A/N: Hello, dear readers. Alright, the thing is, I didn't really plan to put up another chapter to this story just yet. The original plan was to wait a couple of days longer, but I was called in for another shift at work tomorrow, which means that I have to work double (first a morning shift at one ward, and then another late shift at a different ward (I work at an elders home). And because of that, I felt really sorry for myself. It's a good thing for you, though; you get an extra chapter already. But I have a thought behind this, I wish for someone to review and make me happy :) I am more or less addicted to reviews, and nothing makes me happier than having a new review or five :) But the most important thing, is for you to read and enjoy this :)
Oh, and it's from Hermione's point of view, this time :)
I woke up early. I laughed at myself for the pathetic dream I had last night about Ginny showing up all worried about the letter I had written the night before. God, how pathetic can one possibly be? I stood up from the bed and headed to the kitchen to get some coffee. I was terribly hung over from the night before, it felt like my head was splitting in half. When the coffee was ready I found a big mug and went to sit in the living room. I turned on the TV to catch some morning news. At the table I noticed a folder. I grabbed it and opened it in my lap. It was photos, articles and interviews, all of them about Ginny. I went through it all slowly, looking at everything. I cried. It was really painful to watch this, especially after that dream last night. It felt so real, almost like she actually was here. I couldn't remember everything, just that she suddenly was on my floor, petrified. I cried for a while.
After about 10 minutes I spoke loudly to myself,
"Suck it up, Granger! It's time to get over it. She doesn't want anything to do with you! Now move on and get over her. You are better than this!"
With that, I decided it was time to clean up things. I glanced at the time, noticing it was already 9:30, I still had 9 hours until I started at work. I rose and was about to start cleaning the floor, it was way too messy. I picked up a couple of empty firewhiskey bottles, while I was thinking to myself that I'm going to quit drinking today, it's just not worth it, I heard a knock on the door.
"What the hell?" I muttered to myself, wondered who would visit me. I went to the door, still holding those empty bottles. I took a deep breath before I opened, prepared to tell them to fuck off. But as I opened the door and saw who was standing on the other side, I gasped and found it impossible to speak a word.
I just stared at her in pure shock, but quite sure if my mind was playing tricks on me. After what felt like forever, I finally managed to speak; "Ginny?", I said in disbelief. I couldn't move. "Shit, I thought I was already awake", I muttered to myself. I just stared at Ginny before I spoke again; "Well, it was nice to see you again, but this really is a bad time for you to be here, I have to wake up for real now and my apartment is a mess. But it was nice to see you. Bye, now".
As I was about to close the door and turn away she spoke for the first time. Her voice was careful, like she was afraid to speak," It's not a dream, Hermione, I'm really here. I need to speak with you. Please?". Her expression was a mix of a lot, sorrow, regret and careful was the most dominant ones, but I could also see that she hadn't slept well. "Oh well, it's just a dream, so whatever. Come in then. Close your door behind you". She slowly walked inside, like she wasn't sure if she should. "Hermione, do you remember I was here last night?", she asked carefully. "Yeah, sure. I also remember using my wand, and since I haven't done so since the war, it was just another proof that it was only a dream. Now, what do you want to talk about? I have to wake up and make sure I'm not late for work or anything".
When I had said that, she walked up to me and pinched my arm, "Do you believe me now? It's not a bloody dream". She sounded frustrated. I grabbed my arm where the war pinched me, it was going to bruise, I was sure. "Damn it, Ginny! What the hell did you do that for?" I glared at her angrily. That was really unnecessary. "I was just trying to prove to you it's not a dream."
"Fine, whatever. Sit down if you'd like, I'll grab you some coffee." Ginny went to the couch and sat down on the edge, looking around the apartment while I went to the kitchen. When I got there, I looked at my arm, it was already beginning to bruise. I poked it and felt the sting that followed. I whimpered slowly at the sting.
Is it really possible this wasn't a dream? That Ginny really was here, in my living room? No way!
Yet, I found a mug for her and filled it with coffee before I went back to her. I gave her the mug and she muttered a silent thank you. She didn't look at me, just stared in her lap like she was a school kid in the headmaster's office about to get in trouble for something.
We were silent for a few moments before I spoke, "What are you doing here, Ginny? What do you expect to gain from coming here?" She looked at me now, her eyes screaming sadness, as she spoke next; "I received your letter, last night, and it made me worried when you wrote about how it was your last goodbye, so I..."
"You received my letter last night? That's not even possible, that would mean you live close by, and I have never seen you around before."
She was silent while I spoke, maybe she understood that she had no right doing this to me, not now after all this time. "Yes, I do live nearby. I live just a few blocks from here. I found out just last night how close to me you were. But please, let me tell you, I will leave afterwards if you still want me to" I waved my hand as a signal for her to continue, determined to kick her out when she was finished. "Okay, so I received your letter last night. When I read what you wrote about it being your final goodbye, I was sure you was about to kill yourself, yes I read what you wrote about not writing me again, but as I read those words, I wasn't thinking very rational. So I went to the Burrow right away, from there my dad and I went straight to the minister's office and had him pull some strings and get your letter traced. When I found out about you living just a couple of blocks away from the ministry, I ran here right away, I arrived here in just a few minutes. I went up here and found all this mess, it had me even more confused and worried. At first I thought I might had gotten the wrong apartment, I found all of these quidditch magazines, and well, you never had much interest in quidditch, but as I saw a couple of pictures at the wall of you, I understood it was your place, but I figured you might lived with someone, so I just kept walking. I spoke your name a couple of times, next thing I know I open a door and find myself on the floor petrified. When I was lying there on the floor I was thinking about you, about how much all if this terrified me. Then you returned with that bottle of firewhiskey, and I got even more worried about you. When you unhexed me, I wasn't sure that to do next. I just remember saying something, and the next thing I know is you kicking me out. I went back to the Burrow and collapsed on the kitchen floor. I talked to mum about it, the letter and my visit. She really missed you, you know. Almost as much as I did. Later on I went to my old room, I was about to put your letter in this box I have where I keep all the letters you have sent me since the war ended. I read trough a couple of them again, and I could do nothing but to cry. I was just thinking about how much I regretted what I last said to you, all those years ago. I just wish I had done things differently. You have no idea how much I wish I had done things differently. I am so sorry, Hermione. And I know I am in no position to ask you this, but will you please forgive me? I'll do anything for you, anything you ask."
She cried as she spoke, her voice trembled. I'm pretty sure she was honest with me. And she was right, she had no right to ask for my forgiveness. Not after all she said and didn't say. I just had one question for her, and I held my voice as cold as I possibly could when I spoke; "If you regretted it so badly, why didn't you ever write me back, then?" She looked sad. I was starting to think that maybe she really did regret it all, but hell if I was going to let her get away that easy.
Her voice was low when she answered, "trust me, I have asked myself the very same question hundreds of times. Truth is, I don't know. I mean, I have written you letters, hundreds of them, several letters to each one you have sent me, I just never had the guts to send them. I really wish I had, then I wouldn't be sitting here worried and about to beat myself up. I really am sorry things got like this".
I just looked at her, she read my letters? Even written replies she never sent? This was just unbelievable. Ginny rose from the couch and went over to the chair I was sitting in. She leaned in and dried a tear that had escaped. I hadn't even realized I had tears in my eyes. She straightened up and spoke, "well, I guess I should leave, then. Oh, I almost forgot, I know it's a few days late, but I found this at home, I know it's not much, but I want you to have it. Happy late birthday, Hermione."
She was sad, clearly sad when she said it. She handed me an envelope. I looked at it, and asked her; "what is this?". She just looked at me and silently said; "it's one of the letters I wrote you. I thought you might like to read it. It's old, though, but it still matters, I still mean what it says. I just want you to have it. Let me know what you think after you read it, will you? I'm staying at the Burrow if there is anything. Goodbye, Hermione." I looked after her as she walked out the door, not quite sure what to believe.
I glanced at the time a short while after she left, only then I could get myself to do anything but staring at the door she had just walked trough. It was already 4:15. I needed a drink. Right now.
I walked over to the leaky cauldron, deciding that probably the best idea. It wasn't that far away, only 15 minutes of walking. I brought the letter with me, I wanted to have a couple of glasses of firewhiskey close by when I read the letter. I walked in, and a couple in the darkness started to whisper. I just hoped it wasn't about me. I hadn't been much part of the magical world since the war, so I didn't know if it was something they talked about. I went over to the bar and ordered two glasses of firewhiskey and found myself a quiet corner where I could read the letter in peace and quiet.
At first I just sat there with the letter in front of me at the table. I just glared at it. After a few moments I had a sip to drink, almost like to get some courage, and reached for the letter. I was shaking really bad when I opened it. I saw it over quickly before I started to read it properly, just to get an idea of what to expect. I sighed as I was about to read, not sure if I really should. This was going to be painful. The letter was dated October two years ago, just before my birthday.
Hermione,
First of all, I just want to wish you a happy birthday.
Now I have something to tell you. I was supposed to tell you when you got back from the war, but it all got so wrong when I finally saw you. I really wish I hadn't said all of those things. I truly am sorry for every word I said to you. I know I'm in no position to ask you this, but I ask you to please forgive me, at least consider it.
What I should have said, was "I love you", because that's the truth. I'm in love with you. I have always been in love with you, ever since I saw you the first time on the station when you were about to leave for your first year at Hogwarts all those years ago. Since that day, I have only been able to picture my future with you. But now, those pictures are about to fade, more and more for each day that passes, only because I'm pushing you away like I do. I wish to spend my future with you.
I love you, Hermione Granger. More than anything else. I would do anything for you. I just hope you still feel the same way about me.
Love,
Ginny
I put the letter down. My mind stood still. Why did she do this to me now? Now that I was ready to move on. I glanced at the time again. It was 5:45. I emptied the last of the firewhiskey and went over to the bar to ask the guy behind the counter if he could floo someone for me. He told me it was no problem, he just needed to know where he should call and what to say. "The Burrow. Ask for Ginny and tell her she needs to get back to my place. She should know where and why. Tell her it's urgent". "I'm on it. Can I get you anything else?" He smiled at me. I dug in my pocket and found some sickles and put them on the counter, "No thank you. I'll just head home, now. Good night".
When I came out I picked up my cell phone and rang to work. It was Jen who picked up the phone, "hi, Jen. It's Hermione. Look, I can't get to work today. Something urges came up that I have to take care of. Can you get someone to cover for me? I'll be back tomorrow night, I hope, I just have to take care of this."
"sure, Hermione. Call me tomorrow and let me know if you can make it. Don't rush back. I'll have you covered."
"Thanks, Jen. I owe you one." I hung up, not bothering to wait for her to say something more.
I ran home. Sure, I could have apparated, but I wasn't taking the risk. After all it was almost 7 years. Since I last did it. When I got there, I saw that Ginny hadn't arrived yet. But she wasn't far behind. I had only been home a couple of minutes when the door knocked. I yelled at her that the door was open. I heard it opened and closed before the next door opened and closed.
I stood in the middle if the room. I was furious. I glared at her, she just looked confused about my reaction. "What's the matter? Did I do something wrong?", she asked. She spoke so low, I could barely hear what she said. My next words came fast and loud, clearly showing how furious I was, "what's the matter? You ask me what's the matter? How can you do this to me? How can you possibly have the nerve to confess your undying love to me now when I'm finally pulling myself together enough to finally move on from you? How can you possibly do this to me? It's been more six years since I told you the first time I was in love with you. six bloody years, Ginny. How could you?" I was crying now. I was hurt and angry with her. How could she do this to me? Was she just making fun of me? Or trying to hurt me even more? Ginny was crying too, now, but I honestly couldn't have cared less at the moment. I hated her right now, for doing this. Her voice trembled as she spoke again, clearly affected by her tears; "I'm sorry, Hermione. I never meant to hurt you, I swear. I just thought when I read your letter yesterday, that it was time to do what I should have done six and a half years ago. I'm really sorry, Hermione. I guess I shouldn't have done it, I guess it was a mistake to let you know. Forgive me".
Ginny hung her head in an apology. I could see her tears falling to the floor. My rage calmed down at this sight. Ginny who was always so strong and never let anyone hurt her, not so they could see, anyways. Ginny who never shed a tear in front of anyone, hardly even me, her best friend. To see her like this, broke my heart. I couldn't get myself to do anything else than just walk over there and apologize to her.
"Look, Ginny. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. It's just, it was just too much. I haven't heard from you in so many years, and suddenly you are standing on my doorstep all worried about me killing myself and with a letter where you confess your eternal love for me. You just can't expect me to react any differently. It just gets too much to. I'm Sorry." Ginny was sobbing loudly now, I just couldn't help it, I took a small step towards her and embraced her. Okay, this was just weird, first of all, I hadn't embraced her in almost eight years, second of all, she was sobbing. This was something I never would have seen happen.
I lifted her and carried her over to the couch where I put her down before seating myself next to her. I sat there, soothing her for an hour or so while she kept muttering between sobs his sorry she was. An hour or so later she managed to pull together enough and removed herself from my arms. I removed a few tears from her cheek, telling her it was going to be just fine.
We just sat there for a while. Talking a little every now and then. It was kind of awkward, really. After a while, Ginny looked at the time and noticed it was getting late, "Bloody hell! Is it really 1 in the morning already? Shit. I need to get home now, I got practice tomorrow morning." I glanced at the time myself, surprised it was this late already, "yeah. I should get to bed as well, it's been a long day". Ginny looked like she was thinking for a moment, then she spoke, "Hermione, I know I probably shouldn't ask this, but would you like to come over to dinner tomorrow? At my apartment, I mean. I could kick Cary and Fiona out, and we could talk a little and see if we could sort things out? If you'd like. Feel free to say no". She looked at me nervously, apparently worried about what I would say.
I thought about it for a moment. I had work tomorrow, but not until 8. I wasn't sure what to say. "I would love to, Ginny, but I have work tomorrow at 8. I work at a bar, so I don't really think I have time for it tomorrow. I already called in sick today, I can't afford doing two days in a row. I'm really sorry. But hey, we can have dinner here Thursday night, if you want. I have the day off, and I could cook. And I promise I'll clean up the apartment by the then." I smiled hopefully as I said those last words. She put on a wide grin as well, "I would love to. When should I be here?" I couldn't help myself, my grin grew bigger, "I don't know, are you finished at practice around sevenish?" "Yes. I'll be ready on your doorstep around seven, Thursday, then". "Wonderful. I'll see you then. And give Mrs. Weasly my best wishes, will you?"
"Sure thing. Goodnight then, Hermione", "Goodnight, Ginny".
As I went to bed that night, I was anxious and excited at once. Not quite sure what to expect. Why had I agreed to dinner with her in the first place? I was supposed to be hard to get, or something now. She deserved that much. I mentally kicked myself and thought to myself that I had to figure out something, because I sure as hell wasn't going to let her off the hook that easily.
Soon I drifted to sleep, a dreamless sleep for once, thankfully. This day's events had really taken its toll on me.