Please read and review. Thank you!
AN: Let me clarify something for all the individuals that have taken the time out to review, thank you so much. Please don't stop lol! The situation at this point in the story is really bad and some may find it distasteful, however, faced with the issues at hand Sesshomaru is only reacting to it logically and not with his emotions like how Kagome would react. He has weighed the consequences of his love for Kagome over the needs of his people's survival and chose them. That is not to say he is wicked or unconscionable. He imparted on this journey to help his species to find salvation, he founded love along the way and wanted nothing more than to keep Kagome by his side forever. I don't want to give too much away at this time, but remember, Sesshomaru is as cunning as they come and smart, and I am sure he won't go down without a fight. It is not over yet guys, so hang in there!
sksksk
Kagome heard the front door of the mansion rattle on its hinges and nearly jumped out of her skin. All that she could imagine with her sleep fuddled mind was that they were under attack. She sat up in bed and shook her head in relief after the noise had abated.
She was jittery and on edge though she'd tried for the children's sake not to show the anxiety. But but how could she stave off the unease for much longer, not when Sesshomaru had not returned and two weeks had nearly gone by already, and to make matters worse, Shippo had come back and his mood had been sour since then? She did not know what think now, but in spite of the dread surrounding her heart she trusted her mate implicitly.
It was no wonder her mind was filled with so much negativity. She needed sleep, comfort, and assurance of stability that only her mate could give her. Since the guards had not retaliated and only the slamming of the door was heard afterwards, she realized quickly that it was not an intruder, in fact, Sesshomaru was the one to cause the ruckus, with that in mind she rushed out of bed.
She stood stock-still after getting out of bed and stared at the door in her room, nervous to take another step. The disturbance was a little frightening because Sesshomaru was normally so quiet. Nothing made sense, only doubts consumed her thoughts as the conversation she'd had with Shippo flooded her mind.
She wrapped the old silk robe around her body tighter, then cracked open the door and saw as her mate came and stood before it. She regarded him anxiously. "What is wrong?"
He didn't respond immediately, he only gazed at her face strongly, forcing her to avert her eyes. His total stillness unnerved her. Looking up at him again in confusion she caught a look that she couldn't begin to interpret in his eyes.
In spite of herself her heart gave a sudden rough jolt inside her chest, that made her blood throb in her veins. Kagome noted that Sesshomaru kept his gaze carefully averted from her robe-clad body.
Something had to be wrong. No, something was definitely wrong. This was not her mate, because surely being gone for two weeks he would've already been ravaging her body on his return. What had changed so drastically in their time apart? She wondered as the fears she'd tried to conceal so deeply surfaced.
Then hastily he inched forward, kissed her forehead and held her tight, sweeping aside the words that she tried desperately to say and couldn't. "Please…" she managed to say hoarsely. "Just tell me what is wrong; I can't take not knowing any longer."
But then just for a moment he hesitated, looked deep into her eyes and saw distress reflected there, she flinched. "What…?" she began then froze as he took her hand and said. "Hold still."
He led her to the balcony and jumped high in the air, she grabbed onto him tightly, never letting go until their feet touched the earth again. As they separated under the magnificent moon's glow, he could tell that his mate watched him warily, and the truth was that he wasn't sure what the hell he was thinking when he brought her here. It was impulsive on his part.
"Kagome," he said at last, the first time he'd spoken her name since his return. "I must tell you everything, but in spite of what I am about to say I can only hope that you will understand and reconsider."
"What?" A puzzled frown drew her arched brows together.
"The negotiation was settled, but I am afraid it came at a terrible price." Sesshomaru explained. "We achieved success but now I have to take unto myself a wife, the emperor's sister…?"
Kagome's gasp of shock halted his speech. She wanted to scream out no, but pain so suddenly gripped her heart and very soul that she couldn't respond immediately. That's why Shippo refused to tell me when I'd asked, it was alll making sense now.
She started with, "Sessh," but just the thought of him, the male that she loved and adored with all of her heart and soul being with someone else made her mind freeze with pain, unable to frame a single word but the shortened form of his name.
"Kagome," he called softly when she failed to move or answer.
She couldn't move or say anything, her thoughts pre-occupied by the news and the inevitable upheaval in her family life. Sesshomaru grew concerned. He took a few steps towards her, and cautiously she took some away from him.
To her intense relief he stopped his movements, but the golden eyes he turned on her seemed to burn over her, searing away a fine layer and leaving her feeling raw and exposed, desperately apprehensive.
As he gazed at her, deep in the pit of her stomach all the nerves twisted into tight, cruel knots of trepidation until she felt like she was almost ill. She gasped even louder then turned away from him.
For a long uncomfortable moment none of them said another word, both of them at a loss.
Given time she turned around and he was waiting, the look on his face twisted her heart in its cavity. She knew that look and knew exactly what it meant, he was asking for understanding. But the real problem was that she knew deep in her heart she could not give him what he wanted, and what she was about to say could make things much worse.
Care, she didn't feel that right now, she was hurting too badly and she had to know why. "How could you accept a proposal like that...Don't you care how all this will affect me and the children?"
It was an effort to keep his eyes focused on her while she'd spoken, her voice broke and the tears flowed from her eyes in rivulets, and he wondered if he could really go through with it. Nevertheless, he had to say something in his defense.
"I considered everything, and I know that you are not yourself else you would never ask me such a thing. My life makes little sense without you in it, and as I am not one who would readily reveal what I feel in my heart, but for you I will."
His voice seemed uneven and strangely fuzzy, Kagome observed. Or perhaps that was because she was having difficulty concentrating as well as seeing clearly.
His hands clenched tightly together as he came towards her again, only this time she did not move. His hand closed around hers and pulled her to him, where their bodies met. This close, the scent of her body surrounded him and the warmth of her bosom rubbed against his chest.
"You don't have to do this my love," she whispered. "We both know that this day would come, and even though I tried to imagine what my reactions would be when the time came, nothing could prepare me for the terrible pain."
She felt the pressure of his embrace increased as he tried to tell her with his emotions that he too was hurting just as much as she was. Her head rested on his chest and she could hear the erratic beating of his heart. It was strange, but she felt comforted knowing that his heart beats only for her.
His head came down and he rested it in her hair and took a long whiff, he felt that these would be the last few moments he would get to hold her close and so he drank in her scent. This time he leaned even further forward so that her forehead rested against his own. Her breath warm on his cheek.
Her hand came up and circled his neck, they looked deeply into each other's eyes, searching it seemed for their souls, would they lose their love and family because of this? He saw the questions in her wet eyes and blinked with unease. Kagome was first to ask the question.
"Will she take my place in your life?" She asked and looked away when sorrow prevented her from meeting his gaze any longer.
"I will always need you, no one can fill the space in my heart if you should go."
There was something wrong with his answer, an edge on the words that she didn't understand, and right now her thinking wasn't clear enough to work out anything. She just knew that the way in which he'd spoken made her skin feel raw as well as her heart, and so she just continued to gaze at him.
"Stay with me Kagome," she heard him say, and stiffened as warmth spread throughout her system and settled in her heart.
How could she feel so light when the male that she loved was breaking her heart? It didn't make sense. The relief was so intense that it was almost savage, but she shook her head when reality took a hold of her. She knew and of course she understood. They had been through many hardships together, some more recent than others. Of all people she would understand him so much. He wanted someone to share the darkness with.
"I know," was her soft response, "but I can't."
He felt as his heart sank further inside his chest by her response. He knew her enough to know that she would leave him, she wouldn't stay, and as much as he wanted her to he couldn't force that decision on her.
But even as he thought that he recognized that there was something about the silence that was not right. Something that made it not the gentle silence of comfort, of sharing. The silence between two hurting people that suffered from the same malady. Instead, Kagome had pulled back…just a couple of feet or so, but she had moved away and had left his arms.
Suddenly there was an almost dangerous edge to her stillness. An edge that scraped harshly over his nerves like sand paper, telling him, warning him that something was wrong here; something that had to be brought out in the open.
Instinctively he knew what she thought, and it was then that he knew for certain why he had taken her from their home and had brought her out here in the open, secluded from everyone else. How did she know? He asked himself.
"Kagome...?"
There it was again, that ragged, uneven note that twisted something deep inside her.
"No!" she said at last, and it was almost a moan, a sound of despair. "You can't do that, not to me, not for her."
She had his undivided attentions now, molten eyes narrowed at her in concentration. "I may not have a choice in the matter," he said sharply.
Her heart felt like it had shattered and she gulped, her mouth dried and she swallowed hard and it was painful. But soon enough anger seized control of her mind and body and she lashed out at him.
"What are you doing Sesshomaru; just what is it you've been dancing around telling me? That's obviously the reason why you brought me here and yet you insist that I stay with you."
"I'm regretful," he replied, it was barely a whisper.
Now that the moment was here he couldn't find it in his heart to tell her. Maybe it was because he could see the swell of her bosom as it rose and fell with each harsh angry breath that she took, or was it the hurt and betrayal that he saw in her eyes and on her face as she looked at him with distrust that made him hesitant?
"What are you hiding, I want to know now!" she shouted losing her composure. "I am tired of this, first Shippo and now you, I need to hear it from you already."
Sesshomaru frowned, his gaze had been fierce before, but now it was dangerous, she didn't care for it and continued to look at him crossly and with suspicion.
"I am bound by the contract to consummate and foster an offspring in the first year of marriage to the princess."
Kagome shivered as if reacting to the cold but kept quiet.
"For that to happen, the bond that you and I share will be broken…and you may die." The statement was so low and miserable that she must have barely caught it. But he couldn't mistake the way she shook her head in disbelief.
This time Kagome was the one to take a few steps forward, defiance driving her forward, closer to Sesshomaru's powerful form in a way that in any other mood she would have avoided at all cost.
"How could you," she cried, anger and incredulity lacing her tone. How could you bargain with my life like that?"
"That wasn't my intent, but I was left with no other choice," he answered, gritting his teeth.
"Then you should have refused, I would never play with your life for anything or anyone." Kagome flung at him, putting the bite of conviction in every syllable.
Sesshomaru pounced on her, grabbed her by the shoulders in anger and squeezed so tight that she felt he would break her. She gritted her teeth hard, and stubbornly endured the quickening pain.
He looked deep into her eyes and saw sorrow and mistrust and hated it. He shook her once hard as his emotions shuddered through him like lightning. "I would never do anything to hurt you intentionally, how could you doubt, not now when you have become this one's life."
The response was intense and laced with anger and frustration. The hands that held her released their grip with such suddenness that she stumbled backwards and opened up a wider space between them.
The dangerous expression that flashed across his face shriveled her next words into nothingness. She struggled with her emotions not to lash out at him again, when feelings of hurt, anger and love struck her in the heart from their shared bond.
Suddenly aware of the way she held out her hand to Sesshomaru, seeming to implore him to listen, she dropped them again hastily by her side and formed fist as they shook unsteadily with nerves. Her mouth opened instead, and though the pain in her heart was great, she tried not to hurt him any further, he too suffered because of this.
"I am regretful for my words because I know that you wouldn't hurt me deliberately, but this is so hard for me to accept," she said and began to cry.
He came closer again, hugged her close and whispered by her ear. "There is a way to save your life, all is not lost."
She looked up at him with eyes drowning in sorrow. "How can I live knowing that you will be with someone else, sharing things that I thought were only for me?"
He kissed her lips when words refused to come, he couldn't bear to look at her, as his heart ached for her, for both of them.
When next he raised his head he searched her face before responding. "You are strong…you need to find the will to live or you may die, do not give into the despair. We will be together again."
The strain of his voice as he'd spoken sounded alien to her ears, and she shook her head from side to side as she responded. "I don't know if I can live without you, I don't know if I want to, and what about our children?"
Her words were raw with bitterness. Sesshomaru nodded his head slowly, the shadows in his eyes and his somber expression revealed more than his hard fought control.
"I can't say what will happen, but you must survive, you are mine forever."
Kagome closed her eyes at the possessiveness coming from her mate. She wanted to tell him how much she would miss him and that she would always love him but the words simply would not come.
Here they were out in the open struggling with conflicting emotions, while each felt the love that was in their hearts for the other. They didn't speak of it; it hung thickly in the atmosphere like the stars in the sky, as bitterness broke their hearts.
Beyond the hills the moon was almost full, signalling his impending nuptials to the princess. A sudden flaring bout of emotion seized his heart and he lifted his woman in his arms and took her to sit by the base of a tree on his lap. Her eyes were still wet with tears, but the sobbing had stopped.
"Stay with me Kagome, don't leave we can work it out."
The word no, formed on her lips but hastily she withdrew it when she saw the sadness in his eyes, and in the depths of despair and uncertainty she responded. "Yes." Even though she knew it was a promise that she could never keep. It would kill her to share him with someone else.
In the bleakness of loss and despair she vaguely heard him say. "We will tell the children tomorrow." As steady hands streamed through her thick, lustrous hair, he felt a little better knowing that she wouldn't be far from him.