And the last chapter is here! Hope you guys liked it; this was my first HxH fic!
Disclaimer: I do not own HxH. Shocking, I know.
Darkness had fallen hours ago, but neither of them was ready to go to sleep.
The fire had died down quite a bit since they had started it, cindering low and dark, but the light of the stars was enough to keep their faces alight. The cover by trees was sparse where they were camped, letting moonlight filter directly onto their skin. The chorus of bugs had wound down, once a full choir to a few choice soloists, but they were deaf to the noise either way. All that mattered was them.
Killua had been careful not to extricate himself from Gon since the incident that afternoon, sticking as physically close to him without them tripping over each other. By the time they had parted to add wood to the empty fire pit his hand had grown numb, fingers stiff from clenching so tightly. Gon hadn't put up a fight, which surprised him, but he wasn't about to complain.
Now that their dinner had been eaten and their sleeping bags were laid out (a matching set, courtesy of their favorite doctor when they had celebrated their belated birthdays), they found their fingers entwined again. The young men sat knee to knee, legs crossed, with each of their hands tangled in the others. They looked at each other, but did not try to read too deeply, taking in the contour of shoulders, the way clothes hung off their frames, the goosebumps that arose with the slight chill of air. Anything but what they sought.
It was Killua who pushed for something next, letting their knees bump into each other in a subtle brush, peeking up through white fringe as the movement captured Gon's attention. When the older teen began to pull back, not ready for unformed words to come through, Killua tugged on his hands lightly.
Killua was his anchor, his conscience. Killua had always been there to ground him. It was his job to say crazy things, and it was Killua's job to stop him.
To keep him sane forever.
Looking at the other teen, whose gaze was expectant and frightened, he felt anything but rational. Something bubbled to the pit of his stomach, warm and flighty, as the electric boy squeezed his hands in a reassuring gesture. Gon found it bewildering that he could be both comforted and anxious because of a single touch.
"I don't feel well, Killua." There was a moment in which the white haired boy blinked, confusion clear in his face. Before giving him a chance to answer, Gon continued. "Something isn't right, inside."
If not for the hands holding his, he would have clutched at his heart.
"It's me, isn't it?" Killua said quietly, his voice calm and even despite his stature, tension wound through every muscle, his eyes thrown off to the side. The voice in his head whispered ill thoughts to him, the common berating that he had grown accustomed to as a child, but had not heard as often in Gon's presence. It's my fault something's wrong. I'm the one doing this.
For a moment, Gon did not answer.
"What's wrong… is it why you've been watching me sleep?"
The hands in his were pulled away abruptly and Killua looked up, shocked at what he saw. Gon had wrapped his arms around himself, shaking slightly as his eyes darted around in wild panic, his thoughts running in desperate circles in his mind. He knows, of course he knows, Killua's found out, what do I do-
"Gon!" Killua nearly yelled, alarmed by the other's reaction to his words. He leaned forward out of instinct, his empty hands grabbing at the cuffed fabric of Gon's shorts. The dark haired boy's eyes flickered to him and back again rapidly, as if he wasn't sure whether or not to speak or just to run. Killua's heart hurt; he wanted nothing more than to put his arms around the older teen, tell him that it was alright, but something told him that touch would not help. There was an edge of desperation in his voice when he spoke again. "Gon, just tell me what's wrong!"
"It's my fault, Killua," Gon sounded angry now, his head bowed, but the emotion was directed at himself. The words spilled forth, straining Killua's attentive ears. "I've always been like this, I think, but now it's so much worse. I want to go back; I just want to go back."
The young Hunter looked as if he were on the verge of heated tears, a sight that whispered reminders of a boy looking for justice where none could be given. It had been years since he had seen Gon so upset, the bandages wrapped around Killua's heart covering up only half-healed wounds from the first time he had crushed it.
"I don't want to feel like this anymore."
Something about Gon's tone pushed Killua over the edge, his patience overcome by his anxiety. With his speed, there was no way for Gon to avoid it when he was tackled, his back hitting the padding on the sleeping bag and the breath knocked out of him. He acted on instinct, the warmth on top of him and sweet smell so distinctly Killua that no thought passed through his mind as he wrapped his arms around the body pressing him into the ground. Killua had buried his face in his shoulder, his whole body trembling like a frightened kitten while arms enveloped Gon like a boa constrictor. Strong and soft; Killua was a mystery he wanted to spend his life solving.
"Whatever it is, I don't care," Killua's breath ghosted over his collar as he spoke, the shaky sound as endearing as it was maddening. Gon couldn't tell if he wanted to pull him closer or push him away as hard as possible. "I'll fix it; just tell me what to do and I'll fix it."
Gon smiled sadly. Killua was trying to help- after all, the white haired boy seemed just as scared as he was. Killua didn't want him to leave. Killua would hold him down if he had to, trap him until he figured it out and confessed everything that was plaguing him.
But if Killua did that, surely Gon would snap. If Gon lost control, let everything out into the open to be realized, Killua would be collateral. If Gon made Killua a victim, again, he wouldn't be able to live with himself. Even so, he knew Killua's worst fear was about to become a reality.
The only solution was to leave.
"I can't be fixed, Killua," he said, his body going completely lax with his decision. He let his head turn to nuzzle into the mess of white next to him, inhaling deeply. He wanted to remember the way this felt, the scent of the person closest to him. How incredibly soft he was. "I'd only hurt you if you tried."
A hand gripped one of his shoulders, the younger boy's forehead pressing into the other one roughly, his frustration evident. He spoke with grit teeth, his struggle as physical as it was emotional.
"Then hurt me; I can take it." He pleaded. I'm used to it. "Do whatever you want, just don't hate me." Gon lifted his arms to pry the other boy off of him, but found his hands carding through his hair instead. He wanted so badly to stop, but his brain was telling him that this was the last time, to take advantage of it while he still could without causing the other pain. Such a shallow lie.
"I could never hate Killua," he replied, his hands roaming to the other's cheeks to lift his face. If he was going to leave, he'd do it looking into those eyes. He'd remember the moment when Killua's trust in him would shatter and carry it with him. He'd promise to come back if he saw a hint that Killua would want that.
For Killua, though, the fingers caressing his cheekbones meant something very different.
Before Gon, he had never known the tenderness of touch. He had never experienced a casual brush, never initiated playful contact. It had even taken him months to warm up to the hand that Kurapika would place on his shoulder or the way Leorio would try to manhandle him when he played a trick on him. With Gon, though, that touch had been accepted fairly naturally, the uneasiness he may have felt melting away the moment their hands clasped together. Under his tutelage, Killua had accepted every gesture and even given his own. It had been easy because Gon was honest; Killua could sense every intention that came with the other's physicality.
Even under the circumstances, this was no different.
Killua wasn't sure if it was electricity or just plain fire, but he knew that the hands on him left trails that sent him into overload, each emotion he was experiencing increasing tenfold. In the few stunted seconds in which he was moved, Killua lost his ability to breath, a sudden and entirely unconscious understanding of the boy beneath him grabbing his instincts by the reigns and overriding his ability to think.
Instead of letting himself be pulled back, his face tilted up to allow the brush of lips.
It was less than a kiss but more than just contact. Their parting was mere inches, a slight tingling ghosting over the surfaces that had touched. Time stopped and the world grew quiet; all of creation waiting for an unspoken verdict. Then came a quivering breath from the boy above, and the world was flipped upside down.
Gon had figured it out.
There was a moment of pure dizziness as Killua found himself on his back, but suddenly that didn't matter. Though his brain hadn't caught up, Gon's body had been aware enough to seize control. Now that Killua was under him he took his bottom lip between his, moving fiercely. A need so suppressed that he hadn't been able to conceive of it washed over him, his whole being growing heated in an instant. He wouldn't be satisfied until he had kissed every inch of the body under him, his most precious person, a thousand times over.
He had moved from his lips to his eyes, his nose, his cheeks. Gon had only made it to the junction of his neck when he felt something clutch at the front of his shirt. At this, his eyes snapped up, breaking him from the trancelike state he had been in.
Killua's face was dusted with pink, his eyes half lidded, lips wet and bruised. Gon swallowed hard at the sight, only the fear at what he had done keeping him from going further.
He must have pulled backward slightly because the hands on his chest were gone and arms were circling around his neck, pulling him downward. He jumped a little as his forehead was pressed against Killua's, the hold on him tight but the thinner body beginning to relax against him. Gon's heartbeat was pounding, all nerves alight from the proximity between him and the face he had just been ravishing.
"Thank goodness." It was no more than a whisper as Killua's eyes shut, but Gon heard it as if it had been shouted to the stars. "You're not tired of me."
The look Gon gave him was awestruck.
"How could I ever be tired of Killua?" His voice sounded deeper than usual and he licked his lips, feeling strange. Killua's eyes narrowed, but it was with relief and something else that Gon noted he was only pouting.
"How could you be afraid of this?" As the words were said, Gon realized that everything he had feared had melted away completely. The arms around his neck were safety, the body underneath him was comfort, and those lips…
"Because I didn't think Killua loved me back." The younger teen's face went from pink to red in less than a second. Who says I love you, he wanted to challenge, but Gon was smiling, beaming down at him in a way he hadn't smiled in so long. Killua swallowed heavily, pulling the other back down so he could bury his face in his neck until the blush disappeared.
"Idiot."
Gon could only laugh, the sound flooding both of their ears like fresh water after a drought, and it had been. After being so starved for each other it was only natural that they curled up in each other's arms, refusing to let go. Each movement, each gentle caress was a reminder that they were in fact there, and that neither of them was leaving.
It was in the early hours, daybreak just around the corner when Killua finally drifted off to sleep, the comfort of being in Gon's embrace winning out over the belief that he would be gone when he woke. This time, when the pale haired boy slipped into unconsciousness Gon followed, knowing that when morning came the first sight he would be met with was Killua, open and honest and his.
If you liked it, leave me a nice comment! (Thanks to those who have reviewed so far, it means a lot!)
I wonder what's next on the list: Leopika? More KiruGon? This fandom has me in its snares...