Apprentice and Pregnant 2
Chapter 16: Second Chances
A Poem by Firepaw
Her eyes held the stars
Her eyes, full of sparks
But such innocence couldn't stay
The spark, it fades away
A thousand storms couldn't break her
The wolves from hell couldn't take her
I wish I had been there
To save her
Have you ever wished you could have had a second chance? To go back in time, and change something so horrible that you can hardly stand to live with? Starclan, why have you let this happen? I have so many questions… but so little answers!
What have I done wrong?
Is there a demon in me, something horrible that brings the evil into my world within every paw step of my life? I have been pushed over so many times… too many times.
But I always stand up again, fight again, and survive another day. Each time you kick me over, it's with a little more force than the last time. It started out as a kick to my heart, hurting but healing. The kicks to my heart grew deeper as I grew up, turning into stabs and needles, killing me from the inside.
But I survived.
But now, Starclan, you have delivered pain on a whole new scale of torture. I want to give up, I should give up. I don't understand how I've come this far. But Starclan, oh Starclan. You have forgotten one thing.
And that's how much a mother, can love her child.
I don't know what I've done to deserve this. But I'll tell you this.
You can kick me.
Hit me.
Bruise me.
Use me.
Bite me.
Fight me.
You can try to kill me the best you can, but I will ALWAYS get back up. Because my daughter needs me, and I am going to help her no matter what it takes. What happened to Laurelpaw may be terrible, hell I know that better than anyone.
But I will be by her side every SECOND to help her.
To love her.
And that, is worth fighting for.
All Laurelpaw could see was white. An endless white, stretching as far as her eyes could see. It was like everything in the world had disappeared, leaving her in an eternal nothingness. Laurelpaw walked forward dully, knowing that she was dead. She moved with slow paw steps, as if she was made of stones.
Is this Starclan? She thought to herself. If it is, this SUCKS.
She continued walking in the nothingness, feeling terribly sorry for herself. She looked down at her blood stained body, fur ripped off in some places. Her lower half felt hideously bruised, and she shuddered as she remembered why.
He raped me
He killed me
Probably at the same time, the sick bastard
Laurelpaw felt a sudden lump in her throat, and tears rose in her eyes. She started to cry, and then sob. She screamed and trembled, bawling as she processed what had happened.
"WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS?" she screamed at the whiteness. "STARCLAN, HOW COULD YOU LET HIM DO THIS TO ME? NOW IM DEAD IN THIS STUPID FUCKING EMPTY WORLD!"
"Laurelpaw, this is not Starclan."
Laurelpaw stopped crying for a second, and turned around as she heard the voice. There was two cats standing there, slightly transparent.
"Starclan cats," Laurelpaw spat the word. "I'll have you know I want nothing to do with you. You just sat in the sky and watched as my life fell to pieces. Leave me alone."
"Laurelpaw, we cannot change what happened in the past," The larger cat said, with sad eyes and a gentle voice. "And we cannot change what happens in the future. But we are always there with you, guiding you and praying for you from above."
"Yeah, I sure got that impression when Old Gray choked me while tearing my insides apart with his-" Laurelpaw couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence, and she shuddered.
"This world we live in, it's an ugly place," the cat spoke again, sounding terribly sad. "We have watched such horrible things happen to innocent cats… it breaks our hearts."
"We too have had our fair share of misfortunes," the smaller Starclan cat said, looking Laurelpaw dead in the eye. "My name is Bluerose, and this is Fallenstar."
"We were killed in the same battle," Fallenstar said slowly. "The battle that was fighting for you."
"Oh-" Laurelpaw was completely thrown off guard, and she looked at the two cats with wide eyes. "Oh dear, I apologize for how rude I've been."
"It's okay," Bluerose smiled sadly. "You've got Hollyshines spirit, that's for sure. It hurts greatly to see you now, all the light is gone from your pretty eyes."
"There's nothing to be happy about anymore," Laurelpaw confessed, feeling sorry for herself all over again. "Everything's gone wrong."
"Not everything," Fallenstar put in.
"Well I'm dead now," Laurelpaw couldn't help but snap her words. "So there's no point in dwelling on anything in the first place."
Bluerose and Fallenstar were silent for a few moments. Laurelpaw thought of her mother and friends, and how sad they were all going to be that she wasn't alive anymore. She thought of Firepaw, and her heart broke right in half.
I died before I ever got to tell him how I really feel about him, Laurelpaw thought miserably. And now he's gonna think I hate him forever! God, this is so UNFAIR!
"IM SO ANGRY!" Laurelpaw shouted the words into the whiteness, feeling as if she was going to explode from sadness and anger. She kicked and stomped on the invisible ground, using swear words that she had only ever heard senior warriors use.
"I didn't deserve this," Laurelpaw cried, sobbing again. "Why did this have to happen? Hollyshine… she's gonna be devastated! And Grayclaw… oh, I can't even imagine!"
"Laurelpaw, calm down," Fallenstar said slowly.
"I CAN'T!" Laurelpaw was now on the verge of hysteria. She wailed and screamed, flashbacks of her life hitting her like lightning strikes.
"What happened to you?" Ivypaw giggled as they came into earshot. "Firepaw, it looks like you took a bath in honey."
"WHAT'S UP, LADIES," Firepaw declared loudly, strutting forward in an exaggerated fashion. "And it's not honey, its tree sap."
"We watched you fall over," Laurelpaw snickered. "It was really funny."
The lightning cracked.
"I thought you knew!" Firepaw cried, looking terribly upset. His fur started to quiver, and his eyes grew shiny as if he were about to cry. "I only fight with you because that's the only way I know how to communicate with you… I like you so much and you think I'm disgusting so I be mean to you, because then you'll respond to me."
The lightning crashed.
"I'm gonna go check something out," Laurelpaw said, interrupting Firepaw who was still ranting. "Be right back."
"I'm coming!" Firepaw insisted, looking downright annoyed about it.
"You sound like you really don't want to," Laurelpaw sighed.
"I don't," Firepaw said. "But I'm coming anyway."
The lightning flashed.
"That's not how you wink, you idiot!" she giggled. "You're supposed to only use one eye."
"Like this?" Firepaw asked, blinking with both eyes again but way more exaggerated.
"Haha!" Laurelpaw laughed, unable to control herself. "Stop it!"
The lightning burned.
"Pretend you didn't hear them," Firepaw whispered, shuffling around so his back was turned to them. Laurelpaw stared at him, wondering why he was so weird.
"Why don't we go hang out with them?" She offered. "It's not like we're doing anything anyway. And none of us can leave the camp still except for you."
"You just don't listen, do you?" Firepaw shook his head in disbelief, looking annoyed all over again. "Me and you are hanging out right now."
The lightning stopped.
"Laurelpaw, you may have noticed by now that we are not in Starclan," Fallenstar whispered after the lightning died away.
"I was hoping we weren't," Laurelpaw said weakly, feeling sick as she thought of Firepaw. He's gonna be so sad…
"We are not in Starclan because we have decided to give you a second chance," Bluerose said after a long pause. "Laurelpaw, we are going to make things right."
"Wait…" Laurelpaws voice trailed off and she stared at the cats with wide eyes. "What… what do you mean?"
"You are not in Starclan," Fallenstar explained. "Because it is not your time to die. Make us proud, little one. You once had the stars in your eyes, and I know that they will return within time."
"What are you saying?" Laurelpaw asked, not fully understanding.
"Always remember you are who you are," Fallenstar said in a voice full of wisdom. "Old Gray does not make you who you are today. YOU have the power, Laurelpaw. Remember that."
"And you have now learned that life is short," Bluerose said gently. "Make sure you spend time with the ones you love most… I wish you well, Laurelpaw. You are a beautiful, gentle soul."
"Does that mean I'm-" Laurelpaw was in awe, realizing just what they were talking about. "I don't have to be dead anymore?"
Laurelpaw
"Take care," Fallenstar said, voice echoing deeply in the white space. He started to fade away, along with Bluerose. "And remember…"
"Wait!" Laurelpaw cried, not wanting them to go just yet. "Don't go! How do I get out of here?"
Laurelpaw…
"I don't understand!" Laurelpaw cried as the cats completely disappeared. "Come back! Please-"
LAURELPAW
Laurelpaw suddenly felt dizzy, and she got a massive headache. Her legs crumpled and she fell to the ground, blacking out almost instantly.
It felt like a thousand moons before she woke up.
At the same time, it felt like less than a heartbeat.
She blinked open her eyes, expecting whiteness.
But the forest met her view, along with the faces of her crying clanmates. Laurelpaw realized she was lying on the forest floor, head leaned against a rock and her fur was matted and bleeding.
She was alive.
"Mom," Laurelpaw croaked out the words as she saw Hollyshine sobbing into Grayclaws shoulder. She winced, her neck felt swollen and bruised still. Hollyshine suddenly stiffened, and her ears pricked up. Laurelpaw met Grayclaws astonished gaze and she gave him a weak half smile.
"Hi dad," she whispered.
Hollyshine turned around very, very slowly. When she saw Laurelpaw had her eyes open she screamed and ran over.
"LAURELPAW!" Hollyshine screamed, running over at once. "Oh, baby! But- how? You were… you were dead!"
"They gave me a second chance," Laurelpaw whispered as quietly as she could so she didn't hurt her throat. "They told me Starclan wasn't ready for me yet."
"I love you," Hollyshine said, licking her on the head furiously. "I love you so much! We were all so scared!"
Laurelpaw looked at her kindly, feeling a lot better than she did earlier, even despite what had happened with Old Gray. She realized suddenly that Grayclaw had not come over to see her.
"Dad?" Laurelpaw whispered. His shoulders stiffened, but he didn't turn around.
"He's doesn't want you to see him crying," Hollyshine whispered quietly. "He'll come over in a few minutes."
"I'm not crying," Grayclaw called over his shoulder in a crackling voice. "It's… allergies."
"Grayclaw just come over here, I don't think she cares," Hollyshine sighed.
"Dad's aren't supposed to cry," Grayclaw shook his head and resumed his position staring out into the forest.
"I love you," Laurelpaw said quietly to him. I'm glad he's not coming over just yet. Cause if I see him cry… I'm gonna cry, and then we'll never get through this.
"I love you too, Laurelpaw."
"I think someone wants to see you," Hollyshine whispered in her ear suddenly before breaking away. Laurelpaw still couldn't move, so she turned her eyes until she could see who Hollyshine was talking about.
"Hey, idiot," Firepaw said in a crackling voice that indicated he was crying not even seconds before. His eyes were shiny red as well, and he looked up at her with a miserable expression on his face.
"Hey loser," Laurelpaw whispered, feeling too tired and weak to stay awake anymore, let alone talk. But Bluerose's voice rang in her ears, and she forced herself not to fall asleep.
Make sure you spend time with the ones you love most
"So um," Firepaw mumbled, shaking slightly. "I kinda thought you were dead. It kinda sucked."
"I kinda know," Laurelpaw murmured, feeling sleep dragging at her. No… not yet… stay… awake…
"Get better," Firepaw said quietly. "You know, so I can hang out with you again. Even though I totally don't want to at all."
"Then why don't you go hang out with someone else?" Laurelpaw said, feeling her eyes close against her will.
"Cause we're hanging out right now," Firepaws voice broke. "Whether you like it or not."
Laurelpaw smiled as he said that. We've said this exact same conversation so many times…
"She's falling asleep now," Hollyshine put in suddenly. "Let's all go back to the camp… Firepaw, you can talk with her tomorrow."
"But I want to talk to her right now," Firepaw mumbled, looking sad.
"We all do," Hollyshine said gently.
"You know," Laurelpaw said as her eyes closed completely. "I still think you're weird and annoying Firepaw."
"And I still sorta hate you," Firepaw replied with a half-smile on his face.
Now. I'm gonna say it now… oh, I'm so nervous!
But as Laurelpaw opened her mouth to speak, Firepaw cut her off.
"I don't like you a lot of the time," he said slowly. "And you get on my nerves like you wouldn't believe."
"I love you," Laurelpaw said, surprised how clear her voice sounded. "You dumb idiot."
"I WANTED TO SAY IT FIRST!" Firepaw cried, sighing loudly. "Aw, you ruined my moment!"
"Sorry," Laurelpaw mumbled.
"You may have ruined the big speech I made up about ten moons ago," Firepaw said, smiling slowly as he looked at her. "But I love you, Laurelpaw."
"That's too bad," Laurelpaw murmured as she faded into unconsciousness. "I kinda wanted to hear the speech."
"You don't get a speech anymore because you got on my nerves."
"Firepaw, you've been on my nerves this entire time."