Preface: One of many sleepless nights during the months of Castle's kidnapping. Beckett stays the night at the loft after having dinner with Martha and Alexis. I might've stretched some possibilities here but, idk, I felt inspired. Nighttime settings are the best.

Martha had encouraged Kate to put the bed to some use, but she understood why she favored the couch instead. She hadn't so much as sat on the bed since Castle's disappearance, only stared from a great distance just outside the bedroom door. The couch was fine. It was better than fine, really.

Or so she convinced herself.

She was left with a large comforter and a substantial amount of pillows to compensate, but she didn't need them. Like most nights spent of the last month or so, she lied awake, fewer and fewer hours of sleep claimed as the days drew on. She was more productive awake, and being awake was the only way she could find him, or find ways to find him, to bring him back. She couldn't sleep. Not yet.

Long after Martha and Alexis went off to bed, Kate settled herself in front of the windows and looked outside. She found comfort in watching people and cars, and people in cars pass by. She thought like him—conjured up stories about who she saw, musing on what they might be up to on this night. Yet this lasted for only so long before the feeling came again. She had become well acquainted with this feeling. They spent nights together, her company when all the noise died out and all she could hear was silence. This feeling rotted her inside, a mess that cumulated over time, growing heavier and heavier the more she thought about him, the more she missed him. She couldn't stop any of it, because to stop it would mean to forget Castle, to abandon him. It would be the same to accept him to be dead.

And there was no way in hell that was even a consideration.

At the 2nd hour after midnight, her mind grew hazy. She sat on the couch and wrapped herself in the comforter, the loft feeling colder than usual. She didn't lie down quite yet, still enveloped by her thoughts of their supposed wedding day, reliving the sight of his car aflame. She almost sank into tears, until a passing shadow moved beside her, abruptly halting her grief. When she turned to see if it was one of the girls, her stomach tightened and all breath escaped her as she stared down the figure beside her. Because it was a figure, or a figment rather, than anything else. That was the only explanation for why she was there.

"Hi sweetie," Johanna Beckett said with a smile. Kate's eyes expanded, absorbing the sight before her, making sure it was in fact her mother. And it was.

"Hi mom," she choked.

•••

Stunned. Indefinitely stunned, Kate just stared at her mother, like she was seeing her for the first time ever. Everything was perfect, just as she had been all those years ago. She looked so real. She was real, for now, for what Kate could see. She almost wanted to touch her, but reluctant held back, afraid to scare whatever this was away.

"You're here?" Kate asked with a meek tone of affection. "Is this real?"

"I'll leave you to judge that when I'm done. If I say something now you may just disregard what I'm about to tell you."

"My dead mother is sitting with me in my fiancé's living room. Im sorry, but that's not exactly the best start to gaining my confidence in what you have to say."

"Okay, point taken. Let's call this something then. A hallucination?"

"I'm not on drugs, mom."

"Yes I know, but you are carrying a large sleep deficit, and I assure you that'll send you to all kinds of places," she said with a laugh. Kate's face melted into uneasiness which prompted another response from her mom. "What's on your mind?"

"Castle." She said flatly.

Johanna laughed. "Yes, baby girl, I know. You've told me. Plenty of times. That's all you've told me for the last few weeks." She looked at her daughter with earnest eyes and reached out for her. At the touch of her skin Kate retracted, alarmed at the feel of her mothers fingers, her warmth. She was there. She returned her hand to its place and Johanna clutched onto it with both her hands before Kate rested her other on top. "You're scaring me, Katie." Kate turned to confusion, her mouth starting to form words but none came out. Johanna tackled her silence to end her struggle. "You don't think I can tell where you're at based on what you tell me? What I can see in your heart? Baby you're losing hope. I can feel it in me. You're losing hope that Rick will come back home to you."

"It's a cycle, mom, that's every day. I get it back. I swear to you."

Johanna let one hand go and pointed a finger at her daughter's face. "Katherine Houghton Beckett, you don't dare lie to me, I see it in your eyes and I know it's in your heart. Look at me and tell me you believe he's gonna walk through that door sometime soon because you know you're gonna find him." Kate's eyebrows furrowed and her eyes narrowed in, her upper lip taking a plunge underneath her bottom teeth. Her eyes watered but she did not allow a single one to fall. Not even one drop. "The truth. Vincit omnia veritas. What is the truth here? He loves you. He loves you, Kate. We both know that. That truth you have to hold on to. You have to hold on because his love for you will bring him back, because if you don't find a way, he will find a way. I promise you. Just don't give up. You are my girl, you are my daughter, and I raised a fighter. Don't you give up on him."

She didn't realize the flow of her tears until she was hugging her mother. She was hugging her mother. This time of all times was when Kate needed her so much. She held on so tightly and fought through the tears to whisper in her ear. "I love you, mom. I love you. I love you so much." It was like she couldn't say it enough. When their embrace released, Johanna held onto Kate's face, wiping her thumbs over the trail of her tears.

"I love you too. And I'm so proud of you. Always. Remember that."

"God mom," she started, "I wish—so many things. Why couldn't you know him…" She struggled to say. Johanna's face was clearly pained, but she smiled with a shine on her eyes.

"So he could know you, baby." She started, reaching out to brush away Kate's hair, to graze her face. "I didn't want to leave you. But I think I had to. So you could have this life." She paused for just a moment, staring at her daughter with joy. "Are you happy?" Kate could only respond with just a nod. Her mother did the same. "Good. Then go rest. Go to sleep now Kate. I love you. My sweet girl."

Instead of Johanna dissipating before her, darkness flooded her line of sight, and with it a chill creeped up her side. Eyes still closed, her body acknowledged the floor, which seemed to be beside her, but rather her flat on it, tangled in the blanket. She woke to the hand of Alexis gently nudging her shoulder and petting her head. Kate sat up, and Alexis continued to care to her.

"Kate, how did you end up on the floor? Are you okay?"

Kate looked to her watch startled at the time. "Alexis it's only four, what are you doing up, why are you awake?"

"I came to get water and I saw you laying here, crying and I thought you were awake—I thought something had happened."

"I'm not so sure how I got here either," she said in a daze, looking around. "Go back to bed sweetie, I'm okay."

"No," Alexis said with conviction, "you're not. Come on," she said standing up and taking Kate with her. "If you're not staying in Dad's bed you're gonna stay in someone's."

Reluctant, Kate stood stationary, but Alexis pulled her along and they walked up the stairs linked by their arms. There was no point in fighting it, so Kate just went with it. "You sound like you haven't been sleeping well either," she said as they reached the top of the stairs.

"Not much, no. At least if we're awake, were awake together. If you slept in grams room you'd be having conversations with her subconscious and her snoring."

And for the first time, a smile broke, and a hearty laugh escaped her walking into the room, a moment of fleeting peace even for just the night.