{I DON'T GET IT. Someone please explain Sherlolly to me. I don't ship it and never will, but Martha's always going on about it and now my friend Bea is as well... I don't understand... Mehhhhhhhhhhh...}
"Let the battle commence!" John waved the two flags to signal the start of the competition.
The contest was as follows: Who was the best parent?
Sherlock or Mycroft?
In the kitchen, Moriarty and Lestrade watched in amusement, both nursing cups of hot tea. They had put aside their differences for their children*, and were rapidly growing friendlier. They could talk about their boyfriends; how tiring living with a Holmes can be and so on, but also their common interest in literature.
Unfortunately, where Moriarty preferred Fantasy and Romance, Lestrade favoured Horror and Crime, but it was better than the Holmes brothers, bound completely by nonfiction...
Aeryn was just over a month now, getting bigger all the time. She had just finished fighting her way through a particularly nasty cold, though she had recovered quickly - somehow the entire stock of baby Calpol had mysteriously disappeared from the local pharmacy. They weren't quite sure how she'd done it, but she seemed to have a lot more common sense than them about what she needed, so they were happy to leave a false trail the lead the police off.
*back to the competition*
The first obstacle was banana mashing. The contestants had to mash three bananas as quickly as possible with only a blunt knife... When Sherlock incredulously asked what banana mashing had to do with parenting, John was tempted to kick him out of the competition. However, there was no way he'd improve if he couldn't compete, so the doctor reluctantly carried on...
Amazingly, Sherlock was actually quite good at banana mashing. Mycroft just glared at his two unmashed fruits, pulping them with fury. From his perfectly puréed bowl of bananas, Sherlock smirked, loftily imitating his brother. "Ah, you see, brother mine, the trick is to mash them all at once, not individually." Mycroft almost broke the bowl smashing up his bananas.
"Well... I think Sherlock won that one..." John commented dubiously. "BOOOOOOO!" Lestrade and Moriarty yelled from the kitchen... "James! You're supposed to be on my side!" The detective all but wailed. "Okay, okay! Time for part two! Baby shopping!" He was met with twin expressions of confusion and disgust. "We already have children, why would we need to buy more?" Protested Mycroft. Sherlock nodded vigorously. John rolled his eyes. For such high class intellectuals, they could be such idiots... "I think that's illegal anyway..." Sherlock's face immediately brightened up. "What I meant was, shopping for your children. You can bring Greg and Jim along, too." Back came the disgust...
Luckily, it only took a few threats from Moriarty - "No sex", " It'll mean I'm a better parent" and, "Mycroft will win if you don't" seemed to work well - to persuade Sherlock that he should take part.
*in Mothercare - why not...*
"Look at this one, Sherley! It's so cute!" Sherlock put down the navy blue tiny scarf he had been examining and strode over to Moriarty. "Daddy loves me the best", he read aloud, a wry smile tugging at his lips. Beside him, Jim was making the puppy eyes. Sherlock rolled his own. "Go on, then." He muttered. His lover did a little dance of celebration, before standing on tiptoes to peck his cheek.
A shattered looking woman with three children hanging off her gave them a warm smile. Sherlock was immediately wary. "So who's the daddy?" She beamed at them. "We both are." They answered automatically, Jim returned the smile, Sherlock frowned. She looked a little flustered. "Oh. Oh, that's nice. What's the baby called, then?" Smiley Lady continued, just as friendly. "Aeryn... She's beautiful, just like my Sherlock..."
You could see the wheels turning in her brain... "Sherlock? As in, the great detective? Sherlock Holmes?" "Sherlock! Oh my god, I love you!" Another young mother jumped in excitedly. "Sherlock Holmes! You helped me track down my lost pigeon!" "Sherlock!" "Sherlock Holmes?" "Who's your boyfriend?" Sherlock glared at Moriarty accusingly. "Mobbed by fans? Great plan, dear." He received a smirk in response. "Don't worry, darling, I bought everything I wanted before you could tell me not to... Come along, Sherley... Say bye bye to the nice fans..." Before he knew it, Sherlock was being dragged out of Mothercare. It only took a few seconds for the women to realised that their prey was escaping... Soon, Sherlock and Jim were in a cab, watching the mothers chasing after them looking around to try and catch sight of a billowing coat and cheekbones... They weren't to know that the consultants had simply swapped coats...
Back at 221B, they still had five minutes before the elder Holmes and his partner were due to arrive. John was desperate to see the clothes, and had to console himself over the wait by singing to Aeryn. Sherlock hadn't known that John could sing, which irritated him. Moriarty tipped the shopping bag out over the shared bed, revealing the outfits he had chosen to his partner. "Seriously?" Sherlock growled. Before Moriarty could reply, Mrs Hudson burst in. "I hope you aren't being naughtyyy..." She trilled. "Your brother's here again, and that Lestrade fellow..." Moriarty smiled weakly, avoiding Sherlock's death glare.
"What?" He protested. "I'm sure you'll get extra points for feminism. And at least I only bought one in pink..."
*part two of the competition coming soon...*