A/N: Oh joy, another chapter. Well, this one is number four, as you probably already know, and this one is from Ginny's POV. This chapter is a large part reading letters from Hermione.
This chapter is a little longer than the others have been so far, but this is about the length that most chapters are from now on.

Oh, and I had a couple of comments I want to answer while I'm writing this :)

First one is for "Bigblusku"; The subject of why Ginny has taken so long, has been barely touched so far, but I will go deeper in to her personal reasons of this in later chapters, you will see why :) And no, it's not wrong of you to wish for Hermione to slap her, and I promise you, there will be slapping later on, for what reason, I won't tell you, but you will get your slapping ;)

And the second comment I wish to answer, is from "Amaranta316"; Flashbacks will be given, well, sort of. Mostly their time since the war will be told trough letters, but I will also write a few flashbacks from their memories, I just need to find suitable places to write them in first :) And about Ginny's and Hermione's relationship, it is very complicated, but during the story, things will be revealed, and their relationship will be explained. There is a chance for confusion, if you don't pay attention, but everything will be explained :)

But now, this A/N is by far long enough, so please read and enjoy :)

*Pop*
I apparated to the kitchen at the Burrow. Arms filled with firewhiskey and tears flooding down my cheeks. I fell to my knees just moments after. Bottles was breaking when they hit the floor, making a terrible noise. Mum was already in the kitchen, making some food as always. She turned to me, when she saw ne she dropped everything and came running towards me. She wrapped her arms around me and carried me in to the living room where she put me down in her lap, rocking me back and forth and soothing me the best she could. We sat like this for about an hour, it was not until then my sobbing and stopped enough for me to speak again;

"mum, can I stay here tonight? I really don't want to go home tonight."
"Of course you can, sweetie. You can always stay here whenever you need or want so, no need to ask, you are always welcome home, darling"

she kissed me on the head after she said this. I was happy I didn't have to go home. I know that the other girls would ask questions, and I wasn't really up for that, not with anyone but mum, at least.

"Thank you mum. Oh, and can I borrow Errol and send Cary and Fiona a note?

"Of course you can. He's on dads desk. I'm sure you'll find what you need for writing there, as well"

"Thank you, mum. I'll be back soon", I said as I rose from her lap and walked in to dads home office to write that note;

Cary and Fiona,

I'm staying with mum and dad tonight. I won't be in for practice tomorrow either. I will explain everything later. I'll send Jessie a note, but in case she doesn't get it in time, tell her that we spoke last week about what we were going to practice tomorrow. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

-G

I rolled the parchment together and wrote their names on the outside. I found another piece of parchment and started to write a new note;

Jessie,

I need you to take care of practice tomorrow. We spoke last week of what we are supposed to do tomorrow. If you don't remember, I'm staying at the Burrow tonight. I have something that I need to take care of in London. Yes, I know my apartment is closer, but I sort of just ran away from Cary and Fiona, and I can't face their questions right now. I'll give my mum the practice plan for tomorrow in case you don't remember and I'm gone by the time you drop by. I know you can do this, you are second captain for a reason. And remember; keep your eyes on the game.

-G

I tied both the letters to Errol and sent him away after I had instructed him on where to go and in which order. I headed back to the living room, only to find my mum back in the kitchen cooking again,

"Thanks, mum. Oh, and Jessie might drop by tomorrow, there is a copy of the practice plan in my room. I told her to collect it here in case she forgets what we were supposed to do tomorrow at practice". Mum looked at me with a confused look;

"what do you mean? Are you skipping practice tomorrow? What for?"

I looked at her, and asked her to find a kettle of tea and sit down. I had always told her everything about the whole deal with Hermione. She was never particularly happy with my decision to never speak with her again. After every letter I had received from her, she almost begged me to answer her. Mum looked worried when I asked her to sit. She probably thought someone had died or something. After she had found herself a chair across the table from me, I asked her;

"mum, do you know where I came from just bow? Have you spoken to dad yet?"

She just shook her head. Good, I could tell her the whole story myself, that made everything so much simpler.

"Well, as you know I brought dad with me. We went to the ministry. You see, I got a letter that I had to trace, and Kingsley was nice enough to pull a few strings and help me out. It was a letter from Hermione. She wrote about how she was going to grant my wish and get out of my life for good. She also wrote about how this was her final goodbye."

At this point mum gasped and turned pale white, but she remained silent and let me continue my story;

"those words had me worried. I wasn't sure if she meant it like it was the final goodbye to me, or if it was her final goodbye at all. When I received that letter earlier, just minutes before I arrived here the first time tonight, I was worried it was already too late. I decided it was time to suck it up and find her. I wasn't sure if I had enough time to send her an owl back, I wasn't going to take the risk. So I appeared here, dad and I went to the minister and we had the letter traced. Turned out, she lives in London, just a couple of blocks away from the ministry, maybe 5 or 6 away from me, I didn't know she lived that close, I wish I knew before. Probably wouldn't matter, though, I would never have gone there either way; I'm too much of a coward to do something like that. Anyways, I ran from the ministry to her apartment, I honestly forgot I could use magic and just apparate to this backyard there that is used as an apparation point, a backyard that belongs to the very same building she lives in. Point is, I got there in just a couple of minutes, and then I ran up in the building to the fifth floor where she lives. When I got there, i knocked. She never answered, and I had this feeling that i shouldn't let that stop me, I had to go in, and somehow I just knew she was there. Inside the apartment, I almost started crying, she had empty bottles of firewhiskey, magazines and clothes all over the floor, it was really bad. You know those large, empty bottles of firewhiskey I brought? I believe she drinks at least one of them a day. I'm just so worried about her. Anyways, when I got there I spoke, asked if there was anyone there, I did it a couple of times, that wad all I had time for, you see, as I walked in to what must have been her bedroom, I was suddenly petrified. She had used the bodylock spell on me before she backed out of the room in shock. Not that Iran blame her, I haven't let her see me the past seven years. Well, she soon enough returned with a half empty bottle of firewhiskey. She was clearly drunk, but I couldn't do anything, all I could do was to lie their bad watch her and listen to her muttering about how this has to be a dream. She even told me how impressed she was by herself because she had never been able ti create a dream this lifelike. She then unhexed me. I removed that battle of firewhiskey from her, and told her I was worried about her. She then started to yell at me and told me to get out, she even threatened me, told me how she hadn't used her wand since the war and hoe she might mess up a few spells bad. Now that I think about it, she sounded slightly hysterical. I took all the alcohol I could find there and left, telling her I would come back tomorrow morning when she was sober again. Oh mum, what have I done to her?"

Mum came over go where I sat and hugged med tightly while so sobbed loudly. After a short while I decided to head for bed, I had to sleep and be clear in my head when I met with Hermione tomorrow. She had just proved how unpredictable she could be. I walked up the stairs and found my room, mum had made the bed and lit done light there. I decided to walk to my closet, in a box there, I had put all the letters Hermione had sent me since the war. I pulled out the box and opened it. At first the idea was to just put the last letter there along with the others, but as soon as I opened it, I wanted to read some over again. I pulled out a random letter, it was dated five years ago and started to read it;

Dearest Ginny,

I have just listened to one of your games on the radio. You know about my passion for quidditch, or rather the lack of it, but even I could tell you played great. This was the first one I heard, I didn't know until a couple of days ago that you played quidditch, bit someone sent me a magazine with an interview of you, not sure who it was, but I think it was someone I know because the handwriting was so familiar, but since there was no signature, I have no idea who it was. Listening to your game made me want to see one of them someday, but I guess that is out of the question. I believe that if I did and you saw me you would be angry. But I still have a hope that one day you will forgive me for my mistakes and let me see you in action.

I was at St. Mungo today. We talked about how I was coping with the trauma after the war. I wasn't sure what to tell them, because honestly, I don't know. I mean, when I came back to Hogwarts and you told me to stay away, well it broke me, not only my heart, but also my soul. I wish you would let me know you again, let me be there for you trough everything.
You know I love you, more than just a friend, and I just wish that you felt the same way.
I know I won't get an answer on this, and I know the answer if you decided to reply, but would you want to have dinner with me some day? Just as friends of course. Oh what the hell, why bother asking? Well, in case you want to, let me know.
Good luck with your next game, I will be listening.
Love you.

Always yours,
Hermione

When I finished reading it, I had tears in my eyes. Yes, I loved Hermione too, as more than just a friend, well, used to at least, but I couldn't tell any more for sure, she seemed so broken because if me, so I wasn't sure if I could allow myself to love her anymore, but I guess I did. I mean, I have always considered myself straight, I have always found guys attracting, but there is always an exception, mine was Hermione.

Until the day she came back to Hogwarts I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else, but when things had calmed and I went to the great hall to mourn over my dead brother, Fred, she had followed me. And right then, I was so angry at the one who killed my brother and ended up blaming Hermione, Harry and Ron. I blamed them for months, and in order to cope with it, I put more energy to quidditch and school. I graduated with only O's and a contract with the Holyhead Harpies. It helped me get over the grudge I held against Ron. I was still angry with Harry and Hermione, Harry because he had taken Ron and Hermione away from me, I still blame him for creating the situation between me and Hermione, and I blamed Hermione because she left me to go with Harry.

I know it was her own decision, and that gave me an even better reason to blame her. A year later I had only replied to two letters she had sent me, telling her to get lost. Another year passed by, and by then she sent me letters on a regular basis, about every two weeks. Sometimes more. But I couldn't get myself to tell her how sorry I was for treating her the way I did. I wrote letters, several to each of hers, I just couldn't make myself send them.
I took out another letter, this one dated last Christmas.

Dearest Ginny,

First of all I just want to wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year.
I know it's still a lost cause writing you, but I still live in the hope that one day you will write me back. I don't know, I just can't get myself to stop writing. You are everything to me, and I hate myself for doing that to you, running away with the boys like I did, but I had to. Ron and Harry would have died during the first week if I hadn't been there too keep them from making stupid decisions. Do you speak any with Harry? I know you barely speak with Ron, I've exchanged a few letters with him, trying to get him to talk to you, convince you to write me back. No luck so far, I guess. I don't speak much with Harry. I get a few letters from him every once a while, usually for my birthday and Christmas, rarely anything outside of that.
I miss you Ginny, wish you would speak with me again.

Always yours,
Hermione

I put the letter back in the box, I was really crying now. I had written about six or seven replies to that letter. All of them lying in the other box I keep in my closet. I moved the box with Hermione's letters back i the closet and dried a few tears who was running down my cheeks now, before I pulled out the other box with the letters I had written. It was bigger than the other, I had mostly written several letters to each of hers. I pulled out a random letter dated October three years ago and read it;

Hermione,

I have written you so many letters I never had the guts to send. I probably won't have it to send you this one either.
I just wanted to tell you how very sorry I am for what I have done to you, not replying and everything. I wish I could have handled everything differently, I really do. I know I don't have any right to ask you this, but I beg you to forgive me. I will do anything to make it up to you.
How about this, I know it's your birthday next week, why don't we meet up, and I'll buy you dinner and we can talk about things and I'll try to make it up to you, at least begin.
Well, in case I don't see you, happy early birthday Hermione

Lots of love,
Ginny

I cried when I read this. Just one out of hundreds of letters I never sent, just stored in a box in a closet. Shit, I really wish I had sent her all those letters. I decided, no, I swore, that one day, she would see them, one way or the other. I put the box back in the closet and headed to bed, it was already past midnight, and I had to get up early and get ready. The last thing was thinking about before I fell asleep, was a silent prayer for her to forgive me. That night I slept bad, I had a dream that I found her dead next morning. Dead because of me.