Apprentice and Pregnant 2
Chapter 21: Silent Night
You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah
"So just to clarify," Cracklepaw said slowly, chewing his food with a thoughtful expression. "You don't remember anything?"
"You must have rocks in your brain," Firepaw sighed. "I said it four times, no I don't."
"Interesting," Cracklepaw mumbled, looking over at Silverpaw. Silverpaws eyes were wary, cautious even. The unspoken question lingered in the air like smoke after a fire.
What's he going to do about Laurelpaw?
Since the fight, Firepaw had been acting like he had done moons and moons ago, spitting spiteful comments at the poor she cat with every second glance. It was sad to watch, really. Cracklepaw was having a hard time imagining how his sister was coping.
"Hey guys," Firepaw whispered suddenly. He winked at Cracklepaw and nodded to the right. "I see Ivypaw over there. Should I go talk to her?"
"Um," Cracklepaw took in a sharp breath, feeling very uneasy. "No."
"Yeah, don't do that," Silverpaw mumbled, looking down at the ground.
"Why the hell not?" Firepaw demanded, glaring at his friends. "I like her, she's cute and- WHY ARE YOU TWO STARING AT ME LIKE I JUST MURDERED A FAMILY OF FOUR?"
"It's just," Cracklepaw paused, not knowing how to explain himself. Dammit, he's supposed to like Laurelpaw, not Ivypaw! This isn't how it's supposed to be!
"It's just that we don't think Ivypaws um, that great," Silverpaw put in quickly after realizing that Cracklepaw wasn't going to finish his sentence. "She's kind of a loose cannon if you know what I mean."
"No, I don't know what you mean," Firepaw said huffily. "But please, Silverpaw the king of mates, explain yourself."
"She's just…" Silverpaws voice trailed off for a second. "I don't think she's the right one for you."
"Whatever, you guys are no fun," Firepaw mumbled, glaring at them. "I'm gonna go hang out with Laurelpaw, even though I hate her."
"Yes, do that!" Cracklepaw cried way too loudly.
"Sounds like a good idea!" Silverpaw said at the same time. Firepaw stared at them in disbelief.
"And just when I thought you guys couldn't get any weirder," he shook his head in disgust before walking away. "Freaks."
"Do you think he'll ever get his memory back?" Silverpaw asked, looking at Cracklepaw with concern. Cracklepaw watched as Firepaw sneaked over to Laurelpaw, pouncing on her tail and scaring her.
"Firepaw!" she screamed, jumping around. "Don't do that!"
"SCARED YOU, HA!" Firepaw cried in delight, looking pleased with himself.
"You know something?" Cracklepaw responded at last, staring at the scene in front of him. "I have a feeling he might."
"Firepaw, don't sneak up on me like that," Laurelpaw snapped, annoyed that he had made her jump so easily. "How old are you, five moons?"
"No need to be so rude," Firepaw snapped, looking completely insulted. "SHEESH."
"Firepaw, I'm not in the mood for this right now," Laurelpaw said quietly, looking away from him. Her heart twisted in her chest, and she struggled not to cry. I used to have so much fun fighting with Firepaw. But now it just makes me sad.
"What's wrong?" Firepaw asked when he realized she wasn't playing along. "I'm kidding, you know. Well, kind of."
"I don't feel well," Laurelpaw confessed, seeing no point in lying about it. She was contemplating why she would even lie about it in the first place when Firepaw suddenly stood rigid, his eyes glazing over.
"What?" Laurelpaw asked, gasping slightly as a cramp seized her body. This is the third day in a row I've gotten these stupid cramps! What the hell is wrong with me?
"Huh," Firepaw said suddenly, snapping back to reality. "Well then, that was strange."
"What are you-" Laurelpaw gasped again, and she struggled to hide it. "What are you talking about?"
"Just had a weird memory just now," Firepaw said quietly, looking down. Laurelpaw knew he was being serious by the way his voice turned slightly timid, losing it's usual arrogant sarcastic edge.
"What was the memory of?" Laurelpaw asked, feeling a rush of hope burst through her. Is he remembering all the memories he had lost? Oh, I hope he has!
"I remember being at the gathering," Firepaw said, still staring at the ground. "With you, but we weren't with the rest. We were hiding behind a rock in the forest."
"Really?" Laurelpaw said excitedly, cramps forgotten. "Anything else?"
"No," Firepaw said in a confused voice. "That was it."
"Maybe you'll remember more later," Laurelpaw said, trying to be helpful. I guess that's better than nothing.
"Maybe," Firepaw shrugged. "Maybe not."
Laurelpaw was just about to respond when another cramp ruptured through her, causing her to fall to the ground.
"Ah!" she cried out, the pain unbearable. She gritted her teeth and tried not to cry out anymore, twisting her body over and over in an attempt to dislodge the hideous cramp.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Firepaw asked, looking completely stressed out. He backed away quickly, looking around. Laurelpaw knew he was looking for Featherwing.
"Featherwing!" Firepaw called out suddenly, running away. Laurelpaw was in so much pain she couldn't even feel embarrassed. She could feel eyes of her clanmates staring at her as Firepaw rushed over with the medicine cat.
"I don't know what happened, she just fell down!" Firepaw cried, looking as if he were going to burst into tears. "We were just talking!"
"That's enough, Firepaw," Featherwing murmured, leaning down closer to Laurelpaw. She placed a paw on her cramped belly. Laurelpaw felt very self-conscious, and she wished she had had the cramp somewhere where there were no cats to see her. I've gotten so fat lately, she thought to herself. Featherwings gonna think I'm so gross.
"Laurelpaw," Featherwing murmured after a few terribly long minutes. "I need to tell you something."
"What?" Laurelpaw asked, wincing as the cramp struck again.
"Your body feels tense and knotted up. You are cramped because there are clots in your blood," Featherwing murmured, staring at her with sad eyes. "I have seen this before, and I know how painful it can be. But be patient, in a few more days they'll be gone completely."
"I don't understand," Laurelpaw said, confused. "What do you mean, blood clots? Where did they come from?"
"You were pregnant," Featherwing said, looking away. "Just for a few days. But something must have gone wrong."
"I was pregnant?" Laurelpaw breathed the words, feeling as though lightning had struck her twice in the same spot. "Wait, what do you mean was?"
"The kits didn't make it," Featherwing said gently. "I'm so sorry, Laurelpaw."
"What," Laurelpaw said miserably. She didn't know how to process this information, so she just sat there, staring at the ground. "I don't… understand."
"It's a lot to take in," Featherwing said gently. "Please remember, this isn't your fault."
Laurelpaws eyes suddenly filled with tears, and she started to cry. "No!" she sobbed, shaking uncontrollably. "They can't be dead!"
Featherwing rubbed up against her, but Laurelpaw jerked away. "Don't touch me," she hissed.
"You need to prepare yourself," Featherwing said, unfazed by Laurelpaws reaction. "You are going to pass blood, if you already haven't."
Laurelpaw didn't respond, feeling so angry and sad that she could barely think. She stormed across the clearing, shoving her brothers on the way there. She pushed her way into the apprentices den, feeling as though despair was the only emotion she'd ever feel again.
I didn't know I was pregnant, and I don't want any kits, she thought miserably, forcing herself to lie down despite how jittery she was. But somehow, I feel love for them… but they're dead! I feel like I'm dead myself.
She tossed and turned for what felt like hours, tearing up the mossy nest under her. After what seemed like eight moons, she fell into a disturbed sleep. She dreamed she was in Starclan, but all the emotion she had felt in reality haunted her. She tore up some of the starry grass with her claws, feeling sorry for herself.
"She's wrong."
Laurelpaw whipped around, searching for the voice that had spoken. Transparent trees met her view, blowing in the gentle breeze.
"Who's there?" Laurelpaw called out, feeling scared. "Show yourself!"
"She's wrong. SHE'S WRONG!" the voice called out again. Laurelpaw was starting to feel very creeped out, and she started to run away, the voice still echoing in her mind. The voice held a strange tone; one Laurelpaw couldn't place for a moment. But then it hit her, and she felt confused all over again.
The tone in the voice was desperation.
The dream suddenly faded away, and Laurelpaw slept in peace. The night dragged on, silence blanketing the sleeping cats. She awoke a little later on in the night, worried about the blood that Featherwing had warned her about. She fell asleep again seconds later, unable to stay awake despite the stress.
The night came and went.
But blood did not come.