Casting Call

Every good show needs a cast. A reality show is no exception.

The pitch was a simple one. The show would follow the lives of four Hogwarts students and one adult or creature (preferably, werewolf or vampire). I needed five extremely interesting people. If I needed to turn wizards and witches on to the idea of Reality programming, well, I needed the best I could get.

So a sign was posted around the school that read:

Reality Show – Open Casting Call for Students
Meet Producer/Journalist Kenneth Muddlesworth on Saturday, 2 PM
Seventh Floor Corridor, Left Corridor, Hogwarts Castle
Room Shall Appear Upon Request

Although I made the sign, I already knew who I was looking for. Naturally, my first choice the famous Harry Potter. Everyone knows the boy. He was the perfect draw. Rita Skeeter had proven that much.

When I got to the makeshift office/studio left to me by Dumbledore, the Room of Requirement, it was called, I already had a few eager students lined up to be interviewed. Potter was there—not by choice I presume. Dumbledore had sent him there. I made Dumbledore know that I could only do this show if Harry was involved. Harry brought along his friend. Some girl. The girl (Hermione Granger) promptly introduced herself, then demanded that she had to be there if Harry was there because she didn't "trust this whole thing".

'Why would Dumbledore allow it? It doesn't make any sense,' the bothersome girl kept saying to Harry.

I also noticed (though it was hard to not notice) a rather tall, gangly-looking red-haired kid. He looked uncomfortable to say the least, with an agitated scowl on his face. I couldn't help but notice he was probably only there because Potter and the girl were there.

Looking down the line, I saw that the Malfoy boy was there also. He stood in front of two enormous, awkward-looking young blokes. Were they friends, security guards, sacks of potatoes, I hadn't the faintest clue.

So Malfoy jr. insisted on an interview with me.

'If Potter is here, I should be too,' he pompously declared.

My, my. The Malfoys have only the greatest, fattest sense of self-importance.

No matter.

'Alright,' I said finally. 'You four go first.' I pointed to each of them and motioned them to follow me.

They followed without hesitation to the tune of grumbling students who remained, also waiting in line. Poor kids. Overshadowed by the greatness of Harry Potter. Well, not everyone could be a star.

The four stood along a narrow strip of empty corridor. I paced with intent until the door appeared.

'Alright, so this is how it's going to work,' I explained. 'You will enter the room individually and just tell me a bit about yourself. Whatever you want. Or in fact, skip the introduction for now—tell me about your innermost thoughts. Things no one would ever know.'

I barely uttered the last line when Hermione's hand shot-up. Classic know-it-all syndrome.

'Yes?' I asked, with as much faux patience as I could muster.

'Mr. Muddlesworth, I don't understand why we should feel any need to tell you… things.'

I sighed internally. 'That's perfectly understandable. Well, rest assured this portion is simply pre-screening—untelevised. It is however, necessary in determining your role within this show.'

'Role?' the Ginger seemed excessively sceptical as well. 'Like acting?'

'No…' I began, uncertain how to explain this properly.

Hermione spoke again. 'I don't know If you are aware, sir, but I am Muggle-born. I know perfectly well how these reality shows work. There's nothing real about them.'

I could feel my jaw slacken. Nothing was getting past this girl. I assembled a grin. 'Wonderful! Then you know what? Now is an opportunity for you to craft the perfect image of yourself for the world to see. '

'Craft an image?' Harry asked, looking unsure. 'Like…lie?'

'No! I'm absolutely not asking you to lie. Rather, be yourself. But just think! Now people can see—see what it really means to be a Hogwarts student. What your life is really like.'

'Bloody hell,' The Redhead grumbled. 'Harry, this sounds like a stupid idea.'

'No,' Harry said suddenly, looking oddly excited. 'I want to do it. I want people to know who I really am.'

'Harry?' Hermione said, looking as suspiciously overbearing as my mother.

'Of course you would!' Draco said, speaking for the first time. 'Potter loves attention. But this time—I'll be the one to steal the show.'

I waved my hands for them to calm down. 'Uh, well nothing is set in stone—'

'Like hell you will be on television, Malfoy! They'd need three cameras just to capture the entirety of that big head of yours!' snapped the Ginger. Referring to his ego, perhaps?

'Ha, good one, Ron!' chortled Harry.

Ron? As in Ronald McDonald the American hamburger clown? Well. The kid certainly had the height. The wit. The hair. Not the make-up though. Not yet. But we could work on that…

The magic of television.

Wizard television.

'You know what, Weasley—I can't wait until the world sees what a pathetic wizard you are! So bring it on!' Draco retorted. The blond was a natural diva.

Hermione suddenly began to match his feistiness. 'Oh yeah, Malfoy? Well, we'll show you! Won't we, boys? Let's do this!'

It happened just like that.

The inconvincible became convinced.

And I didn't have to do a thing because they had done it all to themselves.

Futile competition. Needless arguments. Irrational decision-making. This combination was perfect for the telly. IT WAS GOLD.

Never did my face have a bigger smile than the one it had in that precise moment.