepaw once about how ugly you think I am. How my body isn't normal and how disgusting I look."
"Oh," Laurelpaw whispered, taken completely off guard. "Firepaw, that was-"
"He's never gonna get a mate," Firepaw interrupted, mocking her voice angrily. "And if he does, she's gonna have to be blind. Who would ever be attracted to a cat that looks like that? Ew!"
"How dare you," Laurelpaw hissed, a sudden anger washing over her. "I've heard you say some pretty awful things about me too, you know!"
"Oh really?" Firepaw rolled his eyes and spat on the ground.
"Really," Laurelpaw hissed. "Silverpaw told me that you think I'm useless. You told him that you don't understand how I have any friends because I'm such a bitch."
"You are a bitch!" Firepaw cried. "The biggest bitch I know!"
"Screw you," Laurelpaw hissed quietly.
"Screw you," Firepaw whispered, staring straight into her eyes. "You think you're so much better than me because you're pretty and I'm not. Well I have news for you, Laurelpaw. I may be ugly, but guess what? At least I wasn't a freaking accident."
Laurelpaw stopped cold, the word accident felt like a slash to the throat.
"Oh, that shut you up, didn't it?" Firepaw said triumphantly. "Oh, don't act all hurt and shocked or whatever. It's no secret to you what you are; it's no secret to everyone else either. You're the result of a raped apprentice."
Laurelpaw started to shake, and she sat down, staring sightlessly forward. Her vision went cloudy and she felt as though she was going to throw up.
"Laurelpaw?" Firepaws voice turned from anger to concern in a matter of seconds, and he leaned down to look at her. "Okay, that was too far. I'm sorry I said that."
Laurelpaw thought back to the last gathering, when Thornpaws friends had looked at her weirdly and refused to talk to her. She thought of how everyone seemed to dance around the topic of her birth, and how Hollyshine had looked scared when she had talked about liking a Shadowclan cat.
Hollyshine didn't fall in love with my dad… he used her
And everyone knows
Everyone knows, except me
"Laurelpaw, come on, I didn't mean it," Firepaw pleaded, looking genuinely scared. "We were just fighting like we always do… I never meant to hurt your feelings, please Laurelpaw… get up…"
"No one wanted me," Laurelpaw whispered dully. "I was an accident… My mom didn't want me…"
"Hollyshine loves you," Firepaw whispered, sitting down next to her. "Laurelpaw, seriously. I'm so, so sorry… I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Well, you did," Laurelpaw said, voice cracking. I can't believe this
My life was a mistake
I wasn't meant to be born
"I thought you knew!" Firepaw cried, looking terribly upset. His fur started to quiver, and his eyes grew shiny as if he were about to cry. "I only fight with you because that's the only way I know how to communicate with you… I like you so much and you think I'm disgusting so I be mean to you, because then you'll respond to me."
"It's okay," Laurelpaw said, not listening. "Let's go hunt some more."
"I don't want to hunt," Firepaw whispered, looking genuinely too upset to hunt anyway. "I feel terrible."
Laurelpaw looked at him, and didn't look away for a few moments. Despite the new information he had told her, Laurelpaw felt bad for the cat. He looked like a scared kit, hiding in the corner as he watched a battle. His blue eyes were getting glassier by the second, and Laurelpaw knew it wouldn't be long until he started crying.
"Don't cry," she said, deciding to make the best of it. I guess there's no point in being sad about this, it's not like it's gonna change anything.
"I'm sorry," Firepaw said for what seemed to be the zillionth time. "I'm so sorry."
"Firepaw," Laurelpaw said, feeling her sadness vanish slightly as she realized Firepaw seriously cared about her. "You're not ugly. A little strange looking maybe, but definitely not ugly."
"Thanks," Firepaw choked, voice breaking. The tears in his eyes suddenly started to fall, and he looked down at the ground as they splashed on the grass.
"I always knew there was something up with how I was born," Laurelpaw said slowly. "Sure, I'm upset about it. But at least I don't have to wonder anymore."
"I guess," Firepaw whispered.
"Stop being sad," Laurelpaw said gently. "Wipe those tears off your face and let's go hunt some more. We have a lot of prey to catch if we want to go to the gathering tomorrow."
"So you're seriously okay?" Firepaw asked, voice becoming slightly more stable.
"I'll be okay," Laurelpaw said truthfully. "Now enough of this sad shit. It's so much more fun when we fight."
"Well then, let's go hunting," Firepaw said, looking at her with an expression Laurelpaw had never seen before. "Bitch."
"Shut up, dumbass."
"Hey, how'd you do?" Swallow Star asked breathlessly, looking dead tired. Laurelpaw dropped her prey on the ground so she could talk.
"We have quite a bit more buried," Laurelpaw explained. "It's gonna take a few trips."
"Are we finally gonna stop hunting?" Pinepaw sighed dramatically and sat down. "We've been doing this all day."
"I guess it's getting dark," Swallow Star commented. "Yes, I'm sure the other team has stopped by now. Let's work on bringing all this back to camp."
"I hope we win," Laurelpaw said excitedly.
"Hey, what's wrong with Firepaw?" Swallow Star asked suddenly, looking over at the young cat. Firepaw still looked sad about what he said earlier, and Laurelpaw was suddenly under the impression that he was more upset than she was.
"Firepaw?" Swallow Star asked again, looking alarmed. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," Firepaw whispered.
"Where's your attitude?" Swallow Star said jokingly, trying to make him laugh.
"Gone," Firepaw mumbled. Swallow Star looked over at Laurelpaw, clearly wondering what had happened.
He'll be fine, Laurelpaw mouthed the words. Swallow Star just nodded, and gave one last concerned glance at the orange apprentice before picking up his prey.
"Let's get this back to camp," He said through his mouthful. "And find out who gets to go to the gathering. I have a feeling it might be you three."