Chapter 22 – Hippies (Skipper's Story)
It was yet another beautiful day inside the Central Park Zoo as the sun rose, greeting the animals as they woke up to prepare for another day, including the penguins.
However, instead of training like they usually would, Skipper decided to give them the day off, as they had just completed the last of Skipper's grueling training sessions. The other three penguins were quite grateful when they heard the news.
With the extra free time they were given, the penguins decided to spend time doing their usual activities, except for Skipper. He still had his usual cup of coffee in his flipper, but instead of poring over mission plans, he chose instead to pull out a newspaper that he managed to swipe from one of the humans yesterday.
The room was silent, except for the sounds of the Lunacorns on TV, as well as Rico sweet-talking Ms. Perky, before a loud spitting noise cut through the HQ.
"Skippah? Are you alright?" asked Private, who turned around to face Skipper once he heard the spitting.
Skipper didn't answer immediately as he was too busy coughing, having taken too big of a sip of coffee and choked on it.
"I'm fine, Private. Just a little surprised."
"Really? How so?"
Private got up and walked over to where Skipper was sitting, just as the commander pointed towards a section of the newspaper.
"Um, Skippah, you do realize that we can't read, right? And even if we could, the coffee's pretty much ruined it now."
"I know that, Private. Look at the picture, though."
Private took a closer look at the picture located next to the section that Skipper pointed to. Although it was a little hard to make out due to the coffee stains, he could easily tell what kind of people they were.
"Wait a second. Aren't they-"
"Hippies Private, and lots of them. Man, what I wouldn't give to take those jobless deadbeats out."
At the mention of the word hippies, Rico came to join them, curious to see what was going on.
"While I'm not one to step all over your dreams, Skippah, I'm not sure we'll be able to actually do anything to those hippies considering we don't even know where they are."
"Nonsense, Private. I'm sure that they're probably gushing all about it on the news. We'll find out exactly where they're gonna be."
Ignoring the spilled coffee, which was now dripping on to the floor, Skipper walked over to the television and changed the channel to the news, and in a bout of incredible timing, Chuck Charles was talking about just what they were looking for.
"And in entertainment news, hippies from all over New York City are flocking towards Central Park for the New York City Music Festival."
"That's right, Chuck. Two days of folk music and all of the peace and love that you can handle. Doesn't that sound exciting?"
"You bet it does, Bonnie!"
Both Chuck and Bonnie Chang exchanged a hearty laugh before Skipper turned the television off, shivering in disgust.
"Looks like it's worse than we thought, boys. We need to prevent that concert from happening!"
"But Skippah! Isn't it wonderful that so many people are coming together to spread a message of love and happiness? It's like Prince Shares-a-Lot says. It's always nice to share with others, because one day you might get that share back!"
Private looked at Skipper, expecting him to follow along with his attempt to respect the hippies' space. However, instead of doing so, Skipper turned towards Rico and nodded.
Private was slightly confused, wondering exactly what Skipper meant by that nod. He soon got his answer, though, when Rico walked over and slapped him, walking back over to his original spot almost like nothing had happened.
"While I do appreciate how much of an asset your positive attitude is to this team, I will not be hypnotized into believing your mumbo-jumbo about hippies. Hippies are the scum of the earth, and I believe that it is my duty to turn these freeloaders into worthwhile members of society! And if I have to slap a few to prove my point, then that's even better."
Private still wanted to try and convince Skipper that hippies weren't all bad, but before he could do so, Skipper held up a flipper, silencing the young penguin before he could speak.
"Look at it this way, Private. Having to listen to that hippie trash even for a minute is hard enough, but two days straight of it is an even worse form of torture than anything that the Danish could do, especially for Rico!"
Private sighed, realizing that it wasn't worth trying anymore considering Skipper had pretty much put his foot down.
"Now that Private's in, does anyone else have any objections to our plan?"
Skipper looked towards Rico, who had regurgitated a baseball bat and was waving it in the air above him.
"Hippies!" he yelled.
"I'll take that as a no. How about you, Kowalski?" asked Skipper, as he noticed the analyst had just come out from his lab.
"I'm sorry, what are we talking about? I didn't hear the conversation." said Kowalski, who had been shut in his lab most of the morning and had not heard anything coming from the main room.
Skipper sighed before recounting the entire plan to Kowalski.
"Well…I suppose that getting rid of them would help with the peace and quiet around here." pointed out Kowalski.
"Great! Everyone's in, so let's go slap us a hippie or two!" said Skipper, eager to head out and start the mission.
However, before he could take a step, Private spoke up.
"But Skippah, isn't the zoo about to open? I'm pretty sure they'll notice if we're not in our habitat, especially if we're busy 'slapping hippies', as you said."
Skipper looked over at the clock and noticed that it was indeed getting close to when the zoo opens.
"Well, that's a shame. Looks like the hippies win for now. Not for long, though."
Skipper's eyes narrowed once he finished that sentence, looking in the direction of where the park was. After a few seconds, Skipper eventually started moving again, as he headed towards the hatch to prepare for the arrival of the humans.
As for the other penguins, they quickly followed once they realized that Skipper was already up, nearly stumbling out of the hatch as they caught up to the commander. Thankfully, there was no one around, so their moment of haste went unnoticed.
Skipper glanced over at the others, who by that point had joined him in their usual line.
"Smile and wave, boys. Just smile and wave."
Every one of the penguins did as Skipper ordered and began running through their cute and cuddly routines just as Alice opened the gate and let everyone in for the day.
Closing time finally came, and to the penguins it couldn't have come fast enough. An hour into their day of performing, the penguins were suddenly assaulted by the sounds of folk music coming from the amphitheater in the park, and it came through pretty clearly, which didn't make Skipper too happy.
"I thought that hippie music was quiet! How can we hear it from here if it's all the way out in the park?" he whispered loudly towards Kowalski while in the middle of playfully rolling around on the fake iceberg.
"They must be using the sound system that everyone who performs inside the amphitheater uses. Frankly, I'm surprised that acoustic guitars would be able to be amplified, but those hippies can be a crafty bunch." replied Kowalski.
"Oh, that does it. Once the zoo closes, they are going down!"
Private glanced over at Skipper, slightly disappointed that the commander wasn't willing to adjust his view on the hippies. Not wanting to think about what Skipper had in mind for them, Private decided to distract himself from his thoughts by listening to the music that was being played, and to the young penguin, it was beautiful.
Unfortunately, with Private's imagination becoming more pronounced with how long he was listening, his cute and cuddly shtick was starting to suffer, and Skipper noticed it very quickly.
"Focus, Private! I know that you're listening to that hippie clap-trap, but there's still quite a bit of time left before the humans leave."
"Aye, Skippah!"
Although Private was still in to listening to the music, he made sure to avoid making the same mistake that he did with his routine.
Once closing time finally came around, and Alice began hurriedly shooing the guests towards the gates, all of the penguins were starting to suffer due to the constant torture they had to endure.
Both Skipper and Rico looked noticeably annoyed as they waved at the last remaining guests while they headed towards the exits. Private was still busy listening to the music, while Kowalski was doing his best to ignore it. Unfortunately for the scientist, it wasn't working.
Finally, once everyone left and the gates finally closed for the day, Skipper and the other penguins finally dropped their acts.
"Finally! And here I was thinking it would never end! That was worse than having to listen to Hans speak!" said Skipper, sighing heavily.
"You know, you never did mention what the problem is between you two, Skippah."
"And it'll stay that way if I have anything to say about it, Private. Now let's go. I don't want Rico to start hocking out something we need."
Skipper immediately hopped over the fence on to the ground in front of the habitat, sliding towards the exit of the zoo, the others following just a few seconds later.
Eventually, the penguins found themselves in front of the amphitheater inside Central Park. The four of them were on one of the branches of a tree as they watched the scene in front of them.
There were at least a hundred different hippies seated all around the amphitheater as they watched another hippie play a sitar, which was amplified thanks to the high-tech sound system surrounding the performer.
"Look at them, Rico. The unwashed masses of the Earth, and I mean literally. I don't know how long it's been since they've taken their last bath.
"Pee-yew!" said Rico, emphasizing Skipper's point with a wave of his flipper across his beak.
"You've got the right idea there, my compatriot. That's why we need to do something about these lowlifes. Kowalski! Give me some options!"
Skipper looked over at Kowalski, who had a pair of binoculars pressed to his face as he surveyed the area around them.
"If I can get backstage, I should be able to rewire the sound system. Hopefully then we should be able to play something a little more…suitable."
"Well then, let's get to it. Team, move out!"
Skipper and the rest of the penguins hopped down from the tree before beginning to make their way around the amphitheater. Unfortunately, not all of the hippies were inside the boundaries of the amphitheater, as some of them were spread out around the grass on blankets as they also were listening to the music.
This made getting backstage without getting spotted a little more difficult for the penguins, but they still managed to reach the other side of the area without a hitch by going along the perimeter of the area.
Once they reached the side of the stage, Skipper took the lead, boosting each of the other penguins up on to the stage before flipping up himself, immediately disappearing behind the curtain before any one got any ideas.
Skipper scanned the area around him, looking for anyone suspicious that could blow their cover. When he didn't see anyone around, he took it as a good sign and let out the breath he was holding in before heading over to where Kowalski and the others were.
"Kowalski, status report! How are we doing on that sound system?" he asked once he reached the others.
"Just a few more wires to move around and we should be able to get it working, Skipper."
"And I brought the CD to play, Skippah!" said Private, holding said CD over his head.
Skipper took a look at the CD and noticed that there was nothing written on it.
"Private? You do realize that there's nothing written on that CD, right? How are we supposed to know what's on it?"
Private, realizing what Skipper said, brought the CD back down to eye level and noticed that there was indeed nothing on there. However, instead of being embarrassed, Private just smiled.
"Don't worry, Skippah. Rico and I found it in a box over there. It was labeled 'Progressive Rock'."
"Hmm, sounds fancy. Go ahead and put it in. We'll see if it works."
"Aye, Skippah!"
Private saluted before making his way to the sound system. However, before he could do so, the sound of the sitar on stage was suddenly elevated to almost ear-piercing levels.
"Kowalski! What in the heck just happened?" yelled Skipper.
Kowalski turned around from where he was busy rewiring the sound system, a frightened look on his face.
"I think I may have accidentally crossed a couple of wires wrong and raised the volume to unspeakable levels!"
"Well then, fix it! Fix it now, before we all go crazy!"
Kowalski turned back around, intending to find the error in his rewiring job, but in a moment of really bad timing, a rock band had just come on to the stage while the penguins were busy talking. There also happened to be a large speaker standing right next to the sound system that the penguins were next to, so when the band began playing, the penguins were immediately blown backwards from the sheer force of the sound.
The penguins all landed with a grunt before Skipper quickly picked himself back up and pointed towards the sound system.
"Somebody get over there and cut that wire!"
The other penguins picked themselves up as well, but as they began heading towards the sound system, the speaker began fighting back thanks to the band. The penguins desperately tried to get to their destination, giving it all they got against the force coming from the speaker, but it soon got to the point where they were unable to really give it all they got anymore.
Private was the first to falter, as his legs soon gave out of him. Flying backwards, Private smacked into the side of the stage, barely managing to grab on to the edge of the stage before rolling off of the concrete.
"Skippah, help! I can't hold on anymore!" he yelled, hoping that Skipper would be able to hear him over the noise.
Thankfully, Skipper did manage to hear Private's cry for assistance. However, this left the commander in a bind. As much as he wanted to deal with the sound system issue, the penguin credo prevented him from simply letting Private go and concentrating on the mission.
"I've always hated having to deal with the Leader's Paradox." Skipper said to himself, sighing before turning around back towards where Private was.
"Kowalski! Keep heading for the sound system! I'm gonna go rescue Private!" he yelled back over his shoulder as he began running towards the young penguin.
During the time that Skipper was making his way towards Private, the band outside was finishing up one of their slower and lighter songs, but once Skipper made it over, the speaker once again started pounding.
Nearly bowled over from the sudden change in volume, Skipper managed to grab on to Private's feet before he was flung off of the stage. Unfortunately, the added weight meant that Private could only manage to hold on to the stage for a few more seconds, and the two penguins were soon sent flying, landing with a grunt near the edge of the tree boundary.
This left Kowalski and Rico to handle completing the mission, and despite the scientist's best efforts, the speaker won out against him, and he flew off as well.
"Rico! Save yourself!" he yelled as he was sent flying.
Luckily, Rico had no intentions of letting the speaker win. Steeling himself, he began walking forwards once more, his bulk handling most of the force that was coming from the speaker.
Eventually, Rico finally managed to make it up to the sound system with some more effort given. However, once he managed to grab on to the edge of the compartment that held all of the wires, this left him in a bit of a bind.
He wasn't as smart as Kowalski, obviously, so he had no chance to figure out how to fix the wires, so Rico decided that he needed to do it his way.
Hacking up a chainsaw, Rico put one of his feet inside the compartment to brace himself before revving the chainsaw. Despite the noise of the chainsaw clearly being outstripped by the band, Rico wasn't worried.
Waiting for a moment when the band wasn't going at full blast, Rico immediately stepped out of the compartment, slamming the chainsaw down on to the soundboard with as much force as he could muster.
It took a few seconds, but Rico successfully managed to saw cleanly through the sound system. After shutting the chainsaw off, Rico watched the now mangled mess of a soundboard spark listlessly before suddenly hearing a buzzing noise coming from somewhere.
Confused, he looked around, wondering where the noise was coming from, before the thought went out of his head once the others finally returned to join him.
"Great work, Rico!"
The voice of Skipper came out as muffled, which confused Rico.
"Huh?"
"I said great work, Rico!" he yelled.
Not getting a reply, Skipper turned towards Kowalski to get some answers.
"Kowalski! Analysis!" he said loudly, hoping the analyst would hear.
"The sheer volume of the music must have blown out our earholes! I can barely hear anything that you guys are saying!"
Skipper only barely managed to catch what Kowalski said, but he did manage to get the gist of it. Nodding, he made his way towards the curtain, intending to see what was going on out front. What he saw out front, though, came as a definite surprise to him.
"They're all gone!"
Indeed, the only sign of life in the immediate area besides them was the band, who had only just noticed the fact that everyone in the stands was gone. They looked around in confusion, wondering what had just happened, before deciding to just pack it up and go home.
Poking his face back through the curtain, he turned around to face the others.
"Mission accomplished, boys! Looks like we chased those freeloading hippies back to where they came from! Good riddance, I say!"
Unfortunately, with Skipper acting as smug as he was, he forgot to raise his voice, so when he finally took a look at the others, he found that they were looking at him in confusion, having not heard a word he said.
Sighing, he turned back towards the zoo, gesturing towards the others as he began sliding back towards home.
"Come on, let's get back to the HQ and get some sleep. I've got a massive headache coming on."
Skipper frankly didn't care whether any of the others heard what he just said, but thankfully they managed to get the message from his flipper gesture and they began following behind him.
The penguins finally managed to get back to their HQ a little while later, and they all immediately went to bed, not wanting to deal with the splitting headaches they were all going through. Thankfully, though, once the next morning came along, they were greeted with the sound of silence, which they were all especially thankful for, as their hearing had finally returned during the morning.
"Aah, isn't this wonderful? That clean New York air, not being polluted by that hippie garbage. I could really get used to it." said Skipper, smiling as he breathed in the air around him.
"I suppose so, Skipper. It's not so bad once you get used to it." said Kowalski.
"It's too bad I didn't really get a chance to slap a few of them. You know, that would really get the juices flowing."
"I'm sure you'll be okay without that, Skipper."
Skipper simply shrugged, choosing to remain silent, as he was content that he finally managed to chase away all of the hippies. Hopefully this would mean that they would no longer bother him, but Skipper wasn't too hopeful about that. Still, he would be ready for them.