Apprentice and Pregnant 2
Chapter 6: Don't Turn Around
The last time I freaked out
I just kept lookin' down
I s-s-stuttered when you asked me what I'm thinking 'bout
Felt like I couldn't breathe
You asked what's wrong with me
My best friend Leslie said, oh she's just being Miley
The next time we hang out
I will redeem myself
My heart, it can rest till then
And I can't wait
To see you again
"Stare and cry," Cracklepaw said triumphantly as he dropped his last catch on his pile. "Just try not to get any tears on my glory."
Laurelpaw stared at the pile of prey her brothers team had collected. Holy shit, did they ever do well. There's enough there to feed the clan for days.
"Told you we'd win," Silverpaw piped in as he dropped his last mouse on the massive heap of fresh kill. "I don't see why this comes as a surprise."
"Is that all you have?" Swallow Star asked mildly, shooting a glance at Laurelpaw. Laurelpaw felt her paws go all tingly, and she tried to repress her excitement. Yeah they got a lot, but so did we.
Little do they know is, we have three more trips to make
"This is it," Ivypaw smiled, shooting a glance over at Firepaw to see if he noticed. Firepaw, who was busy picking dirt off his claws, wasn't paying attention.
"I'm impressed," Tigerstripe marveled, eyeing Laurelpaws teams pile. "Your pile is almost as big as ours. Impressive, Swallow Star. You were a worthy opponent."
"Thanks," Swallow Star shrugged nonchalantly. "Hey, you busy?"
"What?" Tigerstripe asked, confused. "No, why?"
"Cause we're gonna need some help packing the rest back," Swallow Star said, breaking off to grin widely. "We've got at least three more loads buried out there."
The look on Cracklepaw and Silverpaws face was priceless. Laurelpaw laughed and jumped around in excitement. Ha! We showed them!
"You have more?" Cracklepaw cried in shock. "But… how-"
"I don't know how this comes as a surprise," Laurelpaw said gleefully. Swallow Star laughed and nudged her, clearly enjoying the look on everyone's appalled faces.
"Surprise," Swallow Star snickered.
"You guys suck," Silverpaw hissed, stalking away angrily. Cracklepaw mumbled something inaudible and followed him, shaking his head in disbelief.
"So," Swallow Star said, smiling at the apprentices. "Have fun at the gathering tomorrow. "You've earned it."
Hollyshine craned her neck, hoping to see one of her kits wandering around. She was excited to find out who had won Swallow Stars little competition.
"Cracklepaw!" Hollyshine called out, noticing her son making his way to the apprentices den. "How'd the hunting go?"
"Don't want to talk about it," Cracklepaw snapped, pushing his way into the den without another word. Hollyshine didn't flinch at his tone, realizing by the way he was acting that he must have lost.
That means Laurelpaw and her team must have won! Oh, I'm so proud of her!
"Hey, Hollyshine."
Hollyshine turned to see her friend Fuzzwhisker standing there, smiling nicely at her.
"Oh, hey!" Hollyshine greeted him. "The apprentices are back from the gathering. Cracklepaw just used attitude with me so I inferred his team lost."
"Yeah, Swallow Stars group won by a landslide," Fuzzwhisker said, face holding an odd expression.
"Firepaw must be so excited to go to the gathering tomorrow," Hollyshine said, wondering suddenly why Fuzzwhisker looked kind of strange. What's up with him? His son won the competition!
"Something weird happened when they were hunting," Fuzzwhisker said, looking extremely uncomfortable.
"What are you talking about," Hollyshine whispered, anxiety running through her bones at once.
"You know Firepaw, and um, how he is, right?" Fuzzwhisker said, speaking very slowly. "He's kinda, well, um-"
"Thinks highly of himself," Hollyshine said, deciding that was the best way to put it. Thinks highly of himself, conceited to the nines, arrogant, rude, sarcastic, doesn't give a shit about what anyone thinks of him. Yeah, we all know how Firepaw is.
"He left for that competition excited and full of, uh…" Fuzzwhisker paused again, clearly finding it difficult to describe his son nicely.
"Attitude?" Hollyshine suggested. To put it as mild as possible.
"Good word," Fuzzwhisker nodded. "Well, anyways, Hollyshine. Firepaw left for the hunting trip like his normal self, and then when he came back, something had changed."
"What do you mean?" Hollyshine asked, genuinely confused. "He is my apprentice, you know. I know how he is… I've never even really seen him sad. What had changed?"
"I always forget he's your apprentice," Fuzzwhisker admitted. "Anyways, he came back miserable. He could barely talk. And his face was all wet and I knew he had been crying."
"Oh, dear," Hollyshine blinked at him sympathetically. "Do you have any idea what might have bothered him?"
"That's why I wanted to talk to you," Fuzzwhisker mumbled, looking down at his paws. "I have a feeling that it might have something to do with your daughter."
Laurelpaw chewed her fresh kill slowly, staring off into the distance. Her eyes were set on the stone camp walls, but she wasn't seeing anything. She was lost in her mind, deep in a sea of thought. I still can't believe it, she thought sadly, feeling slightly dull again. This whole time I had thought Hollyshine had fallen in love with a Shadowclan warrior. I thought she had broken the warrior code out of true love and wanting kits.
Guess that wasn't the case.
And this whole time my brothers and I have been oblivious, living life blind to the truth. How many cats look at us with dislike, with resentment about the past? There are still so many questions I have…
Should I tell my brothers?
And my real father, the cat who raped Hollyshine… where is he now?
There was so much going on in Laurelpaws head that she was getting a headache. She sighed and tried to force her thoughts out of her mind, trying to think of happy things like the gathering and Thornpaw.
I can't wait to see him, she thought dreamily, thinking of his beautiful golden eyes. I hope Swallow Star takes us early so I can have more time to talk with him-
A sudden thought then made Laurelpaw stop cold.
Wait
What if he doesn't come?
WHAT IF HE HAS TO STAY BEHIND AND GUARD THE SHADOWCLAN CAMP?!
I NEVER THOUGHT OF THIS
SHIT
Laurelpaw had had enough of thinking. She sighed and ate the rest of her fresh kill, feeling really terrible inside. Man, life sucks right now.
"Hey, baby," Hollyshines voice suddenly distracted her, and Laurelpaw looked up to see her mother standing in front of her.
"Hey, mom," Laurelpaw whispered, unable to meet her eyes. I have to tell her what I know. I can't keep a secret to save my life.
"I heard you won the competition," Hollyshine said proudly, crouching down on her paws to settle down next to her. "Good job! I'm sure you must be very excited to go to the gathering tomorrow."
"Yeah," was all Laurelpaw could choke out. Hollyshine stared at her, an unknown look in her eyes. Laurelpaw knew this look; it was the look Hollyshine got whenever she knew Laurelpaw wasn't telling her something.
But something in Laurelpaw made her keep her mouth shut.
"Anything you want to tell me?" Hollyshine asked quietly.
"Like what," Laurelpaw asked miserably. How does she already know that there's something wrong?
"You tell me," Hollyshine replied gently. "Fuzzwhisker told me that Firepaw came back quite upset. Do you know anything about that?"
"He told me something that bothered me," Laurelpaw mumbled, figuring that wasn't entirely a lie. "And I got upset, and then he got upset, and then it all went downhill."
"What did he tell you?" Hollyshine asked, looking confused. "And why were you talking while you were hunting?"
"We were fighting, we always fight," Laurelpaw sighed.
"Did he insult you?" Hollyshine asked angrily. "If he did, I'll have him cleaning the elders den for days. I know how he can be, Laurelpaw. I mentor him. He's got quite the mouth on him, and I totally understand if he crossed the line."
"He didn't mean to hurt my feelings," Laurelpaw said, feeling very uncomfortable. I don't want to talk about this. I really don't want to talk about this.
But I have no choice.
"What are you getting at?" Hollyshine asked, shaking her head in confusion. "What do you mean, you were fighting, but he didn't want to hurt your feelings? That doesn't make sense!"
"We always tear each other down, he'll insult me in front of everyone and then I'll do it back, it's more like a game than anything," Laurelpaw said, finding it very hard to explain her relationship with Firepaw. I'm not even sure how to explain it to myself, let alone someone else. Ugh.
"Sounds a lot like flirting to me," Hollyshine winked.
"WHAT? No," Laurelpaw cried out defensively, feeling her face get warm at once.
"You're quick to defend yourself," Hollyshine smiled brightly.
"We don't flirt with each other," Laurelpaw grumbled. "I really don't know how to explain it."
"So what did he say that upset you?" Hollyshine asked. "Did he tell you he has the hots for Ivypaw?"
"MOM!" Laurelpaw screamed as she turned away, feeling completely embarrassed. "Drop it."
"Sorry," Hollyshine giggled. "I had to. But seriously, what did he say?"
"He called me a bad name," Laurelpaw whispered, feeling terrible all over again.
"Did he call you the B-word?" Hollyshine asked, looking annoyed.
"No, even worse," Laurelpaw took a deep breath and decided it was now or never. "He called me an accident."
Hollyshines eyes turned from a look of slight annoyance to a look of pure terror. It looked as if her entire life flashed before her eyes, yet drained completely at the same time.
She looked as if she was struck by lightning but survived it.
Her eyes looked as though she had just witnessed a thousand deaths.
"Do you know," Hollyshine asked at last, voice thin like an elders. She was trembling, shaking uncontrollably on her thin legs.
"Yeah," Laurelpaw said, feeling bad for upsetting her mom. She leaned in closer, brushing her cheek against Hollyshines. "I'm not mad, mom. I feel very weird about it right now but I'll get over it. I wish you had told me."
"I thought you would hate me," Hollyshine cried, shaking even harder. "I never wanted you to know, Laurelpaw… oh, I'm sorry!"
"It's okay," Laurelpaw mumbled, not really knowing what to say.
"I love you," Hollyshine said, voice cracking in two places. "You and your brothers were a blessing in a storm. You turned a horrible situation into a good one in the end… You and your brothers are not accidents. You are the loves of my life, and I couldn't imagine living without you."
"So where's our real dad?" Laurelpaw blurted out, unable to stop the question. "He's in Shadowclan, right? What's his name?"
"He's dead, Laurelpaw," Hollyshine said, looking defeated.
"Dead?" Laurelpaw cried out in disbelief. "Why?"
"He launched a war for you three," Hollyshine explained, looking down. "He had Riverclan helping, too. In the battle, our old leader Fallenstar and our deputy Bluerose were killed. When this happened, I managed to escape into the forest… but he followed me. He cornered me, and Starclan knows what he would have done if Grayclaw didn't show up."
"He saved you then?" Laurelpaw asked, thinking of the cat that had raised her.
"He saved me, yes. I don't know what I'd do without him," Hollyshine confessed. "But he also lost his eyesight. It was a blessing from Starclan when he was able to see out of one eye again."
"Oh…" Laurelpaw gasped.
"Laurelpaw, I'm sorry you had to find out from Firepaw," Hollyshine said. "I'm sure it must have been really hard."
"It is, but I'm feeling a lot better about it," Laurelpaw replied, feeling better now that she had talked about it. It's in the past, and I'm loved and cared for. Sure it sucks, but it is what it is, right?
But will my brothers think the same?
"You should tell Cracklepaw and Silverpaw," Laurelpaw suggested, feeling as though it was the only reasonable idea. Firepaw is as transparent as me, and he's best friends with them. I don't want them to find out from Firepaw too.
"I'll tell them," Hollyshine said, sighing. "It's gonna be the hardest thing I've ever done."
"I believe in you," Laurelpaw smiled.
"Thanks, baby."
"The gatherings today!" Thornpaw cried out in a singsong voice. "Are you excited or what?"
"I'm pretty excited, not gonna lie," Berrypaw confessed, looking at Thornpaw with shining eyes. "I wish Snakestar would hurry up and tell us who gets to go."
"Yeah, it's getting late," Redpaw put in, head tilted up to the sky. "It's already getting dark; I wonder what's taking him so long."
"I'm gonna go ask Cedarwing," Thornpaw said suddenly, noticing his mentor making her way out of Snakestars den. "It looks like she was just talking to him; she probably knows what's up."
"Hurry back with the information!" Berrypaw called after him. Thornpaw nodded and took off. Oh you bet I will.
"Cedarwing!" Thornpaw called out. "Do you know who's going to the gathering? We're all wondering."
"Snakestar told me to tell you that you get to guard the camp tonight," Cedarwing said sadly. "I'm sorry, Thornpaw. I know how excited you were."
Are you kidding me?!
"Oh my god," Thornpaw rolled his eyes and sighed with frustration. Shit. I was looking forward to seeing Laurelpaw for almost a moon! Why did Snakestar have to pick today to let me guard the camp?
"You'll get to go next time for sure," Cedarwing said, trying to be helpful. Thornpaw snorted. I don't want to go next time.
I want to go tonight.
"Try to cheer up, okay?" Cedarwing said. "There's no point in being upset about it, someone's gotta do it. I'll make sure to tell you all about it when I get back."
"Thanks," Thornpaw mumbled as she walked away. Man, this sucks so much.
I wonder if she remembers me
What if she wanted to talk to me again?
Thornpaw pretended not to see Berrypaw and Redpaw waving their tails, trying to get his attention. He didn't want to talk to anyone, and he found himself sitting in the same spot as it got darker and darker. He watched as Snakestar led his patrol out the camp entrance.
He watched the moon go higher in the sky.
He imagined Laurelpaw looking around for him.
His paws itched with annoyance, and he looked over Whitewhisker, Berrypaws mentor. She was guarding the opposite end of the camp, facing away from him. An idea suddenly crawled through his mind.
She probably won't notice if I leave for a little bit, Thornpaw thought, edging his way to the dirt place exit. I'll just run over there, say a quick hello and then leave.
I can't wait another moon, I just can't.
Thornpaw moved as silently as he could, careful not to step on anything. He stared at the back of Whitewhiskers head for several seconds before squeezing himself out the exit, praying he wouldn't make too much noise.
Please, Whitewhisker. Don't turn around and notice I'm gone
I promise I won't be long!