I don't own anything.
Nothing but Trouble
-Chapter Three
Yui pushed the door to her office open and froze. There was light shining from under the door leading to Naruto's office. It was eight in the morning. Nobody was ever in Naruto's office before eleven.
Yui quickly set down the papers she had been carrying and slipped a senbon from her hair. Whoever was in there was about to find themselves paralyzed and answering several demanding questions.
Yui kicked the door open and had just enough time to realize that she was probably about to die as she launched her needle at her boss.
Naruto casually plucked the needle out of the air without looking up and set it on his desk. "Too slow, Yui."
"You're just too fast," Yui corrected, quickly checking to make sure that she hadn't suddenly sprouted a few kunai handles. "What are you doing here?"
"Signing papers," Naruto stated. "Rumiko says she's sick."
"Don't you usually just fuck off and drink when she's sick?" Yui asked. She sat down quickly before her legs could give out. Only those who knew Naruto, knew just how dangerous he could be.
"Didn't feel like it," Naruto stated. "Give me my cigarette."
"Huh?"
"My cigarette," Naruto repeated, tapping his ear. Yui reached up and yelped as her fingers closed around something hot. She tried again more carefully and tugged a cigarette out of her earring.
"You threw a cigarette ten feet with enough accuracy to put it in my loop earring," Yui commented as she handed the cigarette to Naruto. "You're a freak."
"I'm a monster, not a freak," Naruto corrected. Yui stared at the stacks of papers and suddenly understood what was happening.
"Oh!"
"Oh, what?"
"You had your clones sign all this while Rumiko was guaranteed not to be here, didn't you?" Naruto stared at her for a few minutes, silently puffing on his cigarette.
"I'd keep that theory to myself if I were you," he commented finally. "Okay?" Yui nodded quickly. "Good." Naruto finished stamping the last paper on his desk and leaned back in his chair. "All done."
"You know, you're getting sneaky." Yui commented. "Maybe they were right to make you the boss after all."
"Pft. I'm only sneaky to get out of paperwork." Naruto climbed to his feet and stretched.
"So, what's the plan for today if you aren't leading Rumiko around the city on your daily chase?"
"Hmm." Naruto snubbed his cigarette out in his ashtray and grinned. "I was thinking of fucking off and drinking."
"You don't say," Yui replied. Naruto nodded and opened his window. "You have a door, you know?"
"I'm a ninja," Naruto protested. "Normal people can use the door. I, on the other hand, will continue to use the window to access my fourth floor office."
"Well, that's far from the worst of your quirks at least."
(:ii:)
Sakura glanced around the small restaurant and smiled as she saw the man she was waiting for. "Naruto!" The blond saw her and quickly made his way over.
"Hey Sakura." He sat down across from her and peeled off his orange jacket. "Pretty hot out today, huh?" Sakura was about to answer when her eyes fell upon the tattoo on Naruto's left arm.
"What's that?"
"Huh?" Naruto glanced down and stared at the marking. "It's a tattoo."
"That's the crest of the Land of Spring," Sakura stated, trying not to sound accusatory as she studied the plain black snowflake design. It was one of a few such tattoos, including two chain designs, one on either wrist, but the crest held Sakura's attention.
"Yeah, so?"
"Naruto, you're a ninja sworn to the Village Hidden in the Leaves! You can't wear another village's crest."
"Why not?" Naruto asked. "It's my body and I'll do exactly what I want with it." Sakura groaned in annoyance and rubbed her temples. Why couldn't Naruto ever be agreeable?
"Just keep it hidden when we go back," she ordered.
"Uh oh," a nearby man grunted. "Now he's going to run around showing it off just to spite you." Naruto grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of his head.
"Probably," he admitted. "Hey, wait a minute. Go back?"
"I'm here to tell you that you've been recalled," Sakura explained. "The Chunin Exams are being held in our village and Tsunade has ordered all ninjas abroad to return home to help out."
"Oh." Naruto appeared to consider something for a moment. "Sorry, no can do."
"Uh, this isn't a request, Naruto," Sakura stated. "Your Hokage orders you to return to the Village Hidden in the Leaves."
"I'm sure you guys can deal with it," Naruto replied flippantly. "I've got a lot of work that needs doing around here." Sakura stared at him in shock. Did he not comprehend that this was an order?
"Naruto. . ."
"Naruto!" Sakura spun in her chair just in time to see a red-haired blur rush past her and slam into her former teammate. "I have great news!" Sakura turned and stared at the curvy redhead latched onto the blond. "My dad's coming!"
"Your dad?" Naruto repeated.
"Yeah!" the girl squealed. "I've told him all about you and he can't wait to meet you in person. Isn't that great?"
"Uh. . ."
"Send me a letter from the Village Hidden in the Leaves," the man from before offered.
"What?" the redhead asked.
"That's right," Naruto announced suddenly. "This young lady is my old teammate and she was just telling me that I have to go back to my old village." Sakura's brow furrowed at Naruto's reference to their hidden village as his "old" village. The redhead scowled at her.
"Come on Naruto!" she whined. "You know my dad. He travels so much that if you don't meet him now, you might never meet him."
"And that'd be just terrible," Naruto replied. "Well, time to go Sakura."
(:ii:)
Naruto scowled as he led his old friend through the bright, cheerful, rather rambunctious streets of the Village Hidden in the Springs. "Naruto?"
"Yeah?"
"I don't think you fully comprehend the situation," Sakura stated.
"Oh, I do," Naruto replied. "That chick's dad is one scary mother fucker and I slept with his daughter. Trust me, I understand." Sakura groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Some people just don't get no-strings-attached."
"I meant about Tsunade's order," she growled. "When the Hokage calls, you aren't allowed to say no."
"Well, I did," Naruto replied. "We're going to have to talk to Rumiko."
"Why?"
"To tell her I'm leaving," Naruto stated.
"Sensei!" Naruto glanced over his shoulder and saw Sakura's genin team. He still hadn't bothered to learn their names. "This place is great! There are hot springs everywhere."
"Well duh," Naruto stated. "Why else would we call it the Village Hidden in the Springs, because it's in the Land of Spring? We're more original than that." Any further conversation was cut out as a brawl spilled out of a nearby bar and into the street.
"This is the third fight we've seen today," one of the twins commented.
"Been a slow day," Naruto replied. He checked his watch. "Oh, never mind. It's only noon. I'm just not used to being up so early."
"Is there any reason so many people here drink?" the other twin asked.
"We need a reason?" Naruto asked blankly. "How about because it's Tuesday?" He shoved his way easily through the fight with Sakura and her genin behind him.
"You've never thought about why everyone in this village drinks?" one of the twins demanded. "The bars in the Village Hidden in the Leaves don't even open until six." Naruto nearly tripped over his own feet. He spun and stared at the twin.
"What?"
"The bars don't open until six," the twin repeated. Somebody stumbled into Naruto so he threw the man across the road, ignoring the man's squeaked apology. "A few restaurants serve alcohol though, but they can't even serve before ten."
"Holy shit." Naruto held up his hands, weighing his options. On one hand there was the redhead's father. On the other was the severe cramp in his social alcoholism. Damn that was close. "Oh well, lack of booze never tried to castrate me."
(:ii:)
Rumiko had a secret. She was utterly terrified of her boss. On some days she just couldn't bring herself to face the man. That was why she was currently yelling at him. "Go the hell away! I'm sick!"
"Look pretty lively to me," Naruto commented. He ducked as she threw a bottle at him. "I hope that was empty." Rumiko glared at him. It was taking all her strength to be mad and not run screaming in fear. Putting on a brave face was very important when dealing with monsters.
"What the hell do you want now Naruto?"
"I have to go back to the Village Hidden in the Leaves."
"Why?"
"I've been recalled," Naruto stated.
"What for?"
"The Chunin Exams are being held there and the Hokage is recalling all her ninja," Naruto explained. He glanced behind him. "Give me a second." He stepped into Rumiko's apartment and she tried hard not to shrink back as he closed the door. "I need you to take over for me."
"Not a problem." Rumiko was proud that her voice didn't waiver. "How long are you going to be gone?"
"Not to sure," Naruto admitted. "We have to traverse a good bit of the Land of Earth."
"What about going by water?" Rumiko asked. "It's shorter."
"Well, the Land of Earth has installed a railroad for most of the way," Naruto stated. "If it's not quicker, it'll be close." Rumiko considered that.
"Tell Yukie."
"I'll head up there today."
"Take Yasu with you," Rumiko added. "He needs to get that job done in the Land of Fire." Naruto's lips curved into a wide, vicious grin.
"Kitty."
"Try not to waste too many resources on killing one cat."
"You know me."
"That's exactly what I'm talking about," Rumiko growled. "If I find out that you ordered Yasu to spend more money killing that damn thing than we made from the job, I am going to turn you into a smear on the wall."
"Even if I make up the difference?" Naruto asked.
"Surely you can't be serious."
"I am serious," Naruto stated as he pulled open the door, "and don't call me Shirley."
(:ii:)
"Is everything okay?" Sakura asked as she followed Naruto away from Rumiko's apartment.
"Everything's good," Naruto replied. "We have one more person to go see and we can head out."
"Can't we stay here another few days?" Kaori begged. "I love the hot springs."
"They are pretty nice," Haruka commented.
"You can all stay here," Naruto said. "I think I'll be just fine without a genin escort."
"Where are you going?" Sakura asked.
"I'm going to go see Yukie," Naruto explained.
"Yukie who?" Kaori asked. "Do you have a girlfriend?" Naruto laughed at that.
"Girlfriends are way too much trouble," he stated. "Anyway, Yukie is Yukie Fujikaze."
"I know that name from somewhere," Kaori commented as she scratched her chin.
"She's the daimyo of the Land of Spring," Satomi stated.
"No, that's not it," Kaori replied. "Oh! She's Princess Gale!"
"And yet again the youth of today prove themselves to be driven only by pop culture," Naruto stated. Sakura could only nod in agreement as she pinched the bridge of her nose.
"You're going to meet Princess Gale?" Kaori demanded. "Can I come? Please? Please?"
"Your genin," Naruto stated, as he turned and walked away.
"You three stay here and don't cause any trouble," Sakura ordered. Behind her she heard a set of doors burst open and the sounds of yet another fight.
"You mean, don't cause any more trouble?" Haruka asked.
"Yeah."
-End
(:ii:)
-Author's notes. Well, went to see the Wolverine movie. Meh. It was okay, but they raped Deadpool. Sword arms? What the fuck man? Would not pay to see it again. They showed a trailed for a movie called 9. It's animated, but it looks fucking epic.
I got bored the other day and drank a fifth of Captain Morgan. That wasn't a good idea. Or, maybe the beers I had before that were the bad idea. I played Call of Duty 4 for a long time before I passed out. At least, I think it was a long time. I checked my account the next day and I was up two levels, had finished seven challenges, and unlocked the red tiger stripe for my M4.
I also smoked a pair of good Dominican cigars just to add to my buzz. Of course, by that point it was more of a roar than a buzz.
Well, on the bright side. My German-Irish breeding kicked in, so I woke up the next day ravenously hungry instead of nauseous. Got to love that German-Irish blood. I can't imagine what my hangovers would be like if I came from somewhere else.