A big thanks to those who reviewed! Hearing what you all think warms my heart. And now, for the third and final installment of this ficlet. We're clocking in at almost 12,000 words for this one, so settle in and hang on tight: it's a roller coaster. Hopefully I didn't jump the tracks. :)
The look on your face yanks my neck on the chain
And I would do anything
[I would do anything]
To see you again
- Neko Case, Star Witness
The days grow long and the sun grows hotter. Plentiful sunshine and good weather means more activity in the village and therefore more injuries to attend. Rin and Kaede have no shortage of patients during the summer months. Days blur together in a flurry of scraped knees, cuts, and summer sniffles. In the evenings Rin practically collapses onto her sleeping pallet, bones humming with the hard work of the day. But even on the days when she falls asleep before nightfall, if anyone asked she could report on the exact phase of the moon in the sky.
And yet, he doesn't return.
Inuyasha says good riddance. Kaede keeps silent. Kagome tells her to be patient. Her heart tries not to despair.
She tries to take comfort in the fact that this is not the first time she has endured long stretches without him. What had she told Kaede? Dependable, but not predictable. Since she was a child she has never doubted Lord Sesshomaru – he always came through and he always knew what was best. It was a simple, unquestionable truth. It still is.
But what did he think was best, exactly?
The manner of his departure during his last visit concerned her, and she worried that she had somehow scared him away with her boldness. Or worse, that Kaede had scared him away with her thinly veiled warnings. It's ridiculous, of course; Lord Sesshomaru isn't frightened by anything, especially not human women. But he is pragmatic. If the ends don't justify the means, he won't follow through. Her fear is that perhaps she isn't worth all this trouble. Perhaps she never was. If so, what he thinks is best might mean being separated from him forever.
Her hope is a stubborn thing, though. She can't quite let him go, not just yet. But her doubts only make the wait longer. And lonelier.
A boy from a neighboring village makes an honest effort to court her. He's the son of a village elder and a respectable boy in his own right. His family makes a modest living through trade; he comes to the village every other week to barter bags of rice for potent herbs and rough spun silks for tallow. At first he has shy smiles for her, and then small gifts. He's nice enough, and she's certain that most would find him handsome in that dusty, sun-kissed sort of way.
Inuyasha says he's a fine choice, though he squirms at the subject on principle. Kaede strategically compliments him over tea. Kagome tells her to follow her heart. Her heart tells her to keep one eye on the moon.
The days grow shorter and the first frost is only a few weeks away. Most of the seasonal harvest has been completed, and the villagers shift their attentions to preparing for the colder months. Fewer farming implements in use means fewer injuries, though the first of the season's fevers start to appear at the door to shrine. The overall lull in patients means that she can spend her time preparing for what is normally her favorite time of year: the autumn harvest festival.
Even before the farming tools are put away and the crops stored for the winter, the village hosts an annual festival to give thanks for a bountiful harvest and have one last major trade before the weather turns and the roads become impassible. The village in which she lives is centrally located, and neighboring villagers from as far as fifty miles away cart their goods to her home to exchange supplies and engage in revelry. As a resident of the shrine, Rin does her part to make sure that the grounds are well-kept and the spiritual artifacts shine. She finishes a harvest of her own by helping Jinenji bring in the last of his herbs and setting them on massive racks for drying and preservation. Though she otherwise enjoys the company of Jinenji's mother, this month she purposefully avoids her, not sure if she can emotionally endure her eager and unsolicited love stories about an injured human woman and a beautiful, seductive demon savior.
Festival goers arrive days before the event, carting in goods for sale or trade, and set up camp in the surrounding fields. The increased activity in the otherwise sleepy village carries the air of excitement, and for most part it is easy to get caught up in the restless energy. It's an event that Rin usually prepares for with a song in her step, but this year her feet drag as she sets up long tables and hangs paper lanterns in the trees. She waves halfheartedly to the musicians who are tuning instruments in the shade of a tree.
She should be happy, but dark clouds hang over her heart. This year the festival will be held on the night before the new moon.
When Miroku and Sango arrive with their family she greets them with as much enthusiasm as she can muster, setting aside her own worries to greet some of her oldest friends. She is happy to see them; it's been almost a year. She does her best, but it's not enough: nothing escapes Miroku's keen eye. There's no way to explain it without being insulting – your presence means his absence– so she hopes he won't press the issue. And she isn't really angry with them, it's not their fault. Besides, the festival itself is a deterrent. So many humans in one place were bound to be an assault on Lord Sesshomaru's senses. Still, it amounts to another month of watching and waiting for him to return.
If he decided to come back at all, that is. It's becoming harder and harder to balance on the fine line between optimism and denial.
Because what if it wasn't next month? Or the next? Would she really wait forever?
The automatic answer is yes. She is patient, and in the deep, hallowed spaces in her heart she knows that he is worth it. The real question, the one that she has been avoiding looking at too closely, is if she can bear to.
She is stuck: she can't go on like this, but she can't bear to give up, either.
The shrine is abuzz with activity throughout the day as people come to give thanks and ask for blessings. Once the first of the harvest has been set aside for the offering, the fields are alive with barter and exchange. By late afternoon all negotiations and spiritual matters have been satisfied, and people gravitate to the main fields, ready to celebrate.
And what a celebration it is. Music saturates the air as people laugh and fill plates from a table heaping with foods from all across the region. An enormous bowl of ramen attracts particular attention, and she smiles as Kagome waves off praise and glares at Inuyasha when he growls at a little girl for taking more than her fair share.
Rin takes her own food and settles on a nearby blanket where Sango is eating with the twins. Each time she sees them she is stunned by how they have grown; they are on the cusp of adulthood, lanky in their adolescence much like Kohaku was when they first met. The family resemblance is stronger with each passing year. When they excuse themselves to get seconds and say hello to old friends, Sango follows them with tender eyes.
An unbidden tightness forms in Rin's chest. It's not the scene itself, for it's one she's seen a hundred times on a hundred parent's faces. She's seen joy and relief spread across the features of mothers and fathers as she treats illnesses and bandages wounds, delivering positive prognoses, and fear and worry when the outlook is less certain. She's watched eyes crinkle with laughter at silly games and brows furrow in disappointment at neglected chores. Even Rin hasn't been immune to these expressions; she was on the receiving end of them as a child and now grants them as an adult. The village in which she has spent the past decade is like a sprawling extended family of which she is a part, and she has watched the children of fellow villagers grow and has felt vicarious pride in their accomplishments and sorrow in their failures. Until recently, she had not felt the pull to take a more active role, to claim part of that life as her own. But for some reason, seeing Sango look at her children with adoration makes her heart curl in on the edges.
By the time she was Rin's age, Sango was married and started a family. Rin had been waiting patiently for years, but seeing this display reminds her that waiting comes at a cost. Possibilities and possible regrets swirl in her mind.
As is her habit, her mouth outpaces her sense and Rin blurts out the question tickling at the edges of consciousness. "Sango, do you like having a family?"
Sango gives her an incredulous look, and then laughs. "Of course! They can be a handful at times, but I wouldn't trade them for the world."
It's a silly question; she expected nothing less. She tries again. "I mean, what if you didn't have a family? Do you think you would still be happy?"
Sango takes a sip of her tea. "I'm sure I would, it would just be in a different way. If I had to guess, I'd probably be spending my days slaying demons with Kohaku. If he would let me, that is."
Rin catches the wistful look in her eye. "Do you ever miss being a demon slayer? You trained really hard for it."
Sango blinks and points her chopsticks at Rin. "Hey, don't discount me so easily! I still get out there and slay a few demons from time to time."
"I'm sorry, Sango, I didn't mean to imply – "
Sango cuts her off with a smile. "Don't be silly. I'm only teasing you. The truth is, I could have done both. I still could, especially now that the kids aren't so young. But this is what I wanted."
"How did you know?"
She shrugs. "I just felt it." Rin's mind skips back to tea parties in the forest. I just knew you'd come today, Lord Sesshomaru. I felt it. Sango's knowing eye catches hers before she can trail off into memory. "What brought all of this on, Rin?"
Rin averts her gaze and picks at her food. "Nothing. Sometimes I just wonder what my future will be like. Like maybe I'll get married and have children, or maybe I'll stay at the shrine and be a healer, or maybe –" gold eyes framed in magenta flash in her mind – "or maybe something else."
"Ah." Sango finishes her tea, gathering her thoughts. "Well, I can tell you this. When I was your age, I never would have pictured this as my future. Back then, it was important for me to continue my family legacy. But then I met Miroku, and things just… changed. After we had travelled together for a while I just knew he was the one for me. It wasn't planned, but I think it was fate."
"…So you didn't know what you wanted until you wanted it?"
Sango nods. "Something like that."
She's back to the same problem she started with. Even if Rin thinks she knows what she wants, she can't exactly move forward on her own. "At least you didn't have to figure it out by yourself though. I bet Miroku made his intentions pretty obvious. And he's persistent." Sango's eyes widen and Rin bites her lip. "I've overheard Inuyasha tell some stories…"
Sango just smiles, and her eyes track across the crowds to where Miroku stands, dancing to the music with their youngest. He holds both of her hands and swings them to and fro, all while the little girl squeals with laughter. Her pig-tails bounce as she jumps off-tempo with the music. Sango's adoring smile returns. "You'd be surprised. With me, he wasn't. He flirted with me, but he also flirted shamelessly with every other woman we came into contact with. It drove me crazy!" She chuckles and turns her attention back to Rin. "As it turns out, we both felt the same way, but it took a long time for either of us to admit it. When we did, it was a relief."
Rin blows the bangs off her forehead in a huff. "I'll bet."
Sango's eyes glitter, like she's holding an important secret. "Listen, it's different for everyone, but if you want my advice, I would say that honesty is the key to any relationship." She leans in and playfully nudges Rin with an elbow. "Also, don't forget to keep your options open. You might think you're headed down one path, but if you keep your focus too narrow you'll never see the others that are opening up right in front of you, and those paths can be very rewarding."
The words escape before she can reel them back in. "You mean that I should forget about Lord Sesshomaru?" Rin cringes; she had only meant to talk around the subject, not get to the heart of it.
But Sango doesn't miss a beat. She reaches over and squeezes Rin's hand. "Not at all. He's very special to you and always will be. But that doesn't mean he has to be the only one that's special to you." Her eyes flick meaningfully to the left and Rin's gaze follows.
Standing a few feet away and trying unsuccessfully to pretend like he hasn't been listening to the conversation is Hikaru, the young man from the neighboring village who has been trying to get her attention over the past few months. Rin's heart skips. Under the combined gaze of the two women Hikaru blushes and waves shyly. Sango waves him over before Rin can protest.
He bows at the waist. "Greetings, Lady Sango. Rin." When he straightens he shuffles on his feet and focuses on the older woman. "My father sends his regards, Lady Sango. He's grateful for the exorcism performed at my sister's home last month. No demons have bothered them since."
Sango stands and puts a hand on his shoulder. "I'm glad to hear it Hikaru. Give your family my regards as well." She winks at Rin. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go protect my youngest from the inevitable heartbreak that comes with falling for a lecherous monk. You two have fun!"
Rin stares wide-eyed after Sango, cursing her in her head. Unable to think of any reasonable excuse to escape, Rin motions for him to sit. He accepts the offer, rubbing the back of his neck. "So…are you enjoying the festival, Rin?"
She glances at the rising sliver of the moon just at the edge of the horizon and swallows a sigh. "I suppose so. Are you?"
He nods. "It's quite the turnout this year. I missed the festivities earlier today, though. I hope some of the merchants will still be around tomorrow."
"I'm sure some of them will, but it tends to quiet down a lot after tonight. If you really want to make the best deals, you should be here a few days early."
"I know. But it couldn't be helped. It snowed in my village, so my trip here was delayed."
This catches her by surprise. "Snow? Already?"
His disappointment is palpable. "Yeah. The winters are long in the mountains and the snow starts early… This might actually be the last time I see you for a while."
"Oh." She hadn't considered this. She has gotten used to his visits and their little chats. Looks forward to them, even. The thought of another person disappearing from her life is almost too much to bear. "How long do you think it will be?"
"It's different every year, but as soon as the snow starts travel becomes risky for a few months." He waves his hands in front of him. "But don't worry! I'll be back after the first thaw!"
She gives him a weak smile. "Good. I'm glad."
He looks away and fumbles in his pocket. "In the meantime, I, uh, brought you something to remember me by." He flushes to the tips of his ears. "Put out your hand and close your eyes."
She gives him a skeptical look but complies. She expects him to place something in her palm, but instead something cool and smooth glides over her hand and onto her wrist.
"Okay, open them."
A bracelet of black beads shines darkly in the ambient light from the lanterns. He reaches out to carefully adjust it on her wrist while she admires it. "It's obsidian. Sometimes my brother finds pockets of it when mining on the mountain. He helped me shape the stones."
Her heart squeezes. Upon closer inspection, the beads aren't quite round and they aren't quite the same size, but it's beautiful. It is a gift without obligation and crafted with personal care and love. "You made this? For me?"
He straightens with pride. "Sure did! I know I'm not an exactly an expert craftsman, but I thought – "
She throws her arms around him, cutting him off. "Thank you Hikaru. I love it."
When she pulls back his face rivals the color of Inuyasha's fire-rat. "You're welcome, Rin. I'm glad you like it."
She flushes and they both look away, focusing their attention on the space where the villagers dance. From the edge of the clearing Kagome emerges, dragging a reluctant Inuyasha by the wrist. He makes a show of being put out, and rolls his eyes when she settles her arms around his neck, sighing visibly as he puts his hands on her waist. They sway together under the soft light of the lanterns and stars, and Kagome practically glows with satisfaction. Whether the satisfaction comes from the act of dancing with her husband or getting her husband to acquiesce to dancing in the first place, Rin can't be sure. Either way, she is obviously happy.
Hikaru's voice breaks through her thoughts. "They sure do make an odd couple, don't they?"
Rin braces herself for the inevitable comments about Kagome's humanity and Inuyasha's mixed heritage. She has heard it a thousand times before, and a thousand times she has defended them. The speech she normally gives and the indignation that goes with it simmer on the tip of her tongue. "What do you mean?"
Hikaru just shrugs. "Lady Kagome just seems so sweet and bubbly, and Master Inuyahsa is… well, a little rough around the edges."
Rin's anger deflates. "Oh. Well I think it's sweet. They balance each other."
"I suppose so." He doesn't sound entirely convinced. "My father always told me that opposites attract, but commonalities sustain."
Rin bites her lip. "…Maybe so."
The song ends and another begins, the tempo quick and insistent. Inuyasha tries to make his escape, but Kagome catches the edge of his sleeve. He gives her a long look while she pouts. Then he smirks. Without warning he pounces, catching her by the waist and hoisting her in the air, spinning as her surprised laughter echoes above the music. The scene would be romantic but for the packed dance floor; another partygoer nearby gets an inadvertent mouthful of white hair as it whips around them. The tension is broken as Rin and Hikaru laugh while Kagome tries to mediate between the disgruntled dancer and a huffy hanyou.
Shaking his head as his laughter subsides, Hikaru says, "That hair is something else. I've never seen anything like it."
An image of long mercurial strands jumps into her mind, and she can practically feel it gliding through her fingers. Without thinking, she says, "You should see his brother's."
Hikaru's eyebrows arch. "He has a brother?"
She nods dreamily, propping her chin on one hand. "Half-brother, actually. Lord Sesshomaru is a full demon."
Hikaru eyes grow round and he blinks. "The Lord Sesshomaru? As in the Lord of the West? That's Master Inuyahsa's brother?"
The dancer's spin before her eyes, but she doesn't really see them. Her vision is turned inward, to firelight and flowers and combs. She answers absentmindedly. "Mmhmm. The hair is the only real similarity, though. Their personalities are very different. Lord Sesshomaru is much more… elegant. Refined."
Hikaru continues to stare at her. "What, have you met him or something?"
The question startles her out of her daydream and she searches the eyes of the young man next to her. She thinks he must be joking, but his expression is open and sincere.
He doesn't know? How is that possible? She searches her memory and realizes with a start that their conversations up until now had veered away from her personal history. Any time he had asked about her family or childhood she had sidestepped the subject, redirecting and learning about his family instead. The people in her village might be well acquainted with her story, but Hikaru wasn't from this village. In all this time, how had she managed to avoid mentioning Lord Sesshomaru? More importantly, why? Normally she was proud to talk about him and their adventures together. Instead she feels reluctant, a little part of her worried how Hikaru will react to her answer. She wonders when that started to matter. She shifts her gaze to the ground. No matter what the reason, there was no avoiding it any longer. "Yes. I travelled with him when I was a child, in the years before Naraku was defeated."
His jaw drops. "That's incredible, Rin! I had always heard that he hated humans."
She shifts uncomfortably. "He… does, actually. Sort of. For the most part."
"Oh." His face falls as he catches the look on her face. She can see him struggling to come up with a change of subject, and in doing so he stumbles on the only one that could possibly be worse. "That must have been really dangerous, travelling around back in those days. Didn't your parents object?"
Her shoulders sag and she fiddles with the bracelet on her wrist. "My family was killed by bandits, and my village was decimated by wolves. I was all alone trying to fend for myself until I met Lord Sesshomaru."
The remorse on his face is so genuine it hurts. A hand settles lightly on her knee. "I'm so sorry, Rin. I had always just assumed you had come here to train with Lady Kaede as an adult. I didn't know…"
She cuts him off, not wanting to explain how she came to be here, not wanting to linger on this subject too long. She gazes at the couples swaying on the dance floor, and her lips quirk as she sees Sango swat Miroku's wandering hand away with a smile. Hikaru sees it too and snatches his hand back.
Rin's smile spreads in spite of herself. "It's okay. I have a different kind of family now."
And she does. Inuyasha and Kagome, Miroku and Sango, Kaede… even Kohaku and Shippo when they came to visit on rare occasion. All of these people love her in their own way, and they are her true family now.
Hikaru nods, his brow furrowed in concentration as he tries to puzzle it out. "…So, does that make Lord Sesshomaru kind of like your dad?"
She chokes. "No!" At the look of surprise on his face she tries to regain her composure. She waves her hands in front of her. "I mean, no. He took care of me, and I guess he still feels responsible for me, but he's not my dad."
"I see." He strokes his chin. "But it would still probably be wise to get his approval if, say, someone wanted to court you. Or maybe even, you know, marry you…"
The image that appears in her head is so silly and absurd that she nearly laughs aloud: Lord Sesshomaru, imperious and devoid of expression, listening to some poor sap pour his heart out and beg for his approval, the deadpan look never slipping as he slowly draws Bakusaiga from his hip…
It's almost funny - until she catches up and gets the implication. She shakes her head. "It wouldn't be a good idea. No one is that brave." Or that stupid.
It certainly isn't meant to be a challenge, but Hikaru seems to take it as one. He sits a little straighter. "Is he here? I'd love to meet him."
"Hikaru…"
"What? I – I like you Rin. A lot. And I'd like to think that you like me too. Just tell me what I need to do and I'll do it."
The bold declaration almost renders her speechless, but she manages to stammer out a reply. "It - It's more complicated than that – "
"How? What more should there be?"
He makes it sound so simple: if people care about each other they should be together, and that's all there is to it. His sentiments echo her own thoughts from not so long ago, and she hates him for it just a little, for being so innocent and naïve. But more than that she hates herself a little for still being unable to let go and move on. She liked Hikaru, it was true. But…
Her hand finds his arm. "Let's just wait and see what happens." She cringes at her own words. "After all, we'll have plenty of time to keep getting to know each other in the spring."
He deflates but seems mollified, for now. He picks at a loose thread near his ankle. "Okay. I'd still like to meet him though, just because he seems important to you."
A sad laugh escapes from her lips. "Careful what you wish for." Then she sighs. "Believe me, you'd know him if you saw him; he stands out in a crowd. But he isn't here. And he won't be."
"Oh. Well, that's okay. Maybe next time." Maybe next time. The words cut deep, but are mitigated by his dazzling smile. "In the meantime, would you like to dance?"
She almost says no, resigned to sit on the sidelines and wallow in her own self-pity, but the look in his eyes is enough to give her pause. He just looks so hopeful, so happy. She can remember a time when she felt the same way: enthusiastic, optimistic, enjoying the present for what it was. For months she has been stuck in an uncertain future while the days blur past, unnoticed. A touch of rebellion rises within her. Why shouldn't she have a little fun? For months now the new moon had brought her nothing but misery, so why shouldn't this one be enjoyable for once? She was so tired of living in in-betweens, in almosts and maybes. For tonight, maybe she could live in the now.
He offers his hand and she takes it. The callouses on his fingers are rough and his grip is strong. For all of his awkward shyness, his steps are confident as he leads her to the open space. His intentions are clear – isn't that refreshing – and he isn't ready to give up on her just yet. Her earlier conversation with Sango rings in her head and she smiles.
They find a spot between the other dancers and he doesn't hesitate to pull her in close. The music is lively and he spins her around, comfortable in touching her and being touched. The open expression of joy on his face warms her heart and there is something freeing about knowing exactly what he wants. She smiles right back, tension melting away. Despite herself, she is having fun. When he dips her, she laughs loud and long, and it strikes her that she hasn't done so in a long time.
So they dance. And laugh. The stars come out and so do the barrels of sake. They toast to their good health and watch the other festival goers enjoy themselves. Kagome drags Inuyasha out for one last dance and he humors her yet again. At the end, when he thinks no one is looking, he tugs her by the waist to plant a quick kiss on her temple. Rin smiles. Rough around the edges, yes, but there's a softness underneath. Maybe that was the human in him. Maybe a little humanity was what she needed too.
At the end of the night she collapses onto her sleeping pallet as always, exhausted but for an entirely different reason. This time the hum in her bones is from laughter and excitement, not worry and fatigue. It feels good.
She changes into her sleeping robes and giggles when she recalls the way Hikaru had dipped to kiss her hand before bidding her goodnight, with a wink and a promise to see her again in the spring. She almost declares the night an unexpected success when she reaches for her comb.
Her smile vanishes at the sight of it, recalling dappled forest sunshine and golden firelight and long silver strands. It recalls soft hands and stuttered breath and flowers the color of his eyes.
What was she thinking?
The evening's events play back in her mind and she mourns, because it had been so much fun, so freeing. But one night of fun doesn't erase months of anguish, and one kind young man doesn't replace years of longing. The thought is both logical and terrifying, because it begs the question: what would it take? If not one night, then ten? A Hundred? A lifetime? What would be enough?
A familiar fear rises from the depths, a deep-seated worry that the earliest years of her life had set the tone for decades to come, that those years had ruined her somehow. That all of the excitement of her life was bundled and crammed into a childhood that is blurring at the edges of memory a little more with each day, leaving a hollow feeling deep in her bones. Approaching a beautiful wounded demon in the woods had changed her life, but it's getting harder and harder to believe that it was for the better.
Because what could possibly compare? Who could compare? For all his charms, Hikaru – or a hundred other boys just like him – suffered from the same affliction that she did: they were human. Fragile, corruptible, mortal. Ordinary. She had been touched by the extraordinary, overcome the impossible. While she might enjoy the company of others and find love and happiness elsewhere, it would never quell the feeling that something was missing, something exciting and alluring and daring.
As if to reinforce this, a sing-song voice in the back of her head calls out - her own voice from a childhood spent around a fire with a dog and a dragon and a toad - Lord Sesshomaru isn't gone, he's simply late.
She can't shake it. One evening of fun – or a thousand – wouldn't change this, wouldn't smother the hope or the desire in heart. It's still as true now as it was then. She hugs the comb to her chest and feels ashamed for doubting it. Until she knows differently – until he tells her differently – that truth would remain. She could wait a little longer.
After all, he would have to come back before spring, right?
Right?
She crawls into bed and pulls the covers up around her chin to protect against the chill of autumn, falling into a fitful sleep.
The forest is illuminated with soft golden sunlight, birds tittering high above her in the trees. The path before her is well-worn and she follows it idly, humming to pass the time. It's peaceful here, she thinks. Familiar, welcoming. Her steps are unhurried and her mind is uncluttered. She knows this path, she could walk it forever.
She follows it as it arcs, hypnotized by the dancing shadows cast by the leaves. As she rounds the bend the path abruptly splits, branching off like the crooked limbs of her favorite tree in Inuyasha's forest. Her feet stutter to a stop. This doesn't seem right. The paths don't look different from one another, but she has the disquieting feeling that there's only one correct choice. She squints, trying to see farther, but without success.
A streak of white and silver flashes in the corner of her vision, and her head whips to the right.
She puts a hand up to shield her eyes, and squints harder. There. A familiar figure stands far down the path to the right, statuesque and brilliant against the backdrop of the forest. Her heart leaps and she calls out to him.
Lord Sesshomaru!
He sees her, she knows it. But instead of approaching her he turns away, hair streaming behind him as he walks farther and farther ahead. She chases him on child's legs, but his strides are too long, his pace too brisk.
Wait! Wait for me!
The words burn in her throat, but he doesn't seem to hear. She tries to speed up but heavy chains with round black links appear at her ankles, restricting her steps. When she turns to tear them away Sango's twins are gripping the ends, grotesque grins marring their faces. She shouts at them to release her, but they hold fast.
In her struggle she doesn't notice Kaede approach, a basket full of golden blooms in her arms. She tucks wilting flowers into Rin's hair, but they can't be flowers, they are much too heavy, and she collapses to her knees as the weight of them becomes too much to bear. She pleads for Kaede to stop, but the basket is bottomless and she continues to pile them on as though she doesn't hear. Just as she thinks she will be crushed beneath them she calls out one last time for help – because he always comes when he needs her, always – and she is relieved when he finally turns.
His eyes are ancient in their disappointment and disgust. There is a sneer in his voice when he says her name.
Rin.
She wants to explain but her words catch in her throat. No, not her words. She chokes, mouth filling with something thick and knotted. She forces a hand to her mouth and horror descends as long silver strands come spilling out, endless, suffocating –
"Rin."
She blinks awake, inhaling sharply. Her heart is beating wildly as her eyes try and fail to scan the darkness. There is a moment of disorientation before she gropes around and feels the familiar scratchy warmth of her blankets. Relief floods her.
She runs a shaking hand over her face and rolls over. It was just a dream.
And then a floorboard creaks.
Adrenaline floods her veins and she is instantly wide awake. She sits up with a jolt, the blankets falling away to pool at her waist. Her eyes dart in the darkness but see nothing.
"Hello? Is anyone there?" When she speaks, she hates that her whispered voice wavers. She was taught to be braver than this.
A heartbeat passes, then two. She feels ridiculous; the hut was old, the wood was settling. It was just the dream making her jittery.
She almost lays back down when a soft, eerie green glow appears from the corner of the room. Instinctively she scoots backward, but her scampering slows as it brightens to reveal the gleaming tips of two sharp claws. And a striped wrist. And golden eyes, which are fixed on the wall to her left.
Her heart skips again, but not with fear. "…Lord Sesshomaru? Is that really you?"
A twitch of his brow suggests that he is confused by the question, or annoyed. And really, he should be. No other creature on earth could possibly be mistaken for him. A part of her wants to crawl toward him in excitement, but the cobwebs of her dream give her pause. Perhaps she was still dreaming; after all this was far outside the realm of propriety and therefore completely unlike him. She decides to proceed with caution.
Tentatively, she asks, "What are you doing here, my lord? It's the middle of the night. Is something wrong?"
He ignores her question, his eyes flicking in her direction before skipping away again. "Rin. Get dressed and meet me outside."
A quick glance downward reveals that the collar of her sleeping robe has shifted in her sleep and is sliding dangerously off one shoulder. Her hand flies up to clutch it closed. Nope, not a dream at all. The embarrassment she feels is definitely real. She adds it to a long list of conflicting and overwhelming emotions as she steadily realizes that her dreams – the good ones, at least – have come true. He is here.
She gathers her wits and bobs her head. "Yes, my lord! Just give me a few moments."
The glow is snuffed out and he sweeps out of the room with exaggerated haste. As soon as he exits she flings back the blankets, scrambling to light a candle. Once she can see again she changes into something suitable and quickly runs her comb through her hair. Now that he is finally here, she doesn't want to have him out of her sight for any longer than she has to, lest he disappear. She has so many questions, so many conflicting thoughts. She tries to step lightly on the way to the door, not wanting to wake Kaede.
When she exits the hut he is standing in the courtyard of the shrine, stark white and silver catching the barest hints of light reflected from the sliver of moon in the sky. His gaze is direct now and he watches her unwaveringly as she approaches. When she is only steps away he extends one clawed hand.
"Come."
Her breath catches and her steps falter. They were going somewhere? Now? Everything about this is strange: he disappears for months without a word, only to reappear in her bedroom in the middle of the night to whisk her away to some undisclosed location. The unexplained urgency is unnerving. What could be so important that it couldn't wait until morning?
He seems to sense her concern and repeats himself. "Come, Rin. We're leaving."
Leaving? The word ricochets in her sleep-addled brain. They were leaving. Together. Could this be it? Could this be the invitation she had been waiting for? It's a stretch, but the spark of hope she has carried for all these years ignites once more and consumes any doubts that dare come near. They were leaving.
Finally.
Dimly she wonders if she needs to bring anything with her. It wouldn't alter her choice, but her heart aches a little at the timing. She might have liked to say goodbye to her friends. She worries her bottom lip in her teeth at the thought of Lady Kaede waking up to discover her missing. Who would gather the firewood? Who would do the laundry and hunt for herbs and –
The shadow of a frown crosses his features and his hand retracts, just a little. "You are hesitant."
"No, it's just that…"
His eyes narrow. For a long moment she holds her breath; he looked angry with her. But when he blinks it falls away and his eyes focus on the hut behind her. When he speaks his voice is flat. "Return to bed. Forget I was here."
With that he turns on his heel and strides toward the torii arch and she barely resists shouting for him to wait, lest she wake the entire village. The scenes from her dream flash in her mind and she sprints after him. When the edge of his sleeve is within reach she doesn't hesitate; she grabs it in a panicked fist.
"No!" Her whisper is harsh and desperate. "No. Please, my lord. I'm fine. Let's go."
He considers her for a long moment and she is convinced he is going to yank his sleeve from her fist and disappear into the night. To her relief he simply nods once and, without another word, he stoops and scoops her up into one arm, clutching her as he did all those months ago when they escaped a spring storm. His body tenses and then they spring into the night air.
The temperature drops as they gain altitude and she burrows into the fur at his shoulder. Though she can't see it, she knows that the village is fading into the distance behind her. She resists the temptation to look back. A part of her feels guilty, but she knows that Inuyasha and Kagome will take good care of Kaede in her absence. Her heart aches at the thought of them. Ultimately, she should be grateful that they are leaving while the village sleeps; goodbyes would have been too painful. Even still, she doesn't allow herself to have any regrets. This is what she has wanted and waited for all these long years. The village was her home and the people there are her family, but this is the future she has dreamed of ever since she had arrived. This is her path. She is sure of it.
A sense of calm resolve settles over her as she twines her fingers into his pelt and scans the horizon. Night veils the landscape, but that doesn't mean it lacks for scenery; laid out before them is an endless blanket of stars. The weightless sliver of a crescent moon hangs in the southern sky. The sight is surreal, but she shouldn't be surprised. Surreal has come to define all of her most recent meetings with him.
She tears her eyes away to glance at his face. She leans in a little closer, even though she doesn't need to. "Where are we going, my lord?"
He doesn't answer, just keeps his eyes fixed on the horizon. She can't help but wonder how long they will travel, or where they will land, but these thoughts have no urgency. In the end it doesn't matter, they are together. Now and forever. As it should be. She snuggles closer and closes her eyes, drifting off in the warmth of his arms.
She jerks awake as she feels their quick descent and the bunching of his muscles as he makes a smooth landing. They were stopping already? How long had she been asleep? It couldn't have been that long; the land was still cloaked in darkness. Surely he wasn't tired yet. Something wasn't right.
Without hesitation he carefully sets her down and steps back a few paces. The side of her body that was pressed against him reacts to the absence of his warmth and she hugs her arms. She twists around to inspect her surroundings and recognition slams into her. "…The forest grove?"
Though night has cast the clearing into shadow, it is indeed the sacred space she so adores. The wildflowers are fewer now as the season comes to a close, but the vines and greenery still cling tenaciously to the old stumps and bark. Beyond the tree line the shadows condense into blackness, obscuring the surrounding forest. Without the buzzing insects and bright sunlight the clearing takes on an ominous quality, but not one without its own special beauty. Memories from her last visit here bubble to the surface, but before she can indulge in them he speaks.
"You said that this was our secret. No one will disturb us here."
Disturb them? Just what were they doing out here that required such privacy? If it were any other day under any other circumstance, the wicked part of her brain might have conjured up the list of a thousand and one things, making her go cross-eyed. But not now.
Her voice is hesitant. "I don't understand. I thought you said we were leaving."
"And now we are here."
He offers no further explanation, just regards her with cool silence. Her heart sinks. This was it? This was the end of the line?"
"What are we doing out here, my lord?"
"I have questions that require answers."
She echoes him, dumbfounded. "You have...questions." Here he stands, as though it isn't the middle of the night, as though he hasn't been gone for months, as though everything is perfectly fine. But it isn't fine. Not at all.
Suddenly the darkness and his distance conjure up all the doubts that she has carried. She tries to swallow them, but they are as corrosive as his poison, weakening her hope and souring her mood. The disappointment and the waiting and the confusion build up and explode in a single, loaded question of her own.
"Where have you been, Lord Sesshomaru?"
It hangs there in the space between them. It's a question she had asked a thousand times before in her youth, but never with such desperation. And there is something else there too. The trace of venom in her voice surprises her, and him as well, as evidenced by the upward tick in his brow. It hadn't occurred to her before, but perhaps the smallest, most secret parts of her heart were angry with him. Angry that he would put her though all of this after the faith and dedication she had bestowed upon him since they met. The concept is so foreign to her that she is taken aback. She had thought that when he finally returned she would be overjoyed to see him, and part of her is. But that doesn't erase the past few months of agony.
She wrings her hands, trying to correct her tone. "It's just that it's been so long. I was beginning to think that you wouldn't return."
He frowns. "Why would I not return?"
She looks at the ground, at the grasses which would soon turn brown fade away. Because you didn't want me, her mind whispers. Because Inuyasha was right and you had forgotten me. This is the truth, but it won't pass her , if he had forgotten her, he wouldn't be here right now. She hedges."Because Lady Kaede was unkind to you during your last visit."
His nose tilts into the air. "Hn. This Sesshomaru is not cowed by the prattling of an old woman."
His lapse into third person and the change in his demeanor tell her all she needs to know: she has insulted him. She might be confused and sad and angry, but that little speck of hope still persists and she has no desire to alienate him. "Of course not." She takes a hesitant step forward. "Lord Sesshomaru, about what Lady Kaede said – "
"Have you been well, Rin?" She halts, thrown by the sudden change in subject. And small talk, at that. Something was definitely off. She is beginning to reevaluate the possibility that this is a dream after all. She tries to catch his eye, to read his expression, but he studies the inky forest beyond.
"…Um, I've been busy, I suppose. Plenty of farming injuries and illnesses as the seasons change."
He doesn't respond right away; he raises a hand and gracefully flicks a stray piece of hair behind his shoulder. "Your training is progressing?"
"I- I think so. Lady Kaede seems pleased."
Everything about this conversation is bizarre; he cannot possibly have dragged her out of bed and flown her miles away from the village for this.
His hand comes up and he casually inspects his claws. "I wouldn't suppose you've had time to make any new friends, then."
On the surface, the words themselves are harmless, just idle prattle. Coming from anyone else they would be inconsequential. But the posturing is just a little too much, and there is a hint of steely restraint in his voice. His refocuses his attention on her, and the look he gives her is pointed. Too late, she catches on.
The bracelet she forgot to remove before bed hangs heavy on her wrist and she resists the urge to cover it with her hand.
She doesn't know how, but he knows.
Her first reaction is to be ashamed, to feel guilty that she would betray him. But then defiance rises within her, hot and insistent. It dwarfs the spark of hope and burns caustically in her chest.
This is what he wanted to talk about? Her social life? Well, he had no right to judge her. If he had wanted her, she had been here all along, waiting. Pining. But he hadn't. No matter how much she had built up their future in her mind, at present there was nothing to betray. Somehow, this fact is the most painful of all.
She feels tricked. Here he had led her to believe… but no, that wasn't true, was it? He hadn't made her believe anything at all. And she knew it. He really was just a blank slate that she had been projecting all of her hopes and dreams on for years. How long had she convinced herself that she could read him when really she was just filling in the spaces with what she wanted to see? Enough was enough.
The wicked part of her roars to life, the part that wants to punish him for his absence, for making her feel so utterly pathetic. She straightens her spine. "As a matter of fact I have. There's a young man that comes to the village to trade goods. He's the son of a village elder and a respected member of the community. He visits regularly and is very kind."
If her words are meant to impress him, they fail spectacularly. "How nice for him," he drawls.
Under her long sleeves her hands ball into fists. "No, how nice for me." It's all coming out now, and she is powerless to stop it. "He's nice and he likes to talk to me and he brings me little gifts! He's a good person and he makes me laugh and – "
"He is special to you."
The words, soft and matter of fact, ping against her subconscious, but she has built up so much momentum that she bulldozes right past them. "What would it matter if he were?" She plows forward, digging deeper. "Some people are even hoping that I'll marry him."
This gets his attention; his eyes narrow into slits. "Who thinks this?"
His reaction fuels her. "Oh, he's dropped a hint or two, but he's not the only one." She ticks them off on her fingers. "There's my neighbors, as well as Lady Kaede, Master Inuyasha – "
"Inuyasha," he growls, fingers reaching for Bakusaiga.
It's a mockery of the scene she envisioned when she was talking with Hikaru earlier that evening, but this time it isn't funny. It's infuriating. She stomps her foot. "This isn't about him!"
"No?" He challenges. "Then tell me, what it is this about?"
"It's about you!"
Her shout echoes in the clearing and she instantly wishes she could pull the words back. This is a disaster. For months all she could do was dream of seeing him again, to reconcile any misunderstandings and convince him to invite her along on his travels. Instead, she insulted him and tried to invoke petty jealousies to hurt him. She isn't sure what's worse: that she stooped that low or that the tactics didn't even work.
Defeated, the anger drains from her, leaving her tired and hollow. She has been walking this path for so long, waiting for the final barrier to be lifted. Instead of removing it, she has fortified it. If he ever needed a reason to wash his hands of her, she has just given him several.
But he doesn't rage or disappear into the night as she expects. Instead, his hand falls back to his side and his brow creases. "Enlighten me."
Enlighten him? Where to even begin? How could she possibly summarize all of her pain and longing and indecision? I miss you and I want you but you've been nowhere to be found. I want to love you but loving you hurts. You can't blame me for this. You can't.
It's on the tip of her tongue to say it, but she has the distinct impression that he won't understand. Worse, that he wouldn't care. She sighs. "I've just been really unhappy these last few months, my lord. Maybe I'm just lonely."
He seems to ignore the fact that she doesn't directly address her outburst. There is a spark of interest in his eyes. "Life in the village doesn't suit you?"
"It's not that, exactly. It's a nice place to live, and I'm grateful that I have friends and family who love me."
Too late she realizes that she has absentmindedly begun to toy with the bracelet on her wrist. She tries to shove her hands behind her back but not fast enough; he sees it. The spark is extinguished and his expression flattens once more. "And now you have one more."
She opens her mouth to defend herself; she wants to tell him that it makes no difference how many people in the world love her if he doesn't, but before she can he shrugs elegantly and pulls a small parcel out of his sleeve.
"Perhaps it will not interest you now," he says as his eyes flick to her wrist, "but I have a 'little gift' for you as well."
He steps just close enough to fully extend his arm to put the offering within her reach, the dim light sparking off the tips of his claws. In his palm rests a small package wrapped in smooth silk and tied with a familiar ribbon. It is too small to be an item of clothing and too oddly shaped to be another dreaded text on herbal remedies. Curiosity overwhelms her, but her hand still stutters on the way to retrieve it from him.
She holds the package lightly in her hands, baffled. Why he would offer her a gift after she had just finished yelling at him is a mystery. The pesky voice pipes up: not predictable, but dependable. He never comes empty-handed.
The whispered response is automatic. "Thank you, Lord Sesshomaru."
He hums low in his throat and steps back. She shuffles on her feet. After a few beats his eyes flick to the parcel she is holding dumbly in her hands, and it becomes obvious that he wants her to open it. Cautiously, she tugs at the ribbon, causing the silk to whisper away and her breath to catch.
In her palm is an elaborately enameled hair comb fashioned in the shape of a single, perfect lily. The insides of the fragile white petals are brushed with magenta accents and tiny jade beads accentuate the tips of the stamen. A few strings of luminescent pearls drip from the bottom. Even in the dim light she can tell that it is a magnificent piece of craftsmanship.
The irritating voice in the back of her head that normally whispers ward of the West is silent. This is not like any other gift she has received from him; it is not a valuable but practical thing 'befitting her station,' as he had said. This isn't designed to clothe or educate her, it is meant to adorn her. Tears prick at the corners of her eyes as she dares to hope, but they begin to fall in earnest when she realizes just what it is that she holds in her hands.
It's the last gift he'll ever give her.
Because she knows, deep down, that whatever she had been trying so long and so carefully to cultivate is dead on the vine. She has ruined it, blighted it with her anger and resentment. Valid as her feelings might have been, there were better ways to express them. The situation was past the point of redemption, and as much as she pushed his boundaries in the past, even he had his limits. He wasn't feared throughout the country for being a benevolent, forgiving demon. This was it.
His voice breaks through her thoughts. "You are sad. I thought that flowers pleased you."
Real concern is visible on his face, and she would laugh if the irony wasn't so painful. "No. I mean, yes, I'm sad, but not because of this. Not really. And I love flowers. I don't think I've ever seen one this beautiful and it's left me speechless." She gives him a broken smile and wipes away her tears with the knuckle of one hand. She bows low. "Thank you, Lord Sesshomaru. You honor me."
When she rises he has stepped closer, and with one hand he gestures for the comb, which she offers him mutely. He steps around her and his claws carefully skim her temple as he gathers her hair behind one ear, securing it with the comb. The gentleness of his touch after everything that has happened is enough to make her throat start to close up again, but she cuts it off with a deep breath. The comb glides into place, pearls dancing against her ear with the slightest movement of her head. He steps back and returns to her line of sight.
She can barely stand to meet his eyes, but when she does she would swear that he isn't just regarding her or studying her, he is admiring her. Then something pained flickers across his features and his expression shutters once more. He extends his hand.
"Come. Dawn approaches. I will take you home to the village."
Home.
To the village.
No.
No.
If the idea that he would leave was painful, the reality of it is infinitely worse. Memories flood her: traveling with him, spending time with him, caring for him. Touching him. The realities, the almosts, the maybes. And now the nevers. It's too much.
Desperation claws at her chest. He can't take her back. There has to be a way to fix this. This can't be goodbye. Not yet.
She takes a step back, panicked eyes flitting around the dark forest, pearls lightly smacking against her cheek, as though the answer to her problem lies in the shadows of the trees. Where was the magic of this place now that she truly needed it? If only –
A spot of white catches her eye. She knows what she has to do.
She ignores his outstretched hand and dashes past him to the edge of the clearing where tangled vines curl and climb against the base of an old oak. Pure white blooms as large as her fist bask in the dim glow of night. With deft fingers she plucks one and races back, where he has turned to watch her.
She stops in front of him and gathers her courage. Then, with speed even he would have to admire, her hand darts up and tucks the flower behind his left ear. He makes no move to stop her, stock still and eyes intent. As soon as it is secured she snatches her hand back and gives him a brittle smile.
"There! Don't you see, Lord Sesshomaru? We match."
He doesn't return the smile, which is within her expectations. What she does not expect is for him to crease his brow and shut his eyes before turning a half step away. With growing horror she watches as he reaches up and removes the flower from his hair and pinches the stem lightly between his claws. The only thing worse than the silence that stretches between them is the statement that breaks it.
"No, Rin. We do not."
The words pierce her chest and cleave her heart in two.
"My lord, please – "
He cuts her off. His voice is whisper-soft and edged with steel. He gestures at the bloom still trapped in his claws. "You should not have done this. You have hastened its demise."
She doesn't understand. "…My lord, it's a moonflower. They bloom for only one night and then die. In a few hours it would have been gone."
This is the wrong thing to say. His grip tightens and he still won't look at her, his eyes fixed on the fragile petals. Time seems to slow down as the flowers tips out of his hand, tumbling over itself before landing at his feet. "All the more reason to leave it where it belonged."
Kaede's words echo in her mind and suddenly the situation is crystal clear. She had been right all along. He is saying goodbye, but for all the wrong reasons. The fissures in her heart widen and crumble at the edges. His decision has been made.
He is leaving her where she belongs.
With a closet full of empty kimonos and a flower that will never die.
Indignation swells within her. He's wrong. She has always trusted him to do what is best, but she knows deep down in her bones that this time he has made a mistake. He can't do this to her. He can't.
"My lord, you don't understand – "
"There is nothing to understand. Come. We're leaving." Again he offers his hand, with more impatience this time.
She pleads at him with her eyes, but he is made of stone. With reluctant steps she approaches. He crouches and lifts her into his arms. For the briefest moment he hesitates, his gaze fixed on the stars above. She can feel his chest expand as he draws air deep into his lungs, letting it out in a long, slow breath.
She wants to grab him by his pointed ears and force him to hear her out. She wants him to understand what it will mean to live out her years without him, what it's meant to have him near, but she knows he won't listen. Then it dawns on her: where words fail, action succeeds. Show him -
The impulse is hot and quick and reckless; she cups one hand on the side of his face and pulls him to her, planting a desperate, lingering kiss between the magenta stripes on his cheek.
She lands on her tailbone with a thump. Of all the reactions she might have anticipated, she never expected him to drop her. Humiliation blooms hot beneath her skin. The discarded moonflower glares bright and mocking a few feet from his black boots, blurring a little in her vision. This is as far as her eyes dare travel; she cannot possibly look at him, not now. Not even the insects dare to sing as the moment stretches out.
Her intentions were obvious, and so is his rejection. At least now she knew now without a doubt. Her waiting was over, but the real loss had just begun. He's been a part of her life for so long now, she isn't sure what it will be like without him.
She is torn between wanting him to speak and terrified of what he will say when he does. She expects him to rage at her impertinence or mock her for her pitiful and unwelcome affections. So it is a surprise when he responds in a voice laced with confusion.
"You are afraid."
She gathers her feet under her, sitting back on her heels. To an outside observer, it might look as if she is kneeling in contrition. She swallows and nods. "Yes."
From above her, his voice comes across as thin and wary. "You have never been afraid of me before."
The immortal flower in her hair hangs heavy, the pearls scraping against her skin as she hangs her head. "I'm not afraid of you, my lord. I'm afraid of what you'll do."
Without preamble he drops to the ground, his clothes and hair billowing out and rustling softly in their descent. His posture mimics hers, his hands resting lightly on his knees.
"Explain."
She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. Her eyes are fixed on her hands as they twist in her lap. "I'm sorry, Lord Sesshomaru. I shouldn't have done that. "
Long fingers come into view, hovering for an instant before settling lightly over hers. "Explain why you are afraid."
Her eyes find his, they are gentle and probing. She tries to control the trembling in her lip. It takes all of her courage, but she holds his gaze. "I'm afraid you'll leave me in the village and never come back."
He recoils, confused. "You said that life in the village suits you. You do not wish to remain there?"
She shakes her head softly. "No, my lord. The villagers are kind, and I have enjoyed training with Kaede. Kagome and Inuyasha have welcomed me as part of their family, and for that I am grateful. But it's not how I would want to spend my life, if I had a choice." She takes another deep breath. This was it, she had his attention and this was her last chance. Time to take Sango's advice and be honest. "As a child I was convinced that we would always be together. As a woman, that hasn't changed."
"You would have the chance at a normal life, with others like you." His eyes dart to the black beads at her wrist, and his fingers curl into fists on his knees. He closes his eyes and exhales heavily. "You would be safe."
She leans around him, retrieves the flower that he dropped. The petals soak up the moonlight as she spins it in her fingers. "Maybe. But I wouldn't be happy. What Kaede said was true. Some things do suffer when taken out of their natural environments. But my place is not with the villagers. It's with you. And without you, I wilt just like these flowers."
Steeling her spine, she reaches out and tucks the flower behind his ear as she had done once before. He lets her. She adjusts it to her liking, and as she withdraws her hand she lets a finger ghost along one bright stripe. She returns her gaze to her lap and studies her hands, smiling sadly. "I just want to be with you, Lord Sesshomaru. No matter where you go. That's all."
Clawed fingers appear at her chin, gripping it gently and forcing her eyes to his. He leans in, eyes searching hers, golden irises practically glowing in the depths of the darkness. "This is what you want?"
She would not look away even if she could. "It's not all that I want, but it would be enough."
His next words are careful, measured. "What else do you want?"
Her eyes involuntarily flick down to his lips, and for once subtlety is not lost on him. With painstaking slowness he leans in, closing the distance between them. His mouth is soft and warm on hers and for a moment she is paralyzed. How many years had she dreamt of this moment? How many nights had she agonized and hoped and yearned for him? Finally her maybes had turned into realities.
It's over too fast for her to react. He withdraws and she blinks at him, too stunned to react. His eyes skip to the side. "Forgive me. I may have misinterpreted – "
She springs into action, her hands threading in his hair and mouth pressing against his, leaving no room for misunderstanding. He responds in kind, one hand appearing at her jawline and the other snaking around her waist. The gentleness begins to recede, hinting at something feral and wanting just below the surface, restrained but only just.
With a rumbling in his throat he pulls away but his hand remains, thumb stroking her cheek and disturbing the strands of pearls. There is a solid attempt to school his features, but his eyes remain molten as he clears his throat.
"It would please me for you to resume your travels with me, if that is your desire."
She smiles and sags against him, hugging him tightly while careful not to make contact with the spikes at his chest. Her body feels light, as though she has finally been able to set down a heavy load. Her hands absentmindedly stroke the hair at his back, and it feels so right beneath her fingers. "You have no idea how long I have been waiting for you to say that."
Strong arms twine around her, gathering her into his lap and securing her against his chest. He murmurs into her hair. "I assure you, I have been waiting even longer for you to ask."
For an instant her heart stops and the blood stills in her veins. "What?" She jerks back to look him in the eye. "You've been waiting for me? To ask?!"
He tilts his head. "Of course. It has always been your choice. I have simply been waiting for you to make it."
She gives him a long, blank look.
Then she tilts her head back and laughs. What else can she do? All this time, it was up to me…
When her giggles subside she gives him a wry look. "I wish you would have told me that a long time ago, Lord Sesshomaru. It would have saved both of us a lot of trouble!"
The corner of his mouth twitches into the smallest of smiles. Behind him, the sun dawns bright over a new day.
"Hn. Indeed."
He leans back in, and together they make up for lost time.
A/N - Alright, the ride's over! Hope you enjoyed it! As I said before, this started out really short, just a quick little story about Rin helping Sesshomaru get a knot out of his impossibly long hair. Short and sweet. But then the angst monster grabbed a hold and turned it into a story of the knots that we tie ourselves up in, many of which are caused by needless worry and miscommunication. And boy, do these two have some communication deficits (with 85% of the blame for that going to Sesshomaru). The moral of this story (if there is one) really comes from Sango: strong communication and honesty are the keys to any successful relationship.
The last part of this story was particularly hard to write, because Rin and Sesshomaru are really having two different conversations without knowing it. As an aside, Sesshomaru is really hard to write in general. I tried to keep him as in-character as possible, but it's hard to strike a balance between imperious sass, incredible denial, and parsimony all wrapped in a thick shell of imperviousness and recalcitrance. There's emotion under there, but, with the exception of anger, the expression of it is muted at best. This was really my first real stab at writing anything semi-lengthy with these two, so hopefully it wasn't a complete mess.
Also, I NEVER write happy endings. Ask my Zutara readers. It's always angst and longing and regret and missed opportunities. This is really a first. With that in mind, I'm not really practiced in this sort of thing, so hopefully it was believable.
Poor Hikaru, he never had a chance. He's like Hojo in my mind. For those worried about him, I assure you he found a very nice partner and they settled down together and had a quiet, peaceful life. Rin and Sesshomaru's lives are neither quiet nor peaceful, but no less happy.
Thanks for reading, and don't forget to let me know what you think so I can keep giving you more of what you like!