I don't own anything.
Nothing But Trouble:
-Chapter Twenty-Three
"I really don't want to do this," Naruto groused as Sakura dragged him through the halls of the hospital. "Didn't the doctors say that she needed rest?"
"You're her teacher now, Naruto," the pink-haired woman stated. "Teachers are supposed to visit when their students are in the hospital."
"I was in the hospital a bunch of times and none on my teachers ever visited me."
"I said they were supposed to," Sakura growled. "I never said whether or not they actually did."
"So how about I don't and say I did," Naruto whined.
"You're not afraid of a teenage girl, are you?" Sakura asked. The glare she received made her casually put a little more space between herself and the man beside her. "Ah, here we are." She knocked and pushed the door open after hearing her student permit them entrance. "Good morning Kaori."
"Good morning Sen. . .you!"
"Still pissed, huh?" Naruto asked. Kaori took a deep breath and leaned back in her bed.
"No, I'm good now," she admitted.
"Excellent," Naruto said, "because we've got a lot of work to do."
"We do?" Kaori asked.
"Too many genin passed the Forest of Death," Naruto explained. "You're gonna have to fight it out and bring the numbers down by at least half." He picked up her medical folder and flipped through it.
"Do you actually understand that?" Sakura asked. Naruto managed to keep as much of his dignity as he could while sheepishly replacing the folder. "She's got another day of observation and then she shouldn't use chakra for another week, so no training."
"You can train without chakra," Naruto stated.
"How?"
"Taijustsu," the blond stated. "Rumiko and Anko are helping me out."
"The freaky purple haired chick?" Kaori whined. "I don't want to deal with her any more. I mean, who gropes strangers?" Naruto winced as Sakura whipped around on him with fire in her eyes.
"I had nothing to do with that," he stated peaceably. "As a matter of fact, I'm the one who saved Kaori from her."
"Do I need to point out that my teenaged genin should not need rescuing from your girlfriend?" Sakura demanded.
"No. I pretty much figured it was wrong." Sakura massaged her temples for a minute.
"I've got two more genin to check in on," she announced. "Keep Anko away from her."
"Can do," Naruto stated.
"And Rumiko," Sakura added after a moment.
"Probably a good idea by this point," Naruto admitted.
"And don't you do nothing either," Sakura said as she walked out.
"Isn't she a little young?" Naruto called after his old teammate, but received no reply. With a sigh he collapsed into the chair beside Kaori's bed. "Why does everybody expect the worst from me?"
"You mean they shouldn't?" Kaori asked.
"That's a low blow."
"I'm a ninja," Kaori replied with a shrug. "Low blows are perfectly fair to me."
"You're going to get along just perfectly with Rumiko. She absolutely adores low blows."
"Good."
"Not really." Naruto climbed back to his feet. "Look, meet me at Training Ground Twelve the day after tomorrow at noon, okay?"
"I'll be there."
(:ii:)
"You know, I'm still pissed that you didn't tell me about a party." Naruto pulled a beer from his fridge and strolled past his jabbering fuck buddy to the couch. "Are you listening to me Naruto? I love parties! I always want to go to parties!"
"You weren't around Anko," Naruto pointed out. "Where were you anyway? You get off work at four, right?"
"An ANBU team brought in somebody," Anko answered. "He's a serious hard case, but I'll get him to squeal if I have to outsource to a fucking Yamanaka." She glanced at him contemplatively. "You think he's working for Akatsuki?"
"Going off the details you've given me so far, I have no fucking clue." The door opened and Kisame ducked into the room through the door frame. "Hey buddy."
"Rumiko told me that you still don't want to launch a preemptive strike," the blue skinned man stated. "I think you're making a big mistake boss."
"Maybe," Naruto admitted. "I don't think so. Have a seat."
"You haven't even seen how many there are," Kisame protested as he sat down.
"How many are there?" Anko asked.
"You didn't tell her?"
"I was getting around to it."
"There's an army of missing nin gathered in the forests surrounding this village," Kisame stated.
"I didn't know there was enough missing nin left to make an army," Naruto commented. "I thought we recruited them all."
"There's always plenty of missing nin running around," Kisame said. "Although, I have a theory."
"You, a theory?"
"Yes, me, a theory," Kisame growled. "Look, I've been watching these guys all day long. I had nothing better to do. Anyway, I'm thinking that some of these guys may not be missing nin."
"Then what are they?"
"There's a lot of smaller villages that would love to get a chance at bringing down the Kages," Kisame explained. "I think that they may be aiding Akatsuki in this attack. It would certainly explain where they've managed to scrounge up those kinds of numbers."
"What kind of numbers?" Anko asked. "Armies are usually really, really big, right?"
"This one's really, really, really big," Kisame answered. "Getting scared yet? Cause, you know, it would really comfort me if someone else saw this as a potential problem."
"You aren't going to let them destroy this village, right?" Anko asked, turning on Naruto.
"Would you miss it?"
"Kind of."
"I thought you said that it was full of dicks," Naruto pointed out.
"Well it is, but there are a few cool guys," Anko said. "You're really not going to let the village be destroyed, right?"
"No, I made a promise that I'd protect this village and its inhabitants," Naruto answered as he killed his beer. Anko perked up visibly.
"Who'd you promise?"
"Some blond."
"Was she cute?"
"Not my type."
"Ah." Anko was interrupted as someone began knocking at the door and Naruto rose to answer it.
"Hello!"
"Hi Mei." Behind him came the sound of someone being tackled and Naruto glanced back to see Anko wrapped around Kisame's knees.
"There you are Kisame!"
"There he is," Naruto agreed. "You aren't trying to kidnap my ninja, are you?"
"Of course not," Mei replied as she swept by Naruto and dragged the blue-skinned man to his feet. "I've been trying to find Kisame all day. He owes me a drink."
"Oh." Naruto stepped aside to let Mei move out, dragging Kisame behind her. "Well, you two have fun. Oh, and if Kisame isn't back by this time tomorrow I'm going to wipe out your entire village."
"Don't do anything we wouldn't do," Anko added as she moved in beside Naruto and they both waved.
"I'm so proud. My little shark boy is finally going to become a shark man."
"Whether he wants to or not," Anko added.
"He's just playing hard to get." They strolled back into the apartment and Naruto sat back down. "Why did you tackle him?"
"Well, he looked like he was trying to escape and I thought it would be funnier if he couldn't."
"You know what? I think I love you."
"Aw, I think I love you too." Anko sat down beside him. "Promise you won't let the village be destroyed?"
"I promise," Naruto groaned. Hadn't he already said that he promised?
"Maybe you should go take a look."
"Fine."
(:ii:)
Rumiko stared down contemplatively at the encampment below her. She was taking a major risk getting this close without Kisame. While no one bested her in a one-on-one fight, she'd be royally fucked if she got found out now. Of course, that was when a hand clamped over her mouth from behind. "Hey Rumiko." Rumiko froze in mid attempt to grab her attacker by the balls and the hand let go.
"Hey Naruto." The blond settled in beside her, thankfully wearing the tiger stripe BDUs that were the uniform of the village instead of his trademark orange. "You aren't going to attract attention, right?"
"Got it covered," Naruto answered as he pushed up one sleeve absently to reveal a dozen new seals on his arm. "I'm pretty much entirely sealed away."
"So, I could beat you?" Rumiko asked.
"Maybe, just remember that you've been fighting dirty for all your life," Naruto answered. "I've been fighting dirty for several thousands times that." Rumiko frowned as she had to admit that he had a point. "So, these are the bad guys."
"Yep."
"Kind of out in the open, aren't they?"
"They're using some insanely powerful genjutsu," Rumiko explained. "We only noticed it because we were looking for it and even then it was difficult as hell."
"Why didn't it affect me?" Naruto asked.
"Well, you're not exactly human," Rumiko replied.
"True." Rumiko turned back to the camp.
"Where's Kisame?"
"Mei nabbed him," Naruto answered. Rumiko felt one eyebrow raise.
"You're okay with her kidnapping him?"
"Okay with it? I encouraged it." Naruto stared down at the camp.
"Still think you can beat them all?"
"Sure. I don't expect to have to, but I could."
'Then why don't you?" Rumiko demanded.
"What's the fun in that?" She could only sigh in disgust. She should have seen that one coming.
"You're evil."
"I'm practical," Naruto corrected. "I can't keep sweeping in to save you lot every time things get bad. You need to stand on your own two feet."
"So, that's your excuse, huh?"
"And I'm sticking to it." The blond scowled down at the camp. "Any sign of the Uchiha?"
"Not yet, but I've tagged a few as potential lieutenants," Rumiko replied. She pointed at a redheaded woman. "That's one of them, also, I call dibs on her."
"Huh?"
"Dibs. If we fight them, I get her."
"Remind me not to leave you and Kaori alone. . .ever."
"I'm not that desperate," Rumiko growled as she was tempted to slug her boss. Of course, that would have only led to more problems. She glanced back at the camp and frowned. "Something's happening." The crowd parted and a single man strolled among them.
"Sasuke," Naruto stated, a sharp, pointy grin worming it's way across his face. Rumiko covertly put a little more distance between herself and the man.
"Don't forget, you promised Naruto that you'd bring Sasuke back, alive," she pointed out, stressing the last word.
"I know," Naruto grumbled. He perked up again rather suddenly. "If he's here, Madara must be around too."
"What did that guy do to you?" Rumiko asked. She had always wondered about that. She knew he was chasing Sasuke for the original Naruto, but his obsession with seeing the senior Uchiha slaughtered was something of a mystery.
"He betrayed me," Naruto growled. "I gave him, gave the Uchiha, everything and they turned their backs on me. They made their deal with the devil and they reneged, especially him." Rumiko edged away from him even more. When her boss got genuinely pissed, her could be dangerous beyond rhyme or reason.
"What was their deal?" She needed to distract him and he did so love to brag about how he tricked people.
"They wanted to be Gods of battle," Naruto answered. "They just happened to come to the right war mongering, demon fox."
"So, you fought for them?"
"No, much better. I remade them in my own image."
"You can do that?"
"Of course," Naruto stated. "I told you, I'm a master of human anatomy."
"Yeah, you did. I just never read too much into it," Rumiko replied. "How'd you do it?"
"Mostly selective breeding and genetic manipulation," Naruto answered. "I also did some work intermingling my chakra, very diluted of course, with theirs. Ah, Project Ten. It worked out so much better than the others. The Sharingan was my pride and joy."
"What happened to projects one through nine?"
"What?"
"Projects one through nine," Rumiko repeated, "what happened to them?" The blond stared at her blankly before turning his gaze back to the camp.
"As I was saying, Project Ten was much better."
"They all died horribly, didn't they?" Rumiko asked.
"Not all," Naruto whined. "Well, I mean, that depends on your definition of death. A few of them probably still wish for death, but, in general, only twenty percent died outright."
"I don't want to know, right?"
"Probably not." Rumiko glanced down at the camp.
"What happens when they attack?" she asked finally.
"The ninja in the village will fight back," Naruto answered.
"And what happens when they're overwhelmed?" Rumiko demanded. She didn't care how many powerful ninja were in the village, there was no way they could stand against the kinds of numbers spread out before her.
"We'll see," Naruto answered as he stood up. "Meet me at Training Ground Twelve the day after tomorrow at noon. We have to get started on training Kaori." Rumiko stared at him blankly for several seconds as she tried to compose herself.
"Fine." The blond nodded and turned to leave. "Naruto?"
"Yeah?"
"You wouldn't let me die, right?"
"You're going to die anyway, Rumiko," the man replied.
"I don't want to die here, at the whim of a madman," Rumiko stated, glaring accusingly at Naruto.
"Then you shouldn't have become a ninja." He glanced back at her. "I like arguing with you. I think I'll keep you around for a while. Plus, I want to be there when you snap and jump on the first pair of tits you see." Then he was gone. Rumiko turned back to the camp. That was probably as good as was going to get.
-End
(:ii:)
-Author's notes. You little fuckers! How come none of you told me about Toonami Aftermath? I know you knew because I'm always the last one to find out about things concerning the internet. All this time you've been watching Toonami and just completely forgetting about me! That's a dick move.
For the rest of you, you need to check it out. It's Toonami twenty-four/seven with everything you remember and few things you probably don't. If you're an old guy like me and you want to relive the golden days, google it. If you're a young buck who wants to find out how anime made it big in America, google it.
Alright, now that that's out of the way. Sorry for the fucked up schedule and my lack of responses to e-mails and messages. My dad had his first surgery and things have been hectic. He's recovering fast and he could get his first knee done before Christmas. Actually, he's having some fun. He's on two different kinds of pills that start with O-X-Y and half a dozen other pills that probably go for twenty bucks a pop on the street.
And one more thing. The military fucks up your sense of humor for life. A friend of mine got shot. That's bad. He got shot robbing a fucking pharmacy. That's hysterical.
Until next time. (I would say two weeks, but every time I do something comes up.)
Jackie out.