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Omake Six: You Might Have Been Curious About This
Naruto stared at the massive gates before him. "Well? Either way, I'd kind of like you make a choice here and stop teasing me," the massive beast beyond the gates stated.
"You promise that you'll bring back Sasuke and protect my friends?" Naruto demanded.
"I already promised you," the Fox growled. "If I wasn't going to, than I wouldn't have promised."
"What if you're lying?" Naruto asked.
"I don't lie," the Fox stated. "When I say that I'll do something, I'll do it."
"Fine." Naruto reached up and grasped the seal holding the gates shut.
"Naruto wait!" He jerked back like he had been stung and turned to regard the older blond that had just appeared.
"And then there's this cunt!" the Fox snarled.
"You!" Naruto snapped as he recognized the Fourth Hokage.
"Yes Naruto. I'm your. . ." Whatever he was about to say was rudely interrupted as a fist appeared in his face and sent him flying to the ground.
"You son of a bitch!" Naruto roared as he stalked over to the prone man and grasped him by the front of his vest. "I'm going to beat you until my childhood comes out!" And thus Naruto did exactly that, only no childhood was forthcoming.
"Oh my God, yes!" Naruto glanced over his shoulder and the whiskered man who had appeared.
"Now who the fuck are you?" he demanded.
"Moi? I'm the Nine Tailed Demon Fox," the red haired man stated.
"What about the. . ." Naruto trailed off as he noticed the mass of red chakra still behind the gates. "You know what? Fuck it. You just stand there and I'll whoop your ass when I'm done here."
"Fair enough," the Fox stated. "Now punch him in the butthole and work him like a puppet!"
"Uh. . ."
"Yeah, I guess that would be weird to do to your father," the Fox commented.
"My father?" Naruto asked lowly as he glanced down at the bruised man in his grasp.
"That's right," the man said. "I'm your father."
"You can tell because of his stupid blond hair," the Fox added helpfully.
"Because red is so much better, right Fire Crotch?" Naruto demanded.
"Your mother was a fire crotch," the Fox mumbled.
"Anyway, just give me a few more minutes here and I'll move on to you," Naruto said as he raised his fist to resume pummeling the Fourth Hokage.
"Naruto stop!" Naruto froze and climbed to his feet before turning to regard the red haired woman who had appeared.
"How many of you fucks are in here?" he yelled as he stalked towards the woman. "Fox, you just got a reprieve for a few more minutes." He glared at the woman, but something deep down pulled at a distant memory. "Wait. You're. . ." The tearful woman nodded. "Mommy?"
"Yes."
"Mommy!" Naruto grabbed up the woman in a desperate hug and clung to her.
"Told you," the Fox mumbled.
"Naruto!" Kushina replied as he squeezed Naruto back just as tightly.
"Guess we know who the favorite parent here is," the Fox commented.
"Fuck you," Minato growled as he painfully climbed to his feet. Naruto and Kushina pulled back.
"Hey Foxy."
"Hey Babe," the Fox replied as he hugged the woman.
"Why are you being nice to him?" Naruto demanded.
"Foxy was sealed inside me before he was sealed inside you," Kushina stated. "For a long time, he was my only friend."
"Wait, so he didn't act like a complete asshole to you?" Naruto demanded.
"Okay, two points," the Fox stated. "A: she actually swung down and visited when she didn't need power and B: your mom is really hot."
"Hey!" Minato snapped.
"Shut up!" Kushina snapped. "Foxy is allowed to compliment me if he wants."
"Maybe you're forgetting the part where he killed us!" Minato snapped.
"He warned us that he would!" Kushina shot back. "Foxy told us that he wanted to be free and that he would take any chance he got even if he had to attack us at our weakest!" The two stared at each other for a moment before they grabbed each other in a tight embrace.
"Awe," the Fox commented. "I mean, I totally hate him, but he makes her happy."
"This whole thing is really getting weird," Naruto replied.
"Could be worse," the Fox replied.
"Did you really just say that?" Naruto demanded.
"Don't worry about it. I can say things like that because I am the worst that can happen."
"Naruto," Kushina interrupted. "You have to stop."
"Why?" Naruto demanded.
"You can't give up this easily."
"Easily," Naruto repeated blankly. "You think I'm giving up easily?" His mother seemed to wilt back slightly. "You really have no idea what I've been through, do you?"
"Naruto. . ."
"Just. . .don't," Naruto interrupted, causing his mom to look away to hide her tears. "None of you except the Fox know anything about me. I only want to know one thing. Can I trust the Nine Tailed Demon Fox?"
"Of course not!" Minato snapped. "That thing is a monster." Naruto ignored his father and stared at his mother who refused to meet his eyes.
"Well?"
"You can always trust Foxy," Kushina stated. "He will keep any promise he makes or die trying. That's a guarantee."
"That's all I needed to know."
-End
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-Author's notes. Whoa. Little dark there I guess, but I figured I should get this out to explain where this whole mess started. Also, for all the people who seem angry that I'm still updating this after I labeled it complete. . .well, the story is complete. I wasn't even sure I would be doing these or how many. So, you know, if u mad bro, than fuck off.
Omake Seven: Always Keep Your Promises
Masashi was having a good day. The sun was out. The birds were chirping. His hangover was subsiding. All in all, one could hardly ask for a more ideal day. That was, of course, until his door was kicked open. "Hey Naruto." For there was only one man with delusions of being a millennia old demon fox that would make such an entrance.
"Hey Masashi!" Masashi felt an eyebrow rise at the man's chipper attitude.
"You seem happy," he commented.
"Am happy!" Naruto declared as he shrugged out of his coat and laid it across the back of a chair before sitting down across from the seal master. "I'm getting hitched!" Masashi had to admit. That did kind of blow his mind.
"Wow. Really?"
"Wouldn't lie about it," Naruto replied.
"That's good." Masashi sipped his tea. "So, you want me to take those seals off as a wedding present, right?"
"What? Oh, no. You don't have to worry about that," Naruto said dismissively.
"I don't?" Masashi asked as he eyed the chain designs on the blonde's wrists.
"Yup!"
"Oh. Well, that's. . ." he trailed off as Naruto licked one finger and ran it over one of the seals, causing it to smudge. Masashi sipped his tea again as he contemplated that. Suddenly the cup fell from his fingers. "Oh my God, it's a distraction!" he shrieked pointing over Naruto's shoulder. The blonde whipped around and Masashi dove for the window.
(:ii:)
"This is boring," Anko whined. "Do you think he'd be. . ."
"No," Rumiko stated as they stood outside Masashi's cabin. "Look, Naruto has been waiting for this for a long time. Future wife or not, I wouldn't try to butt in."
"Hmph," Anko grunted as she kicked at the dirt road. "Why would he even bring us if he wasn't going to let us play?"
"I'm here because I have every reason to want to see Masashi turned inside out," Rumiko stated. "You're here because you were bored and followed Naruto. Karin is here because she goes everywhere with me." Anko pouted, letting the world know that logic would not appease her at the moment. She looked up rather suddenly and Rumiko's stomach dropped.
"Well, while we're waiting. . ."
"No Anko," Rumiko interrupted. While the purple haired woman was a truly fantastic lay, Rumiko was still trying to figure out if the woman's skill was worth the knowledge that her boss was also sleeping with the former Leaf ninja.
"You know I'll make it worth your while," Anko purred into Rumiko's ear, making the woman jump. Damn she hadn't even seen her move.
"No Anko."
"But you're already naked," Anko stated.
"I am not. . ." Rumiko trailed off as a pair of hands groped her and she looked down to confirm that yes, she was indeed naked.
"And so am I," Anko added as Rumiko felt a pair of breasts press into her back. "And so is Karin." Rumiko looked up in time to see her sex slave glance down and instinctively try to cover herself.
"Where are our clothes?"
"Over there." Rumiko glanced over and saw three neatly folded piles of clothes. Damn.
"You are good."
"I know," Anko stated. That was of course when a man burst through the front window of Masashi's house.
"Freedom!" he cried as he took off running. He made it three steps before he saw Rumiko and Anko and tripped over his own feet. He continued to stare at them as an arm made of crackling black and red charka shot out the window and grabbed him. "I regret nothing!" he declared as he was pulled back into the house.
"Did that ruin the mood?" Anko asked.
"Yes." A hand made its way south and Rumiko squeaked.
"Liar."
-End
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-Author's notes. Just tying up some loose threads. Please note: you're never too powerful to not fall for the old "Hey look, a distraction!"
Stories, stories, stories. So. I got an AK-47. If you want to be technical it's a semi-auto AKM. If you want to get annoyingly technical, it's a CAI RAS-47. If you want to be cool, it's a Kalashnikov. Picked it up on a whim and not gonna lie, kind of a convert. Keep in mind I'm a multiple time Marine expert with various versions of the M16 and a fair bit over a decade's experience with the platform. Hell, I'm half way done building an Armalite from parts.
Anyway. I'm at the range plugging away and get a mushy trigger. Cant the rifle over and see a stove pipe. Shit! Remedial action and finish the magazine. I find the casing and it's been crimped shut at the mouth. For those of you that don't know, normally a stove pipe means that the extractor didn't quite fling the casing from the last round free before the bolt slammed shut on the next one. That means that the back of the casing is caught in the action. I have no idea how the front ended up in there.
Anyway, I show the casing to my friends at the range. Most of them have been pulling triggers at least as long as I have and at least one has been shot at with AKs before.
Nobody has any idea how that happened. The best guess is that the casing bounced off the wall and went nose first into the action just as the bolt slammed forward.
You know you're doing something amusing when the best explanation for it is still a one in a million shot.
So, yeah. Mister Cynical, jamming the un-jammable since always. I'm special like that.
As per standard COP (Cynical Operating Procedure) this was written while drinking so I blame any typos on Fireball.