This took me too long to update. My bad.
Korra lay in bed staring at Asami's side of her pillow, thinking about yesterday. Jinora's ceremony went well yesterday and even though she was exhausted half way through it, she held out till the end. Asami made it bearable, making sure to steer clear of Raiko and getting her whatever she needed. Meelo helped too; he sat on her lap talking about how he would get his tattoos at an even younger age than Jinora even if he had to make them himself. The boy spent nearly an hour just relaxing on her, playing with a marble and Korra was amazed at how the young nomad behaved around her. He usually couldn't sit still for more than five minutes, so the fact that he put so little effort in just hanging out with her made her tear up from happiness for the first time in a terribly long time.
Asami stayed with her through the night again and the nightmares weren't as bad as when she wasn't there, but they were still terrifying. At one point she was thrashing so wildly that she managed to clip Asami in the face with her elbow, busting her lip. She couldn't fall asleep after that, not while Asami was next to her. So after apologizing for the fiftieth time, Korra asked her to leave the room, even as Asami assured her that it was okay and that she wasn't mad. So here Korra was, lying in the same spot since morning, looking at the brown blotch of dried blood on the pillow. The guilt consumed her. She's felt this way for the past two weeks, especially since Asami spent all of her time fussing over Korra and was unable to take care of herself and her business like she should have, but she hurt Asami and that was the final straw.
Their conversation from a few days ago played back in her head.
'Then recover' Asami told her.
Korra knew what she had to do then. She couldn't stay here, not right now. Everyone was putting their lives on hold for her, while the Earth Kingdom crumbled and the destruction she caused with the vines was putting the city at a standstill. The Air Nation hadn't had a chance to have a moment of peace, Asami had ignored the majority of her responsibilities of her company, her father had taken weeks off from his duty to his people, and all of it was because Korra couldn't save herself.
She heard a knock on the door, echoing through the room, and bringing her out of her thoughts.
"Korra? Sweetheart?" Senna's concerned voice rang out from behind the door.
"Come in," Korra managed to reply.
"Hi honey. How are you feeling today?" Senna walked over to her bedside after closing the door andsat by her daughter, smoothing down Korra's hair soothingly.
The only answer Korra could manage was a grunt.
"Asami is okay; Kya healed her as soon as she saw. She's not upset you know, other than getting kicked out of here that is," Senna said with a small smile that Korra missed so much.
Korra felt a tear slide down her face, as her chin trembled. She finally looked at her mother, and realized that she looked older than when she first got here a couple weeks ago. It was like she aged in the short time that she was here with her daughter. Worry lines looked deeper on her face, and the exhaustion in her eyes was nearly palpable. Korra did this to her; it was because of her defeat that everyone was this way. Her heart ached at how much her mom changed since the last time she saw her. Even before she ran to Republic City Korra hadn't seen her parents that often, but she never went so long without them before. "Mom? I can't stay here anymore. I messed up. Everything is broken: the city, the nation, me. I need to leave. I can't be here." Korra felt pity for herself at the sound of her broken voice. She shouldn't have sounded like that, she should be strong, she should be a paragon for the people who looked up to her. She thought about all the letters she's received over the past year from little kids telling her how inspiring she was and how they wanted to be avatars too. She needed to be strong, and this was not her being strong.
"Do you want to go home?"
This was Korra's home. She hadn't lived with her parents since she was four and the compound felt like a giant chore, a leash, not home. No this was her home, with the people she made a family with. This was where she saw her first pro-bending match, it was where she first made friends other than Naga, it was where she had her first mission as the avatar. This was where more happened in her life in a year and a few months than in the past seventeen years in the south pole. No she wasn't going home, she was leaving it, but she couldn't stay right now, there was no other option.
"Yeah," she said, her voice feeling raw and tender from misuse.
"Okay, I'll go tell your father, unless you want me to stay?"
"No… thanks mom." Senna gave her a light kiss on the forehead and got up to leave. "Can you not tell anyone else yet?"
"Of course honey. Can I ask you something? Are you and Asami…"
"No. We're not."
Senna gave a slight nod and sighed heavily. "You wanna know something? When your dad first came to the south, he was welcomed with open arms, the people loved him. He was actually the man who allowed the South to trade with the earth Kingdom freely and without paying taxes to the North for it," Senna said with pride. "His father was skeptical about his decision, but it all worked out for the better and the South is better off now more than ever. That's the kind of man you father is; he makes things better, he leads. You want to know something else? I turned him down three times before agreeing to a date. He had a lot on his shoulders, even after his banishment and he took an active role in improving Harbor city. I was just a city girl, barely out of healers school, living with my parents, and I loved him and he loved me, but I thought it was best if I didn't become a distraction for him. I desperately wanted him, but I thought that I had to sacrifice that so that he could be happy."
"Mom-"
"No hear me out Korra. I saw how you two are. I'm not gonna tell you what to do, because I know you'll do whatever you feel is right and I trust you to make that decision on your own, but don't do anything rash. You are hurt, and overwhelmed so I'm just asking you to think it over, take some time to come to a decision, before you make a decision." She began rubbing Korra's back, raking her fingers down her tense muscles gently. "Just don't forget that your recovery is the most important thing right now. I don't want to see you this way, and neither do the other people who love you. So for now whatever you decide, think of your wellbeing first and foremost."
Korra let the words sink in as she lay there, comforted by her mother's presence.
By the time night fell, Korra made the decision that she definitely needed time away. Her mother was still by her side telling her little stories about her clinic and the patients she had over the years while gently caressing her. The shadows danced and flickered around the room as the flame in the lantern swayed from the breathe coming in through the window.
"Well it's getting late. Do you want me to stay with you?" Senna asked her kindly.
"No, it's okay," Korra whispered.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I love you mom."
"I love you too honey."
Senna moved to leave the room but before she closed the door after herself she quickly turned to Korra, said, "I'm going to send Asami over," and left before Korra could reply. And so Korra waited, her fingers lazily traced the blood stain, and her mind raced, thinking up what she would tell Asami. It didn't take long, Asami never made her wait if she could help it, and soon her door was softly slid open as a tall figure slipped in quietly. Asami gently sat next to her, took her hand, preventing Korra from touching the red any longer, and intertwined their fingers together.
"How's your lip?"
"It's good, not a trace left." Korra looked onto the blotch on the pillow, as Asami followed her gaze and squeezed Korra's hand. "Korra, look at me. I'm not the one who's hurt."
"I know that I'm messed up! Why does everyone keep reminding me? I know better than anyone here how I'm feeling!" Korra nearly shouted at her.
"I'm sorry."
"No, I am. Dammit why do I keep snapping at people? Why do I keep snapping at you?" They sat in silence and Korra noticed how Asami never seemed nervous and awkward around her, while the others were usually much more stiff and fidgety during their visits. She looked content and comfortable. Her thumb rubbed little circles on Korra's knuckles as they stayed there enjoying each other's company.
"Why do I feel so angry all the time?" Korra's voice was a whisper but the silence of the night made it sound unnaturally loud.
"It's not your fault. Your mom told me about heavy metal poisoning. She said it can have an effect on moods, so probably it's that."
Korra stayed quiet for a minute, working up the nerve to tell Asami about what she was planning to do. Korra wondered if her decision had anything to do with the poison messing up her brain, what if she was making a mistake because something in her head broke. No that couldn't be it, because there was no way Korra would be so sure about leaving if her head was not all there.
Asami's shadow flickered on the wall, distracting Korra from her train of thought. She looked at the strands of hair peeking out over Asami's face, at her slightly messy clothes, at the small circles under her eyes. Asami looked exhausted and worn; Korra could even bet that she skipped lunch and maybe even dinner to catch up on work. What if now was not the time to share the news with her, but then when would she do it? No, it was now or never.
"I'm going away for a bit." She felt Asami tense beside her, as the girl furrowed her perfect brows in confusion.
"What?...Where?"
"I'm gonna go back to the south for a few weeks. A change of scenery would do me good."
"Oh, okay…" Asami said, sounding utterly confused. "…the company is doing well so I can take a vacation for a couple weeks. That's no problem. And anything important I can deal with over the radio. I guess I'll pack tomorrow?" she said sincerely. Silence lingered around them, uncomfortable and anticipatory.
"Asami-"
"It's not a problem, honestly. I can go call right now and have the board members handle things for a couple weeks!" Korra could hear the desperation in Asami's voice and it broke her heart.
Korra remembered what her mom said to her earlier about how important it was for Korra to focus on herself and her recovery. Asami had a life here, a career, a business that she spent countless hours rebuilding, so many hours that Korra barely saw her in the six months after Amon's fall. No Asami needed to stay, and Korra, well she had to fix herself.
"No, I need to do this on my own."
"Oh…Of course. Whatever you need to get better. I mean- yeah, if you need to do this then- yeah."
Korra's thumb brushed against her knuckles softly.
"Asami? It will be okay. Right?" Korra really didn't know if it would be.
Asami looked at her with determined eyes, if somewhat watery, and held her hand tighter. "Yes, I promise. You know how I know? Because you always make it okay in the end." Asami shifted on the mattress and laid down facing Korra. She pulled her in, wrapping her arm around Korra's waist gently and rested her head in the crook of her neck. "And you saved me, before, after Amon's reign. You really did. I was in such a bad place back then and I wanted to run, but you kept me here. And it was the greatest thing anyone had ever done for me. Sometimes I think about what my life would be like right now if I actually did leave to the United Forces. And all I see down that path is loneliness. Korra, you had the strength to hold on to me when everyone else let go, so I'm gonna try to find the strength to let you go when everything is holding you back." Tears fell down to their pillow and Asami sniffled in an attempt to regain control.
"I'm going to try get better. For everyone." Korra pulled Asami in closer, intertwining their legs together and warming up the usually cold engineer. Eventually the tension Asami displayed slipped away as sleep enveloped her. Korra lightly kissed the top of her head and blew out the lantern before closing her eyes and drifting off.
One Year Ago
Korra merrily navigated the dark halls of Air Temple Island, swinging her hands as she walked, holding her chin high and smiling goofily. Everything was perfect! She got her bending back, managed to enter the avatar state, and even figured out how to return others' bending. She just had an amazing date with Mako and then they came back here for dinner with everyone and everything was just perfect. She was making her way to her room, the moonlight the only thing preventing her from walking into walls, when she heard a door slide open down the hall. A figure emerged quietly, a bulky bag on her shoulders weighing her down. Korra watched as Asami looked back into her room one more time, her fingers gliding gently along the door frame, and began walking away.
"Asami?" Korra said questioningly. The girl froze misstep as if caught doing something she shouldn't be doing. "Where are you going?"
Asami turned to her, and Korra saw the sadness etched onto her perfect features. The moonlight reflected off the tear streaks flowing down her face, and Asami quickly dropped her head, her hair curtaining her face. "Goodbye Korra." With that Asami turned, but before she could walk away Korra quickly reached her and grabbed her backpack and when Asami didn't try to break free she pulled it off carefully and placed it back inside Asami's room before closing the door and guiding Asami outside gently with her hand on the girl's lower back.
"Let's go for a walk." Asami allowed herself to be led and soon they were approaching the shores of the island's small lagoon. As they neared the water, Korra stopped and sat on the sand, tapping the space next to her, inviting Asami to join her. Asami cautiously lowered herself, leaving a couple feet of space between them. Korra looked at the waves as they crashed onto the sand, the small droplets of water spraying her arms and face.
"I want to thank you," Korra said quietly. Asami turned to her and waited for Korra to continue. Blue irises met green and Korra turned her full attention back to the woman next to her.
"I know that you lost everything to help me, and I'm grateful to have a teammate like you. And I really wished that I was wrong about your dad, and I'm really glad that I was wrong about you." Korra spoke softly, cautiously.
Asami broke their eye contact as her lip began to tremble. Korra awkwardly shuffled over to her boyfriend's ex and impishly wrapped her arm around Asami's shoulders as she began weeping. As she cried, Asami leaned into Korra and grabbed at her shirt, tugging her closer desperately. Korra owed Asami so much; she initiated the events that ruined Asami's life yet Asami risked everything to help her anyway. Asami clutched at her as sobs heaved through her slender frame. Eventually the sobbing turned into whimpers and the whimpers into the occasional sniffle. Korra still had Asami in a grip, holding her securely. She didn't know what to do and for the most part it was still awkward between them, but she did know that Asami was an important part of her team and Korra really did like her.
She sighed heavily, and rubbed Asami's back, as she softly spoke again. "I don't want you to leave. You're my friend, and I don't know…"
"I'm going to join the United Forces. Maybe I'll even end up helping people," Asami said, taking Korra aback.
"But what about your company?"
"Future Industries doesn't exactly have the best reputation right now. I don't know how to fix it, and I don't even know if it's really worth it."
"I think it is. I mean it's something that your parents built up from scratch right? So it is worth it." Korra squeezed Asami's shoulder affectionately.
"Why are you doing this?"
Korra shrugged and looked over the ocean again. "I don't know. Maybe I believe that you can do more here than in the army. You don't really seem like someone who would enjoy boot camp."
Asami chuckled at that and finally lifted herself off of Korra, busying herself with fixing her wrinkled pants and jacket. "I just don't feel like there's anything here for me anymore," she whispered quietly, and Korra realized that she wasn't meant to hear it. A pang of guilt went through her, and she looked over the heiress who inherited a broken company from a terrible man. So with nothing else she could do, she stood up and offered the other girl her hand, who took it hesitantly, and led Asami back in silence.
When they finally reached the dorms Korra released her hand and, with as much positivity as she could muster, announced to her that tomorrow they would both go to Tenzin and ask about possible contracts that Asami could work out with him for her company to undertake. She saw Asami smile and watched her confidence seep back into her the next day when Tenzin told her about several small contracts that people he knew were in need of. She watched the engineer spend more and more time away from their little circle of friends and although Korra was happy that Asami had the fight back in her, she was also painfully aware that Asami found solace in a company that was in all sense of the word finished. It broke Korra's heart as Asami fought with everything she had for something that had so little chance of salvation.