I don't own anything.
Nothing but Trouble
-Chapter Twenty:
"I can't believe I just spent the entire night helping a genin study," Rumiko moaned as she drained her cup of coffee and dropped it into a nearby trashcan as they passed. "How did you talk me into this?"
"You would have done it anyway," Naruto stated. "You just love showing off what a smart ass you are."
"No I don't!" Rumiko protested. Naruto just ignored her and slipped through the curtains and into Ichiraku's. "Hey Ayame."
"Hi Naruto! You want your usual?"
"And lots of coffee," Naruto answered. "You drink coffee, right?"
"Uh, yeah," Kaori replied. She had been so quiet that Naruto had almost forgotten she was there. "Hey, Naruto?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you show me that circle of silence thing?" Naruto frowned at the odd request, but nodded. He gave the girl a quick run down of the hand seals. "Can I use your bathroom?"
"Well," Ayame began, frowning, "normally it's not for customer use, but since you're a friend of Naruto's, I guess so."
"Thanks."
"No problem." The waitress watched the genin disappear into the back. "She doesn't look too good."
"She's taking the chunin exam today," Naruto said.
"Ooh. Poor dear. She must be so nervous"
"She'll be fine," Rumiko stated. "At least, after all the time and effort I put into her, she'd better be fine."
"Oh my God! I'm going to fail! I'm gonna be a genin forever!" All three stared at the doorway the genin had disappeared into.
"I guess she messed up that circle of silence technique, right?" Ayame asked.
"Coffee, black," Naruto ordered. "Nobody says shit, understand?"
"Was someone just screaming?" Teuchi asked as he walked out of the back kitchen.
"No," Naruto answered.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"You heard someone screaming, right Ayame?" Teuchi asked.
"You're hearing things again dad," Ayame replied.
"Oh." The ramen chef frowned. "Okay."
"This is going to be a long day," Rumiko stated.
(:ii:)
"Where the hell is she?" Sakura glared at the group of genin waiting outside the testing area and then down at her watch. "That brat is late."
"Which one?" Sakura spun and came face-to-face with Naruto. "Last I saw, you had three brats."
"Now is not the time," Sakura growled. "Kaori's late."
"You said eight." Sakura glanced down and scowled as she spotted her genin at her teammate's side.
"You should know to be here fifteen minutes early," she stated. Then she frowned. "Wait, why are you with him?"
"You told me to go over to his place to study," Kaori answered.
"No, I told you that Naruto was going to help you study for the other parts of the exam," Sakura corrected.
"Oh, sorry. I wasn't paying attention after the first part." Sakura sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose as she felt a migraine kicking in. She glanced back at her genin. "You look like hell."
"Rumiko kept me up all night," Kaori explained.
"Oh. . .wait. What did she keep you up all night doing?"
"Lesbian does not mean depraved sexual deviant, thank you," Rumiko said rather stiffly as she stepped into Sakura's line of sight.
"Sorry."
"Wait, you're a lesbian?" Kaori asked. "You know what? I don't care anymore. I just want to take this stupid test and go to sleep."
"Alright," Sakura drawled slowly, unused to any kind of seriousness from the younger woman. She quickly gathered her genin. "Okay, you three. Good luck and remember, no matter what, don't give up on yourselves and each other." They all made sounds of agreement before disappearing into the building. "You were helping her study, right?"
"No, I had her bent over a table and rimmed the hell out of her," Rumiko answered sarcastically. "Yes, I was helping her study."
"Just. . .needed to be sure," Sakura replied. "Rim?"
"You don't know?" Naruto asked.
"I don't want to know," Sakura corrected after a moment of though.
"Hey Sakura!" The pink-haired kunoichi turned and smiled as she spotted an old friend walking towards her.
"Hey Kiba."
"Oh, no. Not you again," Rumiko groaned. Kiba turned to her and grinned brightly after a moment.
"Well, hello cutie."
"You two know each other?" Sakura ventured.
"He doesn't get fuck off and die, right Naruto?" Rumiko asked.
"Naruto?" Kiba repeated. The blond turned.
"Kiba?"
"Hey!" Sakura had to laugh as the two slugged each other and exchanged other stupid male greetings.
"Wait, you totally cut in on my action!" Kiba protested.
"You aren't her type," Naruto replied solemnly.
"And you are?"
"No," Naruto answered flatly. "Actually, Sakura is her type." Sakura's laughter trailed off and she glanced at Rumiko who had gone as red as her yukata.
"What?" Kiba asked intelligently. "Ooooh." He scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "I was wondering why my charms weren't working."
"Yeah, I'm sure that's the only reason," Naruto commented.
"Cheap shot," Kiba growled. "I'll have you know, I'm good with the ladies." That was when Rumiko began giggling hysterically. "What?"
"Sorry, sorry," the woman gasped. "It's just. . .I've never heard anybody brag about womanizing to Naruto of all people." Kiba glanced over at his fellow ninja questioningly, but Naruto just shrugged.
"I have a way with the ladies too," the blond said solemnly.
"If you say so," Kiba replied. "Hey, I've gotta run, but I'm having a big party for as many of the old Konoha Eleven as I could get my hands on. You should come."
"Sure," Naruto replied. "I'll be there."
(:ii:)
"What's a Konoha Eleven?"
"It was a group of genin," Naruto answered as he pushed the door to his apartment open and stepped inside. "It's been a long time since I even thought of that name."
"With what's happening, are you sure partying is the best idea?" Rumiko asked. "The exams have started. Who's to say the Uchiha aren't going to attack now?"
"They'll wait for the final part of the exam," Naruto stated confidently.
"What makes you say that?" Rumiko asked.
"The Uchiha are drama queens like that," Naruto answered.
"Oh, drama queen ninja, that's new." Naruto hesitated, one hand digging through the fridge for a beer. He glanced back and noticed Rumiko staring at him.
"I am not a drama queen," he answered with as much dignity as he could. "I have a good sense of theatre. There's a difference."
"If you say so," Rumiko replied. Naruto glared at her for a second before digging out two beers and throwing one at her. "Thanks."
"No problem." Naruto heard the front door bang open and grabbed another beer before closing the fridge with his foot. "Hello?"
"Hey Boss," Kisame called. Naruto made his way back to the sitting room.
"Anything new?"
"Nope, the Uchiha are just hanging out on the outskirts of the town," Kisame replied as he accepted the beer.
"See?" Naruto asked.
"Aren't you supposed to be protecting our daimyo?" Rumiko demanded.
"I wanted him out and about," Naruto answered. "I stuck Yui and Yuki on guard duty."
"You do know they've been fighting like cats and dogs, right?" Rumiko asked. Naruto grinned. "Of course you know that. That's why you did it."
"Why are they fighting so much?" Kisame asked.
"They got drunk and shacked up," Naruto answered.
"Oh." Naruto let that sink in for a minute. "Hey, wait a minute!"
"Yeah, they're twins," the blond stated.
"They didn't shack up," Rumiko interrupted.
"What? You told me. . ."
"They got drunk and I stripped them and stuck them in a bed," Rumiko corrected.
"Why in God's name would you do that?" Kisame demanded. "I mean, what on Earth could lead you to betray the trust of your old genin teammates?"
"I was bored," Rumiko answered simply as she sipped her beer.
"God I wish your were strait," Naruto stated wistfully. He finished his beer and chucked it at the trashcan. "How many days do we have until the final exam?"
"It depends," Rumiko stated. "The written exam will finish today. The survival portion starts tomorrow. It will last until all teams are accounted for or five days pass. After that, if too many pass, there will be an elimination tournament. After that will be the main tournament."
"So, about two weeks?" Naruto ventured.
"At the most," Rumiko answered.
"That's a long time to do nothing," Naruto grumbled.
"Nothing?" Rumiko asked. "Don't you have your little girlfriend to keep you occupied?"
"She's fun, but this place is just boring," Naruto answered. "I want to get into a fight. As a matter of fact, I want to get into several. . ." He was interrupted when the door burst open. "Hello?" Kaori marched into the room and Naruto climbed to his feet. "Hey, how'd the test. . ." Kaori slugged Naruto in the stomach hard enough to knock the wind out of him and drop him to his knees.
"You knew that test didn't count!" she snapped. "I went through all that work for nothing!"
"So, you passed?" Naruto wheezed.
"You asshole!" the genin spun on her heel and marched back out.
"You just got sucker punched by a genin," Kisame commented after a moment.
"Yeah, I did," Naruto confirmed.
"Still want to get into some fights?" Rumiko asked.
"No," Naruto answered. "I just want to sit here for a while and think about how slow I've gotten over the years."
(:ii:)
"Hello?" Sakura called as she pushed the door to Naruto's apartment open. She stepped into the room and found the blond sitting in the middle of the floor, surrounded by empty beer bottles. "What are you doing?"
"Thinking," the blond replied.
"Okay," Sakura said slowly. "What are you thinking about?"
"I'm losing my touch," Naruto stated. "I need to go find the most powerful ninja I can and beat the hell out of him. Any suggestions?"
"Kisame?"
"Someone called?" the blue man asked as he walked out of the kitchen. "By the by, you've drained all the alcohol in the apartment."
"Fuck," Naruto grumbled. He glanced back at Sakura. "Not Kisame. I want to fight someone dangerous."
"I am dangerous," Kisame growled.
"I meant, dangerous to me," Naruto corrected.
"Ah hell, why not pick a fight with the Raikage?" Sakura suggested, hoping to head off any approaching argument. Naruto perked up immediately. "I was joking."
"No, you're right. His brother has the Eight-Tailed in him and the Raikage is still the boss, that means the Raikage is stronger than the Eight-Tailed."
"Or his brother is just lazy," Kisame commented. "I totally think you should fight his brother."
"What is your problem with the Raikage's brother?" Naruto demanded.
"I don't know, I just don't like the guy."
"You do know that could cause an international incident, right?" Sakura interrupted.
"So?" The pink haired jonin sighed and dragged her teammate up and began towards the door. "Where are we going?"
"We're going to Kiba's party," Sakura answered. Maybe if she got him even more drunk, he would forget about the Raikage or his brother.
"But I want to go get into a fight," Naruto whined.
"What brought this about?" Sakura asked.
"Kaori floored him with one gut shot," Kisame called as he sank down on Naruto's couch. That brought Sakura up short.
"My Kaori?"
"Yep." Sakura decided to keep how impressed she was to herself. Saying anything would probably only egg Naruto on. Instead she pushed the door open and managed to half-drag her old teammate out into the hall before kicking the door shut behind them.
"Where are we going?"
"Kiba's party," Sakura repeated. "Come on, you talked to him twelve hours ago."
"It's been twelve hours?" Naruto asked. "Seems like only a few. It was probably that third case."
"Third case?" Sakura replied. "How many beers are in a case?"
"Twenty four bottles," Naruto stated.
"You drank seventy-two bottles of beer?" Sakura asked.
"No, I drank one hundred and twenty bottles of beer," Naruto answered. "I think. I mean, there was five case boxes back there and Kisame doesn't like beer."
"How do you feel?"
"I'm a little buzzed," Naruto admitted. "I'll be fine by the time we get there." Sakura wasn't exactly sure what to say about that. Was it possible to drink one hundred and twenty beers in twelve hours without dying? She couldn't remember how much alcohol was in beer, but it didn't seem likely.
"Maybe you shouldn't drink any more tonight."
"I'm fine," Naruto replied. "Although, if I sober up, maybe I can go find the Raikage!"
"Who's up for more beer?" Sakura demanded. Naruto blinked at her owlishly for a moment.
"I am."
"Good."
-End
(:ii:)
-Author's notes. Well, fuck. I really did need to move the plot along, so here it is. I thought about adding the party and major reunion to this chapter, but then I remembered that I'm a dick. A drunk dick. As usual, this was edited on my day off, i.e. drinking day. Mistake will abound.
So, anyway, shit's been real busy lately. My dad is now heading in for three surgeries, so yeah. I moved back home to help out. Don't know how this will affect my writing schedule. By the way, if your mom ever asks "Are you drunk?" It's totally a trick question. There is no right answer. And if you get drunk your one night off the entire week, you are an alcoholic in her eyes.
So, anyway again, excuses for not updating. Last week, was a surprise christening for my nephew. It wasn't so much a surprise for him because he's not even one yet, but it was a surprise for me because everybody forgot to tell me.
The week before went something like this. I'm sitting around Friday afternoon and my phone rings. It's my buddy and he says, "Hey Jack, you want to go to Philly and watch some fights?" To which I reply, "Do I!" Unfortunately, or fortunately, the fights went by way to quick and we ended up getting cheese steaks and going to this tiny, hole in the wall strip club. I mean, the place was so small there were two girls working and no cover charge. I'll summarize the evening by saying that myself and my two friends ended up strolling out of that bar and then sprinting to the car before the bouncer could figure out what we did.
That was a good night.