I don't own anything.
Nothing but Trouble
-Chapter Eight
Naruto glanced at the building in front of him and shot a look around. Sakura was nowhere to be seen, but she was a good kunoichi, so that didn't mean much. He closed his eyes and tried to catch her scent, but there were too many other smells wafting through the air.
He was fairly sure somebody was watching him. Of course, he was a six foot blond dressed in a bright orange coat covered in markings for the village that all the ninja in the Village Hidden in the Rocks feared and hated. He kind of stood out. Exactly how he liked.
"Ah fuck it." Naruto shrugged and pushed the doors to the building open. He strode in and slammed the doors shut with a bit more force than necessary. He made his way up to the woman seated in one corner and leaned on her desk.
"Do you have an appointment?" she asked without looking up.
"Nope."
"Well, you'll have to schedule one," the woman stated. "The next opening is in two weeks."
"Don't have time," Naruto replied. "I want to see the Tsuchikage now." The woman glanced up in annoyance and her jaw dropped as she saw the Land of Spring insignias on his coat. Naruto grinned toothily as her. He walked past her desk and pushed the door behind it open. "Hello!" To Naruto's surprise, the man in the office was not the short, squat troll he was expecting. Instead, the office's occupant was a tall, strongly built man wearing a mask that revealed only wizened eyes nestled in a mess of wrinkles.
"Ah, Lord Yukikage. So good to see you again. To what do I own this honor?"
"Just visiting," Naruto replied. "And don't call me Yukikage. I hate that name."
"Of course," the Tsuchikage replied. "What can I do for you then, Mister Fox?" Naruto collapsed into one of the seats in front of the man's desk and grinned, and then he frowned.
"Wait a minute. How the hell do you know I'm the Yukikage?"
"Rumor was that the Forest Fox took the role after the war."
"How do you know I'm the Forest Fox?" Naruto demanded. He didn't like being caught off guard.
"I led the army sent to conquer Spring," the old man stated. "I was there when you first appeared, back before you began hiding your identity."
"Oh." Naruto considered that. "Funny, I thought I killed you all." The old man raised his left arm to reveal that it ended in a stump.
"You tried, rather hard I might add, and you failed again."
"Again?" Naruto repeated. The old man pulled off his mask to reveal a visage covered in ancient, healed scars. "You know, I don't want to be called incompetent."
"Give it a shot," the Tsuchikage offered. "Third time's the charm."
"Maybe later." Never trust old people. The only reason they got to be old was that they had outlived their enemies, one way or another.
"You tried about thirty years ago," the old man stated.
"Do I look like I was able to attack this village thirty years ago?" Naruto interrupted.
"Don't patronize me," the Tsuchikage ordered. "My people call you the Forest Fox because they think you're clever. I, on the other hand, call you Fox, because I know what you are."
"I am kind of clever," Naruto commented. "I discovered the staging ground for your counter attack, didn't I?"
"I'm still rather curious about that. Care to elaborate upon your astounding success and near super natural intuition?"
"Trade secrets," Naruto stated. That conversation wouldn't go anywhere good. Naruto never had been good at cover stories.
"You do remember the last time you attacked this village, don't you? You interrupted the treaty meetings between Earth and Fire and caused the Third Great Shinobi War to escalate out of control."
"An out of control war?" Naruto mused. "Imagine that and I didn't cause that war. I merely. . .helped it along."
"Take some responsibility," the Tsuchikage growled.
"I am," Naruto stated with a grin. "Your two countries would have fought eventually anyway. I just sped it up." The old man glared at him. "So, what happened to Onoki?"
"The Former Tsuchikage stepped down. He felt horrendously guilty for the loss of life during our little war. I am Nanbu."
"Ah." Naruto noted the man's pointed glare. "You're kidding, right? You expect me to feel guilty? Do you have any idea how many people I've killed?"
"Well, I can say that you killed two hundred and sixty-three for sure," the Tsuchikage stated. "What did you come here for?"
"I just wanted to warn you that you'll be sponsoring us for the Chunin Exams," Naruto stated. "My daimyo has decided that we should put in an appearance."
"Great, now I have pull my genin out," Nanbu grumbled as he climbed to his feet and shuffled over to a wall of scrolls.
"My genin aren't that bad."
"Your graduation test is that they have to execute an unarmed woman in cold blood," Nanbu growled. "That's worse than the old Mist test."
"It's not a real woman."
"They don't know that," the Tsuchikage countered. "And, from what I hear, every one of your potential genin passed."
"Don't worry, I'm giving my genin a no-kill order." Nanbu turned and glared hard at Naruto.
"Change it to a no-kill and a no-cripple order."
"Fine." Someone knocked and Naruto glanced back to see a masked ninja holding Loud Twin by the scruff of her jacket.
"Uh, hi Naruto."
"I take it this one's with you?" the ninja asked as he dropped Loud Twin on her ass.
"Never seen her before," Naruto replied.
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"You jerk!" Kaori snapped. "You were on a team with my sensei!"
"Yeah, she's with me," Naruto grumbled. "I should leave you here for being caught."
"She's only a genin," the ninja who had caught Kaori commented. Kaori sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. It was kind of embarrassing to have the guy who caught her trying to defend her.
"With the way you go through woman, I figured you'd start robbing the cradle eventually," the old man leaning against the bookshelf commented.
"Ha, ha," Naruto intoned. It took Kaori a second or two to figure out what he was talking about.
"I'm not sleeping with him!" she shrieked. "He's old, almost as old as your wrinkly ass." The old man's eyes widened slightly and Naruto's face broke into a broad, pointy grin. That was when somebody smacked Kaori in the back of the head.
"Show the Tsuchkiage some respect," the masked ninja ordered. Naruto promptly smacked that man in the back of the head.
"Show my genin some respect." The old man promptly smacked Naruto in the back of the head.
"Show my ninja some respect," he ordered. For a second nobody moved, then Kaori's poor impulse control kicked in and she kicked the old man in the shin. "Ow! You little brat!" Kaori glanced back at her captor, but he was trying too hard not to laugh to hit her again. Naruto shot her a glance and she shrugged.
"He was the only person who didn't get hit and I was the only person who didn't get to hit anyone," she explained.
"God damned Land of Spring," the old man growled as he hobbled around the desk.
"I'm not a Spring ninja!" Kaori snapped, pointing at her forehead protector.
"She has a point, Boss," masked ninja commented. "I mean, everybody else did get hit."
"Shut up Gin."
"Boss?" Kaori squeaked. She suddenly had a bad feeling about this.
"May I introduce my friend, Nanbu, the Tsuchikage?" Naruto asked. Kaori tried to ponder that one out.
"Tsuchikage?" she asked. "Like Hokage?"
"Yes," Nanbu growled as he sat down heavily, "like Hokage. I am the leader of this country's hidden village." Kaori winced.
"That little love tap could be an act of war, couldn't it?" she asked.
"Oh yeah," Gin stated.
"It could, but if I tried to claim anything, I'm sure Mister Fox would be more than happy to demonstrate a real act of war," Nanbu commented. "Now, could you two leave before you cause any more trouble?"
"Come along, my Apprentice." Naruto slung an arm around the young woman and led her out. "So, Sakura sent you to spy on me?"
"Yeah." God, Sakura was going to give her so much shit for getting busted.
"You got busted by this village's ANBU," Naruto pointed out as if he was reading her mind. "So, what do you want to do?"
"Get you some new clothes," Kaori replied. "The camouflage and bright orange are giving me a migraine." Naruto glanced down at his outfit.
"That bad?"
"You definitely need a new pair of pants," Kaori replied. "A new shirt wouldn't hurt either."
"Not a new coat?" Naruto asked.
"Hell no!" Kaori stated. "The coat is awesome. It just doesn't jive with the camouflage. Orange is such a great color!"
"I think you and me are going to get along just fine."
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"Kazuya's team is back." Rumiko glanced up from the pile of paperwork on Naruto's desk and nodded her thanks to Yui.
"Good. We'll be able to leave sooner than we thought." The door to the office banged open suddenly and Yasu stomped in.
"I'm home!"
"And I'm leaving," Yui added as she breezed past her brother.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"Nice to see you too," Yasu commented as he sat in one of the chairs in front of Naruto's desk. "I ran into Naruto on the train and he told me to come back here. He's gonna take care of the kitty."
"You idiot," Rumiko growled.
"What?" Yasu asked.
"Do you think you wound up on that train with him by chance?" Rumiko demanded.
"Kind of," Yasu admitted.
"You idiot," Rumiko growled again. "I set that up specifically!"
"Why?"
"Because the two of you are horrible influences on each other!" Rumiko snapped. "You were supposed to get him drinking again!"
"Oh, come on!" Yasu countered. "It's not like he's suddenly going to get bored and want to go on a world-ending. . .shit."
"Yeah," Rumiko agreed, "shit."
"Maybe you could have told me this plan of yours earlier," Yasu suggested. The look he got would have killed a smarter man.
" Yui! We are leaving!"
"When?" Yui asked as she stuck her head in the office.
"Now."
"Now?"
"Yes, now," Rumiko growled. "Get the word out. I want us packed and leaving before the sun sets."
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"Where the hell is that girl?" Sakura growled as she looked around the small open-air café that she had adopted as their base of operations.
"She probably got lost," Haruka commented as she sipped her tea. "Either that or Naruto spotted her. Why did we even bother giving her a turn on tail?"
"I did not get lost or caught!" Sakura turned and saw her genin and former teammate standing behind her. "Well, I didn't get caught by Naruto, anyway."
"What are you wearing?"
"Isn't it great?" Kaori asked and she played with the collar of her orange and black jacket. "Naruto gave it to me."
"Girl's got good taste in colors," Naruto replied with a shrug as he sat down. "I'm done with my business here; we can leave at any time."
"Is that your old coat?"
"Yep." Sakura opened her mouth to press further, but trailed off she noticed Naruto's new clothes.
"Go shopping?"
"Yeah, camouflage and orange don't jive," Naruto stated as he glanced down at his new khakis and black button down shirt. "At least, that's what I was told."
"Yep," Kaori agreed.
"So, you got busted?" Haruka asked. "Big surprise."
"In her defense, she got picked up by the village ANBU," Naruto stated as he sat down.
"The village ANBU?" Sakura demanded. "What the hell were you doing?"
"I was spying on Naruto, like you told me to!" Kaori protested. Sakura's jaw dropped and she shot a glance at the blond. He just gave her a look that told her they would talk about that later.
"So, what were you doing that had the ANBU watching you?" Sakura asked.
"He was meeting with the Tsuchikage," Kaori stated. Naruto smacked her on the back of the head.
"Not every question needs you to answer," he stated.
"Meeting with the Tsuchikage?" Sakura asked.
"Just doing a favor for Rumiko," Naruto replied. "Is everybody ready to leave? We have at least three days walk to the boarder."
"Where do you think we should cross?" Sakura asked.
"Grass Country is still allied with Fire Country, right?" Naruto asked. Sakura nodded. "That's probably our best shot. They rebuilt the bridges so it's almost a strait shot through the country."
"Three days?" Kaori whined.
"Three days to the boarder," Naruto corrected. "Probably another day to cross Grass Country and a day or two to get to the Village Hidden in the Leaves."
"We should get a room at an inn," Sakura stated. "We could use a good rest before the journey. Maybe two days."
"If that's how you want it," Naruto replied with a shrug.
"Sounds good to me!" Kaori cheered.
"I won't argue," Haruka added. Sakura glanced at Satomi who just shrugged.
"Looks like we're staying here for a little while."
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Naruto glanced around his room and slipped his new coat off. He folded it carefully and laid it over the back of a nearby chair. It really was an awesome coat. "Naruto?"
"Come in." The door slid open and Sakura stepped into Naruto's room. "Am I going to have to worry about more spies running around?"
"No," Sakura replied. She produced a bottle and a pair of glasses from behind her back. "Have a drink with me."
"I don't drink on missions," Naruto stated as he unbuttoned his new shirt and hung it up in the provided closet. It was more to take his mind off the sweet siren song of booze than any other reason. He tugged at the collar of his undershirt and stared at the blood seal over his heart. It had been itching recently.
"This is hardly a mission," Sakura pointed out as she sat down at the small table against the wall and used her foot to push out the only other chair. "Missions usually involve something a little more dangerous than a few blisters." She poured two glasses. "How about a toast? To Jiraiya." Naruto studied her carefully for a second before sitting down and picking up the offered glass.
"To Jiraiya." They both drank. "So, that's what Rumiko wanted to talk to you about." Sakura tried to hide her surprise, but it didn't fool Naruto. "What did she tell you? I'm a split personality, half wild partier and half psychotic monster?"
"Something like that," Sakura admitted.
"I'm not some schizophrenic," Naruto stated. "They think I am."
"Why?"
"It's makes it easier for them to comprehend who I am," Naruto replied.
"Rumiko is actually scared of you, Naruto," Sakura stated.
"Of course she is," the blond stated with a grin. "They all are. When they first met me, I was a tad. . .over exuberant. I guess, I made a bit of an extreme impression on them."
"What is going on, Naruto?"
"I said I'd answer that later," Naruto replied. Sakura poured another round. Naruto had to grin. So, she thought she could get him drunk and pump him for information? An old trick, but a good one. . .unless your opponent had an iron liver. Poor, poor Sakura. She was about to find out the hard way that Naruto could easily out drink even her mentor.
-End
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-Author's notes. Okay, I am officially back now, liver, more or less intact. California was certainly an experience. The first week was nothing but work. The second week was nothing but partying. I spent two hundred dollars on liquor and beer in one week. That's at the liquor store, mind you, not the bar.
The most interesting part was for about three days we couldn't go to the chow hall without someone famous dying. First Ed, then Farrah, than Jacko. I thought it was over when I got home, but then Billy died. I'm gonna miss him the most.
Unfortunately, due to my job being a summer job, I didn't really have time to reread this. So please excuse the occasional fuck up.