"You sure you don't wanna come with?" Rick asked as Kate helped him slip on his coat. She patted down his shoulders and stood on tip toe before slipping her arms around his neck. She rested her face into the base of it, pressing kisses to every inch between each pause as she spoke.

"As much as I want to I'm due for paperwork early tomorrow. Anyway it'll be a nice reunion when you come home late Sunday night—" she finished, releasing her embrace as he turned to face her.

"I think you're more inclined to stay for the second than the first," he said picking up his suitcase. "Only because you are so totally right."

After exchanging smiles with him, she leaned in and hung on his neck, hooking a kiss as he held her. She stayed close to his lips even after parting, just talking in voices only they could hear. "Let me know you arrived as soon as you get there, okay?"

"I will," he started. He let out a sigh as he pressed his forehead on hers. "You make it so hard to leave, you know that?" She didn't say a word, only stroked his cheek and ran a hand through his hair to soothe him.

"It's to make sure you come back," she said with a wink, still trying to ease him. "Come on baby you have to go," she continued. He nodded, followed by a quick turn on his heel for the door. "Don't forget me when you strike it good, ahright?" she sought for a smile from him.

"I sorta kinda like you, so I think you'll be okay," he said turning the knob.

"Warming up to you too a little bit," she said blowing a kiss as he disappeared behind the door.

The loft now void of all but one Castle, Kate ventured off to preoccupy herself. Martha would be gone with her boyfriend until Monday, while Alexis spent most of the days and nights at the library studying for her finals. For the first time, she was really alone at the loft.

For the next few hours she tried several activities to keep her busy. She tried watching tv, working out, baking—which ended up with a couple dozen cookies that negated her work out completely—before subjecting to bed, almost two hours earlier than normal. As she lied with evident uneasiness, shifting around every so often, she bore holes into the ceiling, largely aware of the fact that Rick was gone. She needed something to immerse her mind into. Still awake and alert, she sought the bookshelves for a remedy.

She ran her fingers over the spines, sliding into each gap between the books. Most of the titles she knew, or saw before. She couldn't name every book in his extensive library, but she had enough passing glances to have a concrete idea of what he had. Yet what struck her by surprise was a particular set of books—ones not traditionally bound together. When she picked them up, she examined them closely, noting the tight straw binding along the spines, and the two covers laced together for each one; both bordered black, filled with a warm brown, and the front decorated with cherry blossoms. No names, no visible text, even when she opened the cover. Instead to her surprise, her full name read, scribed across the first page in Rick's best handwriting.

Her interested piqued she continued on, turning the pages to the next scribbles of words. Her nail traced the bottom of the words she read, slow and steady, imagining her husbands voice speaking to her.

This took much longer than I realized, and required more of these journals to complete it. Read through each story very carefully. Don't miss a single word.

What was this? What on earth had this goofball come up with this time?

Before reading anything, she flipped through the book, examining the folds and excess papers sticking out along the edges. Thumbing through, she realized how familiar the faces looked. Her body went lax the moment she started to read.

Victims. Families. He had pulled up her case files and placed copies of pictures of them all throughout the book, accompanied with handwritten letters from family members and friends of each victim. Most of the entries were out of order, but she remembered each one—who, when, where, how, and why.

She tackled the first book that night, thumbing through each page carefully. There were so many. So many words of gratitude and appreciation from people she'd placed in the back of her mind all these years after. "You brought peace to my family," "You gave me closure to move on," "I can let go knowing the truth." These phrases varied in all of the entries she read, all coming down to the same thing…their thankfulness for her.

So captivated by each entry, she didn't hear Rick's texts, or realize day break until the sun poured into the loft, setting the emptiness of the air aglow. She was awake, possibly more so than when she initially sought for sleep.

She managed to finish the first installment that morning while getting ready, but there was a small tug of sadness at her heart knowing she'd need to stop and go off to work. She just wanted to read on. But she used this feeling to carry her through the workload that day. She was efficient at doing paperwork, but it worked the mind in a monotonous rhythm, analyzing and skimming through papers to make sure reports were clear, concise, and correct. Mentally she had better uses to serve, but this had to be done. By the time she finished it was three o'clock. She wanted to get out of there, to go home. The boys tried to convince her to stick around but she wouldn't budge.

"You don't wanna hang out with us?" Ryan said as he and Espo watched her slip on her jacket.

"Yeah I mean, Castle isn't even here, what are you gonna do?"

"I just have some stuff to take care of at home, it's nothing personal guys," she said with a laugh. They threw her thinned eyes and folded arms as she continued to pack up. Noting on her eagerness to get out of there, they both came to one thought and stood in her path to delay her leave.

"Katherine Beckett Castle, are you having an affair?" Espo asked fast. Her eyes shot open and her mouth dropped slightly, more entertained than upset at the accusation.

"Wh-what? Are you guys serious?" She looked from Espo to Ryan, assessing their faces, gleaming with disapproval.

"Like hell we are," Ryan said. "You're way too excited to be going home to a Castle-less loft. What's going on?"

She still couldn't help but laugh in the face of their seriousness, scrunching her lips together to control herself. She couldn't wait to tell Rick about this. "I appreciate the concern you guys, and I love you for it, but no, I'm busy at home, and that really precedes going out for pizza and drinks. Sorry," she said going through them with an apologetic face. She didn't bother to look back, rather an attempt than anything else to hide her laughter as she left for home.

—

The second book seemed just the same, but less entries occupied the pages. This took an account for how long these submissions were. Much of the letters were from parents who'd lost their children. These were harder to go through, even if the families were just thanking her. She'd channel her feelings from before, remembered what it was like to pursue each case. The ends weren't always as satisfying as she hoped, but these words she started to collect in her mind, they helped to mend the wounds of working these cases.

"I always appreciated how driven you were to find the answers…you were aggressive, and you really sought out for the truth. At the same time you were able to comfort me, my husband, and help us get through that difficult time. You never settled, or grappled for substitutions…you needed to find answers, and you did. Because of you, we're able to move forward, shed some of the pain away, just enough to carry on. Thank you for that Detective."

She read on and encountered floods of her tears. But these tears weren't a build upon anything…they just flowed swiftly down her cheeks, without warning, without collection…an endless stream of her soul spilling out of her. She was happy…but even that idea failed to enumerate how deep and how rooted the feeling was.

This time around, she fell asleep while reading, clutching it close to her chest until the morning. When she woke the next day, Alexis brought her to consciousness, setting a cup of coffee next to the bed.

"What did you do last night?" she said smiling at Kate. "I thought you'd never wake up."

With squinting eyes, she struggled to look around and remember what had happened. "Lex? What time is it?"

"It's almost one," she said grinning. At her words Kate shot up and the book toppled on the floor. Alexis went to pick it up, half a smile pulled up on her face. "What's this?"

"Oh um," she said musing fast. Had he wanted her to see that yet? Did he want anyone else to know? Did anyone know? "Just some notes your dad was working on for the next book. I looked over them for him to give some input."

How convincing did that sound?

"Oh okay. Is it good?"

She smiled at her and nodded slow. "Yeah actually, it's great. It's gonna be a hit."

"I'd bet on that too," Alexis said as she walked out towards the living room. Her tone implied something more, but before Kate could address it, she started up again as she slipped on her jacket and picked up her bag. "I felt like I haven't seen you, and you wouldn't wake up so I wanted to make sure you were okay before I took off. I'm going to the library again for a couple hours, but I'll be back soon." She walked back towards the bedroom and hooked Kate's neck with her arm before planting a kiss on her head.

"Sweetie your brain is probably fried with how much you've been goin to that place. Soon enough the librarian will be taking rent from you," Kate said sitting up properly in bed.

"I'll take the risk," Alexis said looking back at her.

"Thanks for the pick-me-up," she called out, "love ya."

"You too!" Alexis said as she closed the door.

And the loft was silenced once more.

—

After cleaning and waking herself up, Kate took to the second book again, finishing off what was left. At the close she felt a sense of anxiety. Should she have read these already? Should she have waited for him to give them to her? She didn't know what to think…but she knew she wanted to read the third one. She avoided it for some time, cleaning up the loft, working out, then cooking dinner. She fought the resistance, but eventually gave in. After baking some salmon, she sat down with the third installment, kicked back on the couch, and began to read. However to her surprise, she flipped open the book to pages of more familiar faces. Gates, Lanie, Espo, Ryan, Martha, and Alexis. They all filled the first few pages of the book.

Gates was surprising at all to see, but hers was possibly the most authentic, as it read off a post-it note, addressed to Rick:

Don't mess this one up Mr. Castle. She's best like this. The last thing I want is for her to change who she is. You best make sure she keeps up with all she's done.

Esposito and Ryan's mirrored each other. They could've easily shared the same one. It begged the question whether or not they wrote theirs together, or they were so in unison that they had the same things to say. "Thanks for really being there," they'd said. "There's no one else we'd faster take a bullet for than you." Those stuck out most to her, ringing in her head over and over.

Lanie rambled goodness upon goodness about Kate. Her words were a mess but a mess of beauty to her eyes. The words cluttered all of what made Kate Kate. "I still get surprised about how big your heart can get, how sweet you are, how lovely you live, giving all yourself in what you do. I'll always remember you for that."

It became increasingly difficult to finish these entries without crying. This was the third time she had bled into the pages of these books, and it was the most she's done of all three. It gradually built up as she passed through, reading every word in the voice of the ones she loved.

The last three she wasn't prepared for. She understood that going in, but she failed to understand just how unprepared she was, the capacity, until she started reading. She started with Alexis, who had just about the neatest writing of all of them.

Kate,

You know something? I love my mom. I really do. But…truthfully, growing up was hard. I taught myself not to expect much from her, because she really didn't know how to be what I needed. I forgave her for that, but at the same time, I still needed someone else in my life. Grams was there, and she did what she could to make up, to compensate. But you know what? Everything changed when you walked into our lives.

It was a pain to watch you and dad chase each other for the first few years, but even then, I still looked to you, in ways you might not have known. I saw strength, courage, bravery, weakness, vulnerability, passion, and love in you. You taught me through example that these could co-exist. You showed me that in the face of your greatest adversities, you don't have to come out worse…that you can be broken, only to be put back together better.

I feel stronger for having you around, even more so now that you are integrated completely into our lives. I'll be forever thankful for you, for being you, for loving and caring for us, and especially my dad. Please don't change, or ever worry that all you do goes to waste. It doesn't. And it never will.

That girl. She knew. She shook her head, smiling to herself, and set her hand on the page to hold the words. So many tears were left to cry out. They flowed and flowed as she continued on to Martha, who happened to write in a nice hot pink—the choice managing to evoke a giggle out of Kate.

Katherine -

My dearest, I cannot believe you. How can someone like yourself ponder what difference you've made in the world? You can imagine my surprise when Richard conferred with me about this. Devastated, completely devastated knowing you questioned it.

Though it hasn't been easy, I know my services to this world, and that being to entertain, I relish every moment, knowing the laughter or sadness, or relevance I bring to others through what I do. But my dear, as much as I love what I do, you are living so much more. Every day you fight for the peace, you are a warrior, a guardian of New York, and the angel in our lives.

My respect for you has blossomed in the years knowing you, and more for showing Richard the way as well. He has the best of both our worlds—the gift to entertain, and to guard. He's better than I ever could've imagined him to be, knowing you are here to stand by him. Stay true to you sweetheart. I can't imagine our lives any other way.

She breathed out heavily, her eyes sore and wet, nose dripping beyond control. Could she finish? Could she put herself through Rick's testament? She tried to compose herself as she made it to the last section. With fervor she flipped the page, revealing pictures of her alongside his words. It was like a timeline of their lives together, and he was taking her back to the start.

The moment I met you…my life became extraordinary. Was it the way you said my name? The way you looked at me? Or for other reasons, maybe inexplicable? I still try to find the answers to that all these years later, how you got me. It was a game…a game I wanted to play with you. Exciting and thrilling, a constant high, you captured me from that first moment, and I haven't been able to let go since. And it's become something far more than a game since.

For all these years, I watched in wait. This push and pull, the forces acting over you…through the greatest heat and pressure, torture and torment, you served this city, you served the people, all the while battling your own demons. I stayed and saw all of it…you at your best, your worst. I stayed. Amidst the ugliness, the grief, the angst. I stayed. Why do you think that is?

The work you do…who you are to people. You're the light. You're the sunshine. You're the beams cleansing each of us of our darkness. I felt that early on…and I think that's what kept me tied to you, chained to you. You pulled me back, showed me the way, and then there was some new meaning to me and who I was that I never understood before.

The depth of you, your heart. How you talk to others, how you lead. Everything you do creates a change somehow, someway. There are countless things. I could fill more books with them…besides Nikki Heat, because those count too. You are someone writer's like me dream of creating. Someone beautifully flawed, someone dynamic, someone tangible, real. And I could write about you for the rest of my life. I think I might. It'd be the best thing I could do…to keep someone like you alive forever, even if just in words. I think I'll do that.

Keep changing the world. Just like you changed the people in these books. Just like you changed mine.

I love you, with everything in me, always.

Rick

This was the fastest she'd read through any of the books, but it was the hardest she cried. She smiled so wide as her face glistened, drenched with happiness pouring out her soul.

She couldn't wait till he would come home.

—

Arriving in later than anticipated, Rick cautioned himself as he brought the luggage in. He looked absolutely subdued, ready to flip into bed, ready to collapse. He didn't even care to undress, he just took off his jacket and shoes before crawling in. When he did, Kate turned to greet him, shoving her face into his chest, holding him by the waist.

"I'm surprised you're still awake," he started. When she didn't respond, he put his arm around her and kissed her forehead. "You found the books didn't you?"

"How did you know?" she asked pulling away to look at him. He just grinned, his glee apparent in his wide smile and thinned eyes.

"Because I know you." She sighed, thinking that the only logical thing to do next was to kiss him. So she reached up for him, going a little longer than he expected.

"I'm glad you know me," she started. Looking thoughtful, she scrunched her lips before speaking again. "You tired?"

"Kinda, but uh…I think I owe someone a heck of a reunion, from what I recall."

Sitting up, she threw a leg over him, straddling his lap as she ran her hands at the sides of his neck. "I was thinking more along the lines of a thank you."

"A thank you, huh?" he said reaching for her hands. He interlocked them as she leaned down.

"Trust me, it's better than a reunion," she finished on his lips. And so for as many times as their bodies allowed, she thanked him for the rest of the night.