I don't own anything.

Nothing but Trouble

-Chapter Four

Sakura glanced to her side and watched her traveling companion for a moment. Naruto was off in his own world, calmly smoking a cigarette as they made their way through the forest. "So, the daimyo's palace is within walking distance?"

"Yup. She swings by every once in a while for the hot springs and to get away from the whole 'royal duties' bullshit," Naruto replied.

"Oh." Sakura meant to comment on the weather. She really did. What came out was, "so, who's the redhead?"

"Huh?"

"The redhead back in the bar," Sakura clarified, "who was she?"

"Oh, her. I can't remember her name, but her clan name is very famous. . .and feared, feared for very good reasons."

"You can't remember her name?" Sakura demanded. "Isn't she your girlfriend?" Naruto actually stopped walking so he could turn and stare at her.

"What the hell gave you that idea?"

"You said you slept with her," Sakura pointed out.

"That doesn't mean anything," Naruto replied. "Well, nothing other than I was drunk and cruising for a bed warmer." Naruto chuckled. "She was pretty lively though, she and her friend." Sakura had to laugh.

"Nice try, Naruto."

"Huh?"

"She and her friend," Sakura repeated. "That's where you blew it."

"I didn't blow nothing," Naruto stated. "They blew something though." He chuckled and started walking again. Sakura stared at him in shock as she came to the realization that the blond wasn't joking. By the time she came back to her senses, she had to run to catch up to her old teammate.

"So," she began awkwardly. "Sounds like you've been having an interesting couple of years."

"You have no idea," Naruto replied as they stepped out of the forest. "There it is." Sakura glanced up and saw the castle rising from the lush green landscape a little ways down the road.

"What are all those trailers?"

"Yukie's working on the new Icha Icha movie," Naruto stated.

"Oh." Sakura frowned as she considered that answer. "Hey, Naruto?"

"Yeah?"

"Who's writing the new Icha Icha novels?" Sakura asked. There had been much speculation about the new novels' rather hardcore turn.

"I am," Naruto stated. He reached in his coat and produced an orange notebook. Sakura took it and flipped through a few pages of hand written story. She could feel her cheeks starting to burn at the lurid passages.

"Where do you come up with this stuff?"

"Personal experience," Naruto replied as he stripped his cigarette's glowing tip between his fingers and tossed the butt. Now Sakura could feel herself lose all color.

"Personal experience?"

"Yep."

"All of it?"

"Yep."

"Your personal experience?"

"I thought that went without saying."

"Oh."

(:ii:)

Naruto lit another cigarette and watched as Yukie went through her lines with some guy. "That is one short kimono," Sakura commented, "and what's with the cigarettes?"

"They make me look cool," Naruto replied, "and they're great for accidentally setting fire to my paperwork."

"What paperwork?" Sakura demanded. Naruto felt his eye tick.

"Hey Yukie!" Yukie glanced up at his voice and grinned when she saw him.

"Naruto!"

"Yukie!" Naruto caught the dark haired woman and swung her around before setting her back on her feet.

"Could you two please act like the leaders you are?" Naruto grinned at the older woman scowling at them.

"Afternoon to you too Izumi."

"Must be important for you to have woken up before noon," Izumi stated. "Is the world ending, or did you favorite brewery burn down?"

"I can't just visit my friend?" Naruto asked.

"It is kind of early," Yukie commented. "So, what's up?"

"I have to leave for a little while," Naruto stated. He glanced back at Sakura and smiled. "Could you give us a moment?"

"Sure," the pink haired woman replied. Naruto nodded to show his thanks and led Yukie a few feet away. In the general rabble of the movie set, even a few feet made it impossible to hear.

"Isn't she one of your old teammates?" Yukie asked.

"Yes she is," Naruto answered. "I have to go back to the Village Hidden in the Leaves. They're hosting the Chunin Exams and the Hokage has recalled me."

"Why don't you take our genin?" Yukie asked. Naruto paused and thought about that one. "The Land of Earth recognizes us as a village by terms of the peace treaty. That means that we can enter the exams too, right?"

"I guess," Naruto replied. "Do you really want to turn loose our little nutcases on some poor unsuspecting genin?"

"They aren't that bad," Yukie protested.

"I love the little psychopaths, but they really are that bad," Naruto corrected. "None of them are really playing with a full deck and most of them have almost gratuitous violent tendencies."

"If we put in a good showing then we'll be able to charge more," Yukie argued.

"We already charge through the roof," Naruto stated.

"On S, A and B-ranked missions," Yukie replied. "If we show that our genin are the best, we can charge an arm and a leg for C and D-ranks."

"Actually, we don't do C and D-rank missions," Naruto explained. "Our genin teams usually handle B-rank missions and they have a one hundred percent success rate. In my opinion, people can paint their own damned fences."

"How old are they?"

"Twelve, at the youngest," Naruto stated. Yukie stared at him. "They are good."

"I guess so." She paused and considered the conversation. "I still say they should go. Right now almost all of our missions are from the Land of Earth. A good showing at the Chunin Exams would help get our name out into the other major elemental countries."

"Hey, you're the boss," Naruto stated.

"Oh, please. We both know that if I told you to jump, you'd say. . ."

"Go fuck yourself?" Naruto supplied. Izumi cold cocked him for that one. "Ow! Hey! That was theoretical."

"Do you even know what theoretical means?" Izumi asked.

"It means you aren't supposed to hit me!" Naruto complained. "At least, theoretically." Izumi pinched the bridge of her nose and groaned.

"I need a drink."

"Me too," Naruto stated cheerfully.

"I need to go," Izumi replied. She glared at Naruto. "You better be back soon. I'm not done civilizing you!" With that she turned and stormed away.

"That was almost nice," Yukie commented. "Give me two or three days to finish filming and I'll go with you." Naruto felt one eyebrow rise.

"Are you that bored?"

"You have no idea," Yukie stated. "My advisors are trying to get me to agree to get married."

"What did you say?"

"Only if it was to you," Yukie stated. "I knew they'd never agree to that one. No offense."

"None taken. It's not the first time I've been used to scare someone's parents."

(:ii:)

Sakura watched as Naruto and Yukie chatted cheerfully. The blond had managed to position them so that Sakura couldn't read their lips, not that she was trying to read their lips. Did he not trust her? With a final hug, the two stepped apart and Naruto walked back to her. "Ready to go?"

"No problem," Sakura replied. "Are you ready to leave for the Land of Fire yet?"

"A few more stops," Naruto replied cheerfully as he led her through the crowd.

"Such as?"

"Remember that seal master I'm supposed to be studying under?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah."

"We have to go see that prick."

"Maybe you shouldn't call your sensei, 'that prick'," Sakura suggested.

"He is in keeping with the fine tradition of my instructors," Naruto stated. "He's an utter fucking pervert and worse, a complete pain in my ass." Sakura was slightly taken aback by his comment.

"That's in keeping with your prior senseis?" Naruto froze in mid-step and turned to stare at her.

"My first sensei had a yen for reading smut books in the middle of missions," he stated. "My second sensei wrote said smut books. I've only had two senseis. Do the math."

"Okay, so maybe they aren't all that moral," Sakura allowed.

"Oh, they're moral, but just freaks."

"So, where does this freak live?" Sakura asked.

"In the forest," Naruto answered, "about half way between the village and the palace."

"I didn't notice anything," Sakura stated.

"Freak though he may be, he is still one of the world's leading experts on seals," Naruto replied. "You didn't notice his cabin because he didn't want you to notice his cabin."

"Clever," Sakura commented.

"Annoying," Naruto corrected.

(:ii:)

Masashi hadn't really been expecting company, so it came as something of a surprise when his door burst open. "Put that kunai down or I'll hurt you."

"Oh, hey Naruto." Masashi set down the kunai he had grabbed and sat back down. "Have a seat. What brings you around to my part of the woods?"

"Her," the blond stated simply, gesturing to the pink haired woman that had walked in behind him. Masashi sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I never thought you'd resort to bringing along some hooker," he commented. "Besides, couldn't you have gotten me one with smaller hips and. . ." he trailed off as a wave of killer intent dwarfed even the one his former student usually gave off. "Uh, wrong guess?"

"Way wrong," Naruto stated, resting one hand on the pink haired woman's shoulder. "Easy Sakura, I need him alive, for now." The pink haired woman calmed down and Masashi could breathe again. He had rarely felt such focused ill will, and that was saying something considering who his ex-student was.

"So, are you going to introduce us?"

"Sakura, this is Masashi. He used to be my sensei, but we had something of a falling out. Masashi, this is Sakura, my old teammate from the Village Hidden in the Leaves."

"It's a pleasure," Masashi stated. "Have a seat. Now, do I really need to ask what this is about?"

"No," Naruto replied. "Get these damn things off me." Masashi glanced down at the chain tattoos on the blonde's wrists.

"No." Naruto lurched to his feet and seized Masashi's collar with a suddenness that startled Sakura almost enough to send her tumbling from her chair.

"Get them off," Naruto hissed.

"I can't," Masashi replied.

"You can't?" Naruto repeated as he withdrew a senbon from somewhere.

"I mean, I won't," Masashi corrected quickly. Naruto stared at him contemplatively.

"Could you step outside, Sakura?" Masashi winced as the pink-haired woman nodded and stepped out. He quickly fought the desire to beg her not to leave. This wasn't good. Naruto released him suddenly and sat back down.

"It's mine, you know? You don't have any right to seal it." Masashi felt an eyebrow rise. Reasoning? This was new.

"The chakra isn't yours," he replied. "Leave it be. It was corrupting your mind."

"It wasn't corrupting me," Naruto stated. "It's mine!"

"It's the fox's," Masashi corrected.

"I am the fox!" Naruto roared. His features were suddenly feral. "Give it to me!"

"Never." Naruto snarled and suddenly Masashi was flying through the air. He landed hard and managed to role with the impact. "My lumbago!"

"Cute," Naruto growled. "When I get rid of this seal, I'm going to kill you. You understand this, don't you?"

"Those seals are staying where they are," Masashi stated, "just like the one on your chest." Naruto growled in annoyance and sat back down. "Speaking of which, take off your shirt. I need to check that one."

"The last time you said that, I wound up with these," Naruto commented as he peeled off his shirt.

"That was years ago!"

"Two."

"Feels like longer." Masashi dragged a chair over and stared at the raised scar tissue on Naruto's chest. "Amazing. Every time I see it, I just. . .wow. I never thought I'd ever see a blood seal. Ryoko really never taught you how to perform these?"

"Really," Naruto stated. "It was a family secret. Besides, those from outside her family have to perform one hundred and twelve hand seals."

"And family members only had to perform three," Masashi commented. "You know, the problem with secret family techniques is, if the family dies, so does the technique. That can be a real shame when said technique could actually help the world."

"Any changes?"

"No. Ryoko knew what she was doing."

"Actually, she didn't." Masashi whistled.

"Scary natural talent." Naruto pulled his shirt back on. "You know, would it have killed you to turn into a girl before you took your shirt off?" Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Fucking pervert."

"And send in pinky, would you? I need to talk to her."

"Try anything and I'll. . ."

". . .kill me?" Masashi asked mockingly.

". . .castrate you with a senbon needle." Masashi felt his jaw drop.

"How would that even work?"

"Do you want to find out?"

"Not particularly."

(:ii:)

Sakura glanced up as the door burst open. "Naruto?"

"Hey," the blonde replied.

"Are you okay?" Sakura ventured.

"I'm fine," Naruto replied. Sakura studied him carefully. "What?"

"I don't think I've ever seen you that mad," Sakura stated. "It was kind of scary." Naruto grinned brightly.

"I'm kind of a scary person," he stated. "The pervert wants to talk to you. If he tries anything, stick a knife in his ribs. That should shut him up."

"I'll keep that in mind." Sakura walked back into the hut and closed the door.

"You wanted to talk?"

"Yes I did," Masashi replied. "What do you know about Naruto?"

"Everything," Sakura replied without hesitation. "He was my teammate."

"How long has it been since you last saw him?" Masashi asked.

"A few years."

"More than a few," Masashi replied. "He came to me over seven years ago. Before that he wandered for a year and a half. That's almost a decade."

"I can count," Sakura growled.

"That's a long time," Masashi stated. "People can change in an instant. Imagine how much they can change in a decade."

"What are you getting at?" Sakura demanded.

"He's not the man you once knew," Masashi stated. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a paper seal. "Take this."

"What is it?"

"This will seal all the chakra in a person's body," Masashi replied. "I think you might need it."

"To use on Naruto?" Sakura demanded.

"You'll see, eventually." Sakura took the seal and stared down at it. She knew just enough about seals to know that the seal in her hand could only have been done by a real master. Sakura tucked it into one of the pockets of her flak jacket for safe keeping. "Now, off you go," Masashi stated with a cheerful pat on her rump. He received a cheerful elbow to his nose for his efforts.

"Pervert," Sakura growled as she pulled the door open.

"He try anything?"

"I heard that!" Masashi yelled, his voice somewhat distorted.

"No," Sakura replied.

"What'd he want?" Sakura hesitated, remembering the rage and hate that had flowed from the blonde when he had grabbed the older man.

"My number."

"You old pervert!"

"What?" Masashi demanded. "I happened to like big foreheads!"

"What?" Sakura shrieked. Naruto seized her by the shoulders and dragged her away as she spat curses and abuse at the old man. She managed to calm down by the time they were out of sight of the hut. "So," she began, "what was that about?"

"That old pervert sealed my chakra," Naruto stated, holding up his arm. Sakura stared at the chain tattoo.

"It's a seal?"

"Both of them," Naruto replied. "Each one sealed away a quarter of my chakra and I want it back."

"Why'd he do that?"

"Eh, probably pissed that I get all the girls," Naruto replied with a shrug. "I'm going to beat that guy to death one of these days." Sakura felt her eyes shoot open in shock. "I was kidding."

"Right."

"So, let's get back and make sure that Rumiko hasn't stuck your genin on pikes." Sakura stared at him. "I'm kidding. They'd really have to piss her off for her to do that." Sakura began to walk very quickly. "Oh, come on. I mean, really piss her off."

"You don't know Kaori," Sakura replied before she broke into a run.

-End

(:ii:)

-Author's notes. Ooh. Sorry about last week. I was actually finishing this chapter when I started drinking. I reread what I had written when I sobered up the next morning and it was pretty fucking weird.

I write better drinking. I write weirder drunk. I write just plain fucking bizarre drunk off my ass and watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

I can't really think of anything to add at the moment. I'll be gone for two weeks starting June 13th, but that's about it.

Cheers.