I own nothing.
Nothing but Trouble
Omake 1 (or how I should have ended this damn thing)
"You're learning," Naruto stated. "Be seeing you around Kiddo, you and all the Kages. We got a date." He turned and started to walk away, but hesitated. He turned back and made his way over.
"Forget something?" Tsunade asked. The other blonde's hands shot up and snatched her by the shoulders. Her attempts to step back into a fighting stance petered off as the Oldest and Strongest of the Tailed Beasts shoved his face into her cleavage and began giving her a rather enthusiastic motorboating.
"Go Boss!" Kaori cheered. "I'm up next." Tsunade's only possible response was a long suffering groan of complete exasperation.
"Anybody else?" she demanded. All movement around them stopped and there was a surprisingly orderly scramble as everyone present ran to form a line behind Kaori. "God damn it. Me and my big fat mouth."
"I'm not interested in your mouth," Kaori stated.
"Why you little. . ." Tsunade trailed off as something caught her eye. She squinted at the flash of crimson near the back of the line. "Mei?"
"Hello!" Mei called, waving cheerfully.
"What are you doing?" Tsunade asked.
"This is the line to motorboat you, right?" Mei asked.
"Motorboat yourself!" Tsunade snapped.
"That's not as much fun!" Mei stated. "I'll tell you what, when I'm done with you, you can do me." Naruto froze. He glanced back and there was a silent exchange of nods between all present. Two AMBU appeared on either side of the Mizukage, lifted her by the arms and marched her to the front of the line before plopping her down in front of Kaori. "Oh, I wouldn't want to be rude."
"Its fine," Kaori said quickly.
"Really?" Mei asked.
"Yes!" most of the line yelled.
"Yay!"
-End
(:ii:)
-Author's notes. So, yeah. If I hadn't been rushing to meet my deadline and drunk as a skunk. This is definitely how this story would have ended.
Omake 2 (or Kisame probably should have kept his mouth shut)
"That was fun!" Naruto cheered as he sprawled happily across the sidewalk he had been sitting on.
"Certain had its appeal," Kisame agreed. They both glanced up as a particularly high pitched shriek broke the festive noises around them. "Now that is a good idea."
"Yeah," Naruto agreed as he took in the massive line of Moss citizens patiently waiting their turn to kick the man that had conquered their country though murder and fear in the balls. "Have I mentioned that I love Anko lately?"
"Anko came up with that?"
"Yup."
"Nice." Naruto grinned and took a drink from the bottle in his hand. Then he frowned as he spotted a familiar face in the crowd. "Neji?" The pale eyed man glanced over and them and calmly made his way over.
"Good afternoon Lord Yukikage."
"Uh. . .hey," Naruto returned. "What are you doing here? I told Tsunade to pull out all her ninja."
"There were never any Leaf ninja in this country."
"Uh. . ." Naruto began.
". . .on official business," Neji clarified. "I am on vacation." Naruto wasn't sure whether to smack the man for his audacity or pat him on the back for the same reason. Instead he held up his bottle. "Ah, thank you." The Hyuga accepted the bottle and took a long drink before handing it back.
"So, why are you in this line?"
"This is the line to kick the traitor in the balls, right?" Neji asked.
"Yup," Kisame offered.
"Good. I am in the right place then."
"Any particular reason you want to kick him in the balls?" Naruto pressed.
"From what I've heard, he's a very unpleasant person," Neji said with a shrug. "I see no reason that anyone that worked with him wouldn't want to kick him in the balls."
"So, you worked for him?" Naruto asked.
"I never said that," Neji stated. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd hate to lose my place in line."
"Uh, sure. See you around."
"Probably." The pale eyed man nodded and took him place in the line.
"You know," Kisame began, "I'm starting to like that clan."
"Yeah," Naruto admitted. "They've gotten a lot cooler." He sipped his bottle and glanced behind them. "Hey, what's that?" Kisame glanced back as well.
"Is that a playground?"
"Why, yes. Yes it is."
"Huh," Kisame grunted as he took Naruto's bottle and took a sip. "You should probably tell your fiancé not to wonder around naked."
"Huh?" Naruto asked, glancing behind himself. He still managed to catch Kisame by the hem of his jacket as the larger man tried to flee. "Hey Anko! Clothes?"
"Why?" Anko demanded. "I'm not ashamed of this perfection!"
"Good point," Naruto allowed as he climbed to his feet. "Alrighty Kisame. You owe me a fight."
"You're really okay with your fiancé wondering around naked?" Kisame asked as he was dragged, inexorably, towards the playground and a severe ass whooping.
"Okay with it?" Naruto asked. "Hell, I encourage it. Every man, woman and child should see the physical perfection of my fiancé and weep that they cannot obtain it!"
"Huh," Kisame grunted. "I never thought of it that way."
-End
(:ii:)
-Author's notes. Yeah, Kisame probably should have waited until he was sure the Fox wouldn't unlock his powers before challenging it to a fight. Oh well.