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Sesshomaru panicked as hopelessness grasped him like a vice. There was nothing else that he could do to stem the inward flow of despair or escape it. His mind ravaged by guilt and betrayal, it had risen up like a monster and slowly dragged him down under. He surfaced for air, gasping for breath, but long arms seized him by the ankles and yanked him even deeper.

He propelled himself faster, pumping muscles that shook with pain. Just a little more and he would surface again, to feed his starving lungs that would soon collapse under the pressure.

Sunlight glistened on the water like diamonds as he burst through its denseness, making it ripple forming waves.

The tumultuous waves were gradually gaining on him; he had to swim for shore. Frantically, he thrust his legs harder; he pushed again, forcing his body beyond its limitations, this time pain quivered throughout his body.

Seagulls cried above him, pelicans made a big splash as they hunt for prey, and the shore was distance away, only a little bit further and he would make it. He raised his head up, he was almost there. The watery beast's tail lashed out at him, he dodged the blow and rode the waves all the way to dry land.

There was no more water now, only him and the sand. He got up to go but Kagome beckoned to him, calling to him as she backed away. He moved forward, she turned and ran. He gave chase and she laughed.

"You'll have to do better than that if you want to catch me," she teased and chuckled.

He was happy again, she was here. The breeze blew on him and he felt light as a feather, he glided, reaching; she was an arm's length away. She giggled, he rejoiced in her nearness.

Two more strides with quick flexing muscles and he would have her in his arms. But as he touched the satiny skin of her palm she was gone, lost in a great crowd. He looked left, he looked right, he looked all around but all he saw were nameless faces and Kagome was nowhere in sight.

He ran through the dense crowd calling out her name shamelessly. "Kagome! Come back to me!"

However, there was no answer to his cries. He panicked again, but this time the fear was even greater. He had lost the one he adored.

He couldn't give up, not when he was this close and the smell of her perfume seeped inside his nose. He squeezed through the wall of bodies, but they grew larger and larger, and he felt small like a tiny weasel, their laughter mocked him, he couldn't breathe, he had to get away.

To his dismay bodies morphed into a mountain that touched the sky and he could not follow her any further. He looked out on the water and saw the crashing waves. If only they were bigger they could pull him in he thought hopelessly. He took one last look around him, he knew that she wouldn't be there but still he hoped.

The sea called out to him, telling him to come hither, her welcoming arms would gladly take him in. He answered the call and walked right in.

He lunged into the depths of the ocean, holding onto his breath as long as he could, he knew he could never resurface for air again. Down he sped until his ears burst and crimson tainted the water around him. He choked when the last breath left him and water filled his lungs.

He woke up gasping, clawing at the sheets, too frightened to think or even to feel. He stared at the ceiling feeling relieved. It had only been a dream.

Time had no meaning to him now, not when the one who had made it pass nicely was gone. He could hardly believe that it had been three weeks since he'd wed the princess, it happened in a blur, and as of yet they had not consummated the union.

At the reception he had drunken sparingly, but with each toast to their happiness he had inebriated himself trying to forget, to drown out the sounds of laughter that was a mockery to his senses.

He felt numb as he moved through each day. And somehow the expensive liquor helped him to cope.

When he drank he thought of nothing and no one. His children resented him for the disloyalty and would hardly speak to him anymore. Kagome had left him and had taken his heart, he felt alive and yet dead at the same time. He was a walking contradiction.

No one knew who mattered; their opinion would be that he should have broken in his new wife already; he should be enjoying the warm depths of her body. Nonsense, he didn't want her and wished that she felt the same. It would make their lives simpler.

He swiped a hand across the dampness on his forehead and wiped it on a rag that hung off the bed. Long legs swung over the bedside and brushed the jar with the source of his comfort.

He lifted the pitcher to his head and took a long drink. The liquid warmed his already flushed body and burned his throat as it passed going into his stomach, his head swam, however, the dazed sesation wouldn't last. He was immune to toxins and soon his body would purify the offensive liquor.

Days had turned into nights, one week followed by another and his mind and heart was no where nearer in finding resolutions or a sense of peace. His heart literally ached with emptiness, it skipped a beat or two, and he gasped feeling weaker.

His body damp with perspiration and he could feel as tiny droplets gathered on his nape then trickled down his back. He needed a bath. He got up to go but stumbled, his eyes gritty, the room dark and the sake had started to intoxicate him.

The liquor moved through him rapidly, setting his flesh on fire and his lips parted in a grimace. He swallowed hard trying to irrigate the dryness in his mouth, his steps faltered once more and he dropped to his knees.

He looked up through blurred vision and grasped the door handle and turned. The tub was filled, almost overflowing. Jaken did his duty religiously. He half dragged, half walked over to the promise of clean to strip his body of the sweat that clung to it.

He immersed his form into the clear water, sighed and felt more at ease. Droopy eyes blinked rapidly trying to clear away the fog that encased them in despair. On the sixth blink an image danced in front of his mellow eyes.

His gaze widened in both shock and gratitude, because there in front of him was the naked form of his mate. He shook his head in disbelief and looked again, the image vanished. He sighed; it was just an illusion of his poisoned mind.

"Kagome," he muttered, as loss and madness threatened to cover him in sorrow. He sank further into the tub and water engulfed his head, he did not breathe as his eyes gazed through the translucent surface unblinking.

They were still undeniably connected, and that connection was incredibly complicated. It sparked and still burned bright, though guilt clutched his gut in a sodden fist. He had no right to hope as defeat and despair crowded out any lingering optimism.

When he was awake the terrible pain their separation caused him beat down on his head like the thunder, his head ached and so did his heart. How much longer could he endure the suffering? Then a knock sounded at the bathroom door, severed the tenuous chain.

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Kagome tossed in sleep and even when awake she felt hot, then cold, sensations of dread, guilt, love and loss enveloped her tightly in a cocoon. She couldn't deny it any longer; Sesshomaru's emotions were wreaking havoc on her sensibilities.

She wanted to go to him; she felt his suffering even separated by such great distances. Their bond was not only physical; they were tied together by the souls. She held her breath and waited to see if the sensations would pass. If she were to lay her hand on her chest she would feel the crashing thunder of her heart. How much longer could she deny it?

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The tea cup rattled on the saucer as princess Maemi put it down, then trembling fingers curled into tight fists to hide the nervousness.

"It wouldn't hurt if you went to your husband…It would seem that he will not come to you," her mother said as she poured herself another cup of mint tea.

It was as if she'd read her mind. "I can't mother, his actions suggests to me that he doesn't care or want me, and…and I am without experience and afraid."

She looked away from her mother and cousin too embarrassed to meet their gazes. She felt useless, and the fact that her husband had given her the west wing of the house to isolated her from him and his children, would not join her for tea or dinner, and his children looked at her with scorn all adds up to make her more fearful.

"Your mother is right, you should go to him," Jade said and gave her a tiny smile. She wanted her to be happy, but knew little about men and sex and could not advise her properly.

Princess Maemi ran her fingers up and down the warm cup many times before she answered. "I wouldn't know what to do even if I should go."

The matriarch ambled over to the princess and grasped her chin firmly in her hand and tilted it up; she was forced to look at her but defiantly raised an eyebrow.

"Nonsense, we are all women and instinctively we all know what to do. And did you not receive instructions on how to please him?"

Gasping loudly she jerked her head away crossly from her mother and stood. Her mother frowned as she glared at her but none would back down, they were both very stubborn and unyielding. Jade got up and entered into their midst, took a deep breath to placate her mind.

"Cousin I hope you won't be upset by what I have to say…But I believe it is for the best, your mother is right and you should take the first step…Maybe he's hesitant because he thinks that you might not want him."

She shook her head denying what her cousin had said. "I cannot believe that is the case, he is a man…no I mean he is male and naturally they are more inclined to give chase. I wouldn't feel comfortable."

Jade gave her a look of understanding. "I too am unsure of what could be the cause for the delay on his part, but I strongly believe that you should go to him, that is the only way you will know for sure what he is thinking."

Maemi surrendered and sat back down, and forced a smile as Jade squeezed her hand affectionately. She sighed deeply and closed her eyes in the process. Nothing was as it seemed. The day of the wedding ceremony she had foolishly believed that there might be hope for them. He'd seemed so relaxed and social, so what went wrong?

Her initial impulse after she had heard from her mother that she was to be married was to flee. But running away was a dismal thing of the past. She was here; she had gone through with the whole deal. If she wanted any type of life with him she had to try to make it work.

Silence stretched into the room. It seemed to go on forever, until Maemi was convinced that they had all lost the ability to speak. She cleared her throat just to make sure that it was workable. Her right hand fluttered to her neck in the process, she felt feint as she decided that she would initiate intimate contact with her own husband.

"You may go, but never touch me like that again." Maemi dismissed her mother curtly as her presence had become intrusive.

She nodded her head slightly; whirling away and slamming the door as she exited. They could hear the trampling of her feet on the wooden floor as she made her way to her bedroom; the angry jarring and locking of the door was the last thing that they heard from her.

They laughed and it eased the tension that had pervaded the air moments ago.

Jade reached for the hair brush after she'd removed the pins from Maemi's hair and brushed the long strands gently. Her eyes blinked almost sleepily by the soothing strokes.

"Will you do it?" Jade asked suddenly.

Slender shoulders stiffened immediately by the unexpected question. She hesitated a long moment until Jade had started to believe that she had offended her.

"Princess are you alright?" She asked trying to rid of the awkward silence. Her hand left the hair that she brushed and dropped to tension filled shoulders and massaged them slowly.

She heard a soft sigh and glanced down, watching as the princess closed and re-opened her eyes successively.

She nodded first and then answered. "Yes I will go to him…Now."

She felt the hands on her shoulders tightened. "Are you sure, or are you doing this just because it was suggested to you?" Jade asked purposely.

She shook her head. "No I'm not, I was thinking about it before now."

Jade smiled. "Well, if you are certain that this is what you really want then let's get you prepared."

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The passage way seemed smaller now as she made her way to her husband. She was nervous and rightly so because everything was a mess. She suddenly felt sick to her stomach as the room came into view.

She gulped as she fumbled with the bronze knobs of the door handle; she turned it, stepped inside, shut the door and took a deep breath and saw the intimidating presence of her husband lay sprawled on his back, with his head resting on the bed head and golden eyes opened wide.

Her heart leapfrogged into her throat. She spun for the door knob, determined to open it and flee, but she was too slow.

His movements quicker than her eyes could see, her hands grabbed for the door but touched his toned naked belly instead as he stood between her and escape.

Her eyes travelled to the hand on his stomach, it was electrifying. She swallowed harshly and jerked her hand away from the contact. It scared the hell out of her. Being this close felt more dangerous than wild fire.

As his eyes bored through her with the intensity of a thousand suns, her knees weakened and she swooned. This close she felt his heat and it raged all over her.

"What are you doing here?" He demanded gruffly.

She couldn't speak, every breath had left her body and the blood had drained from her face leaving it pale. She couldn't move either and was only able to avert her eyes as his gaze made her nervous. She smelled the wine on his breath and wondered why he'd been drinking.

Innocent eyes tracked over him. His shoulders were lean and masculine. Her gaze snagged on the magenta lines slashed across his hips; unbidden fascination had her reaching out to touch it. She couldn't answer the question, maybe she should show him instead?

He grabbed her wrist before curious fingers could graze his skin.

"No," he said harshly, no."

He looked hard into her eyes, as if assessing the depths of her soul. Her lungs moved drawing in great gasps of ragged air. Her look was naked, such raw hunger in her eyes. He cupped her face with his right hand, tilted her chin up to look at him and spoke.

"I cannot give you what you desire."

This time she gasped loudly enough for him to hear, the harsh sound echoed in the large room.

She managed to choke out some words despite the cold stare and discomfort to her face. "Take me I'm yours," was the breathless invitation.

He gazed at the woman and studied her face for long. Taking her now would lessen the pain in his heart from the brokenness that he felt over his mate. He hissed at the thought, but consuming so much alcohol drove him on with a fierceness that was partly his own and partly because of the longing in his wife's eyes.

He sniffed the air drawing in her scent like a primal animal. She was ripe with need and had offered him herself. He would take her now, but he would make it very clear, what she wanted he could not give.

Feeling short of breath and disoriented as the demon in front of her stared at her lips. She thought that he might kiss her, but he did not. In fact he raised his head, let out his breath in quiet exhalation.

Disappointment smashed down on her like a hailstorm. No. No way, she couldn't fall in love with him; she didn't want him like that. She only conceded to the empire's obligation. But her heart lurched forward telling her that it was too late, she'd already fallen under his spell.

She saw his mouth move and couldn't look away. "I will say it again; I cannot give you what you desire." He clenched his teeth.

She knew what he meant and it had nothing to do with sex, but whatever misplaced emotions she felt for him overpowered every rational thought in her head and she answered. "Take me," and closed her eyes in anticipation.

He crushed his chest onto hers without any tenderness; this wasn't about love, it was about duty and obligation. He carried her to bed and let her go, her night chemise parted revealing smallish breast. He licked them slowly as he hovered over her.

He wasn't a monster, and although he cared not for her feelings he would not hurt her too much when he deflowered her. They were both victims in the same game.

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A hot flush took over Kagome and she grabbed her crotch as it became hot, she felt horny and needed to be sated. She couldn't understand the burning in her groin. She panted deeply while lying on her back and hoped the feeling would pass.

Princess Maemi fingers slipped nervously through his hair, trying to distract her thoughts from the tingling all over her body and the unusual but splendid ache in the center of her being. She moaned as he used his knuckles to rub her secret place. She was sopping wet.

Instincts, duty and obligation spurred him on just as much as the distress that latched onto his heart in a painful co-existence. Inhaling deeply, he jarred her thighs apart with his own. Her eyes widened with fear as she felt the bruising pressure of his member at her entrance. He stared into clear frightened eyes and pitied her, but not even that would make him stop. He leaned forward, their lips touched, and with gentle persuasion he suckled her lips to distraction, and when she sighed softly by his tongue's relentless caress, he used the moment to plunged right in. She screamed at the top of her lungs as pain so intense tore through her body. He stilled, he did not move as she wailed and thrashed.

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Kagome screamed as hot fires set her ablaze, she grabbed her neck, and through the pain as she struggled to cope with it she was conscious that Sesshomaru had finally given himself to the princess. She gritted her teeth and wouldn't let the tears fall.

Shippo came running as he heard her cries, and instinctively knew what this was about, his mother smelled of sexual musk, while the crescent moon on her forehead had started to fade.

Sesshomaru began to push into his wife's body with gentle strokes as her cries subsided into quiet sobs, he move deeper within until the taunt walls of her womb relaxed. He felt no joy or pleasure from the act; it was a means to an end and nothing more. The woman under him squirmed and he gave her no regard, his mind was on his mate. He was sorry for what he was doing to her, but with this act her pain and suffering would soon be over. The thought bitter consumed him with pain and sorrow.

He looked down and saw that his wife had started to enjoy herself in spite of the strain and hatred engulfed him. With one jarring motion he set a pace that she could not endure or enjoy. She screamed, he ignored her cries and reached below, grasped her back and eased her off the bed as he slammed his way down. She screamed louder, he did not hear nor did he care; neither of which was consequential. The tiny thread of conscience that he'd clung to snapped with the severing of his bond to Kagome, which was unfortunate for the princess, she would become the receptacle for his anger and frustration.

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Kagome felt breathless as parts of her unraveled, bit by bit the glue that had bound her to Sesshomaru hardened and cracked. It fell away and her soul began to die. Shippo watched his mother's labored breathing and scurried to her side, his palm covered her naked forehead and she felt cold. Did she have the will to live now that she was torn from her mate? The question he didn't dwell on.

His hand dropped from her face gracelessly, and frantically he searched his pockets for the bracelet that the lord had given him. He found it as her eyes closed and quickly snap it shut around her wrist. In time her breathing evened out and to his relief she fell into a restless sleep soon after. He sat on the floor by her bedside and breathed a sigh of relief. Finally the ordeal was over and his mother was safe.

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Sesshomaru pulled his wet manhood out of the princess, it was still hard, and he let his ejaculate fall onto the bedroom floor. She lay tired and immobile, he took her hand and turned it right side up and bit into it. Her mouth opened in a silent scream, but already the discomfort had passed.

He snorted in disgust, repulsed by his actions, the deed was done and the princess now carried a small amount of his youki under the surface of her palm. He got up despairingly from the bed and left her broken form to go clean himself of her scent and blood.

The very next day he stood on the balcony and looked out on the mountains a free male. None of the last three weeks anxieties wrestled within him. But a yearning still burned strongly inside his heart for the only woman that he would ever love.

Kagome was free of the pain, but her heart still yearned for him. Never would it be free of their love. There it would be imprisoned for all eternity; for now she felt peaceful, and hence the journey to reclaim her life. She filled her lungs with the clean crisp air of the country side, then let it out quietly, afterwards she took up the basket of vegetables with the stringy roots by her feet to go replant them in the back yard.

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