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Three months later…
A field of lush green sprouts and ripened vegetables surrounded her. She smiled broadly as she viewed the fruits of her hard labor. Where did the time go she wondered? Looking back, the months came and went by so quickly, it felt as though time had floated on a carefree breeze and she was caught up in the gust.
Sweat trickled down Kagome's nape and her joints ached, yet she couldn't care less about the discomfort, in fact she couldn't be more contented. Truth be known, all the aches and pain in her body and the stink of sweat on her person signified that she had made it and was still alive.
Although, in spite of her personal triumphs she could not forget him or the love that they'd shared. They were torn apart by an inevitable prophesy, pride and a broken bond and yet she felt connected to him despite the painful circumstances.
Time and space held no influence over what she felt inside it seems. Perhaps in years to come she would be able to move on. It was a reasonable notion she decided, she did not want to spend the rest of her life alone. But the sinking feeling in her gut and the palpitations in her chest each time that she thought of him reminded her that loving someone else was a destined trap. One could not give a heart to another that they'd already given to someone else who had claimed it as their own.
Just the thought of him took her back to that period. The ensuing days after the broken bond she'd felt empty, and a lonesome sensation had occupied her heart. The pain it caused was both cold and hot, and at times her heart and soul felt trapped in a dark icy prison that sought to devour her mind with depression.
It seeped into her consciousness in sleep and in wakefulness, as images of happier times with her mate and children flooded her mind with painful memories. She'd been down that road before and it was a place that she had no want or need to ever revisit.
To be broken and weak at this point in her life was inconceivable, whilst she had been much younger and naïve then when she'd suffered two broken hearts, she was alone, but now she was a mother and had too much to lose if she gave up. Seeing her children happy again was what kept her grounded when nothing else made sense.
Strangely, she felt a flutter inside her lower abdomen, a gentle push as she got up with arms clasped above her head and stretched to rid sore muscles of the kink and strain that made them stiff.
Tilling the soil and planting was hard physical labor that kept her mind and body busy. It had also served to strengthen her mentally to withstand the loneliness, and had prevented her thoughts from straying to things that were better left alone for the time being.
Two more stretches and the tension in her shoulders and back unsnapped with a crack. The sun had receded somewhat, it was time that she left the back yard garden. She had already gathered the herbs and vegetables that she would need to make stew for dinner, the basket rested at her feet with the supplies. Shippo should be home in a couple of hours and it was her day to prepare the meal. She smiled thinking that he was the rock that kept her steady when the earth had shifted beneath her feet and she'd faltered.
There was no way she could have made it this far without him. He was the child that had replaced the ones that she never had with Inuyasha, that relationship tanked before it even got started.
He gave her hope when she'd been surrounded by darkness, shone a light before her eyes when she'd stumbled blindly with despair over Sesshomaru, and yet again here he was doing the same things for her, putting his life on hold as an adult to care for her needs. She would never be able to repay him for his kindness.
She inhaled deeply and then exhaled softly with the thought. She felt unusually fatigued though she had one more chore to perform and she wondered if she would be able to manage it. She sighed and looked beyond the garden to the house; it was time to go home. Her tasks for the day were not yet completed.
Her knees bended, her spine tilted forward and she reached down for the basket, suddenly a flutter of movement shot across her belly. It made her unsteady, dizziness blurred her vision. She blinked and inhaled deeply trying to focus through the weird sensations but to no avail, as it became frighteningly overwhelming.
The dark haze's persistence caused the basket to drop unceremoniously to the ground, spilling the contents as she could no longer hold it steady as her mind and body focused only on the peculiar illness. She wondered what it was. Could this sensation be lingering aftershocks of her dismantled bond to Sesshomaru?
She cradled her face with her palms and kept still. In time the wooziness subsided but instead a slow pressure began to build up in her bladder, and instantly she wanted to pee. She clamped her knees tightly together trying to stave off the release of her bodily fluids. She shifted weight from one foot to the other many times but the strain on her womb did not lessen in the least.
All her endeavors were rendered futile as urine came gushing anyway, wetting her undergarments and lower half. There wasn't anyone around so she needn't feel ashamed by what had just occurred. But one thing was for certain, she needed to rid of the wet clothes and uncomfortable feeling.
Hastily she scooped up the vegetables and threw them in the basket and made a hurried dash to the bathroom. Twenty minutes later she was refreshed but her mind was steadily focused on what had transpired in the field.
Sighing softly she took the robe from her form and stood stark naked in front of the vanity and looked carefully at the image.
She stared hard at herself and thought that she still looked great even after multiple birthing. The image reflected showed a woman stilled primed for life, a sexy body with all the trimmings upright and firm. A pleased smile lit her face. She lacked nothing.
Her belly rumbling snapped the chain of thought, her brows creased as the uncanny sensations threatened to overpower her for a second time again. She felt the undulation of her belly like many nerve endings clenching and unclenching simultaneously.
With her mind engulfed in a thick fog she watched the spectacle from the mirror, her eyes widened and her lower jaw unhinged with shock and then numbness. She couldn't believe what she witnessed. She saw but her frozen mind had not caught up with her eyes as of yet.
sksksk
Normalcy slowly returned to the western palace. Sesshomaru was more like himself now that the burden of guilt that had jabbed at his heart and conscience had lessened. The youngest of his pups gradually withdrew from the shell of despair that had covered her vibrant mood, and now she would not leave his side.
He welcomed the closeness that her upbeat personality brought, it reminded him of a more pleasant time, but he grew increasingly fearful that she hid her true emotions instead of letting them go naturally. He would let Tora speak with her and see if he could coax her out of the unusual behavior he decided.
As he looked over the plans to build a dam which was in part a joint effort between the human empire and his, he thought of Kagome. Their last meeting was turbulent and filled with raw emotions. It couldn't be helped, they were saying their goodbyes.
He huffed, goodbyes, the sentiment was odd because he would never say farewell. A smile bloomed into his heart as he was hopeful that their last joining would result in a gift, one that he'd wanted to give her for two years since their daughter Yuki had died. He had no way of knowing if it had happened now that they were not connected through a bond.
The knock at the door stilled his thoughts and he answered. "Enter," he knew that it was his wife.
The door opened quietly and she stepped in. There gazes welded and silence ensued, and only the sound of the autumn breeze sweeping through the oak trees filled the quiescence between them.
They both knew that they needed to talk; the tension around them rose, curling around him and her and ensnared them in its trap. Their life together held little significance at the moment.
As he gazed at her and her at him he recalled their one intimate contact, it had been three months prior and he had been rough. He had taken her in none of the tenderness and care that he'd shown Kagome for her first time which was unfortunate.
He could not make love to a woman that he did not love and would never love as long as he held onto the hope of him and Kagome being together again. She dropped her gaze and stared at his hands that held the same magenta markings as his hips. She swallowed harshly as she remembered their night of passion.
It had been pure aggression on his part and she could barely withstand the pain and his stamina. It was odd she thought, he had been so gentle in the beginning then the look in his eyes had changed, they'd become cold and hard and so did his mood. She sighed softly when she could not make sense of it at all. Perhaps she overreacted. Sex was supposed to hurt the first time, at least that's the information she'd received.
She had bled, albeit a little too much, but her husband was quite large she was told by her mother compared to a human male. She had to take comfort in that, it was better to believe that, than to believe that he had been deliberately trying to damage her.
Sesshomaru caught her staring and she looked away quickly. She longed for a time when those hands would bring her pleasure instead of pain. He did not caress her body, and had only kissed her lips to distract her from the invasion. All that he had done was out of necessity to prepare her for the brutal intrusion. Kami help her, she did not wish it or had desired it, but she had fallen in love with her husband.
Her shifted gaze rested on the parchment on his desk, and then she looked beyond the desk and observed a still figure lying on a sofa behind him and she became even cagier than before.
She stood up in alarm. "I will come back later if you are busy," she said and turned to go.
"Stay, this shouldn't take long," he said and got up.
As she watched she saw as he lifted a white haired adolescent female child in his arms and left the office. She knew that it was one of his daughters but could not remember any of their names as they'd all stayed away.
She had little contact with her husband's children, and the household staff tiptoed around her, hence the need to be in his company. She took a breath and reminded herself that wanting his company out of boredom was a bit more complicated than that. She needed answers that only he could give, and though she'd denied the truth these last three months, she wanted to be close to him.
She'd sensed a long time now that he was a complex individual but would indulge her if he wished it. She had stayed away long enough, and besides, she needed to know what the omnious thing that hung over their heads like a dark cloud really was.
There was no one else who would willingly supply her with an answer, she was a stranger in this house and had felt every tentacle as they'd withdrew leaving her desolate. And his children, she wondered about. Where was their mother? Or was it that demons didn't believe in the sanctity of marriage and commitment, living together and raising their children?
The door opening suddenly made her gasped and she jumped being startled. The lord walked right past her and went to sit in his chair without saying anything.
She lifted her head and studied his face but the look in his eyes made her glance away quickly before she lost the smidgen of nerve that she'd forced into her being. His eyes were unreadable and cold. She couldn't very well just walk away because she was afraid of him. For kami's sake he was her husband and that had to mean something in spite of their differences. They needed to talk and clear the air. It was time.
His fingers tapping timely on the wooden desk as he waited caught her attentions and she glanced down at him.
"Sit," he commanded.
She nodded and moved towards the chair in front of his desk. As she sat she felt like a nervous criminal who waited to be sentenced from the judge, and a trickle of sweat slid down her neck in spite of the balmy temperature.
Her pulse quickened as it always does each time that she was near him. She felt a rush of sexual awareness now that she was no longer innocent; it was so potent that she had to bite down on her bottom lip.
She heard his sharp intake of breath and peeked up at him up; he was staring at her intently. Her scent revealed to him that she was fertile, unlike the night that he had taken her. If she had been receptive then he would not have lain with her.
She caught the wicked gleam in his eyes. His gaze held her enraptured and she could not verbalize what she wanted to say. She struggled to get the words out of her mouth, and instead she opened and closed it without a single syllable being expressed.
She turned her head to the right and stared at a painting of a meadow with beautiful trees hanging on the wall. She was uneasy and did not want him to see just how much he filled her up with tension.
"I know why you are here," was Sesshomaru's unexpected but simple statement.
Her head came round to face him again; her arms came up and crossed over her chest, futilely thinking that the gesture would protect her. That it would hold in all these feelings she didn't want to feel as his eyes exposed her vulnerability.
She could not do this, she thought as he continued to stare intensely at her. She swallowed thickly to hold back the sickness that threatened to rise. Thank goodness it worked, and after a couple more swallows she relaxed and slunk back into the chair.
"Husband," she finally muttered. "I know that our marriage was not something that you or I had initially wanted, but this place is my home now and I need your help to make it work. You need to acknowledge that I am your wife and here to stay by your side?"
Anger fisted inside him. Angry at her for opening old wounds, something that he was desperately trying to forget. He was angry for being so damned conflicted as he gazed at her and saw the truth in her eyes as they shone with the emotion.
She looked at him the way Kagome had, with love in her gaze only for him, and knew with certainty that the princess would be hurt badly because he could not love her. He didn't want to love her. No one else could fill the empty space in his chest that Kagome had left behind when she took his heart.
It was because of the circumstances that involved her that his life with his mate was ripped away from him. He was left with little else as a choice, and though he'd tried to sway the emperor from this course of action, it was a battle that he'd eventually lost. Although she wasn't to be blamed, irrationally his heart held her responsible because while she was here Kagome was not.
He got up quickly and stalked over to his wife and grasped her slim hands into his larger ones and pulled her to her feet. She gasped with fright and mouthed the word No! The tension in him rose to new heights and he tightened his grip on her hands while she continued to gaze at him fearfully.
He knew of no other way to dissipate this mixture of regret, anger, sadness, guilt, helplessness and longing. He grounded his teeth, dragged her behind him and marched down the hallway to the bedroom that he used to share with Kagome.
He strode to the door and opened it. Frustrated he pushed her inside when she resisted, she stumbled but did not fall. When she straightened up she came face to face with a large portrait hanging on the wall over a king sized bed.
Her eyes eased over the picture slowly, though they'd begun to gather moisture as she felt like crying. There on the wall hung a picture of the most beautiful woman that she'd ever seen; her eyes were blue like the ocean on a clear day and just as warm.
Envy bloomed in her heart for the unknown woman, rage had her seething with anger and she closed her palms into tight fist trying to contain it. She shook her head in denial and turn around.
"Who is she?" She asked calmly, but the sound was sharp and intense.
She couldn't look at him any longer as the answer was right there in his eyes; he had an expression in them that she had never seen him displayed up until now. The look was soft and held longing and adoration into its depths. It was the type of stare that she craved he would make only for her.
Tears bled down the sides of her face uncontrollably as she observed her beautiful husband lost in the unblinking gaze of the portrait. His eyes dropped from the image of his mate and focused on his wife as her breathing became harsher.
"She was my mate or my wife in this case, we were good for each other," his words were raw and his voice thick with emotion.
She met his eyes again. So where is she? She wanted to ask but didn't. Maybe it was sixth sense but she already knew the answer and did not want to hear him say it.
"Not good enough," she said instead. "Both you and I are together now; we took vows in front of the kamis and man. She is not here and I need you, I am your wife and I will not stand for the indifference any longer!"
Darkened eyes narrowed with frustration and impatience, and muttering a colorful curse he grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her onto the wall. Her eyes widened with fear, but defiantly she kept her chin up while he glared at her with that intense burning gaze. Her eyes widened even further, there it was again to her dismay, that same look in his eyes that she had seen on the night of the consummation.
She shook her head from side to side in denial with her eyes closed as she cried. "I don't want to love you but I can't help it. You are the first male that has ever touched me and kami forbid it but I love you!"
"No!"
She heard the sudden heat of the word as it exploded from his lips. What did it mean? His abrupt rejection of her declaration of love was startling.
"Husband, she cried, "why can't you look at me like that, the way you look at that picture. I am yours try to consider my feelings?"
In frustration he slammed his fist into the wall above her head. She screamed. "No! Stop," over and over, as she fought through the pain of rejection and fear.
Blinding pain shot up his arm, he did not care for the pain, he just continued to punch the walls again and again, harder and harder, punishing himself, accepting the physical pain, inviting it in to gratefully crowd out his emotional turmoil.
His muscles bunched as he continued to pound on the concrete, blood and skin washed the walls. He grunted in ragged breaths.
Throughout his entire life he had been all about self control to the point where many viewed him as emotionless. His father had drilled it into his head from an early age; along with his military background had worked together to help him to school the placid countenance.
But nothing in his long life could ever prepare him for true love and the turbulent emotions that it carried. The princess wept silently at his feet. He had released her the moment he'd struck the wall and she'd screamed.
Crouching, he lifted her to her feet to stand; she was shaking so he led her to a sofa to sit. With his emotions calmed he tried to reason with the shaken woman that was his wife.
"You're a princess so you know about duty and obligation; I denied myself a love that was priceless to save my people. I never anticipated the consequences would be so lofty. I am regretful that you were caught in the middle," he paused and looked at her again and saw that she gazed at him with interest.
"I never wanted this for myself or for you, but it was decided that you were part of the deal."
Immediately she got up and asked. "Are you saying then that there is no future for us?" Her voice quivered as she'd spoken, but her bold stare held his eyes.
"I told you before that I cannot give you what you desire, but if you wish it I will be contented to share my body with you, because I cannot summon the emotion that will make you happy."
He knew that he wasn't offering her much, but he could only give her what was his to give. His heart belonged to Kagome and that would never change, He was also conscious of the fact that humans loved affections and needed the comfort of physical contact. As he watched he wondered what she would do next.
"I think," she replied, "that we need more time, maybe if you really tried you could feel something in your heart for me...Yes?"
The revelation startled him a bit; it was as if she challenged his sincerity. She canted her head as he looked on and he smirked inwardly and came closer.
Grasping her chin in his hand he turned her face up to meet his eyes. "Challenging me is a very foolish thing on your part, never doubt my words, I will never love another and the sooner you believe that the easier it will be for you."
He let her go suddenly and moved to the open door and waited, she hesitated inside the room and he turned on her.
"Leave!" He ordered. "When you are ready come to me, if not stay away. I have no more patience to dwell on a fate that you knew was ours before now. Accept it and you may find some measure of peace."
Panic spread through her veins as she heard the resolute words and knew that he meant every word as he'd enunciated every syllable as he'd spoken them. His stare cold and harsh. It felt like a winter's draught had seeped within their midst. She shivered; all the fight had left her body because her husband would never consider loving her.
She glanced one last time at the portrait and left the room. He locked the doors but this time she heard jingling as he locked it with a key. When they'd entered before the door was unlocked.
Pasting on a fake smile worthy of the biggest hypocrite she turned to her husband. "I will abide by your terms," she said softly and walked away leaving him standing alone in the passage way.
He watched her go and wasn't fooled by the unexpected assurance; he had dealt with many deceitful females in his life and knew how to spot them. He had some painful memories dealing with the fairer sex starting with his mother. Some of the scars still felt rough even though they have healed.
A woman scorned was not something to scoff at. He had little patience left, and the situation with the princess if she tried to undermine him would be to her detriment.