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Was she dreaming? Could this really be happening? Oh my! Kagome gasped in shock as her mind finally caught up with what her eyes were telling her. With all the energy she could muster despite the nausea her hands slowly came in contact with her abdomen, as if she feared that by touching her flesh it would make the joy that she felt now disappear forever.
Her head dropped to her tummy, she watched and waited, then suddenly she felt an excited flurry of movements under her fingertips, then another, and another, happiness replaced shock and numbness. Her mouth opened and she grinned; delighted she burst out in laughter as tears of joy flowed from her eyes.
After the euphoria waned, her forehead creased in thought and she questioned the ill-timed but welcomed occurrence.
How can this be? Sesshomaru and her had tried for years and were unsuccessful. And with all the stresses that she'd been under these last three months she'd thought that was the reason for the absence of her monthly courses, and now…She still could not believe it…She was pregnant.
She giggled like a smitten school girl and rubbed her belly over and over, wanting to feel the proof that she was to be a mother again. Being pregnant was one of life's greatest miracles and it couldn't have happened at a more meaningful time even if she had planned it herself.
The burdens of her interrupted life slowly began to ebb away like the tides, as her heart was consumed with a mother's love for the life that grew inside her body.
"I have to tell Shippo the wonderful news as soon as he gets back," she uttered. But she thought. Sesshomaru must never find out…He needs to focus on the path that he has chosen…She couldn't let the pregnancy become a burden to him.
With a little humph and a sigh, she turned her mind back to herself and smiled. She spend a few more minutes rubbing soothing circles on her tummy and chuckled whenever the baby moved.
She decided it was time to prepare the evening meal; she dressed and proceeded to the kitchen. While she was there she chopped, peeled boiled and seasoned the food. She felt light as a feather, happy as a lark with immense joy; unconsciously she hummed a merry tune.
That's how Shippo came home and found her, she wasn't even aware that he watched. He chuckled and she spun around with her hand over her heart. She panted. "You startled me."
He gazed at her and saw more than fright, her eyes twinkled and the air around her was light and free. He wondered what had caused the change in her mood in his absence, it was a welcome change but still he wondered.
"Mother are you feeling alright...I'm concerned, is there something that you need to say?"
She padded around the dinner table and came closer to him; she took his hands and peered up into his eyes. "Oh Shippo the most wonderful thing has happened," she paused knowing that she had captured his undivided attentions and then had left him hanging.
He frowned in displeasure. "Kagome please tell me what it is?"
She let go off his hands and waggled her finger at him instead. "Patience is a virtue, never forget it."
He smiled, his mother was playful; the happiest he had seen her in a long while, so he knew the news must be favorable, and so he waits.
She turned away from him without saying another word. He grew concerned again, her behavior seemed quite odd to him now despite what he'd just thought.
She didn't take more than a few steps before she stopped. He moved forward and halted behind her back, placed his hands on her shoulders and felt her body trembling slightly. He was mildly alarmed.
"Mother are you alright?" He asked for a second time.
"Yes I am," was her quivering response.
Her body continued to shake as he held her, but he said nothing, he heard a sniffle and then a heavy breath. "Shippo the most glorious thing has happened and I am so happy yet I am filled with so many conflicting emotions. Please don't worry I'm just hormonal because I am pregnant."
The hands on her shoulders stiffened as tension so thick gripped him. He didn't know what to feel though his first instinct was anger, because he knew when it had happened and was still at odds with Sesshomaru. But when his mother turned around and he saw the happy tears and smile all he could do was to hug her close.
"I don't want Sesshomaru to know…Please don't tell him," she muttered onto his chest.
He nodded yes; and knowing his mother's kind heart she did not want her former mate to know because even in a time like this she thought more about his feelings than hers.
They sat down to eat. Shippo noted the smile that formed on Kagome's mouth, the sparkle that made her eyes shone. He grinned to himself. It took no special effort on his part to deduce the cause for either. Everything she thought was mirrored on her face, and he knew it was centered on the infant growing inside her womb.
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What was it about her? She was beautiful, yes. So why couldn't he love her? The answer to that she already knew. It was because of the woman in the picture.
She raised her head from her cousin's lap after crying for what seems like hours. Her eyes felt dry and gritty and so did her throat.
"It was a mistake I should not have come here."
Jade sighed and continued to stroke Maemi's hair. "Don't say things like that because you are despairing. You had no choice than to come. It was the will of the emperor."
She shook her head. "I know but I never thought that things would be this way. He loves another and because of her he will not give our relationship a chance."
"Fight for him cousin, you are valuable and he knows it, without you he would not have an alliance in his hands." Jade knew her advice sounded callous but she'd spoken the simple truth.
"I don't want him to hate me, I love him even though I didn't think that I would," she replied breathlessly. "What should I do?" She cried in hopelessness.
Jade stroked Maemi's hair harder as she became tense and heartbroken over her cousin's sadness. She expelled a weary breath. "Princess I know that you are weakened because he rejected you, but remember you didn't last this long being nice. You've survived the death of your parents, a cold brother and have thwarted multiple suitors who'd wished to marry you. Fight for him if you care about him so much, if not just accept your fate and be contented."
The barest flicker of anger lit the hazel depths of the princess's eyes, and Jade had reason to doubt the quickness of her tongue.
"I am sorry," she apologized.
The princess nodded. "It's alright I understand."
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Two weeks put some distance and fight back into her spirit since she'd last seen her husband. She stopped at the foot of the stairs and invited calm into her being with multiple breath. At this particular moment tension gripped her so strongly that she wanted to abandon her plans, what she was about to do might not work out the way she wanted. Quite likely Sesshomaru and his family had gathered for dinner, she sighed and closed her palms tightly into fists. He had never invited her to join him and his children for the evening meal; however, today she would invite herself and see just what he would do.
As she drew closer to the dining room the scent of a delectable meal hit her nasal cavity. She smiled to herself; she had timed the moment precisely. She gathered her wits about her and stepped into the dining hall as Sesshomaru and his children sat down for their meal. All eyes settled on her, none of which looked pleased by her unexpected arrival. She gazed at her husband deliberately, a bit of a challenge, he said nothing and so she pulled out a chair and sat beside him.
"Good evening," she said cheerfully.
None of the children answered, they only shifted uncomfortably in their chairs.
An awkward silence descended upon the room and its inhabitants. Sesshomaru glanced at his wife and nodded in spite of the uncomfortable situation. Tension filled the air like suffocating smoke, but the woman was his wife and he could not disrespect her in front of his family by asking her to leave. To do so would be foolishly inviting trouble in his home, and also, he would be setting a very bad example with his actions.
Whether he liked the circumstances or not she was his wife and he could not prevent her from joining them. Initially he had refused her request to partake of the meals because his children still suffered from the loss of their mother, and he'd thought it inappropriate at the time.
Regardless, he still felt the same way on some levels. His youngest child still mourned and his wife uninvited entry had upset Aiko a great deal, though she'd suppressed that emotion. He was a practical individual and did not expect a miracle any time soon. At least with her being here he could show his family that he held no animosity towards his wife and perhaps if he treated her favorably it would incite his children to be civil. On that note he decided he could tolerate her presence until the meal was finished.
Dinner was served by the chef and all at the table remained silent as they ate, usually they would converse with each other, not so this evening. The presence of the princess among them had darkened the ambiance around the dinner table and the mood somber. Akiyoshi used the disquietude to study his father's new wife secretly. He glanced at her ever so often and thought that she was pretty, nothing exceptional really, she paled in comparison to his mother.
To him she seemed rather uptight and was trying way too hard to be nice, when all could see the resentment in her eyes, and of course it was obvious that she was only here for their father. She had an air of superiority about her from being born privileged and wore it close to her person like a cloak, though she tried to conceal that fact very carefully.
Halfway through the meal Aiko got up after not eating more than a mouthful. "Father may I be excused?" She asked without giving away any of the anger that she felt over the present condition.
He nodded his answer of yes; she came around to his chair and kissed him on the cheek and then walked slowly away from the room.
Princess Maemi had watched the child earlier and had seen the way her golden eyes flickered briefly with annoyance. She also saw the resemblance of the girl to the woman in the picture. There was something different about her compared to the other children. She couldn't tell what it was at the moment but she would find out.
When dinner was finished and the table cleared, all the children bid their father goodnight and nodded to the princess as a sign of respect for their father.
Left alone she and Sesshomaru exchanged glances, no surprise there; her husband's face still remained placid and his eyes unreadable and cold. She turned away unable to hold his stare, it made her uncomfortable to gaze at eyes which only held contempt in their depths for her.
She let out a breath, there was something niggling on her mind since she had seen the picture of the lord's former wife and she would ask him about it. "Why did she leave you," she queried in an off handed manner, suddenly, "if she loved you that is, then why?"
He regarded her silently with his cool amber gaze, while he thought of the conversation that he had with Kagome on the night of his return from Osaka, and suddenly he felt miserable. How he missed being mated to her? He felt empty as the space in his chest grew wider with each passing day in her absence.
He'd suffered his defeat in stoic silence holding onto his pride, but a dark cloud of anger gathered quickly over him. He hated being weak. It was a disturbing realization that shook him to the very center of his prideful heart and masculinity. For the next thirty five years until the emperor dies he would have to put up with this woman. Treating her fairly would be difficult but not impossible. She was stubborn, even after letting her know how he felt she still presumed that he would be tolerant of her bratty behavior.
His eyes flashed and her breath hitched as he got up to go. She felt a fluttering in her chest as he stepped away from the table.
"Please answer me, I just want to understand and I promise you that I will never ask again."
He looked hard into her eyes and saw cold manipulation; she was spoilt and would do anything to get a favorable result. He hissed back the anger as he stopped moving. A balance was struck between them for the moment; he would tell her what she wanted to know this one time.
In time he nodded and sat back down; as he looked at her he wondered not for the first time why did things turn out this way. If she wanted nothing from him the situation would be acceptable, however, she wanted so much more, and what she wanted he was not inclined to give.
"Well,' she prodded, "are you going to tell me or not husband?"
The use of the endearment made him cringe on the inside as he never wanted anyone else to call him thus save for his mate. The longing in her gaze made him a bit uneasy as she watched his every move. The few words that he would grace her with he wanted to say them quickly.
He looked at her again and expelled frustrated breath. "The situation was egregious and it went against her principles," he answered quietly, though his emotions had started to flare inside him.
Maemi was intrigued. Here was a woman who had it all but gave it up because she was pious, how foolish she thought and smiled to herself.
"She left you because she was unwilling to share you with me…Right?" Maemi asked and answered her own question. It was clear to her that his mate or wife had left him because of her.
Sesshomaru snorted rudely. "It isn't as simple as that, you judge on the basis of your own mind without knowing the facts."
"So tell me dear husband what are the facts…Make me understand why a woman you love would leave you so easily with all these children to mind over by yourself," she replied immediately without thought.
Rage.
It rose up inside him like a storm, firm and petulant.
How the fuck was he going to cope with such annoyance, he didn't even know? This wasn't like him, usually he regarded the issues with indifference, but his wife had an uncanny ability to anger him.
Maybe if he thought she was being sincere he could endure the infringement on his privacy, but it was for naught as she only wanted to pry, to seek out information that she might try to use against him later.
He wasn't usually so distracted from his goals; in fact he thrived under pressure, rising to the occasion subjectively. Perhaps the recent upheaval in his life and being ridden by guilt over Kagome was to be his undoing. He gritted his teeth; no way would he let that happen. He had sacrificed too much; failure was not an option that he could make.
Purposefully he stared at her. "My former mate is none of your concern woman, and I can assure you that if you continue on this path you will not like the consequences."
She shrugged. "Very well then I will not pry."
He got up again, gave her a dry look and spoke quietly. "If that is all please leave."
She had her own quarters and the less time that she spent in his, the better it would be for everyone involved. Something was up with his youngest child, and until he found out what it was, it was best if she stayed away. He did not want an incident.
"That is all," she responded tightly, upset that he had dismissed her so hastily. It would seem that she had been correct in her assessment of the issues by the looks of things. Her husband was too affected by the questions she'd asked him.
She got up in a dignified manner in spite of how curt he had been to her. "Good night my lord," she said and left. He did not respond to her mild complacency.
After saying goodnight she hurriedly left the room and kept going until she reached the foot of the stairs and paused. While she stood there she reflected on what had just transpired between them and thought, maybe the woman in the picture could be the answer too her dilemma. Feeling satisfied, she resumed the course that she was on by climbing the wide stair-case to the first floor and then turned right on the landing to her section of the house.
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Her footsteps had long left the ground floor of the palace and yet he waited. He sat and waited for an entire hour until the dark mood had passed before he got up and made his way to Aiko's room. He did not want her to sense the uneasiness within his aura, that would put her more on edge and so he had waited for the sensation to recede.
At the door he knocked once. "Come in father," was the soft invite.
He entered and saw that she lay on her back and stared at the ceiling blankly. He approached the only seat in the room which was the delicate looking sofa chair by the bedside and sat. He didn't need to prompt her to speak this time as she turned on her side, smiled at him and said candidly.
"Father does she have to live here in mother's house, couldn't you find someplace else for her to live?"
He wasn't surprised by the question; he hated the living arrangements just as much as she does. The sad truth was that the princess was now his wife and he had to keep up appearances for the sake of the treaty.
Gently he took one of his daughter's hands into his own and closed his fingers around hers. He did not like to see her like this, it broke his heart because she was always so...What was the word Kagome used to describe her? He tried to remember…Bubbly. He smiled, now she was seldom so, although she'd tried to be in a better mood whenever he was around.
"Smile for me father like you use to do when mother was here," the child asked unexpectedly.
The plea was so piteous and heartbreaking that he closed his eyes against the strain. She looked at him with sad eyes expectedly, and somewhere deep inside him his firm resolve began to crack.
He tried to smile for her and wasn't able to do so. Sadness flitted across her eyes. She favored her mother so much now and it pained him that he could not grant the request to make her happy. He did not think it would be wise to lead her on; he had to make her see that the princess held the key to their salvation at the moment.
"Aiko I know that you don't want to hear this but try to understand, she is my wife and a princess of the human empire, remember our objectives. Living separate lives would not sit well with her and her people. To get the desired results I must make her contented here and so must you as well."
He looked down on her face and saw eyes brimming with tears and lovingly wiped them away with his sleeves. His heart stilled with worry and tenderness, he got up from the sofa chair momentarily and sat on the bed side instead. He eased her up and rested her head onto his lap and stroked her hair.
"Father," he heard her small voice and glanced down, "I miss mother so much and that woman makes me feel things that I don't want to feel…I swear if she gets too close to me I will harm her."
He knew what his daughter referred to, his wife brought out an irksome feeling inside him as well that he had to make an effort to restrain himself, yet he was not an impulsive pup like his daughter. He glanced down again on his child feeling lost, advising her wouldn't be difficult, it was just that in times like these he wished Kagome was here with him.
He closed his eyes against the bleakness of his mind and then reopened them again a short time later. Aiko heard the breath that he took and stared up at him as he prepared to speak. "Resist it; fight it with your will. We are made of light and dark; push the light into the darkness whenever it threatens to overpower you. Harming her would not be what your mother would have wanted."
The child nodded her head as her father continued to stroke it. He didn't know how many hours he spent comforting his daughter before she finally fell asleep, but it must have been quite a few. He felt drained and his bed and sleep looked more enticing by the minute.
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He must have slept for less than an hour when the door opening roused him from slumber. He sat up and waited, he knew who it was.
Maemi took a deep breath to calm her nerves as she entered and saw him. He was genuinely tired and hadn't the energy to deal with her now, but he didn't say anything.
She gulped as she saw his naked chest, it was inconceivable to her that one male could embellish her head with such carnal thoughts, when she had dismissed every suitor and their touch for twenty one years. She couldn't explain the love that she felt for him or the urges in her body that she resisted with every fiber of her being each day.
As she stared at him she was even more bewildered. There one night of passion or rather sex was unsatisfying and painful, she should be running away from him, not edging closer. The distant voice of reason in her head told her to accept his terms and be contented with it, but a heart that grew in love's bitterness told her to proceed.
Often times she would wake up in the middle of the night burning for his touch and tonight was one of those nights. The heaviness inside her chest made it hard to breathe as she gazed at his eyes and beautiful body. She closed her eyes and took a long breath of air, holding it in longer than usual before letting it out.
She took a couple of steps that brought her nearer to the bed, her scent wafted to him and he inhaled. He couldn't deny his nature, and he wasn't amused that she was here either.
She looked at him and he at her, neither said anything except he thought that the woman was insufferable in her quest to make his heart beat for her when nothing she could do would ever make that happen. Kagome took his heart, and until she returned it, all that was left was an empty space where it used to be.
He watched as she shimmied out of the silky robe and stood naked before him The only light in the room was a half burned candle that illuminated her body as it flickered. She was slender to the point of boyish with breasts. He didn't look away, she put on a show for his benefit which was neither pleasing nor displeasing to his eyes and he would watch. He was a male after all, and denying himself pleasure for the sake of denying himself was a thing of the past.
He had issued an invitation; he'd invited her into his bed. 'Come to me when you are ready, and I will share my body with you.' They were truths because he had nothing else to offer her. He had wealth and so did she, but she wanted more, she wanted his heart and it was something that he could not give her.
She revealed to him her deep affections not so long ago and he had rejected it. Love, what does it mean? For him it had a name and it spelled Kagome. He would never go to his wife because he had no desire to do so, but if she came to him he would perform his duty. It was a tough bitter life and sometimes people were pawns in its game. He was being used and in turn he used her, the cycle continued.
Nevertheless, it was his decision and he would do whatever it took to save not only the lives of his children but his entire species. He had denied himself the love of a good woman, hurt her and his family all for this. Emotions, he had them; pain, love, regret and fury battled within his soul constantly, yet he would not surrender to it. He would fulfill his purpose, and if the gods favored him he would be reunited with his true mate.
His desires were simple, he wanted his line to live on long after him, yet the complications of that simplicity was far reaching and only time could free him of the burden. So until then he would survive. His pride and his honor had not disappeared; they still pulsed strong and raw like the viscous blood that flooded every fiber of his being. But what good was pride and honor if he was dead?
He heard movements and his mind re-entered the space. Moments before he had been distracted by his thoughts, perhaps he needed the distraction. He sighed as his wife entered the bed from the other side and lies still. He hovered above her and guided her left leg around his waist. She understood what he wanted and pulled her right leg up as well. She raised her head and kissed his lips, stroking it with her tongue. His lips were soft yet firm, however, he did not respond to her advances, he kept his mouth tightly shut.
Realizing the futility of her actions she pulled away and gasped as he leveled into her with surprising strength, considering how tired he was. She hissed in a breath when he was fully seated inside her.
She felt every inch of his long and thick member as he began to move slowly inside her warm, moist womanhood. He looked and sought her face, her eyes were tightly closed. He felt half alive as he buried himself deep within her. There wasn't any passion or meaningful emotions he considered, only the joining of two people fulfilling a primal but necessary urge.
She screamed when his pace increased as if he touched some dark secret place inside her, which felt so good that she threw her arms around his neck and held on tightly. He sought his own release which eluded him, and only when he'd replaced her face with Kagome's was he able to climax.
It wasn't her fertile time yet, but even then he took extra precautions by pulling out. It wasn't a safe method of preventing a pregnancy, Kagome had cautioned him years ago, but he was hopeful that she would not conceive.
She lay panting totally exhausted by the long ride. Her eyes gleamed in the dark; the candle had long burned out. She had enjoyed herself.
He left her on the bed after she had fallen asleep and stepped out on the balcony. The moon round and full sat in a black sky; it looked like it might rain. The night wind felt cool on his skin as it whipped around him, every inch of flesh of his body was saturated with her scent.
He needed a bath, while his wife's scent wasn't unpleasant he didn't care for it. The only smell he yearned for was that of Kagome's. It was not unexpected just a sad truth, most of his mate lovely scent had evaporated from their midst.
The only place that still carried a slight trace of it was their old bedroom, and in time it would fade from even there. The corners of his mouth turned up in a small smile. What did he have to smile about? It was simple really. Aiko carried her mother's scent and power, and as long as she was here with him, he would be contented until he was free.