A/n: Hey everyone! I've had this chapter written for a few days but I don't really like how it turned out and have re-written it like 20 times. Then, there were some technical issues, but here it is, still not great but here. Next chapter, things will pick back up. I want to thank all of you for your continued support, please keep it coming. I've gotten several messages offering ideas, and those are welcome, please send them, you will definitely be acknowledged. And holy crap! Can you believe this is our fortieth

We made it back to the others who had scavenged for supplies while we were scouting. They'd hit the jackpot and were all in high spirits. I felt like I should be too but I couldn't shake the feeling of dread I'd had since leaving the house. Meanwhile, they had found food, not a lot, but enough to hold us over for a while if we rationed correctly. As I had suspected, the gun store proved invaluable and we were now stocked up on ammo and weapons, including some new knives. Blankets were becoming more of a necessity as the nights grew colder and the general store didn't let us down, we wouldn't be cold.

"Found a place," Daryl said after Rick had finished recounting their success.

"Great, where?" He asked, cheerful at our good fortune, but that happiness grated on my nerves a bit, but I pushed it aside and spoke.

"My old house. It's clear and big enough for all of us to fit comfortably," I deadpanned.

"Okay," he said after giving me a curious look. "Let's go." We loaded up the stuff and drove to the house, making sure the cars were easily accessible should something go wrong. We took the bags inside and Rick did one more run through, just to make sure everything was clear.

"We can all sleep in the living room, to stay close. Don't want to risk getting separated," Rick instructed, looking around the room. "We should board up these windows, just to be safe."

"Yeah, T-Dog and I can go back to that hardware store and get some plywood and fix them up," Glenn said and Rick nodded.

"Good idea. The rest of us will work on setting up. Unpack what we need but not everything. We have to be ready to move."

Everyone started hustling about to do their individual tasks. I helped unpack what we needed before sneaking off upstairs. I went back into Shane's room with my bag and opened the closet once more, staring at that carving. I rustled in my bag until I found Shane's shirt, the one he had given me when we were working on the farm. I breathed in his scent, still potent on the fabric.

I don't know how long I sat there, wallowing in my grief. I knew I'd have to work past it eventually, but now it was all I could do to keep moving, pushing it all back but I knew it had to come out. Tears didn't come this time, it wasn't enough to express the emptiness inside me. Shane had been my one constant, no matter what, I always knew he'd be there. Sure, he'd changed over the last few weeks, but I knew he still would do anything for me. He had promised he would always be there for me.

Finally, I stood up, took a few deep breaths and walked out and back downstairs. I paused in front of the mirror in the hallway and looked at myself. I couldn't remember the last time any of us had seen our reflections and it wasn't pretty. I was covered in dirt and blood and my hair was a mess of knots and tangles. My eyes were slightly puffy but I hoped no one would notice. I turned away and walked back into the living room, where everyone was settling in and getting ready to wind down for the night.

The windows had been secured and the doors locked, we were as safe as we could get. It was cold inside, but the blankets and sleeping bags would take care of that. Carol and Lori were pulling out some food for everyone, more crackers and beef jerky. We ate our fill and just sat awhile, not really knowing what to do. It would be easy to lapse back into the life we had on the farm and fall into a sense of security, but we knew better now. No where was safe, only places to catch our breath. We kept moving but really had no idea where we were going or what we would do if we got there. It was one of those nights where I thought about what the future may hold. I tried not to do that very often, not really wanting those thoughts running around when I needed to be ready to fight in a moment's notice. But now, I did. I thought about what may happen if this plague ever ended, what could be waiting for us in another state or maybe another country. Maybe some parts of the world hadn't been hit like this, there had to still be civilization out there somewhere.

I thought about one of Shane's favorite TV shows, Doctor Who and wished that it was real. But most importantly I remembered a quote from one of the episodes. That humans will always find a way to survive, and I had to believe that now. This couldn't be all that was left to life, running and scrounging and fighting for the simple right of living only to be taken down in the end. How long could we really survive out here? A year? Five years? If no end was in sight, there really was no hope.

The thoughts did nothing for my already sour mood, only casting a greater shadow on what should be a happy moment of reprieve. Rick decided Lori needed to sleep in a bed and she, Rick, and Carl, went to the master bedroom to sleep. Glenn, Maggie went to the guest bedroom while Hershel and Beth went to my old room.

"T-Dog, you or Carol take the other room," I said, not wanting to sleep in the room full of painful memories. Carol relunctantly agreed and went upstairs as well.

"T can take the couch, Daryl and I are taking first watch anyway," I told him and he did so. Really, only one of us was needed for watch, but I knew I wouldn't be sleeping anyway so we figured so sets of eyes were better than one.

We walked outside, T locking the door back behind us, and sat on the porch. I looked up at the sky and thought about my camping trip with Shane when we'd tried to count the stars and laughed so hard at ourselves that we were in tears. A ghost of a smile came to my lips at the thought.

"You'd think it would get easier, dealing with grief. I've been through this so many times, seems like it shouldn't even bother me anymore," I whispered, seeing the faintest outline of my breath in the night sky.

"I don't know. Seems like it gets harder," Daryl responded.

"Yeah, like each loss hits you with the weight of the past ones on top of it. I just don't know how we've lived surrounded by so much death and not become immune to it. I guess it's different when you're close," I said with a shrug and hugged myself.

"It's no fun, losing a brother. No matter what kind of person he was," I instantly felt terrible. I'd been so rapped up in my own grief that I had completely neglected the fact that Daryl had lost his brother too, another product of Rick's fine decision making.

"No, it doesn't matter what kind of person, they are your brother and that's all that matters," I agreed, feeling another level of bonding forming between us as we shared the grief that consumed us both.

A comfortable silence fell between us and we looked up at the sky and wondered how we would ever get out of this mess.