Apprentice and Pregnant 2
Chapter 27: The Truth About Ivypaw
A Poem by Ivypaw
The ice is cold
Covering the entire lake
Too perfect to be real,
A shiny guard you cannot steal
Lovely to see
Reminding me
Of the chaos that lives under the surface
"You four," Swallow Star called out as soon as he caught sight of the apprentices. "Come to my den."
"Here we go," Firepaw mumbled, looking down at the ground as he stood up. "Let's go inspect the damages."
"Silverpaw," Laurelpaw heard Pinepaw whisper behind her. "If Swallow Star had someone watching us, then that means-"
"Sh," Silverpaw shushed her at once, and Laurelpaw struggled not to prick her ears to show she was eavesdropping.
If you had followed the rules, then you wouldn't have to stress out about this! Laurelpaw thought to herself, wincing as she remembered what had happened with Firepaw. Oh, we talked too… but there was a good reason for it!
Firepaw got his memory back… the timing was just incredibly terrible.
I'm starting to get a bad feeling that all six of us failed the damn thing
"Please, come in," Swallow Star called as they walked up to the door of the den. Laurelpaw gulped and tried to push away her nervousness, realizing that Swallow Star was most likely terribly disappointed with the assessment results.
Ivypaw tried to kill my brother, evil bitch
Swallow Star or whoever was watching Firepaw and I witnessed our moment in the forest
Pinepaw and Silverpaw quite obviously cheated on purpose
Oh, we're gonna be apprentices forever.
Preparing herself for the worst, Laurelpaw followed Firepaw into the den, with Silverpaw and Pinepaw behind her. Their fear scent was growing by the second, and by the look on Swallow Stars face, Laurelpaw could tell he wasn't surprised.
"Sit down," he said, voice hard and cool. Laurelpaw did as she was told, sitting down at once beside Pinepaw and Firepaw. Beside Swallow Star, Ivypaw sat hunched low to the ground, looking as though she was trying to hide behind the leader. Her face was twisted up and her eyes were shiny, but Laurelpaw felt zero sympathy. She stared at the she cat, wondering how she could have ever been such good friends with the monster.
Ivypaw, you will not have my sympathy
I will never forgive you and you shouldn't expect me to
"I will begin by saying," Swallow Star said, sounding very fed up already. "That the assessment did not go as I planned it. Does anyone know why?"
Laurelpaw hoped that that was rhetorical, fiddling with her claws nervously. Firepaw coughed awkwardly, and Silverpaw started to say something but shut his mouth before he got the first word out.
"I had such high expectations of you all," Swallow Star said, looking deeply saddened. The look in his eyes was a look one would get when they've given up forever. Laurelpaw felt ashamed, and she hung her head.
"I'm sure you are all wondering why Ivypaw has been in my den with me, while Cracklepaws in the medicine cats den," Swallow Star took a deep breath, talking slowly as if he was trying to stall the explanation a little more. "I'm going to address that matter first, so-"
"We already know," Firepaw interrupted, sounding completely miserable. Swallow Star pricked his ears, looking curious instead of annoyed that Firepaw had cut him off.
"Oh?" Swallow Star inquired, narrowing his eyes. "Why do you say that?"
"Laurelpaw and Firepaw figured it out when we were waiting," Silverpaw mumbled.
"Yeah, we know about what Ivypaw did," Firepaw whispered, not meeting Swallow Stars eyes. "At the Snakerocks."
Swallow Star looked baffled at this, and he didn't say anything for a moment. However he regained himself quickly, shaking his head slightly as though he was trying to clear his head.
"So that cuts out a lot of painful conversation," he said at last. "Now I bet you are all very confused, and angry at Ivypaw."
"You bet," Laurelpaw hissed for the first time, staring at Ivypaw angrily. "How COULD you-"
"Let me finish please," Swallow Star cut in quickly, sounding wary all over again. "No further interruptions until I'm done talking."
"Okay," Laurelpaw mumbled furiously, giving one last glare at Ivypaw before she turned back to her leader.
"I'm going to start from the beginning," Swallow Star said slowly, looking each apprentice in the eye so they knew he was dead serious. "I'm about to tell you something that only Featherwing, Applefur and I know."
Laurelpaw was confused for a minute, wondering what Ivypaws mom had to do with anything.
"When Applefur was an apprentice, I began to notice a few things that worried me," Swallow Star continued. The entire den was deathly silent by now, no more shuffling around or awkward coughing. Everyone stared at Swallow Star, wondering what he was about to tell them.
"It started out as little things. For example she talked to herself a lot," Swallow Star explained. "And I didn't think too much of that, until one day when I found her by herself in the middle of the night, screaming into the trees like they were trying to kill her."
"Oh," Laurelpaw gasped, unable to fully process this information. Wait, what? I didn't know that about Applefur, she always seems fine to me.
But then again, Ivypaw always seemed fine to me too
Who really knows what goes on under the surface?
"When I asked her what she was doing, she told me they were whispering to her," Swallow Star continued grimly. "Telling her some pretty dark stuff, from what I remember. Anyways, she blamed the episode on being too hungry, said it messed with her brain. I let it go, but it bothered me. I always kept an eye on her, watching to see if she would ever come close to breaking like that again. I wanted to help her before it got worse."
"But it got worse," Ivypaw broke in, her voice thin and cracking. She stared at Laurelpaw, her eyes wide and sad.
"I'll finish the story," Swallow Star said, but more gently than when he addressed Firepaw about interrupting. "It was getting dark, and Applefur was smiling as she ran up to me. Her whole face was lit up, as if she had the best day ever. This was the moment," Swallow Star stopped talking abruptly, and he looked away as if he was in pain. Laurelpaw had a bad feeling that the story was going to take a turn for the worse, and she waited anxiously. She dimly registered the fact that this was the first time Ivypaw was hearing of this as well.
"That was when she told me," Swallow Star repeated slowly. "That she was pregnant with Ivypaw."
He stopped talking again, clearly upset that he had to keep explaining the story. Laurelpaw was starting to wonder if he was hinting that Ivypaw had done what she did because of her mother.
"A bit later that night," Swallow Star sighed. "I found her face down in the pond, trying to drown herself."
The silence that met his words was deafening. Laurelpaw couldn't believe what she had just heard, and she struggled to process it.
Wait, what-
"So I pulled her out, of course," Swallow Star said. "I had luckily gotten there just in time, a few minutes more and it would have been too late. When I asked her why she did it, she told me she didn't know. I didn't know what to do; it was one of my first moons of being a leader. So I went to Featherwing for help. She knew what to do, and she got Applefur to start eating a mixture of poppy seeds and yew leaves every day. It made her tired and sick, but the delusions stopped. To this day, Applefur needs to go into the medicine cats den each morning to eat two poppy seeds wrapped in a yew leaf. Starting today, Ivypaw will be doing the same."
"I had no idea," Laurelpaw said quietly, making eye contact with Ivypaw for the first time. Her bloodshot eyes were still full of tears, and for the first time all day Laurelpaw felt pity for her. It was pity she didn't want, pity that she didn't think she had.
She tried to kill my brother, Laurelpaw thought, feeling terribly confused and frustrated. But I had no idea she was so sick… and all that stuff about Applefur, that's horrible.
I used to think I was an accident
Hell, I guess I was
But Hollyshine never tried to KILL herself when she found out she was pregnant with me and my brothers. That's just terrible!
"I'm sorry," Ivypaw said at last, trembling as she spoke. "I am so, so sorry for what I did. It didn't even feel like it was me doing it… it felt like I was watching myself from above, doing things I'd never really do. And I was SCREAMING at myself to stop, but I just… couldn't."
"I accept your explanation," Laurelpaw said after thinking about it for a few minutes. Ivypaw nodded, looking crushed all over again. Laurelpaw knew why she looked so down at her reply, it was clear she wanted to be forgiven more than anything.
I will accept this
But forgive her? I just can't…
"Ivypaw will be apologizing to Cracklepaw immediately after we're done talking," Swallow Star said, looking relieved he finally got through the whole ordeal. "And of course, Ivypaw will be punished for her actions."
"Elder duty for twelve moons," Firepaw snickered. Ivypaw looked down at the ground again miserably.
"Not a good time for jokes," Swallow Star snapped. "Anyways, onto the next thing. I'm sure you're all wondering how you did on your warrior assessment."
The apprentices all tittered nervously, and Laurelpaw knew they were all dreading what he had to say about the disastrous hunting assessment.
"I gotta say," Swallow Star said disgustedly, shaking his head. "I'm very disappointed. I'm pretty embarrassed, actually."
Silverpaw shuffled around awkwardly, and Laurelpaw could feel anxiety fill up the room at once.
It's funny how they couldn't keep their mouths shut when they needed to the most, but now it feels like they won't talk to save their lives!
"Firepaw, Laurelpaw and Cracklepaw passed," Swallow Star said after a long, drawn out pause. "Silverpaw and Pinepaw, I know you both deliberately broke the rules when you thought I wasn't watching. Didn't I warn you I'd find out if you did?"
"I understand," Silverpaw whispered.
"I'm sorry," Pinepaw spoke at the same time, her voice cracking.
"The cats you let down the most are yourselves," Swallow Star said sternly. "I hope you've learned a valuable lesson today."
Laurelpaw noticed Pinepaw looking down, as if she was going to cry. I don't blame her. First, we find out all this stuff about Ivypaw, second she fails her assessment. Not to mention she's totally in love with Swallow Star, and the only time he talks to her is when she's getting in shit!
"As far as Ivypaw goes, she will not be made into a warrior for an additional six moons," Swallow Star declared. "As for Silverpaw and Pinepaw, I will decide when to stage the next test."
"Okay," Pinepaw replied sadly. "I'm really sorry."
"I bet you are," Swallow Star said, fixing her with a hard stare. Laurelpaw could feel the unspoken dismissal, so she stood up and stretched her legs. The others did the same, stiff from sitting for so long on the hard ground. They filed out of the den in silence, this time Ivypaw included. Laurelpaw brought up the rear, pausing when she thought of something.
"What is Ivypaws punishment?" she whispered to Swallow Star as she walked by him. "Is she going to have to wait longer to get an apprentice?"
"Ivypaw will not being getting an apprentice," Swallow Star replied as quietly as he could.
"Oh," Laurelpaw said in surprise. "For how long?"
Swallow Star stared at her, the sad look returning in his eyes. "Never."