Apprentice and Pregnant 2

Chapter 22: I'm (Not) Pretending

Who is she

Why would I

Hitch a ride

When I can drive

The night came and went.

But blood did not come.

Laurelpaw woke up paranoid, looking down at herself. She expected her underbelly to be covered in blood that Featherwing had warned her about, but to her surprise there wasn't even a drop. She stood up and stretched, feeling an odd sensation of hope flood through her. Maybe she was wrong… maybe the kits are still alive!

The hope vanished as quickly as it had come.

Laurelpaw cried out in alarm as blood started to trickle down her legs, pooling on the ground below her. Laurelpaw screamed, but not from pain.

It was too much to process.

Why is my life filled with so many terrible things that are happening to me?

This isn't how I wanted to spend my moons as an apprentice!

She stood in silence for a few moments, not moving. After what seemed like a zillion moons, she leaned down and started to clean herself. I better get rid of this blood… oh how embarrassing it would be if someone came in and saw me like this!

As if Starclan was trying to spite her, Laurelpaw noticed a pair of ears pushing their way into the den. She licked faster, trying to get rid of the evidence before the cat came in.

Dammit! Ugh, knowing my luck it's probably Firepaw too

But it wasn't Firepaw who had entered the den. Laurelpaw looked up in surprise when she realized it was Grayclaw. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when he noticed the blood on Laurelpaws fur. His eyes suddenly glazed over with sympathy, and he looked at her with sadness.

"Don't comment on this," Laurelpaw mumbled, feeling terribly embarrassed and confused at the same time. "Please."
"Are you okay?" Grayclaw whispered.

"Dad, what did I just say?" Laurelpaw snapped. She felt very overwhelmed, and she struggled not to cry.

"Baby," Grayclaw said suddenly, looking at her with a new look in his eyes. It was the look of hope, and love. "Don't you see?"

"See what," Laurelpaw muttered, not knowing what he was talking about or what had caused the sudden mood change.

"It's over," Grayclaw said slowly. "Old Gray is dead. You are not going to be a pregnant apprentice… it's over. It's finally over."

His words were like sunshine rising over the mountain.

They were the spark to the fire, and the silver lining in the clouds.

It's over, she thought to herself. It's finally over…

Things can go back to normal now! I can finally focus on training and hunting instead of kits… I don't have to be scared anymore!

"I can be a normal apprentice again," Laurelpaw whispered, feeling a huge wave of happiness run through her body. Her paws, which usually felt like they were being weighed down by rocks, suddenly felt like they were full of air.

She wanted to dance.

She wanted to sing.

For the first time in many moons, Laurelpaw started to laugh without a care in the world.

ONE MOON LATER

"Dude, today's the day!" Ivypaw squealed, bouncing on her paws. "Oh my god, I'm so nervous!"

"Just try to chill," Pinepaw replied calmly. "We've been practicing like, forever. We'll do fine!"

"Aren't you nervous too?" Ivypaw demanded, looking even more freaked out that she was the only one jumping around. "Even a little?"

"Come on, Pinepaw," Laurelpaw smiled slowly, giving her friend a knowing look. "You gotta have some nerves in you somewhere."

"Maybe," Pinepaw huffed, looking embarrassed that Laurelpaw had called her out. "I just hide them a little better, that's all."

"How do you think the guys are feeling?" Ivypaw asked, looking over to where Cracklepaw, Silverpaw and Firepaw were sitting. "Do you think they're as nervous as us?"

"As you," Pinepaw put in under her breath. Laurelpaw snorted.

"Oh my god, Firepaws looking over here," Ivypaw whispered suddenly, turning to Laurelpaw with wide eyes. "Everyone pretend to laugh so it looks like we're having a good time!"

Pinepaw went along with it, laughing loudly as if Ivypaw had told a funny joke. Ivypaw laughed along with her, staring at Firepaw from the corner of her eye.

Laurelpaw tried to laugh, but it came out sounding so sarcastic that Ivypaw glared at her.

"That didn't help," Ivypaw hissed. "You sound wounded or something."

"Sorry," Laurelpaw mumbled, not feeling sorry at all. Irritation towards Ivypaw suddenly made a familiar appearance, and she struggled to push it away. No. Not this again.

As the weeks went by, it had become more apparent each day that Firepaws memories would not return. Laurelpaw felt her heart sting painfully as she thought of this, and it took all her strength to push it out of her mind. It's over between us… he likes Ivypaw now. And she likes him, she always has. So I need to just forget about it and let them be happy. It's the right thing to do.

But I hate it so freaking much!

"Wouldn't it be cool if Swallow Star combined our names when we become warriors?" Ivypaw said loudly, breaking Laurelpaw out of her annoyed thoughts. Laurelpaw looked up at Ivypaw, trying her best not to glare. Ivypaw was staring over at Firepaw again, with a dreamy look in her eyes.

"What do you mean, combine names?" Pinepaw asked, looking confused.

"Like, I could be Ivyfire and he could be Fireivy," Ivypaw explained happily, batting her eyelashes. "Isn't that just like the cutest idea ever?"

"Sure," Pinepaw said in a fake cheerful voice.

"That's friking horrible," Laurelpaw blurted out the words before she could stop them. Ivypaws mouth dropped open and she stared at Laurelpaw. Laurelpaw coughed awkwardly and looked away.

"Anyways," Pinepaw put in loudly, shooting a glance at Laurelpaw that signaled that she should shut up. "What do you say we go practice a little more? Swallow Star won't start the assessment for at least a few more hours."

"Good idea," Ivypaw said, voice still tinged with a cutting edge. She gave one last glare at Laurelpaw before looking over at Pinepaw. "Let's go to the training hollow and go over our moves one more time. Oh, and let's ask the guys to come too!"

"Do we have to?" Laurelpaw sighed, feeling irritated all over again. Ugh, why? The last thing I want to do right now is be stuck in a confined space while there's a flirt fest going on between Ivypaw and Firepaw.

"Yes, we have to," Ivypaw snapped, sounding completely annoyed. "And I've just about had it with you today, Laurelpaw. Firepaw and I are together now. Get over it."

"Get over yourself," Laurelpaw hissed.

"Laurelpaw, how about you go tell the guys that we're going to the training hollow," Pinepaw said at once, clearly trying to avert an ugly scene. "We'll meet you down there."

"Okay," Laurelpaw shrugged, walking away before Ivypaw could put in her opinion about what she just said. She could feel a hateful look boring into the back of her head as she walked away, but she ignored it. I don't know why Ivypaw gets so mad at me for being annoyed about her and Firepaw. If anything, I'm the one who should be mad at her!

"Hey, Laurelpaw!" Silverpaw called out as she approached them. "Excited for later?"

"Yeah," Laurelpaw replied, avoiding looking at Firepaw at all. She was dimly aware that he was making funny faces, trying to get her attention. She ignored him still, admiring her own strength.

"Ivypaw, Pinepaw and I were gonna go down to the training hollow for a bit," Laurelpaw explained. "Thought it might be a good idea to get one last practice in before the assessment. Want to come join?"

"Why are you practicing in the training hollow for a hunting assessment?" Firepaw snorted loudly, rolling his eyes. "That seems a bit counterproductive."

"We can practice jumping and other things," Laurelpaw mumbled, staring at Silverpaw but talking to Firepaw. "And it will help us stretch our muscles a bit before we go out."

"You know, you're really weird," Firepaw laughed and shoved himself in front of Silverpaw. He leaned in really close to her, making obvious eye contact. "Are you blind or something? Why aren't you looking at me?"

"Cause you're ugly," Laurelpaw blurted out the first thing that possibly came into her head. Firepaw took a step back, looking terribly insulted. "Yeah well," he stammered, obviously trying to think of a good comeback. "You're a stone cold bitch!"

"Clever," Laurelpaw sneered, rolled her eyes. "I've never heard that one before."

"Shut up, Laurelpaw," Firepaw shook his head in disgust. "You're so freaking rude. I hate you."

"Don't hate me cause you ain't me," Laurelpaw said in a singsong voice. She was starting to feel a very odd sense of déjà vu, and she was surprised as she realized it didn't even make her sad.

This is the first time I've really talked to Firepaw in moons, and yeah we're fighting but it feels almost… fun. Like it used to be before everything got weird

"I would never want to be you," Firepaw sighed loudly as if this was the most ridiculous thing in the world to even contemplate. "That'd be horrible."

"Screw you Firepaw!"

"Get lost, Laurelpaw!"

"Okay," Laurelpaw winked at him and turned around. "See you in the training hollow. I'm gonna kick your ass."

"I GUESS I'll walk over there with you," Firepaw declared loudly, shaking his head as if it were a chore. "Since we're going in the same direction and everything."

"Oh gee," Laurelpaw snapped sarcastically, feeling her heart dance inside. "Don't hurt yourself or anything."

"We'll walk with you too," Cracklepaw said, stepping forward.

"No need," Firepaw called over his shoulder. "We'll see you there!"

Laurelpaw had to force herself not to smile like an idiot, realizing that Firepaw wanted to walk with her alone. She faked an annoyed look so Firepaw wouldn't notice how happy that made her.

"I'm not stupid, you know," Firepaw said suddenly. Laurelpaw jumped in surprise, looking over at him. He was giving her an odd look, as if he knew a secret that he wasn't sharing.

"What do you mean," Laurelpaw snapped, faking an irritated tone. Her mind started to spin with panic, and she realized Firepaw must have seen her smiling.

"I know you didn't want to walk with me," Firepaw said simply, looking down at his paws. There were no traces of sarcasm or arrogance to his tone, and Laurelpaw felt confused.

"I know you don't like me," Firepaw continued slowly, looking as though he was concentrating really hard on finding the right words to say. "And I'm not gonna lie, I really don't like you either."

"Terrific," Laurelpaw snapped. Where is he going with this?

"Can I ask you a question, like, even though we hate each other?" Firepaw asked, shooting her an awkward glance.

"Go ahead," Laurelpaw replied.

"If you laugh at me for what I'm about to say, then I'm gonna kill you," Firepaw warned. "No joke."

"What's your question?" Laurelpaw asked. "Spit it out already."

"So I like Ivypaw right, and we have a lot of fun together," Firepaw started, sounding awkward. Laurelpaw turned and looked at him, now completely lost on where he was going with this conversation. Ugh, I don't think I'm gonna be able to handle it if he asks me for relationship advice.

"Go on," Laurelpaw mumbled.

"When I'm with her, it's great and everything," Firepaw said after a few seconds pause. "But I always find myself wishing I was with you, fighting. Does that make sense?"

Laurelpaw felt her heart sing and break at the same time, and she nearly stopped walking. She turned to him, struggling to push away about fifty different memories that came out of nowhere at once.

"It's stupid, I know," Firepaw said after she didn't respond. "I dunno what it is, really."

"Maybe you love me," Laurelpaw said in a mocking voice, trying to make it seem like she was kidding around.

"You wish, bitch," Firepaw laughed sharply and looked away. His voice sounded hollow and empty, no longer spiteful and arrogant. Laurelpaw realized suddenly that somewhere along the line their conversation had turned serious. She pondered the thought, trying to put the pieces together about what had just been exchanged.

Maybe he's pretending to hate me, just like I'm pretending to hate him

Maybe we're both playing the same game