Chapter ▪ Four
Tris
Five days passed since I was at Eric's apartment. And since then we didn't speak.
During the training he treated my like he did before. He walked behind me, watching me like a predator and when I made a mistake, he attacked. He humiliated me in front of others and did the same with the other initiants. He let me fight against Christina and she won. She kicked me hard against my face and I felt the blood coming out of my nose. When I looked up to him, he shook his head. He was disappointed, even though he knew that there was no chance for me to win against Christina. She is not too strong for me, but unlike her I am not able to hurt my friends in any way.
I sat in the dining hall all on my own after the training. I didn't feel like being with anyone at the moment. I don't even want to see Four right now. I think about the last days, how Eric treated me and how I lied at Four. None of these things feel right. I hear a familiar voice and I look up to see Eric sitting at one of the other tables. He sat there with Max and Lauren. I stare at them, obviously confused. I've seen him a lot with Max, but this is the first time I see him speaking to Lauren. I stand up, moving into their direction. By coming closer I notice the bottles of beer standing on their table.
"Eric?" I lean down to him and he turns around to see me. He didn't expect me. I can see the surprise in his eyes, but he tries his best to act like he usually does. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"I'm busy." he immediately turns around again and I straighten up. His voice was full of disinterest and it upsets me. At first I wanted to turn around and go. He is not worth it, I thought. But before I can take the first step away from him I hear Lauren speaking.
"Maybe I can help." She smiles. She is one of the instructors for the Dauntless-born, but I've noticed that other initiants have been talking to her as well lately. I don't know her and I would rather talk to Four, if I would really have a problem with the training or anything related to it. But I don't. With a kind smile I shake my head. I can't talk to anyone but Eric about that problem.
"No, thank you. It's not that important, anyway." I turn around but before I could move, I feel a tight grib on my wrist. I don't even need to take a look to know that Eric is the one keeping me from going. He stands up and lets go of my arm quickly.
"I don't have all day, Stiff." he says before he walks pass me. He raises his hand, giving me a sign to follow him while he walks. I know he is just acting. When I was at his apartment, he didn't call me Stiff. I still don't like it when anyone calls me like that. Quickly I follow him behind a corner, a place where no one can see us. He's standing in front of me with crossed arms.
"What is it?" he says kind of annoyed and I begin to frown at him.
"Are you serious? Who do you think you are?" I try my best to not yell at him. The way he looks at me makes me angry. I swollowed to not let my voice sound shaky.
"Why?" he asks loudly.
"Why didn't you talk to me the last days? You act like nothing happened."
"What do you expect from me? Did you think I would treat you different now? Just because you were in bed with me?" he laughs sarcastically. I don't know what to say anymore. When I was walking around the corner with him, I knew what to say. I knew what I expected, but now he confronts me with that question, even though I thought he was in no position to be asking me any questions. I don't know anymore and I looked down to the ground.
Then it came to my mind and I suddenly know exactly what I wanted, what I expected from him. I expected him to love me, to think about me before he goes to bed. Just like I did the last few days. I don't want to cry, but I feel the hot tears running down my cheeks. I raise my hand to whipe them away. I'm not weak. And I don't want him to think, that he is able to hurt me. Even though he is.
"I'm sorry." I say quietly, not looking at him. I feel, that there are no more tears coming and I cross my arms, turning my head to the side. Then I begin to smile, looking into his eyes. He doesn't smile, but his eyes aren't as cold as they usually are.
"You can come to my apartment tonight. If you want to." he says and I nod before he turns around and walks away. He hurt me with the way he treated me, the way he talked to me the last few days.
I know it's my fault, because I gave him the power to do so.
After my talk with Eric I walk back to the dormitory. Will and Christina were sitting on Will's bed and Al stands in front of them, leaning against the wall. I already heard them laughing when I came in. I'm glad to call them my friends. When I'm around them, I don't think about Eric. Not that much, at least. Lazily I let my body fall down onto my bed, which is near where they are sitting and they look at me.
"Hey, Tris." Christina smiles at me and I smile back. "Did you hear the great news already?"
I shake my head and my eyes wander from Christina to Will and back. "No, what is it?"
"Tomorrow's excursion is going to be lead by Eric." says Will, laughing. "I hope he's in a good mood tomorrow."
"What about Four? Wasn't he supposed to take us to the fence?" I ask quietly. I remember him telling me about that excursion and he said, that he's going to lead us there.
"He probably needs a break from all of us." Al jokes, but it doesn't make me laugh. I don't want Eric to show us the fence tomorrow. I don't want him to treat me like all the others again. He will probably watch me jumping on the train and he won't help me, like Four usually does. When I see Four reaching out his hand for me, I never want to take it, because I know I'm able to get on the train all by myself. But when I see Eric standing there, watching me how I run next to the train, I feel like I'm in need of help. I feel too slow, too weak to jump on it, but he would just stand there and shake his head at how I am not able to handle it. I wonder how many people he had left behind during the last years at Dauntless.
"Wait ..." Christina looks at me with her questioning eyes. "He's going to take us to the fence? Where do you know that from?"
I talk a lot to Four and sometimes I confuse what he had said to me and what he had said to all of the initiants. This must be something he just told me and I raise my hand up to the back of my head. I feel how my cheeks burn. I'm not good at lying, but I will try my best.
"Oh, I heard him and Lauren talking the other day. I heard them talking about the excursion and the fence." I smile at them.
"Yeah. Sure." Christina smiles back at me. She doesn't believe me. How am I supposed to lie at a Candor-girl.
"Who cares where she got it from. We're going to see the fence and that's interesting, I think." Al says and I'm glad that he caught the other's attention.
"Well, it would be interesting. But I assume we're all going to be busy with concentraiting on not making any mistakes, so Eric won't cut us into pieces. Let's just hope we will get back alive." Will starts laughing and Christina and Al join him. I turn my head to the other side, away from them. I have seen other sides of him and it makes me think about him again. It makes me think about how he kissed me and how he touched me. I hear my friends talking, but I'm not listening to them.
I stand in front of Eric's door and it makes me remember the first time I stood here. I wonder what would have happened if he didn't drop the keys. If it didn't make him turn around to see me and if he just walked inside of his apartment without me following him. Before I could sink deep down in my thoughts again, I raise my hand to knock on the door and wait until he opens it.
"Hey." I say as he takes a step back to let me inside. I walk pass him and take a seat on the couch. I'm not angry or upset and I'm not near to tears like before. I look at him with a smile and I expect him to say something.
"I'm not used to having guests." he carelessly shrugs as he sits down next to me.
"I'm not used to you talking to me like that anymore." I say, crossing my arms and I watch him rolling his eyes. He is the typical man, who likes it easy. I noticed that before.
"That's what you came for? Great." he sighs, looking down at his hands.
"Well, what did you want me to come for?"
"I didn't want you to come." My eyes meet his immediately and I stand up, making my way to the door. I never did regret coming here before, even when I thought about Four. But now I do, because of what he just said. I don't want him to think, that I'm in need of following him around like a puppy, who can't live without its owner. When I heard his dark voice again, I turn around, giving him one last chance to explain.
"I don't want you to leave, either." He leans back and sighs loudly. "God, woman. I didn't mean it like that."
"Why did you say it like that then?"
"Why are you being so complicated now?" The way he sits there makes me smile. So, he actually wants me to stay and it must have a reason. If I would mean completely nothing to him, I would have been out of this door already. Without him holding me back. I move forward to sit down next to him again and I smile at him. I don't even know why. His eyes follow my movements as I take a seat.
"You like easy women, don't you?"
"I'm not gonna lie." he laughs. "Who doesn't?"
I don't say anything, because he is right. I'm usually not like that. I'm not complicated, but what else did he expect me to do? Before I could speak he leans forward, pressing his lips against mine. It surprised me at first, but I repeat that kiss. I like the taste and he is good at it. How could I ever say no?
It's getting hotter and my puls gets faster with every second. At least it feels like it. I'm taking off my jacket, wearing a strapless top under it. I'm leaning back and he follows me, laying between my legs as he starts leaving kisses down my neck and collarbone.
"Didn't you miss me at night?" I ask, looking down to him as he slowly pulls up my top. He sits up to pull off his shirt as well. He leans down to me again, kissing my lips shortly before answering my question.
"No, I didn't." he shakes his head with a smile. He wanted to kiss me again, but I turned my head to the side to tease him. But instead of admitting that he did, I feel him biting my neck and it causes me to moan. Four never does those things to me. No one ever did before, but I liked it. He easily removes my black pants and I feel his warm hands running up my thighs as he leans down to kiss me again.
When we were finally naked, the palm of my hand meets his cheek and I look at him. "You did miss me, didn't you?"
"You're talking too much." That is all I get before he kisses me again. I know, that he missed me. He just doesn't want to admit it.
I really like his kisses. They are passionate, but not too much of it. It's exactly the way I like it. The way I know I need it. While I enjoyed those kisses I suddenly feel a rough thrust inside me. With shock my right hand tightly grabs his shoulder, with my other hand I roughly take a hold on the couch and I moan. I wasn't prepared for that and I looked at him.
"Eric!" I admonished him, my hands pressed against his chest now. He didn't hurt me. It was just the shock, that makes me look at him like this now.
"I'm sorry, okay?" he smiles, leaning down to kiss me again. I don't think, that he really is, but it didn't destroy the atmoshpere, anyway and I give in to him once again. I wrap my arms around his neck and we are face to face as he begins to gently move his cock in and out of me. I breath havier with every thrust and I like the way he looks at me, the way he just smiled at me when I did first.
He gets a bit faster, a bit harder and it causes me to moan out his name when I throw my head back. I love the feeling of his cock deeper and deeper inside of me and he knows it. That's the reason why I came here. It's the reason why he offered me to come to his apartment and we both know.
We're both breathing heavily after we came. After a while he sits up, running his hand through his short hair. He looks good, when he is exhausted like that and I watch his chest moving for a while before I sit up next to him.
"Now admit it." I say, still a little bit out of breath.
"Admit what?" he turns his head to see me and I look at him as well with a smile.
"Say that you've missed me."
He laughs quietly and turns his head away again, keeping his eyes fixed on a point somewhere at the wall. "I've missed you. You're satisfied now?"
I nod and kiss his lips shortly. He acts like he would only say that to keep me quiet, but I know it's not like that. And even if he didn't miss me as a person, he missed the sex and I'm sure, that he did.
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